Something You Should Know

by Melissa Hill

  While Jenny had had what sounded like a fantastic weekend with Mike, Karen and Shane had slept in completely separate rooms and had done so since. Shane hadn’t got home from work until after ten the previous evening. He had barely uttered a word when he came in, had gone straight to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea and a sandwich, and soon after went straight to bed – in the cluttered spare room. Karen had hoped that they might discuss the situation without it turning into a screaming match, but so far there hadn’t been an opportunity. They had had some stupid fights throughout their relationship, she thought, but this one was without doubt the worst ever. Shane could never hold out in an argument for long and was usually the one to break the ice. This time though he seemed to be sticking to his guns. This time, she might just have to make the effort.

  “I’m so pleased for you, Jen,” she said. “You know I’ve always thought that Mike was a lovely guy. From that first time I met him at the wedding, I knew he had a bit of a thing for you.”

  “That’s what he said too.” Jenny said, as if the thought had never crossed her mind before. “I’m just trying not to get too excited about it though, in case it all goes pear-shaped, you know? He sent me two dozen roses at work yesterday.” She giggled excitedly. Then her faced changed. “The only thing is … ” she winced.

  “What?”

  “Well, I came off the Pill ages ago – you know how much I hate it, and it always makes me feel bloated …”

  Karen fixed her with a hard stare. “Please tell me that you used some form of contraception that night.”

  “I just didn’t think – ”

  “Oh Jenny.”

  “I know, I know I’m stupid – me of all people. But I took the morning-after pill as soon as I could get it, so I should be OK.” She grimaced. “I’ll go mad if I’ve messed this up even before it’s started. I mean, I’m not fully sure how he feels about it all.”

  “Jen, Mike’s a lovely guy. From what I know of him so far, he’s not the type to get into something he’s not sure of, not after the divorce anyway. And he’s not at all like the other fella – if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

  Jenny looked away at the mention of Roan. “It’s not that, although I suppose it did cross my mind. I know now that Roan was an immature brat who probably didn’t give a shit about me, but I didn’t know that at the beginning, did I?”

  “The rest of us had a good idea though,” Karen said quietly.

  Jenny nodded. “You’re right. My gut instinct is telling me that Mike’s a good guy, and that he’s nothing at all like Roan. But at the same time, you can’t get too carried away.”

  “Certainly. But Jen, don’t let that stop you. It sounds as though Mike is absolutely crazy about you. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

  She sat back as the waitress brought a plate of Spaghetti Bolognese for Jenny and a Hawaiian Pizza for herself.

  “I will,” Jenny grinned, as she made a poor attempt of winding strings of spaghetti onto her fork. “I couldn’t wait to tell you all about it. I feel like I’m walking on air since the weekend.”

  “Have you seen him since?”

  “No, but he’s constantly on the phone, and he’s coming over to the apartment for dinner tomorrow night. It’ll be weird, you know? I had myself convinced that I didn’t see him as anything other than a friend. Then the other night, everything changed.”

  Karen smiled half-heartedly. She wished she could feel more enthusiastic, but with Jenny’s every word, she was feeling more and more despondent about Shane.

  Jenny put down her fork. “Karen, I’m sorry. Here I am rabbitting on and on about Mike and me and how wonderful everything is. I’ve never even asked you about Shane. Did you get everything sorted out?” Karen had told her on the phone that she and Shane had an argument.

  “Not really.” The tears started to trickle down her face before Karen even knew they were there. Furious with herself, she hurriedly dried them with her napkin.

  “Oh, Karen – what is it?” Jenny asked, raging at herself for not noticing her friend’s distress sooner.

  “I don’t know what’s happening between us.” Karen sniffed and took a mouthful of wine. “We haven’t spoken in days. He’s mad at me because I dared to question why he gave his mother a key to our house and she came in on Friday while I was in the bath and started cleaning up and criticising me and – oh, I’m just so sick of them all, Jenny.” The tears were flowing freely now. Karen gripped her napkin so hard that her knuckles were white.

  “Shush, shush, relax,” Jenny soothed. “Look, why don’t we finish up here and go somewhere quiet for a drink – then you can tell me all about it.”

  Karen nodded. A few minutes later, seated in a quiet corner of a nearby pub, Karen retold the weekend’s events along with all the other instances of Nellie Quinn’s interference. “The thing is, Jen, sometimes I’m not sure whether it’s just me getting all worked up about nothing. Shane certainly thinks that that’s the case, and I know I can get a bit wound up now and again, but I can’t handle it. I really can’t.”

  “Of course it’s not just you,” Jenny said, “there’s no woman on earth that would put up with that kind of thing. Shane was terribly wrong to think that he could give his mother a key without asking you first. She could walk in on you at any time.”

  “That’s exactly what I was thinking,” Karen agreed, “but Shane seems to think it’s all perfectly reasonable. What I think doesn’t seem to matter at all.”

  Jenny shook her head. “It doesn’t sound like Shane to be that inconsiderate of your feelings. Have you two been arguing a lot lately?”

  “That’s an understatement,” Karen said dryly, “but then, it’s always about the same thing, his bloody family. I really wish we had never got them so involved in the first place. I told you before what Jack was like and now the rest of them seem to be getting in on the act too.”

  “Well, I noticed that something was a little off, that day at the house with Tessa and Gerry – it was pretty hard not to.”

  Karen hung her head. “There’s more. He keeps pushing me to set a date for the wedding. Like I told you before, I have no intention of getting married so that all the Quinns can start annoying me about having kids. Nellie is determined to get a Quinn grandchild out of me.” She laughed bitterly. “Can you believe it? In this day and age? Well, I’ve told Shane that we’ll get married when we’re good and ready, and not before – but certainly not just to suit the Quinns.”

  Jenny looked perplexed. “Karen, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure, what?”

  “Well, you keep talking about what the Quinns want, and what you’re determined you don’t want. Have you actually asked Shane how he feels about it all?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but last year Shane asked you to marry him. He said, ‘Will you marry me?’ He did not say, ‘Will you marry me and instantly become my baby-machine’, did he?”

  “But the two are connected, Jenny. As far as Nellie Quinn is concerned, I should be giving birth exactly nine months after my wedding night.”

  “That’s exactly what I mean. You keep saying, ‘Nellie Quinn says this and she thinks that’. Has Shane actually told you that he expects you to give up your career, and start mothering a huge brood, after you two get married?”

  “No but – ”

  “But nothing, Karen. You can’t think straight, so you’re confusing the two. I’ve known Shane for a while now, and he’s a sensible guy. I can’t imagine that he’d expect you to give up your job and have children once you’re married. For one thing, you could hardly afford it with a new mortgage.” She sat up and looked Karen straight in the eye. “I’ll be willing to bet that you’ve never ever asked him about it.”

  “Obviously, I’ve asked him.” Karen answered indignantly, “I’ve told him there’s no way I’m giving up my job and everything I’ve worked for, to stay at home changing dirty nappies and watching Je
rry Springer. He knows that.”

  “Karen, would you listen to yourself.” Jenny said, getting annoyed. “You keep going on and on about how you won’t do this, and you won’t give up that. Did you ever think for a second that Shane might just want to marry you? Has he ever actually told you that he expects to ‘get a Quinn grandchild out of you’ as you so eloquently put it yourself? Be honest with me, has he?”

  Karen thought for a moment. “No, he hasn’t actually said anything like that out straight. But I know that it’s what he wants, Jenny. He loves kids. He’s always messing around with his nephews and nieces and –”

  “Karen, I know I’m no one to talk about relationships, but you won’t have much of a marriage if you can’t talk about things like that. Look, the way I see it, Shane can’t understand your resentment towards his family because he doesn’t realise the pressure you’re putting yourself under. Yes,” she added vehemently, seeing Karen’s expression tighten, “you’re your own worst enemy. If you just sit down calmly and explain to him exactly how you’re feeling, I’ll bet that he’ll be absolutely shocked.”

  “I don’t think so, Jenny. He knows how I feel – ”

  “Karen,” Jenny interrupted calmly, “promise me.”

  “What?”

  “Please, just promise me. Promise me that you’ll go home now and talk to Shane about it. Forget about Nellie and the Quinns; just find out exactly what he thinks about it. It’s the only way you’ll sort it out, once and for all.”

  Karen gave a slow shake of her head. She could understand in a way where Jenny was coming from. After all, she and Shane had never actually discussed whether or when they would have children after the wedding. Jenny was right. His feelings on the subject always seemed to get lost in the arguments about his family. Maybe, as Jenny said, she should find out once and for all what he thought about it. But what if he said yes, that he did expect to start a family straight away? What would she do then? Would it mean the end of their relationship?

  *****

  Shane was half asleep on the sofa when she got back to the house, having seen Jenny safely as far as Pearse Street station, before getting a taxi home.

  His eyes refused to budge from the television screen when she walked in. Karen took off her jacket, and hung it in the hallway. She sat beside him on the sofa.

  “Shane, we have to talk.”

  “I know,” he said, his eyes glued to the television screen.

  Karen turned to face him, not sure how she would begin. “Look, Shane, I’ve been worrying about a lot of things lately and, to be honest, I’ve been taking all of it out on you.”

  “You can say that again.” Still, he didn’t look at her.

  Right, Karen told herself. Keep calm – don’t rise to it. “I know and I’m sorry. It’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. The thing is, when you keep talking about our setting a date for the wedding, well – I freeze.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” Shane said, picking up a newspaper from the coffee table, and flicking idly through it. “I think we’re finished, Karen.”

  Karen felt as though she had been kicked hard in the stomach. “What do you mean?”

  “What I mean,” he said mimicking her tone, “is that we’re finished, over, caput – whatever way you want to put it.”

  “Shane– ” Karen reached across to touch him.

  “Forget it.” He stood up, his face filled with emotion. “I’ve had just about enough of this, Karen. When we got engaged and then we got this place, I was the happiest man alive. But you’ve changed. You’re not happy with anything any more. Lately, I’ve been working my ass off on overtime whenever I can get it. I was planning to surprise you, bring you off on holiday somewhere – anything that might cheer you up. But I’m wasting my time, aren’t I? You have no intention of marrying me. Did you think I wouldn’t notice that every time I, or anyone else, brings up the subject, you react as though you’ve been burnt?”

  Karen felt very afraid. “Shane, I’m sorry. But if you’d just let me explain –”

  “Look, as far as I’m concerned, there can only be one explanation. You obviously don’t love me any more, Karen. Not to mention the fact that you seem to hold some kind of vendetta against my family.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake, Shane, what do you expect?” She couldn’t hold it in any longer. “How would you feel if my father was constantly on and on at you about how you paint the doors, or fit the carpets in this place? Nothing I do is good enough for your mother. I don’t know what she has against me but –”

  “Can you not hear yourself?” Shane said, putting a hand to his head in exasperation. “What does my mother have to do with any of this?”

  Karen took a deep breath, sat back down and clasped her hands together. “Look, I know you’re angry with me and in a way, I can understand why. But you don’t know what’s been going on in my head, lately. I’ve been worried and –”

  “Too right, I don’t know what’s going on in your head. Well, come on then, tell me – why don’t you just get it all out in the open, and tell me exactly what is going on, because I know I can’t carry on like this any more – all this fighting, and silences, and sleeping in separate rooms is driving me crazy.”

  “Will you sit down – please?” She motioned towards the space beside her.

  Shane relented.

  She took a deep breath. “You mightn’t like what I’m going to say but please, Shane, don’t interrupt. If I don’t get this out now, I never will.”

  “OK, shoot.”

  She saw that he was still very angry, but seemed have calmed down a little.

  “Right. When we got engaged and after we went to your mum’s house – I think it might have been a couple of weeks afterwards – I had a conversation with Marie. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it just seemed to come up time and time again.”

  Shane looked at her, puzzled, but didn’t say anything.

  “She was telling me how much they were all looking forward to another grandchild, how your mother had been saying she thought neither you nor Jack would ever get married. She asked when we were planning to get married and start a family. As you know, we were holding off on the wedding until we got the house sorted, and I told her that.” She shrugged. “After that, it seemed like no time at all until Jack announced that he’d help us out securing the mortgage for this place. It just seemed to me as though your family were trying to smooth things along, so that we would hurry up and get married.”

  “But it wasn’t like that all.” Shane said, unable to keep his promise not to interrupt. “Jack did us a huge favour – why can’t you see that?”

  “Please, Shane, just let me speak, will you?”

  “Fine, go on,” he said wearily.

  “Anyway, soon after we got settled in here, we seemed to see a lot more of your mum and the rest of your family. They always seemed to be popping in and out for some reason or another. And to me it was like, ‘Well, you’ve got your house sorted – now get a move on with my grandson’. Don’t look at me like that, Shane, I’m just telling you how I felt.” She saw him shake his head from side to side, but he didn’t speak.

  “Then you kept talking about setting a date, and I was thinking ‘Woah, I’m not about to give up my job – which I love, by the way – just to keep the Quinn family stocked with grandchildren. To me, getting married became equated to giving up a life that I love, and starting a new one.”

  “I’m sorry, Karen, but I have to interrupt,” Shane said sternly. “Why didn’t you ever ask me what I thought about all of this? OK, I know Marie can be a bit painful when it comes to her kids – after all she’s got three of them – but what made you think that I would expect you to give up your job once we were married?”

  Karen felt slightly elated. Was it possible that Jenny could be right?

  “I’m working hard enough as it is, love. We couldn’t possibly manage to keep the proverbial roof over our heads if only one of us
were working, could we?”

  He moved closer to her and put an arm around her. “Karen, I really wish you could have told me this before. I had no idea you were feeling like this. I thought that you had changed your mind about the wedding, and didn’t want to tell me.”

  “Well, I suppose I had changed my mind about it – in a way,” she said, relief flooding through her body, as she felt his arms around her.

  “Karen, having a family is not something that’s foremost in my mind, I can assure you of that. I just want to us to get married, and enjoy our life together first. If, and when, we do decide to have children, it’ll be our decision, nobody else’s.”

  “Are you sure?” Karen asked, hardly daring to believe him.

  “Definitely,” he said, planting a kiss on the top of her forehead. “Don’t mind Mam and Marie – they’ve never known anything other than getting married and having children rolled into one. Marie has never worked, apart from on the farm and neither has Mam. You should never have let them get to you like that.”

  “I suppose so,” Karen said, biting her lip, “And I’m sorry about all the arguments about your family, Shane. I don’t want you to think that I have a vendetta against them because I don’t. But I’ve always felt that they disapproved of me, somehow.”

  “Look, I’ll have a word with Mam – tell her to make sure Marie lays off on the

  baby-talk, OK?”

  Karen nodded, relieved. She couldn’t believe that she had let this go on for so long, let it drive a wedge between her and Shane, without even finding out how he really felt about it.

  Shane gathered in his arms and hugged her tightly. “I love you, and nothing, or no one is going to change that. Do you believe me?”

  She nodded into his shoulder.

  “OK. So, I’m asking you again – for the third time, Karen Cassidy, will you marry me?”