"Seattle," Gabe rolled the word around in his mouth. "Is that where you learned self-defense?"
"I found a guy," she said, her heart constricting slightly at the memory of him. Tall, dark skin, bald head. He was in his thirties and built like a boxer. But he was a martial artist. She had walked uncertainly into his office. It was a normal office with a desk, chairs, fax machine. He had come in through the back, immaculate in a three-piece suit, his gait slow and deliberate.
K. He had introduced himself as K. And she had giggled slightly and introduced herself as E. He smiled at her, all big white teeth. "Nice scars," he said, gesturing toward her wrists. They had been bold and red then. New. Painful red reminders.
"I need your help..."
"Yeah, you do," he had said.
From that day on, he had been her everything: her friend, mentor, teacher, father, brother. He was everyone. He was all she had in the world.
"You found a guy..." Gabe pressed, watching her lost in her memory.
"Yeah," she said, shaking her head at the memories. "He taught me how to defend myself. How to attack. How to run. How to hide. He knew everything. Like he had helped battered women all his life. He still helps," she said sadly. Good, good K.
"But Nicola found you?"
Ellie flinched at his name. She would never get used to hearing it again. "Yeah." It might have been the most fear-filled night of her life. Because she knew what would be in store for her if he got her.
The door had been unlocked. She had reached for it and it was open. That was how she knew. Because she locked all three of the locks before she left, every time she left. She swore her heart stopped beating for a moment until she heard footsteps inside. And then she was running, taking off down the streets she knew as well as the ones she had grown up on. It wasn't long before he was behind her, yelling. Threatening. Telling her she would never get away from him.
She had hauled up and down streets, in and out of buildings. She grabbed her bug-out bag from underneath a dumpster where she had covered it in black trash bags to protect it. And then she was on a train. For a new city. New life.
The phone call to K had been the most gut-wrenching call she had ever made. She had been sitting outside the third train station, sobbing big ugly tears, barely able to catch her breath as she listened to his calm, authoritative voice on the other end telling her to pull herself together, telling her what her next step was. And the one after that. Then the one after that.
"I'm never going to see you again," she had wailed, feeling like a five year old and not caring. K had paused at her words, taking a deep breath. Because he knew it was true. And he didn't want to lie to her. When he spoke again, he repeated her directions. Over and over. Until she stopped crying. Until a long time after that, she stopped sniffling.
"You take care of yourself," he had said. "Never get comfortable. Never let your guard down. I will be here for you," he had said, his tone sounding almost emotional. "Keep in touch, E," he said and the line went dead. She stared at the phone for a long minute before turning it, taking out the battery and tossing them in different trash bins.
"So, I kept running. Until I got here."
"What's so different about here?" Gabe asked.
"I don't know," Ellie said and meant it. She didn't know what changed. "I guess I'm just tired. Worn out. From new cities. From new people. From the same ghost chasing me around."
"So, you came to Xander?"
"No," Ellie laughed, short and humorless. "I went to just about every private investigator and private security firm I could find. I told them the truth. And they all pretty much laughed in my face."
"So, you came to Xander and lied..."
"That wasn't the plan," she objected right away. "Nick, he found me... I just... I needed somewhere to go. This was the first thought I had. I know I should tell him..."
"Why haven't you?"
"Gabe..." she started, closing her eyes. "Nick killed my father. He was a decorated detective in Trenton. And Nick shot in the back of the head like some two-bit snitch. He wouldn't give pause to killing Xander, lowly private investigator. I don't want him involved."
"But you're here, so he is involved. And he will figure it out sooner or later. I know he seems like a lowly private investigator, but he is the best there is and he will put the puzzle together eventually."
"I know. But..." she shook her head. "I swear if it comes to that, I will be gone. He won't know anything. No one ever does. I'll be a ghost. The longer I have been doing this, the less of a trail I leave. He wont ever see me again. He wont ever need to be involved with Nick." She looked into Gabe's eyes, pleading with him to believe her. "I swear... I won't let anything happen to Xander."
Gabe's head turned to the side, a small smile playing with his lips. "Okay," he agreed.
A strange silence fell before Ellie got up the nerve to ask what she had been dreading. "You're not going to tell him?"
"No. Not now anyway. If he needs to know, I will."
"Thank you," she said, amazed that there were good people in the world. There were still people willing to keep her secrets, keep her safe. First K. Then Xander. Faith. Gabe. The list just kept growing and she felt so unworthy.
"So, that's all settled..." Gabe said, putting his hands on the table.
"Not so fast," Ellie cut in, and he paused.
"What?"
"How do you know who I am?"
Gabe offered her a weird smile. "I have a friend in Jersey. Bail bonds like me. He had a bond on one of Nicola's enforcers. He didn't want to do it alone..."
"Which one?" Ellie asked.
"Antony," Gabe said, shrugging like it was no big deal. But it was a very big deal. Antony had blood on his hands. He had bodies piled up behind him. "But he was always around Nicola and Bobby and all the others. So, we followed him for a while. You were in the picture more than once."
"You got your guy," she said, nodding. She remembered how furious Nick had been, pacing the room like a caged tiger while she curled into herself on the bed. He'd thrown her onto her back and had hard, punishing sex with her because of it.
"And you got away," Gabe said, watching her eyes slip from haunted to neutral, impressed at how easily she slipped into her guards. "Well... Ellie," he said, using her chosen name. "I'm glad we cleared that all up."
"Why is the fucking door unlocked?" Xander yelled from the office and Ellie laughed. Quietly, to herself. He must have thought she was the biggest incompetent there was. Little did he know. "Oh, Gabe... what are you doing here?" he asked, throwing the newspapers in his hand onto the bed. He walked further into the room and stopped, looking at Gabe with lowered brows. "What the hell happened to your face?"
Gabe smiled, winking at Ellie. "I seemed to have startled your little guard dog here," he explained, holding out Xander's brass knuckles.
Xander took them, looking between them and Gabe and Ellie a few times before, finally, throwing his head back and laughing. He moved the weapon around in his hand for a second, looking up at Ellie. "Good girl," he said, nodding at her.
She wanted to rip his clothes of right then and there. In front of Gabe. It didn't matter. She just wanted him.
Instead, she took a breath and went into the kitchen, carefully making a fresh pot of coffee and then putting on tea. Then cleaning up her cleaning supplies and washing her hands.
Really, she was just trying to think of anything but getting Xander into bed.
At this, she failed. Miserably.
Thirteen
It was the nightmares again. That was what was to blame. The stupid, chronic memories that she repressed during her waking hours and tormented her while she slept.
She woke up yelling, her arms being constricted and she fought against the restraint.
"Hey, sweetheart, hey," Xander's voice called.
She opened her eyes immediately, looking around the dark room frantically. Xander's. She was at Xander's And
Xander was standing above her, holding onto her shoulders. He had probably been trying to shake her awake. She bolted upright quickly, setting her feet on the floor, and leaning forward, resting her head against the warm skin of his stomach, just above the waistband of his pajama pants.
Xander stood there dumbly for a long second, too shocked to move. His hands slowly slid. One moved across her back, rubbing at the tension, the other to the back of her head, tangling in her long soft hair. "It's okay," he murmured, taking shallow breaths. "I'm here."
Okay. Maybe it wasn't the nightmares. It was definitely those two words that did it. I'm here. They were two words that held so much meaning: I'm here for you; I'm not leaving you; you're safe with mw; nothing can hurt you when you're with me.
Yeah. That was what did it. Because it was so lovely to have someone there for you, someone who, however momentarily, cared more about your needs than their own.
She stood up slowly, her breath warming his skin as she rose to full height, her head underneath his chin. She slid her fingers up and down his ribs, making him grit his teeth against the sudden and intense arousal.
What was she trying to do to him?
Ellie tilted her head upward, looking into his face, taking in the tense jaw, the bewildered eyes. The hand in her hair tensed, turning into a fist. She went up on her tiptoes. But she was still unable to reach his mouth unless he leaned down, so she tilted her head to the side and ran a line of kisses down the side of his neck. She smiled against his skin when his breath hissed out of his mouth.
"Ellie," he said, his voice a warning. We shouldn't do this. It isn't smart.
But she was done playing it safe and doing what was smart and prudent. She wanted to wrap herself around him and feel something, experience something new.
"Just kiss me," she said, feeling her cheeks get hot at her boldness.
Xander gritted his teeth. He was trying to do the right thing, be a gentlemen, as foreign a concept as that was to him. And he really didn't have much self-restraint left. Especially if she kept kissing his neck like that. Oh, God, was that her tongue? Xander closed his eyes and mentally worked through the sevens times tables before he spoke. "You're just... worked up because you had bad dreams. Ellie..."
"Just shut up," she said, smiling up at him, her eyes rolling. What was wrong with him? She was standing there... literally asking for it. Actually, begging for it. And he was trying to talk her out of it?
"It's a bad idea," he said firmly.
"But those are the best kinds," she said, almost giggling.
Xander looked down at her then, the brightness in her shockingly blue eyes, the smile playing at her lips, and he found himself smiling back despite his better judgment. "Yeah they are," he agreed, bending down and crushing his lips into hers.
She felt the contact like a bolt shooting down her body and out through her feet, everything tingling in the aftermath. Her arms went up around his neck, pulling him down, lifting herself up, getting closer. That's all she could think. She needed him closer. She needed to throw everything of herself into him.
Xander made a low, growling sound deep in his throat, feeling her surrender like an explosion of desire deep in his center. His fingers twisted in her hair, pulling her head backward, giving him more access. He nipped at her lower lip, sinking his teeth in just short of painful. When she sighed, he moved his tongue inside, toying with hers and retreating until she made a low, pleading whimper.
His hands moved down her back, grabbing her hips and holding her tight against him as he walked toward the bed.
The backs of Ellie's knees hit the mattress, just as Xander's hands released her hips, sending her falling backward. Her stomach clenched momentarily until she fell back on the soft material, laughing up at the ceiling.
This was how it was supposed to be. Sexy, yes, but also fun, silly, real.
Xander was still standing at the side of the bed, looking down at her with some unreadable expression. She propped herself up, reaching one arm forward and grabbing the elastic hand of his pajama pants, and pulling him forward. He obliged slightly, leaning his knees against the edge of the mattress.
Ellie sat up, her face level with his stomach. With a smirk, she leaned forward and ran a line of kisses across his stomach, the muscles twitching slightly under her exploration. Her fingers slipped to the waistband, starting to pull down slowly.
Xander chuckled, a low, rolling sound in his chest. His big hands went down to cover hers, stopping the motion. "Uh-uh, doll," he said, smiling at her defiant expression. He was already half-naked. She was fully clothed. It was time to even things up. He squeezed her hands for a second and pulled them away, placing them on the mattress on the sides of her body.
His hands rested on her knees, squeezing for a second, before sliding up her thighs, moving out toward her hips and toying with the ends of her t-shirt. He watched her eyes. He needed to take it easy. His movements needed to be slow, non-threatening. If she so much as flinched, he was done. But he saw nothing in her big eyes but desire, want, need. So he grabbed the thin material, ever so slowly inching it off her body.
Her hands went up over her head, waiting for him to pull the material which suddenly felt itchy and heavy, off her body.
Xander watched as her skin revealed itself to his eyes, soft and pale. Flawless. He smiled as he threw the t-shirt on the floor. She was wearing a gray and white bra. Who the hell wore a bra to bed? He wanted to reach behind her and flick the clasps and pull the barrier away. But he needed to take his time, he reminded himself, reaching out to stroke the outer sides of her body. Her ribs looked better, the bruises healing to a reddish and yellow. He watched her face as his fingers traced the outlines. "Does this hurt?" he asked.
Ellie shook her head, her chest too heavy to finds the words. No. Nothing hurt. Everything felt good. Right. Perfect.
His fingers moved toward the center of her stomach, making her twitch and squirm away, swatting at his hands and giggling. "You're ticklish?" he asked, a little too excited-sounding at the prospect.
"Don't you dare," she warned, her eyes wide, knowing what was coming, knowing there was nothing she could to do about it.
Xander's mouth quirked up at a side, half challenge, half amusement. He was going to enjoy it. "You... dare me?" he asked, smirking wider, his fingers coming down on the area by her hipbone hollows and digging in.
Ellie squealed, her hands flying on top of his, her eyes closing, trying to breathe through it. Knowing it never worked. Xander's fingers wiggled, making her toss around on the bed, gasping for breath, listening to Xander's laugh: loud, boyish, playful. It might have been the sexist sound she had ever heard. Even if he was in the middle of an obnoxious round of tickle torture with her midsection.
"Say uncle and it's over," he teased, brushing his fingers over her ribs.
"Never," she strangled out, tossing herself onto her stomach.
Xander scooted closer, straddling the sides of her hips, pressing down on her ass, holding her in place. His fingers pressed a little harder, more sensual than playful, rubbing across her lower back. Ellie brought her arms up, resting her face against her hands and sighing.
His fingers pressed and kneaded into her knots, brushed whispers in other areas, making her shiver and feel like she was sinking into the mattress, into the sensations. She hadn't even noticed he had unclasped her bra until she felt his fingers brushing the material toward the sides of her body, giving him full access. He worked on her shoulders for a long time, making her feel almost sleepy before she felt his weight shift, his hand brushing her hair to the side a split second before his lips rested at the base of hr neck.
Her fingers dug into the blanket, moaning. His mouth moved in a straight line down the center of her back and before he had even made it halfway down, she felt herself trembling, so unaccustomed to being touched that she was overwhelmed by the contact. By the time his lips brushed the skin just above her pants, she was clutchi
ng her thighs together.
His weight lifted up off her slightly, enough for her to move, pushing herself up, the arms of her bra falling forward and she slipped her wrists out. Without him touching her, she felt the insecurity slipping in past the desire. She realized that no one had seen her naked in years. And the only person before that was Nick.
As if sensing her reservations, his hand moved to her hip, his fingers light but not tickling. Reassuring. "Look at me, baby," he said, more of a question than a demand.
Ellie took a breath, moving a hand across her chest to cover her breasts and rolling back onto her back.
Xander smiled down at her with her hand draped to cover herself. She was killing him. And he was enjoying every last second of it.
He lowered himself down on her pelvis, giving Ellie a view of him in all of his masculine glory. His dark hair mussed from sleep, the scruff on his face, desire in his eyes. His wide shoulders and chest tapered only slightly toward his waist. Everything about him was thick and solid, the muscles pressing against his skin like there wasn't enough room to hold in all the strength. Her eyes grazed over the long scar up his side, finding an odd sort of kinship and comfort in it. They both had scars. They both had pasts. And in that moment right then... none of that mattered. She let her eyes sink lower, a strange fluttering in her belly when she saw his cock pushing hard against the fabric of his pants, straining to be free.
"See something you like?" Xander asked, his voice teasing and she realized how long she had been starting at his crotch.
She looked up at him, sinking her teeth into her lower lip. "Maybe," she said, thinking her own voice sounded foreign. Was that really her speaking? Flirting?
"Hmm," Xander said, his hands going to the drawstring at the front of his pants, pulling one of the loops out. "Maybe you need a better view," he suggested, "to be objective," he finished, stretching out the waistband, holding it out wide for a second, then letting it drop.
Ellie sucked in her breath, looking at his long, thick cock, hard and heavy. Her hand reached out and Xander chuckled, swatting her hand. "Nuh-uh," he scolded, reaching forward and running his fingers over the arm covering her breasts. "I need a better view too," he said, smiling.
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