The Christmas Cradle

by Linda Warren

  “I’ve got to go,” he murmured into her hair. “I don’t like leaving Ellie this long.”

  She drew back, feeling deprived of his warmth, his closeness, but Ellie came first.

  “Yes.” She smiled through her tears. “Tomorrow her real mother’s coming home.”

  Colter picked up his hat. “See you in the morning.” He turned and left.

  ALMOST ON CUE, Cari and Reed walked into the apartment.

  “You okay?” Reed asked, giving her a hug.

  “I’m better than I’ve been in the past eight years. I have a daughter, and tomorrow I’ll see her as her mother for the first time.”

  “I’m proud of the way you’re handling this.”

  “Me, too,” Cari said. “Now, let’s have some pizza.”

  Marisa noticed she had a big pizza carton in her hand. “I’m not very hungry.”

  “You’re eating,” Cari insisted. “You’ll need your strength for tomorrow.”

  Marisa gave in, and as she nibbled on the food, Cari and Reed’s bantering kept her amused. Then the three of them discussed sleeping arrangements. Marisa tried to talk Reed into going home, but he was adamant in his decision to leave Dalton’s and their parents behind. Like her, he was tired of the manipulation and control.

  In the end, they all slept in the den. They talked until the wee hours, then Reed fell asleep in a recliner and Cari on the sofa. Marisa curled up on the love seat with thoughts of Ellie…her baby.

  She went over and over every detail of their short time together, especially the conversation about Ellie’s mother. “She’s very beautiful, and Daddy say I’m gonna look just like her.” There was much more meaning behind those words now; Ellie hadn’t been talking about Shannon, but about her. Colter thought she was beautiful. That was what he’d told Ellie—probably to satisfy her curiosity. She wasn’t sure why Colter had married Shannon, but she would find out in the days ahead.

  It must have been very painful for him to talk about Ellie’s real mother, believing what he had. She was just grateful he hadn’t poisoned Ellie’s mind against her. But he wasn’t that kind of man. He loved his daughter; he would never hurt her.

  What was she going to say to Ellie? She pushed those troubling thoughts from her mind. For now, she’d just savor the knowledge that her baby was alive. If someone had asked her to draw a mental picture of her daughter, the child would have looked exactly like Ellie. She was perfect with her big green eyes and that enchanting smile. Marisa felt a deep sadness for all the years she’d missed, but she couldn’t let herself dwell on that. The fact that Ellie was her daughter gave her the strength to face what lay ahead.

  COLTER WALKED THROUGH the back door feeling tired and drained. When he’d left here earlier, he’d just wanted answers. Now he was wondering if he could deal with everything he’d learned tonight.

  Tulley was in the recliner watching TV, half asleep. When Colter sank onto the sofa, Tulley sat up straight, blinking.

  “You’ve been gone a long time. What happened?”

  Colter rubbed his hands over his face. “It’s unbelievable and nothing like I imagined—nothing.” He went on to tell him the events of the night.

  “What! She didn’t know Ellie was her daughter?”

  He shook his head. “Thanks to her parents she thought her baby was dead…and Ellie was mine and Shannon’s.”

  “Lordy, lordy, what kind of parents would do something like that?”

  “I don’t know, but you should’ve seen Marisa. Her pain was heart-wrenching and she actually passed out from the shock. But she came back with a strength that surprised me. She told them exactly how she felt and broke all ties with them. She’s staying at a friend’s.”

  “Why didn’t she come here with you?”

  He didn’t have an answer, but Tulley had plenty to say. “This is where she belongs—with Ellie…and you.”

  “We can’t just turn back the damn clock,” he snapped. “Too much has happened and the good emotions have gotten lost in all the senseless pain. I’m not even sure how I feel about her anymore.”

  “Well, then, you need to buy yourself a mirror.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Whenever you look at Marisa, all those good emotions are in your eyes for the world to see. They’re not lost. They’re right there inside you.”

  Colter jumped to his feet. “I’m not ready to talk about this.”

  Tulley rose more slowly. “You know how sometimes we put blinders on a horse to keep him from getting skittish?”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Well, Colt, boy. You’re wearing the blinders now.”

  “I’m checking on Ellie.” He headed for the hall.

  “Tripp called. Said he and Brodie would come by tomorrow to pick up those horses,” Tulley called after him.

  “Fine,” he muttered.

  He walked into Ellie’s room, clearing his mind of everything but thoughts of his precious child. She lay on her stomach, arms and legs in all directions. Sooner was curled at her feet, and raised his head when Colter entered.

  Colter patted Sooner and drew the covers over Ellie. As he did, she stirred and murmured, “Daddy?”

  “Yes, angelface, it’s Daddy.”

  “Hug me.”

  He gathered her in his arms and she laid her face on his shoulder. “I did something bad and I thought you weren’t coming back. I waited and waited and…”

  His throat closed for a second. “You can never do anything bad enough that I wouldn’t come back. I will always be here for you. Always.”

  She rubbed her face against him. “I love you, Daddy, and I tried to stay awake so I could give you kisses. You can’t sleep if I don’t give you kisses.”

  “No, I can’t. I have to have my angelface kisses.”

  She kissed his cheek and was asleep almost instantly. He held her for a moment longer, then gently put her down and pulled the blanket over her. He stared down at this little girl he loved more than life itself. For now it was just the two of them. Tomorrow would be different.

  Tomorrow she’d meet her mother.

  Tomorrow.

  MARISA DOZED on and off and woke before dawn, feeling an anticipation, an exhilaration she hadn’t experienced in a long time. She was going to see her daughter, her baby, she told herself. A chorus of nervous jitters followed this, but nothing and no one would keep her away from Ellie.

  Reed and Cari were sleeping soundly. They’d been up late comforting her, and she didn’t wake them. She scribbled a quick note, which she placed on the table, then left. She knew Cari would drive Reed wherever he wanted to go.

  Within minutes, she was at Mrs. Hackleberry’s. It was 5:00 a.m. and, not surprisingly, the house was dark. Marisa let herself in and tiptoed up to her room. She quickly showered and changed.

  She went through everything in her closet, unable to decide what to wear. Finally she chose rust-colored slacks and a matching jacket with a cream-colored silk blouse. It wasn’t too dressy or casual; it was just right. Or was it? She wavered, then realized she was only procrastinating. She brushed her hair one final time, checked her makeup and hurried to the front door.

  The kitchen light was on, so she stopped to speak with Hazel, who offered her a cup of coffee. The aroma alone gave her a jolt of energy, and Marisa happily accepted the cup Hazel handed her. She told Hazel about her daughter, and for the first time actually let herself feel an incredible joy.

  “Oh, my dear.” Hazel hugged her. “This is so unbelievable. And your baby’s a girl instead of a boy?”

  “Yes. My parents weren’t taking any chances,” she said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. “If I ever met Colter again, they wanted to make sure I’d never suspect Ellie was mine. And I didn’t.”

  Hazel clicked her tongue. “I don’t understand how your parents could do such a thing.”

  “I’m having a hard time with that myself,” she admitted. “But can’t dwell on it. I have to go s
ee my daughter.” She slipped her purse over her shoulder. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back, so don’t worry about me.”

  “Oh, my dear, I don’t think I can help doing that.”

  Marisa gave her a hug and left, her thoughts totally on Ellie…and Colter.

  THE DRIVE OUT TO THE RANCH was similar to the one she’d made yesterday. Had it only been yesterday? It seemed like decades ago. So much had changed; her whole life had changed.

  Today she had a child—a daughter. It all felt so unreal, so ethereal, and she knew it would be quite a while before it became real to her.

  Her nerves were taut by the time she reached the ranch. She drove to the back and parked beside a truck pulling a horse trailer with horses inside. Two men were standing by the truck talking to Colter. She recognized them immediately—Brodie Hayes and Tripp Daniels. They were cowboys just like Colter and had been in Vegas all those years ago.

  She sat for a few moments, gathering strength, as she stared out at the cold December day. There was a slight breeze and the air seemed to crackle with excitement.

  She took several deep breaths and finally climbed out. She was nervous enough about seeing Ellie, and she didn’t want to have to make small talk with these men. She had liked them years ago because they were close friends of Colter’s, but she hadn’t expected to see them today.

  Colter came over to her, and her heart fluttered anxiously at the sight of him. He was dressed in jeans and a white shirt that emphasized the broadness of his shoulders.

  “Hi,” she said, her voice husky.

  “Hi,” he replied.

  She sensed a tension in him and knew that he was nervous, too. It was there in the steady gaze of his brilliant eyes, in the vein that beat fitfully in his neck, and in the way he shoved his hands into his pockets. They’d been through so much, but they still had one hurdle to get over, and it was clearly on both their minds.

  Colter turned to his friends. “You remember Brodie and Tripp?”

  “Yes,” she replied with a slight smile. “Nice to see you again.”

  Brodie removed his hat, revealing dark wavy hair. “The pleasure’s all ours. You’re more beautiful than ever, Marisa.” Brodie was a born flirt and a charmer, and Marisa never knew quite how to take him. He and Colter had been friends for a long time, so she merely smiled.

  “That goes for me, too,” Tripp put in.

  So many memories came back at the sound of his voice. Tripp didn’t talk much, but she remembered when he’d told her about his estrangement from his family; there was a sadness in him she could identify with. She liked Tripp. He and Colter had been the best of friends, competing together, and Marisa was glad they’d remained friends over the years. This wasn’t the day to reminisce, though.

  The message must have gotten through, because Brodie said, “Catch you later, Colt.” Tripp tipped his hat and they climbed into the pickup.

  She and Colter walked into the house. “Sit down,” he invited as they entered the den.

  She was glad of the invitation, fearful her legs wouldn’t support her much longer.

  Tulley stood in the doorway to the kitchen. “Good morning, Marisa.”

  “Good morning.” She tried to smile and failed miserably.

  “I’m so sorry, girl. Colter and I never dreamed anything like this had happened.”

  “I know.” She sat on the sofa. “Colter thought I didn’t want our baby.”

  “Yep.” Tulley nodded. “That pretty much sums it up.” He grabbed his hat. “I’ll mosey outside before the person in question makes an appearance.”

  “Where is Ellie?” she asked, gripping her hands. She wanted to see her daughter so badly that the anticipation was almost unbearable.

  “She’s not up yet,” Colter said, sitting down in a recliner.

  “Have you told her anything?”

  “No,” he replied. “She was half-asleep last night when I got home. In any case, we agreed to tell her together.”

  “Yes,” she muttered, trying to control the spasmodic trembling within her.

  He eyed her strangely. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

  “Of course not,” she said. “I’m scared. I don’t know how she’s going to react.”

  “Just relax and everything will be fine,” he told her, his voice softening.

  She was starting to relax, but her whole body tensed at his next words.

  “We haven’t discussed Ellie yet, but she’s been my whole world for the last seven years and her home is here on the ranch. I want her to stay here.”

  He was worried she might try to take Ellie away from him; she could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. She had to reassure him.

  “I would never do anything to disrupt Ellie’s life. I’m just hoping you’ll allow me to be a part of it.”

  They stared at each other. Colter started to speak, then stopped when he heard Ellie calling, “Daddy, where are you?”

  “In the den, angelface,” Colter called, his eyes holding Marisa’s.

  Everything in Marisa seemed to tighten, and she had trouble breathing as she waited for her daughter to enter the room.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ellie came racing into the room in her pajamas, Sooner behind her. She slid to a halt when she saw Marisa. “You’re back,” she exclaimed, and climbed onto Colter’s lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him several loud kisses.

  Marisa’s breath solidified in her throat as she watched her daughter. This was the baby she’d created in her womb, the baby she’d nourished for almost nine months. She remembered the joy of hearing her first heartbeat and of feeling that first kick. Her hand strayed to her stomach, and she remembered the months she’d lovingly stroked her swelling abdomen, talked to her baby. The baby was now in front of her. Ellie.

  She’d given Ellie life, fought for thirty long hours to bring her into the world—but did that make her a mother? A mother’s title was earned by getting up in the middle of the night, walking the floor during bouts of colic, changing diapers, being there to hear the first sound, the first laugh and to applaud the first step. She’d missed all that, and at that thought, an intense pain filled her heart.

  “Did you come to see me?” Ellie asked Marisa, resting against Colter.

  “Yes.” Marisa clenched her hands until her nails dug into her palms, but she didn’t feel it. All she felt was the anxiety in her stomach.

  Noticing her difficulty, Colter came to her aid. “Angelface, I want to talk to you.”

  Ellie swung her gaze to her father’s, eyes wary, as if she knew what was on his mind. Raising her hands in a palms-up gesture, she declared, “I won’t be bad anymore, Daddy.”

  “This isn’t about yesterday,” Colter said calmly. “This is about something else.”

  “Okay.” Ellie gave Colter a little smile.

  She was so adorable, it took every ounce of strength Marisa had not to grab her and cover her pixie face with kisses. Instead, she bit her lip and watched as Ellie looked up at Colter with trusting eyes.

  “You’ve been wanting a mother…”

  “Yep.” Ellie nodded. “Santa said she’d be here by Christmas.”

  He swallowed, glanced at Marisa, and said, “She’s here now.”

  Ellie sat up, clapping her hands in excitement. “Here at our house?”

  “Yes.”

  Ellie bounced off his lap like a rubber ball, jumping up and down at his feet. “Is she outside with Tulley? Is she? Is she?”

  Colter was a bit taken aback by the quick response, but didn’t falter in his answer. “No. She’s in this room.”

  “Where?” Ellie looked around as if she expected her mother to pop up from some hiding place. Then her eyes settled on Marisa. “There’s nobody here but Marisa.”

  Colter cleared his throat. “Marisa’s your mother…your real mother.”

  “No, she isn’t.” Ellie leaned against Colter’s knee. “Why are you saying that, Daddy?”

>   “Because she is.”

  “No,” Ellie said adamantly. “My mommy raced barrels. I heard Brodie say so.”

  Colter’s heart kicked against his ribs. “That was Shannon—your stepmother. Marisa is your real mother.”

  Ellie stared at Marisa as if she were seeing her for the first time. A sense of inadequacy swept over her as Ellie inspected her from the top of her blond head down to her shoes. She didn’t miss a thing, her eyes finally resting on Marisa’s face. Marisa wondered what she was thinking, but all she could see in the child’s expression was a deep curiosity. Then her face puckered into a frown.

  “How come you didn’t tell me you were my mommy.”

  Marisa tried to speak, but the words were trapped in her throat.

  Ellie’s pucker deepened. “You lied to me. I don’t want a mommy who lies. And I don’t want you.” Saying that, she ran for the bedroom.

  “Ellie,” Colter shouted, but she didn’t stop. She kept running.

  Marisa bit her hand to keep from crying out. Her worst fears had come true. Ellie had rejected her. She felt as if she’d been hit by an eighteen wheeler and there was nothing left of her. Nothing.

  She wasn’t even aware of Colter sitting down beside her until he took her into his arms. Her arms went convulsively around his waist, and she found herself clinging to him, needing his support and comfort more than she’d ever needed anything in her life.

  He held her, gently rocking her. “She didn’t mean it, Marisa. We’ll give her a minute, then talk to her again. She’s just a child. She’ll change her mind. I promise.”

  “No, she won’t,” she sobbed against his chest. “She hates me. I knew it. Somehow I knew it. That’s why I was so afraid.”

  His hand idly caressed the nape of her neck, his breath on her hair. “She’s just upset right now. In a few minutes it’ll be a completely different story. She’s wanted a mommy for so long, and at the moment she’s angry that you didn’t tell her immediately. Ellie doesn’t stay angry for long, though. Trust me.”