Something You Should Know

by Melissa Hill

  He cleared his throat. He was nervous, she realised.

  Jenny looked up into those intense brown eyes, and once more saw something in them, something she wasn’t sure she wanted to see. Was it just nostalgia, this strange feeling between them now? Jenny was no longer sure. After today, the rules had changed. She had thought that knowing and understanding Roan’s motives for hurting her back then would have been enough. Afterwards, she could move on and put all that hurt and longing behind her. But, she realised, there was something unfinished hanging in the air between them. She could feel it, and she was certain he could too. Jenny’s heart began to pound, and she felt beads of moisture form on her forehead.

  “I’m – I’m very tired,” she said quickly, afraid to meet his eyes.

  “Yes … I suppose you want to be getting back home. Do you still live in Dun Laoghaire?”

  She nodded, unable to take her eyes off the dashboard, wanting to look at him, to touch him, but not daring to.

  There was a heavy pause.

  “Um, thanks for the lift,” Roan said. Out of the corner of her eye, Jenny could see him watching her, almost willing her to look up. But if she looked into his eyes again, she didn’t know what might happen. Jenny felt a sense of panic envelop her.

  “You’re welcome.” She grasped the steering wheel as tightly as she could.

  “Well, I guess I’ll see you around then.” Roan swallowed hard.

  She nodded, still afraid to look at him, afraid to say anything more. She could feel the tension simmer between them. She put the car into first gear for the second time, as if to convince herself that she was leaving soon – needed to leave soon. Roan hesitated for what seemed like forever, but was actually only a couple of seconds, and then softly closed the passenger door.

  Jenny sped off without checking her rear-view mirror, afraid that if she looked back and saw his face, she would almost certainly falter. She had to get out of here – quickly.

  Thumpety-thump, thumpety-thump – Jenny’s heart raced. Don’t look back, don’t look back, she kept repeating to herself. But, when she stopped the car at the hotel exit onto the Drumcondra Road, she couldn’t help it. It was as though some strange invisible force had taken control of her responses. She looked back and saw Roan still standing, still watching her outside the hotel – a strange expression on his face.

  That was it, she thought – she couldn’t stand it any longer.

  Jenny put the car into reverse and sped backwards towards the hotel, her sense of orientation all over the place. She had just narrowly missed bumping into a parked Mondeo reversing around a corner when she saw Roan run towards her. She parked the car in what was probably a reserved staff space, but Jenny didn’t care, she was far beyond caring. She got out of the car and slamming shut the driver’s door, flung herself into Roan’s arms, holding on to him as if her life depended on it.

  They kissed hungrily, not caring who saw them, not caring what the consequences might be. Jenny knew that she wanted, no, needed to be with him once more, just one more time.

  Roan broke away for a moment. He cupped her upturned face between both hands and looked directly into her eyes. Jenny could see her own passion mirrored in his. “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

  She nodded, not saying a single word, not wanting to break the spell.

  Just one more time.

  Chapter 42

  KAREN’S KITCHEN – PRESENT DAY

  “So you were with Roan again – all that time ago, and you never said anything?” Karen asked.

  Having reached the end of her tale, Jenny watched her friend’s expression with nervous anticipation, praying that Karen would understand. She picked the chocolate chips off her untouched muffin.

  “For goodness sake, Jenny. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Jenny dropped her hands in her lap. “I tried to tell you, but there was never a right time. You had just buried Shane; and I was ashamed of myself. It was an emotional day, and to be honest, at the time I felt as though I was betraying you. I was afraid you’d think that all I cared about was myself. But it wasn’t like that, Karen. I didn’t expect him to come back.”

  “It doesn’t matter what day it was, Jenny. I’m just annoyed at you for letting him get away with everything, all over again. To think of the way he treated you – ”

  “That was another reason why I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to have to go through it all again with you or Tessa. And I was afraid that Mike would find out. But this time, it was different – he was different. We thrashed everything out between us, and afterwards Roan went back to New York, and I was finally ready to move on with my life. As far as we were concerned it was unlikely we would ever see one another again.”

  “So you decided to have a little snogging session, for old time’s sake?” Karen said sarcastically. Seeing that the remark had stung, she relented. “I’m sorry, Jen –it’s just a bit of a shock, hearing all of this now, when none of us had any idea that the two of you had been alone together.”

  “But you’re right, in a way,” Jenny said. “After that day, I no longer had any doubts. I realised that Mike was the one I wanted, the one I really loved. Until then, I hadn’t been sure; I was still caught in the past. But once I had seen Roan again, I could finally let go. I hadn’t been able to before then, not completely.” She bit her lip. “I know it’s difficult for you to understand but afterwards, I knew for certain that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Mike. I still do.”

  “Which is why you two got engaged so soon afterwards.” Karen said.

  “Partly, yes. There were other things, but afterwards I put my heart and soul into making our relationship work. I think Mike realised that something had changed. He knew that Roan had been at the funeral that day, although he didn’t know the whole story, obviously. Maybe he sensed that finally I was ready to move on and that’s why he proposed. And he was right. I was ready to move on and relegate Roan to the past.”

  Karen was silent for a moment. “Things haven’t turned out that way though, have they?” she said. “There’s more, isn’t there? Otherwise, you wouldn’t be upset – you wouldn’t be here.” She watched Jenny closely for a reaction, and her friend’s haunted expression told her all she needed to know. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

  Jenny nodded, her eyes betraying her feelings as her eyelids battled hard to keep away the tears.

  “Oh Jenny. Is there any doubt?” Karen asked softly.

  “No, at least I don’t think so.”

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  “I’m not sure. But now that Roan is back, and he’s going to be working closely with Mike, one of them is bound to make the connection. And you know how often we socialise with the InTech crowd. I’m almost certain to bump into him sometime.”

  Karen shook her head. “Jenny, do you realise the significance of what you’ve done? You should have said something back then – if not to Mike, then at least to me.”

  “I know, and believe me I had planned to, but with everything happening back then, there was never an opportunity. You had enough on your plate without me burdening you with my problems.”

  Karen exhaled loudly. She couldn’t believe that once again, after all that time, Jenny had again fallen under Roan William’s spell, just when she was beginning to get her life back together. Mike was a good person; he didn’t deserve any of this and obviously Jenny hadn’t told him a thing, otherwise she wouldn’t have been so concerned about Roan’s return to Dublin. She herself had never suspected anything, had never known that Jenny and Roan had even spoken that day.

  She had been so out of it that she hadn’t even seen him at the funeral, and wouldn’t have known whether or not he had been there at all; had Tessa not told her afterwards. But according to Tessa, Roan hadn’t stayed long before heading back to Dublin for the night. Obviously, she had had absolutely no idea, either.

  And needless to say, Karen had had her own upheavals back then. Jenny was right
– there would never have been a good time. Because a few weeks after Shane’s funeral, just when Karen was trying to get her life back in order, something else had happened to turn her entire world upside-down again.

  She had got a call from their solicitor, Shane’s solicitor, asking her to come in to his office for ‘a discussion’ about Shane’s assets. Karen had intended to pay a quick visit to the Quinns on her way to the office of Kearney & Associates in Navan, but when she called to the door, there had been no answer at the farmhouse. She soon found out why.

  Upon her arrival at the solicitor’s office, and to Karen’s surprise, Jack and Nellie Quinn were sitting together in the plush carpeted waiting-room. Nellie had made small-talk while they waited – stiff, awkward and meaningless small-talk – Jack sitting stony-faced throughout and barely acknowledging Karen’s presence. She should have suspected something then, should have known that something was wrong.

  But Karen could never have imagined in her wildest dreams what she would hear that day. She could still hear Jim Kearney’s soft voice explaining that, because Shane had left no Will, and because he and Karen weren’t married, that Shane’s share of the house in Harold’s Cross now legally belonged to his next of kin – his mother. She listened in disbelief, as the solicitor kindly told her that the property had been registered solely in Shane’s name, and would now be registered in Nellie Quinn’s. As Jack was acting as guarantor for the mortgage, he also had a legal interest in the property. Would Karen like to make arrangements to sell the remainder of her share to the Quinns?

  It had all been surreal, Nellie patting her hand and telling her that they wouldn’t expect her to decide straightaway, that she should go home and have a think about it. Home? Hadn’t they just told Karen she no longer had a home?

  She had never even considered the legal implications of Shane’s death, never had considered anything more than overcoming the huge emotional void left in her life after the accident. She had briefly wondered how she might continue paying the mortgage on her own, but had assumed that whatever life assurance Shane had would cover his share of the repayments. She then briefly remembered Aidan advising her to contact a solicitor to find out about such things, but Karen had been too wrapped up in trying to survive each day without Shane that she hadn’t thought about it for longer than a second.

  It had all come tumbling down on top of her, in the same way that a huge pile of Shane’s clothes had come tumbling out of the wardrobe one day, when Karen had felt well enough to go through his things – the smell of him still painfully evident on the jumpers and T-shirts that fell to the ground and bringing about another intense wave of grief. She had been angry then, and she was equally angry sitting in that office, wanting to scream at them all, wishing that he didn’t have to die, wishing that he was still here, and that she didn’t have to suffer this pain all over again.

  But the suffering had only just begun. Jack Quinn had told her some time later in no uncertain terms that they had every intention of selling the house in Harold’s Cross. He would give Karen a couple of months to sort herself out and her contributions towards the mortgage would be repaid in full. He hadn’t bargained on Karen’s resilience. It had been the proverbial kick up the backside that she needed. Since then, Karen had temporarily laid aside her grief, and set about making an absolute mission of saving her home. Suddenly she had something to fight for. There was no way she was going to pack her bags and just up and leave her home, the home she had shared with Shane. Not without a fight. After a few false starts, her dad had put her in touch with a good solicitor in Dublin and as she had learnt only that morning, she and Jack Quinn were going to battle it out in court.

  No, Karen thought, bringing her thoughts back to the present, there had been no opportunity for Jenny to tell her about that time with Roan, had she wanted to.

  “You’ll have to tell Mike, Jen. It could be very embarrassing for him if he finds out any other way. You were a fool to think that you could get away with saying nothing.”

  “I know. But, Karen, I just didn’t think. I tried to convince myself it wouldn’t matter. And anyway, with the way everything happened … there wasn’t an opportunity. Mike and I were happy, we were getting on with our lives, and there wasn’t any point. And I was almost certain that I would never see Roan again. Mike wouldn’t have understood if I had told him back then.”

  “And what makes you think that he would understand now?”

  Jenny buried her face in her hands. “I’ll just have to take that chance, won’t I?”

  *****

  Much later, Jenny drove along the seafront towards Blackrock, barely noticing the activity and traffic around her. It had turned out to be a much drearier day than the earlier bright skies had suggested, which she thought was fitting to her mood.

  As she passed through Booterstown she looked out over Dublin Bay, and remembered the evening that Mike had proposed. It wasn’t long after Shane’s funeral and they had gone for a walk along Sandymount Strand, Mike teasing her relentlessly about that day they had spent in Brittas Bay, the day that she wouldn’t get her feet wet, that very first day they kissed. Jenny had taken off her shoes and socks, and rushed straight into the water as if to prove him wrong and show him that, this time, she had no problems at all with getting her feet wet.

  Mike had followed her, and the two of them spent ages jumping around and splashing one another until they were soaked. Afterwards, they both collapsed laughing and exhausted onto the beach. Mike had sat up with his head on one elbow, looked down seriously at Jenny’s upturned face, and suddenly asked her to marry him. It had been so unexpected, and yet it had felt so right. Jenny had said yes without any hesitation whatsoever. Roan had since ceased to exist in her thoughts.

  Mike was the one she wanted, pure and simple. She knew his love for her was implicit, had long known it. He had nothing to fear from her past, and Jenny knew unreservedly that she had nothing to fear from his.

  When they telephoned Rebecca a few days later to announce that they were getting married, she and Graham had been absolutely thrilled. As had everyone else, Jenny’s parents, Mike’s parents, and all their friends, including Tessa and Gerry, who had their own reasons to celebrate a few weeks later when Tessa gave birth to a baby boy.

  Jenny had hesitated before telling Karen, fully aware that the news would no doubt resurrect her friend’s memories of her own engagement. But Karen had been equally delighted for them, aware that Shane’s death had had a profound effect on Jenny and Mike’s relationship, although not for the reason she suspected.

  Mike had admitted as much to Jenny the day they picked out the ring.

  “I knew that I would marry again, eventually,” he said afterwards over dinner, his expression unusually serious, “but I had every intention of taking it slowly and not rushing into anything. After the accident, though, everything changed. Suddenly I put myself in Karen’s shoes and wondered how I would feel if I lost you. And I decided that I wasn’t going to waste any more time, Jenny; I decided that if I wanted you to be part of my life, if I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life, that now was as good a time as any to start. Because none of us ever know how long that might be. The rest of our lives – it could mean anything. Do you understand that?”

  Jenny did. Shortly after their engagement she gave up her apartment, and moved into Mike’s house in Blackrock.

  In the meantime, she was promoted to Senior Lender at the Bank, and she and Mike spent most of their time and money redecorating the house, and making it their own. They began making plans for the wedding, and provisionally set the date for the following spring. Life was going as well as it ever had for her, and Jenny didn’t think anything could spoil her happiness. She had well and truly moved on.

  Indicating right, Jenny crossed the main road and turned into her driveway. She got out of the car, and paused for a moment before putting her key in the front door.

  What was it they said about the best-laid plans?


  Chapter 43

  “We’re back.” Mike called happily into the kitchen where Jenny had sat for the last hour, nervously awaiting his return. She looked up as he came through the doorway and despite her heavy heart, couldn’t help but smile.

  “Look, Holly, there’s Mummy!” Mike said to the toddler in his arms. The child’s face lit up at the sight of her mother, and she stretched both arms out wanting to be held.

  “Hello, darling!” Jenny said, taking her daughter in her arms. “Did you have a good time at Auntie Rachel’s last night? I hope she wasn’t too much trouble, Mike – did Rachel say anything?”

  “She was fine,” Mike soothed. “She said she slept ‘til nearly lunch-time today, and spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Teletubbies. I’m not quite sure if I’m happy about our daughter watching television at such a young age, but I didn’t say anything to Rach. She’d probably be offended and never offer to baby-sit again.”

  Mike removed Holly’s bag, which hung on one shoulder and his laptop bag, which hung on the other, before bending down to kiss Jenny on the lips.

  “Did you get all you wanted done today?” he asked.

  For a brief moment, Jenny didn’t understand what he was talking about. Then she remembered – the exam, she was supposed to have spent today studying for her Mortgage Practice exam. Mike’s sister, Rachel, had offered to baby-sit her niece, and had brought Holly directly to the childminder’s that morning, in order to give Jenny a full day to herself.

  “I did as much as I could,” Jenny answered. At least it was something that resembled the truth. Since this morning, she hadn’t been able to do a thing, hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything other than what Mike had told her over breakfast.

  “You must be wrecked, you poor thing,” Mike said. “I used to hate studying, I was always so drained after hours of trying to take it all in. Why don’t you go and sit down in front of the telly for a while? I’ll look after Holly, and organise something for dinner.” He removed the child’s coat and sat her in her play-chair, before taking Holly’s favourite teddy-bear out of the bag and handing it to her. The little girl began playing happily with the toy, banging it up and down on the plastic table in front of her.