A Journey to Submission

by Laney Rogers

  A couple of minutes later, I lay in bed, wrapped tightly in the covers, determined to get back to sleep and not lie there, analyzing my feelings.

  Sleep was a long time in coming.

  Chapter Eleven

  I woke to the sound of loud music and the smell of bacon cooking. I was still tired, and groaning, I dragged myself from the bed, pulled on some jeans and a dark red hoodie, and went to investigate.

  “Good morning, lazybones.” Seb was cooking up a feast while Helen laid the table, putting out crockery, juice and a fresh pot of coffee. “Steve got off okay?” he asked.

  “Yes, he left around four,” I replied, going to the stove to see what I could help with.

  “It’s all right. I’m going to wait on you ladies this morning. Go and chat with Helen and I’ll bring it right over.”

  “Thanks,” I said, smiling at Seb, wishing I could be that bright and cheerful first thing in the morning.

  It wasn’t till I sat down that I noticed the big clock over the fireplace.

  “Oh my God, it’s ten thirty. I’m really sorry I slept so long,” I said, feeling guilty.

  “You obviously needed it.” Helen smiled at me. “I guess you were just worn out, huh?”

  I didn’t smile back, and I wondered if Seb had told her what happened after she left the sitting room last night.

  “Don’t look so worried. It’s okay, Liza, I know what happened. Why do you think I quietly retreated? I knew Steve would want to see how you’d react to something like that. Did you enjoy what happened?” she asked in a reassuring voice.

  I stared at her, feeling self-conscious, especially with Seb so close by. “I felt like I shouldn’t have enjoyed it at all, and it was wrong; but I did. It felt so good,” I broke off, embarrassed.

  Helen grinned. “Yep, it sure does. Don’t worry though, that’s as far as Steve will go—with sharing, I mean. Some Doms will let others have their subs, but not him.”

  “Yeah, I learned that at the restaurant the other night.”

  Helen had the good grace to look sheepish, but I grinned.

  She waved me off. “You should be thanking me. I knew you two would be perfect for each other. And I was right.”

  Seb brought the food over and we tucked in, the atmosphere light and easy going as we chatted. He kept us entertained as he regaled stories of all the teething problems they’d encountered at the new club.

  By eleven thirty, Helen and I had done the dishes and Seb had checked the house, making sure all the doors and windows were locked and the house was secure, telling us he would never live it down if he left something unlocked at the house of a friend who ran a security company.

  We packed up our stuff and drove the few miles to my place in Seb’s Hummer. I saw the way the two of them interacted as I sat in the back of the vehicle, and it made me miss Steve all the more.

  It had been such a short time, and I knew there was a real possibility that Steve couldn’t commit to any sort of proper relationship, but until he actually told me it was over, I had to just hope he would see that I wasn’t Anna and that this could work.

  There were hugs and kisses all round at my apartment, and I promised both of them I’d call if I needed anything while Steve was away.

  Helen gave me one last hug. “Let him work it out for himself. He’ll get there, hon. Anna fucked him up, but I think he’ll figure out what you two could have. You’ll see.”

  I nodded and smiled.

  She got back in the car, and I waved as they drove off.

  It felt good to just kick back and relax, and after I’d unpacked, I lay on my couch with my feet up, listening to my answer machine.

  Andrew, my boss, had called twice, upset about Friday, and I called him back immediately. He sounded concerned, but I reassured him that I was okay. I just couldn’t face being there after what had happened, and I wanted to make a fresh start as soon as possible.

  He understood and we chatted for a while, arranging that I’d come in on Friday morning and clear my desk. I would miss him; he had been a great boss, but there was absolutely no turning back now.

  Checking my other messages, I found there were three from Carly. I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t called my cell, but when I went and got my bag and searched through it, I realized it was gone. I sat there, wondering when I’d used it last, and suddenly it dawned on me. I never put it back in my bag after Carly had called the police. Shit, it must still be at work.

  I called Carly and she answered on the first ring.

  “Are you okay, Liza? I’ve been calling you for hours.”

  “I’m fine. I’ve been at Steve’s place. Listen Carly, do you remember what happened to my phone on Friday?”

  “Jesus, didn’t you hear my messages?” she answered in an exasperated voice.

  “I clicked to each one, but I didn’t actually play them through.”

  “I’ve got your cell, don’t worry. It fell between the chairs in the waiting room. I saw it after you left for the hospital. Anyway, how are you? Is everything all right? Shit, Liza, I wish you’d given me his number or your passcode to your phone. I’ve been really worried about you.”

  “I’m sorry, Carly. I should have called you. Everything is fine. I was at Steve’s house until this morning. He’s got to work for the next couple of days in Bloomington. Listen, I’m working at the club from tomorrow. Do you think you could meet me there, for a long lunch?” I asked, hopefully.

  “I think so; that sounds great.” Carly’s voice suddenly took on a serious tone. “Look Liza, I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you sooner at the office. I’d been cooped up in that office for ages, making copies and putting a meeting agenda together. I had the music cranked up and I just never heard what was going on. I feel really bad.”

  “Hey, don’t you dare feel bad. You saved the day,” I replied, trying to keep my tone light.

  “Yeah, right. Me and Rambo. Holy crap, your guy is something else. I can understand why you feel so safe with him. He’s amazing,” she said in a slightly awed voice.

  A warm feeling spread through me. “Yes, he is. That’s something I want to talk to you about tomorrow.”

  I really needed Carly’s view on what she thought about Steve and me. She had a great way of pointing out the obvious, and even though the mere thought of settling down brought her out in hives, she gave great advice on other people’s relationships.

  “Okay, well I’ll see you at the club tomorrow then. About twelve?” she asked.

  “Sounds great. Bye, Carly.”

  I spent a while catching up on my mail and having lunch. Then, in the afternoon, I settled down and studied the club paperwork and plans that I’d brought home with me.

  Confident I had everything covered, I put the plans away an hour or so later, settled myself on the couch with my feet up again, and put on a movie. I was just about to fall asleep, when the phone rang. It was my brother, Mat, and as soon as I heard his voice, I remembered. My heart sank. I’d completely forgotten about the family get together that my mother insisted on holding every Easter, without fail.

  “Hey, brother. Please tell me you called to say that the day of doom has been cancelled.”

  Mat laughed. “Sorry, little sis, no such luck. But I did call to say that I can swing by and pick you up early on Friday, and we can travel up there together—you know, solidarity and all that.”

  I groaned. “I can’t believe you’d waste your leave on this, Mat. Surely you would rather be anywhere in the universe than there.”

  “I guess I can put up with one day a year. We have to go, Liza, to check on dad. You know, make sure he’s still able to deal with her shit. He’s not getting any younger.”

  I sighed. “Okay, what time on Friday?”

  “I should be at your place around eight in the morning.”

  “Yeah, sounds fine. God, it’s a total contradiction in terms, calling it Good Friday. There’s absolutely nothing fucking good about it for me, being there,” I
grumbled.

  “It wasn’t good for Jesus either.” Mat laughed loudly. “Suck it up, sis. I’ll see you on Friday.”

  We said goodbye and I put the phone down, feeling miserable.

  I sat there for a while, thinking about all the years I’d gone to my parent’s house, full of hope that maybe this year it might be different. Every time, I’d been let down and hurt by her total disapproval and dislike of my life and the choices I’d made.

  This could be something else in my life that I could change. I was definitely on a roll. Maybe this time I’d tell her exactly what I thought about the way she’d treated me all these years. Yes, well maybe not. I’d left it this long. What made me think I could change anything now?

  I decided to talk to Carly about it when we had lunch, and then I put it out of my mind. The rest of the day passed in peace and quiet, and at around ten thirty, I locked up and went to bed, determined to be at Traders well before the builders the next day.

  I was up by seven the next morning, and showered and dressed by half past. I ordered a cab and arrived at the club in plenty of time.

  I made a mental note to look for a cheap car to get me to work, if this was going to be a permanent arrangement. A taxi, twice a day, for five or six days a week was crazy; I needed to be independent, and it felt good making another change to my life.

  I decided to set up camp in the main office for today. When Steve was here as well, we’d have to decide where I would work, but this would do for now.

  In the past I had spent many nights after closing with Seb, discussing how the night had gone and having a drink before we went home. If someone had told me that one day I’d be naked, sucking on my Dom’s cock with Seb whipping my ass as I did so, I’d have thought that they were out of their mind.

  I pulled my mind back to the job at hand and made some coffee. I wanted to get off on the right foot with these guys, and freshly brewed coffee seemed a good place to start.

  I needn’t have worried. As soon as Robbie, Mac and John walked through the door, I knew we were all going to get on like a house on fire. All three were total charmers; fun, easy going and excellent at their job.

  By ten o’ clock, I’d learned that Robbie and Mac were brothers and John was their cousin. All were local guys, married, with eleven kids between them, and all three had the dirtiest sense of humor I think I’d ever experienced. My mother would have hated them on sight. I thought they were awesome.

  The office phone rang at ten fifteen, and Mac laughed as I practically dived onto my desk to get it.

  “Must be love if she’s that desperate to answer it,” he said.

  I made a face at him and answered the phone, pulling it out from under a pile of paperwork. It was so good to hear Steve’s rich, sexy voice, and it scared me how much I’d missed him.

  “How are you, sweetheart?” he asked.

  “I’m fine, busy working and keeping those three characters you employed hard at it. They slack off every chance they get, but don’t worry, I have it under control.”

  All three men started shouting comments at the phone, and I laughed at their mock-furious reaction.

  “No seriously, they’re great, and everything is going well. Robbie said they would be happy to install the new tables when the bar is done, and I’m just about to sort out the adverts for the jobs you want filled.”

  “You’re doing great, Liza, thank you,” he said in what sounded like a strained voice.

  “Are you okay? Is anything wrong?” I asked worriedly.

  “I guess I’m just tired, that’s all. It’s been a long thirty hours or so.” He sighed. “I should be back by tomorrow lunchtime. I hope so, because I need to see you and hold that hot body of yours.”

  “The feeling is entirely mutual,” I replied, pushing my worry to one side. He did sound tired, and I hoped that was all there was to it, especially after the conversation we’d had about his past. I couldn’t help wondering if he’d had time to think about getting involved with me, and was having second thoughts.

  “Shit, Joe’s calling me, I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he said, now distracted.

  “All right, I’ll see you then.”

  His phone clicked, and I stood there, happy he’d be back the next day, but worried at how he’d sounded despite his reassurances and my attempt to take him at his word that everything was okay. He’d been clear about how he’d felt with commitment. I just couldn’t shake the fear that had settled within me. I was so new to this type of lifestyle. Maybe he didn’t want the hassle of being a Dom to such a beginner. What if he’d had second thoughts, now the weekend was over and we were apart.

  Jesus, all this maybe and what if was going to drive me insane, if I didn’t stop.

  “Come on, honey. Never mind lover boy, we need liquid refreshment over here; time for a refill.” John held his cup out and gave me a hopeful smile.

  I laughed, trying to push my thoughts firmly to one side, and went to put on another pot of coffee. While it was brewing, I placed the ad for the bar staff just as Carly arrived, laden with sandwiches.

  “Hey, Liza, I thought seeing as you were here with the builders, I’d buy lunch in bulk and feed you all.” She tipped an armful of subs on to my desk, and flopped down on the nearest chair. “So, how are you? How’s your face?” she asked, scrutinizing my cheek with a frown.

  “I’m fine. It’s a bit sore from time to time, but that’s all. It’s the bruising that’s the real bitch.” I pushed up the sleeve of my sweatshirt and Carly gasped, as she took in the dark red and black bruises that formed a ring around my forearm.

  “Holy shit, that asshole. I still can’t believe it happened,” she said angrily. “Andrew called a meeting, by the way, to stop any rumors spreading. He told everyone what happened, so you can imagine their reaction. Mike is now public enemy number one, and obviously, he’s been fired.”

  “I spoke to Andrew yesterday and he was fine about me not going back. I’ll stop by and pick up my stuff on Friday…Oh shit!” I exclaimed.

  “What?” Carly asked, looking up from the pile of sandwiches, a ham and mustard in her hand.

  The door to the office opened and Mac stuck his head in. “We’re taking a lunch break now, okay boss? Just wanted to let you know.”

  “Of course,” I replied. “Mac, this is my friend, Carly. She brought you guys lunch, by the way.”

  Mac came in and took Carly’s hand, giving it a kiss. “Two beautiful women, and lunch as well. What more could a man want?”

  Carly laughed in surprise as Mac scooped three subs off the desk and saluted us both before he left the room.

  “So what was the ‘oh shit’ about?” Carly asked, frowning.

  I groaned and leaned back in my chair. “I told Andrew I’d get my stuff from work on Friday, but it’s get-together time again, for the big, happy family, in Springfield. Mat called me yesterday and I’d completely forgotten about it. Fuck it, if it wasn’t for my dad, I’d be so done with all that crap.”

  “So you are going then?” she asked, taking a bite of her sandwich.

  “Yeah, I need to see dad, and I don’t want to bail on Mat. He took leave especially. But the way things are going, this will probably be the last time. It seems like I’m changing everything in my life right now, so maybe it’s time to change this too.”

  “Okay, well, stick to your guns this time, and don’t let your mother get to you. Just see your dad, spend some time with Mat and then come back home; that’s my advice,” Carly said. “Oh, and don’t worry, I can pick up your stuff and drop it around anytime.”

  “Thanks, C, you’re a great friend. Do you know that?” I asked with a grin.

  “Yes, I do actually. I’m pretty fucking fantastic.” We laughed and I picked up the only sandwich left, a ham and cheese, and took a bite.

  “How is everything with macho man then?” she asked, changing the subject and raising an eyebrow.

  “Fine,” I replied, although a nagging feeling
pulled at me, after the way he was on the phone.

  “What’s going on?” Carly asked, perceptive as ever, and studying my face intently.

  I told her about the conversation Steve and I had had at his house, and the one on the phone that morning.

  “It seems to me that he was very open and honest with you,” she said. “Did it ever occur to you that he might actually be tired, like he said?”

  “You think I’m being paranoid?” I asked with a sigh.

  “It has been known. Look, you’ve had a bad run with relationships for a while now. I get that you would think the worst, but if I were you, until he says forget the whole thing, stop worrying.”

  “I told myself the same thing, but it’s hard. You’re right, though. I’m reading way too much into it,” I said, attempting a smile.

  “Of course I’m right, I always am,” she replied, and we both laughed.

  I walked Carly out to her car when it was time for her to get back to work, and she turned to me before getting in. “Stop worrying, Liza. I’ve got a good feeling about this. Just trust your instincts.”

  We hugged, and arranged to talk in a couple of days, before I left for my parent’s party. I had reached the office before I realized that I hadn’t mentioned going to see them, to Steve. He’d be back tomorrow, I thought, so it would have to wait until then.

  * * * *

  By four o’clock, the guys were ready to call it a day, and so was I. They had made a really good start, and I had also made headway with possible color schemes and new menus. I was looking forward to Steve seeing the progress the next day.

  Mac insisted on driving me home and I gratefully accepted. After I locked the club and climbed into their big truck, we laughed and joked the few miles back to my apartment, and I wearily ascended the stairs to my front door.

  I couldn’t be bothered to cook, so I made a quick snack and ran a hot bath. An hour later, I had just settled back on my sofa to watch TV, when my phone rang. I sighed and grabbed it from my bag, not bothering to check the number before I said hello.

  “Hi, is this Liza?” The voice was a deep, Southern drawl and I had no idea who it was.