Shadows

by Paula Weston

  ‘Every day.’ With Maggie hanging over my shoulder, giving me instructions.

  I bury the memory before it gives me away. The only thing I can do to help Maggie right now is cover this shift.

  It helps that everything in here is so familiar: the smell of coffee and croissants, shelves crammed with organic tea and scented candles, and the world music Bryce plays all day.

  I dump my bag, tie on an apron and start clearing dirty crockery from the recycled timber tables outside. By my third trip, a couple of tables have emptied, and I stop to wipe them down. The sun is deliciously warm. I close my eyes and turn my face to it. It’s hard to believe it was only a few hours ago I thought I was never going to feel that comfort on my skin again.

  The beach is busy, but not as packed as it was in the height of summer. A few puddles on the road are the only signs of last night’s storm. I breathe in deeply, tasting the salt on the back of my tongue.

  In the life I remember, Jude and I explored the world. The other me, the real me, must be as well travelled, probably more so—I can’t quite get my head around how old I am. But Pan Beach is one of the few places I know I’ve been, the closest thing I have to a home. How could I not come back? How could I not come back when I know the trouble I’ve brought here?

  A loud wolfwhistle snaps me back to the moment. It’s the hoodie brigade outside the greasy takeaway a few doors down. They live on the far side of town in fibro houses with car wrecks in the front yards. One day they’ll join their tattooed older brothers at the Imperial Hotel, on the next street over. In the meantime, the esplanade is their domain.

  One of the boys grabs himself and licks his lips in my direction. I shake my head and discreetly give him a middle-finger salute—which they all cheer—and go back inside with my dirty plates. Bryce points me to the library service window, where Gaz is waiting.

  ‘Hey, Gabzilla, you’re on the wrong side.’ Gaz gestures to my neck. ‘You get a little action up at the falls last night?’

  ‘Jealous?’ I check the scarf is still covering the bite and wonder if anyone’s been talking about Maggie’s dramatic departure from the party. ‘Caramel latte?’ I ask Gaz.

  ‘Puhlease…’ He taps his black fingernails on the ledge. ‘Flat white. Double shot. Two sugars. Fat milk.’

  I write it down and stick it in front of Connie, the barista. She gives a curt nod and pours a long line of cappuccinos, each with a perfect heart in the foam.

  ‘Table seven,’ she barks at me.

  I take two steps and stop. Simon is at the counter, placing an order with Bryce.

  So much has happened since Rafa threw him aside last night. But all he’s going to see is a girl who left a party with another guy.

  He gets his change, turns and stops. I stand there, holding the tray of coffee. ‘Hey,’ I say. I shouldn’t have kissed him last night. It was selfish and stupid, and it’s created yet another mess I have to clean up.

  ‘Hey.’ He mumbles it more to my shoes than me. He can’t even look at me. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Oh…Mags wanted a day off.’

  ‘Is she all right?’ His gaze lifts for a second and mine shifts.

  ‘Just a bit seedy.’

  Simon gestures to the tray. ‘Someone probably wants those.’

  I nod. Not only am I a dud date, I’m also a dud waitress. I take the order to table seven, and get back inside in time to put the lid on Gaz’s coffee and hand it to him. He points at my neck.

  ‘Did Simon do that to you?’ he asks, way too loud.

  I shoot him a foul look. ‘Get back to work before Jane kicks your arse.’

  ‘Ooooh, touchy.’ And then he’s gone, but his taunt lingers like cheap perfume. On the other side of the counter, Simon is staring accusingly at my neck.

  ‘What’s under there?’ he gestures to Maggie’s scarf. Any embarrassment he felt about last night seems to have taken a backseat to something stronger.

  ‘Nothing,’ I say, willing Connie to hurry up with his coffee so he can go before Rafa or Jason arrive. But she’s got another order ready, so I pretend he’s not there and head outside.

  Most people wait for takeaway coffee on one of the Balinese day beds, but Simon stands right in my path when I go back inside. I can’t get behind the counter without walking by him. Given the black look on his face, there’s no chance he’s going to step aside.

  ‘I have to work,’ I say. ‘Can we talk later?’

  He blocks me. ‘You made me look like an idiot last night.’ To his credit, his voice is low so only I can hear. ‘Was I just bait to make that dickhead jealous?’

  I glance around, but no one’s paying attention to us. ‘There’s stuff going on that I can’t begin to explain,’ I say, ‘but I promise you I did not intend last night to end the way it did.’ That’s the understatement of the year. ‘I’m really sorry for the way I left the party, but I can’t talk about it here.’

  I go to move past and, before I can stop him, those quick hands lift the scarf from my neck.

  ‘Hey!’ I pull away from him, but not fast enough.

  ‘What the fuck…?’ Simon’s hand drops to his side.

  I put the scarf back in place, and look into his eyes. Let it go.

  ‘Did he do that?’

  ‘Of course not.’ I push past him, and he follows, taking my arm.

  ‘What did that?’ Simon says in my ear.

  I spin around. ‘Back off.’

  He takes a step back, almost involuntarily.

  ‘Just let me do my job.’

  His coffee is ready. I jam the lid on and slide it towards him.

  ‘Gaby…’

  A flash of blond hair catches my eye. It’s Jason. He glances our way, gives me a casual nod, and then joins the short queue at the counter. Simon follows my gaze.

  ‘What’s he doing here without Mags?’

  ‘They’re not joined at the hip.’

  Connie thumps the milk jug on the counter to settle the froth, getting my attention long enough to glare at me.

  ‘Didn’t he stay at your place last night?’ Simon presses.

  ‘So? Maybe he feels like coffee and he’s letting Mags sleep in.’

  I grab the next order and head out again, catching Jason as he leaves the counter.

  ‘Simon’s seen the mark on my neck,’ I say, walking with him.

  ‘What did you tell him?’

  ‘Nothing. But he’s not going to let it go.’

  ‘Leave it with me.’

  Jason leads Simon to a table against the wall. They pull up chairs under a watercolour of a yacht on wild seas.

  I’ve delivered skinny mocha-lattes and chocolate éclairs to a table of flushed women in cycling gear, when I spot Rafa walking towards the cafe. He’s scanning both sides of the street, his hands in his pockets.

  I catch his eye and shake my head to warn him off, but of course he just keeps coming. I meet him halfway.

  ‘Simon’s inside.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘He saw my neck.’

  ‘How the hell did that happen?’

  ‘He grabbed this.’ I lift the scarf to demonstrate.

  Rafa stares at me. ‘You managed to decapitate a hellion, but you can’t stop a barman from touching a scarf?’

  ‘Slightly different circumstances,’ I say, stung. ‘Jason’s in there trying to handle the situation.’

  ‘Well, then, we can all rest easy. No chance that’ll go pear-shaped.’

  ‘What’s your problem with Jason?’

  ‘You mean aside from the fact he’s been swanning around for decades without a care in the world? How about the way he lied to both of us about who he was? Or the way he’s still lying?’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘How does he know so much about us if he’s never mixed with Rephaim? He’s too cagey about his past. I don’t trust him.’

  I squint against the sun. ‘Well, I do.’

  ‘And your judgment has work
ed out so well this far.’

  I’m tempted to smack him across the side of the head with my empty tray. ‘Yeah, well, I trust you too. Is that bad judgment?’

  His lack of a comeback is immensely satisfying.

  Rafa follows me back to the cafe and sits outside, at a table against the window. It’s tucked behind a pot plant, but he’ll be able to see inside.

  One of the other waitresses, Nicky, grins at me when I pass her.

  ‘Who’s the hottie?’

  ‘Trouble,’ I say.

  She winks. ‘Half your luck.’

  I take two more orders out before Jason’s is ready.

  ‘You could have just told me,’ Simon says when I reach the table.

  ‘Told you what?’

  ‘The truth, Gaby,’ Jason says, holding my gaze with enough intensity that I let him finish. ‘About Jude finding out something he shouldn’t have before he died. About the people looking for you, and how they took Maggie to get at you. How you said you’d go with them if they let Maggie go.’

  ‘And what they did to you.’ Simon’s eyes flick to my neck. His anger has diffused a little. His anxiety hasn’t.

  ‘We just let that girl take her,’ he says to Jason. ‘You lied to us, and we all let it happen.’

  I bang Jason’s cappuccino down on the table; the coffee spills into the saucer. ‘If he didn’t, everyone at the party might have had a night like me.’

  Simon studies his cup, turns it around a few times, takes the lid off. ‘How does he fit into all this?’

  He means Rafa.

  ‘Like I told you, he’s a mate of my brother’s.’ I wipe my hands on my apron. ‘A lot of people thought I died with Jude. When Rafa found out I was alive, he came looking for me. So did the people who took Maggie.’

  ‘Do you know what it was Jude found out?’

  ‘Not a clue.’

  ‘Order up!’ Connie shouts at me from behind the machine.

  ‘I’ll be back.’

  I take an espresso outside to Rafa and fill him in. He completely misses the cleverness of Jason’s half-lies.

  ‘This is bullshit. Now the barman’s going to want to play hero, and I’m telling you right now, I’m not babysitting your little boyfriend.’

  ‘I didn’t ask you to,’ I say, wishing for once he would act his age. ‘I have no intention of involving him. And he’s not my boyfriend.’

  Rafa begins to stand. ‘I’ll sort this out.’

  I put a hand on his shoulder. ‘Just give Jason a chance.’

  Rafa lets me push him back into his seat. His green eyes are unnaturally bright in the sunlight.

  ‘He’s got till I finish this coffee.’

  I make my way inside.

  ‘You have to tell the cops,’ Simon says to me.

  ‘No,’ I say. ‘And neither can you.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘You’ll get her killed.’

  I’m about to push the point when a throat clears behind me.

  ‘Excuse me, do you offer table service here?’

  I turn, annoyed at the interruption—and come face to face with Malachi.

  CROSS MY HEART

  ‘You bastard.’ Jason stands up so quickly his chair tips and smacks on the timber floor. All heads in the Green Bean turn to us.

  Malachi is still dressed in dark jeans, although he’s remembered Pan Beach’s climate and worn a t-shirt. He’s a few paces away, out of swinging range.

  ‘Calm down, kids, I’ve just come for the espresso. I hear it’s good here.’ He folds his arms and flexes his biceps. Like I need a reminder of how strong he is.

  Simon’s eyes dart from me to Malachi and back again. Jason’s chest is rising and falling quickly.

  ‘What do you want?’ I risk looking outside. Rafa’s table is empty.

  ‘Honestly?’ Malachi sighs. ‘I want for none of this to have happened. For life to go back to the way it was. I’d like to not have to worry about you smashing me in the coglioni.’

  Jason stands his chair back up. He slides it under the table, giving a quick, reassuring smile to three middleaged women behind us. Slowly, people turn back to their coffees and food. There’s a flash of white linen as Bryce leaves the counter and goes back to the kitchen.

  ‘You mean you want it to be like it was before, when Jude and I weren’t talking to each other?’ I ask.

  Malachi shakes his head and looks at me like I should understand. ‘Before that, when we were all still one big happy family.’

  ‘Come on, Malachi, we were never that.’

  He turns to find Rafa a couple of metres away from him. It’s taken all my concentration to not look at Rafa. He’s come from the toilet; he must have shifted there as soon he saw what was going on.

  Malachi steps back, raises his hands, says under the cover of the music, ‘Rafael, let’s not make a scene in this nice public place.’

  ‘Like Taya last night?’

  ‘That wasn’t exactly how it was meant to go down. She may have gone in a little early.’

  ‘And what about Gabe in the cage? Was that meant to happen?’

  ‘I just follow orders, you know how it goes.’

  Rafa is relaxed, conversational. No matter how strong Malachi is, Rafa is the better fighter, and both men clearly know it.

  ‘It’s a wonder Gabe could find your balls at all. Sounds like you still haven’t grown a pair.’

  Malachi’s lips draw together. ‘And I suppose you’re here out of the goodness of your heart?’

  ‘Nathaniel’s the only one kidnapping her friends.’

  Malachi’s eyes light up. ‘Ah, Maggie…Amazing body. That sweet arse and those beautiful—’

  The table screeches as Jason pushes it aside and flies at him. I should have been ready for it, but I was too busy thinking about going for him myself.

  Jason might not be trained, but he’s still Rephaite. Malachi goes to swat him away, only to find Jason’s hands clamped around his throat, driving him into the wall.

  ‘Hey, HEY.’ Bryce is back at the counter again. ‘Take it outside.’

  Malachi doesn’t fight back. He’s probably under orders not to.

  ‘Where is she?’ Jason says. ‘I will kill you if you hurt her.’

  ‘Take it outside or I’m calling the cops,’ Bryce says. A few customers have stood up, unsure.

  Rafa holds up a palm to Bryce. ‘No need, I’ve got this.’

  Simon grips the top of his chair, his fingers threatening to push through the flimsy wicker.

  ‘Calm down,’ I mouth at him.

  ‘Come on, boys,’ Rafa says, like this was a bit of fun gone too far. He grabs Malachi and Jason by the neck and squeezes until he gets Jason’s attention. ‘Not here,’ he says, and breaks them apart.

  Simon and I follow as Rafa walks them through the cafe, and outside, down the street. He shoves Malachi and Jason into a laneway and follows them a few metres in, still keeping them separated.

  I’m close behind, but Simon hangs back, keeping one eye on the street and the other on us.

  ‘What did you come here to tell Gabe?’ Rafa asks.

  Malachi readjusts his shirt and stretches his neck. Jason tries to push past, but Rafa blocks him.

  ‘Think,’ Rafa says, and gestures to Simon at the end of the laneway. ‘You want to explain it if Malachi disappears in front of him?’

  I duck under Rafa’s arm while he’s distracted, and he does nothing to stop me.

  ‘What do you want?’ I ask Malachi.

  ‘You made an offer to Daniel.’ He waits for me to nod that I understand. ‘He’s accepted your terms.’

  My heart stutters.

  ‘That was before the cage.’

  ‘Wait,’ Rafa says. ‘What offer?’

  I ignore him, my eyes locked on Malachi.

  ‘How else do you think the lovely Maggie is coming home?’ he says.

  ‘No more torture,’ I say. As if I’ll have any say in it once I’m back at the Sanctuary. ‘A
nd I want Mags back here before tomorrow. I’m not going anywhere until I see she’s okay.’ My voice shakes.

  Rafa is beside me. ‘What offer?’

  ‘I’ll explain later.’ I’m not game to look at him.

  Malachi nods. ‘I’ll be back before sunset to give you a place and time for the exchange. Be home.’ He looks past me. Simon must be out of sight because he shifts, right there, in the sunlight.

  Rafa grabs me by the arm, rougher than he’s ever been with me. ‘What have you done?’

  THAT BUZZ INSIDE YOUR BRAIN

  After work—after telling Simon that Malachi was negotiating to bring Maggie home, after a dozen lies and apologies and reassurances to Maggie’s mum—I find solace in the late afternoon sun.

  I’m a few steps from the cafe when Bryce calls to me. I stop and wait for her. ‘Before you go,’ she says. ‘You know I’m not blaming you for what happened earlier.’

  I nod. I just want to go home.

  ‘Gaby.’ She puts her arms around me. There are orange blossoms in her perfume. ‘I know how much your friendship means to Margaret. She was a little lost after her dad died. And then you came along…’ She squeezes me. ‘I’m so glad she’s got you looking out for her.’

  I don’t trust myself to speak, so I stand there and take the hug.

  ‘But you need to make sure you keep company with the right people.’ She pulls back to look at me. ‘Okay?’

  I nod.

  ‘Now, go and tell that girl of mine I expect her to work her own shift tomorrow.’

  She gives me one last squeeze. I walk away.

  The sky is vivid blue, the breeze so gentle it barely disturbs the leaves in the poincianas. How can my life be such a mess when the weather is so perfect?

  There’s no sign of Rafa or Jason, so I head for home through the park. I think I’m safe from Malachi—at least for the moment.

  Lorikeets shriek in the wattles, waiting for dusk. Somewhere a dog barks. It’s all perfectly normal. Except nothing is normal to me anymore, not even this park. Its landmarks have all changed. There’s the place I first saw Malachi. Here’s where Taya knocked me down. Which of these trees did she throw me against? I’d be able to find my blood if—

  ‘Tell me about this deal you’ve struck with Daniel.’