by Linda Warren
She swallowed, knowing Colter’s family had a right to dislike her, but she hoped they wouldn’t judge her too harshly.
“Tulley, Ellie and I will be spending Christmas Day with my family at Jen’s house. You’re welcome to come, but that’s up to you.”
She nodded. “Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to intrude.” That was how she felt—like an intruder. She hurried from the room before tears defeated her.
Her abrupt departure left his mind in turmoil—once again. He’d hurt her, and he didn’t like that, but he couldn’t seem to stop. He was still struggling to accept this situation.
Tulley was right. He was bound to the pain of the past; it was easier. It was safer. Opening himself up to more heartache seemed too much of a risk. And that was the coward in him. A man who’d ridden wild bucking horses was a coward. He’d never seen himself that way until now, and he hated the feeling.
He trudged to his room and went to sleep, still seeing the pain in her brown eyes.
MARISA CURLED UP in Becky’s bed, unable to get Colter out of her mind. He’d been so gracious, allowing her time with Ellie, but why did he have to be wary of her? Why did he continue to hurt her? At times she could feel a softening, but almost instantly his guard would go back up, as if he needed to protect himself. Why? She’d never hurt him again. Didn’t he believe that? Couldn’t he see how much she’d changed?
THE NEXT MORNING, Marisa was up and dressed at 5:00 a.m. She tiptoed into Ellie’s room and gave her a kiss, then headed for Dallas. Forty-five minutes later, she arrived at Mrs. Hackleberry’s, where she quickly packed her clothes. With her suitcases in the hall, she went to the kitchen to tell Hazel about her plans. The older woman was very understanding, as Marisa had known she’d be.
She got to Madame Hélèna’s before seven. When she unlocked the door, she noticed the lights already on and was surprised to find Hélèna at her desk.
She glanced up as Marisa entered. “You’re very early.”
Marisa sat in a chair opposite the desk. “Yes. I need to talk to you.”
Hélèna nodded, removing her glasses. “I’ve already spoken with your father.”
“What!”
“There were three messages on my machine from him. He finally got me last night, wanting news of you.”
“I’m so sorry, Madame Hélèna. He had no right to bother you.” Why couldn’t her father stay out of her life?
“Yes, and I told him that.” She picked up a swatch of fabric from her desk. “But he’s used to getting his own way and at the moment he wants to talk to you.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m not ready to see my parents.” She looked directly at Hélèna. “Did he tell you the whole story?”
“Yes, chérie, and I’m so happy you have your daughter.”
“Thank you.”
“I suppose you’re here to quit your job.”
“Not exactly,” she said. “It’s presumptuous of me after working here for such a short while, but I was hoping you’d let me have the holidays to spend with my daughter.”
Hélèna caressed the fabric. “Yes, that’s presumptuous.”
“I need this time, but I also need this job.”
Hélèna laid the fabric down and stared at Marisa. “The reason I’m here so early is that my son and I have decided to spend Christmas in Paris, and we’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Oh.”
“So take the time you need, but when I return after New Year’s I expect you back in this office.”
“Oh, yes, ma’am. Thank you!”
“Under other circumstances, I would fire you.”
Marisa stood. “Thank you for understanding.”
“Chérie, I see a lot more than you do, and as I’ve said before, your heart is not in this job. You’re good at it, but your future is not in fashion.”
“Do you read tarot cards or something?”
Hélèna waved a hand. “Go be with your daughter and find the happiness you deserve.”
“Why are you being so kind?” She had to ask.
Hélèna leaned forward. “It’s not kindness, chérie. That’s what you don’t see.” Her smile was flimsy. “I’ve waited a lot of years to stick it to Richard Preston, if you will forgive the vulgarity, and this is about as sweet as it gets.”
Marisa stiffened. “You said you didn’t have time for revenge.”
“Sometimes an opportunity’s too good to pass up.”
Marisa couldn’t keep the disappointment from showing on her face.
“I like you. I have from the beginning, but old hurts are hard to forget.”
Marisa knew someone else who felt like that. Colter couldn’t forget, either.
“I like working with you, and I appreciate your letting me keep my job. I’ll see you in January.”
“Ah, chérie, don’t sound so wounded.”
She slipped her purse over her shoulder. “I guess I’m naive about the business world.”
“No. You just don’t have that cutthroat instinct.”
She didn’t see that kind of instinct as a plus. She saw it as deceitful and conniving, and she knew her father’s world and Hélèna’s wasn’t a place she wanted to live in. It was a world where they took innocent babies from their mothers and—
“Have a wonderful Christmas, Madame Hélèna.”
“You, too, chérie.”
She walked away, feeling thoroughly inducted into the world of business. She didn’t like it—but she had a job. Suddenly she didn’t see that as a plus, either. Her parents were still controlling her life behind the scenes. Right now, though, her focus was on Ellie.
As she drove back to the ranch, she called Cari and then Reed.
“Marisa, I’m glad you phoned,” Reed said as soon as he heard her voice. “How are things going?”
She told him about Ellie.
“That’s great. And I’m glad Colter asked you to stay.”
He paused, then said, “I saw our parents yesterday.”
“Oh?”
“I felt I had to make my position clear. I told them I was disgusted with what they’d done to your life and said I’d no longer be working for Dalton’s.”
“Reed, your whole life is Dalton’s! You’ve been trained to take over one day. Think about it.”
“I have.”
“Don’t do this out of some misguided loyalty to me. This is your life.”
“That’s what I’ve finally figured out,” he said. “I’m almost thirty-one years old and my father still dictates my decisions—but not anymore. I’m going away for the holidays, but I’ll call every now and then.”
“Reed…”
“Be happy, Marisa. You deserve it, and maybe one of these days, I’ll find happiness, too.”
“Merry Christmas, Reed.” She hung up, feeling lonely and alone. Then she saw the sign for the Kincaid Ranch and her spirits lifted. Ellie was waiting—and maybe Colter was, too.
Chapter Fifteen
As she drove up, she saw Ellie and Sooner sitting on the front step. Her heart lodged in her throat. She hadn’t expected this.
She pulled up to the garages and they both came running. Marisa opened the door and got out, catching Ellie as she flew into her arms.
“You came back,” Ellie cried. “You came back.”
Marisa kissed her face. “Baby, I will always come back. Remember? I told you.”
“I know,” Ellie said, resting her face on Marisa’s shoulder. Marisa felt so vulnerable, so… She held on to Ellie, fighting tears. But she was tired of crying. It was time for smiling, laughing and happiness.
“Want to help me get my things out of the car?”
Ellie raised her head. “Sure. Sooner and me can help. Can’t we, Sooner?”
Sooner barked.
“That’s very thoughtful.” Marisa smiled, trying to act normal when what she felt was ecstatic, excited.
Marisa handed Ellie a small suitcase and took the larger one and a clothes bag herself. Together they
made their way into the house.
Inside Sooner whined, then barked several times.
“He wants to stay outside,” Ellie told her. “Okay, okay,” she said to Sooner. He trotted to the back door and disappeared through the doggie flap.
Marisa smiled inwardly. Maybe they did understand each other on a level that only they knew.
Dragging the bag upstairs, Ellie said, “You can stay in the same room.” She talked as if Marisa had stayed there many times before.
As Ellie helped her to unpack, Marisa wondered where Colter was, but didn’t ask. She enjoyed having Ellie to herself.
“Wanda, the cleaning lady, put the clothes you left in the closet,” Ellie said.
“That’s fine,” Marisa replied, realizing she’d forgotten all about them.
Ellie picked up a pair of high-heeled shoes. “How do you walk in these?”
“Very carefully.” She laughed.
“Can I try?” Ellie asked. “I still got the ones you gave me, but I keep falling.”
“Sure. Just walk slowly.”
Ellie was sitting down to take off her sneakers when they heard Colter calling, “Ellie, where are you?”
Ellie jumped up, ran to the door. “Upstairs, Daddy.”
A few seconds later, Colter appeared in the doorway. “Sooner is chasing Mr. Squirrel again,” he said to Ellie.
“Oh no, that bad dog,” Ellie cried, running from the room, completely forgetting about the high-heeled shoes.
“Mr. Squirrel?” Marisa lifted an eyebrow.
“He’s a squirrel that lives in the backyard. Ellie feeds him, so he’s become more or less a pet. But Sooner’s jealous and chases him every chance he gets.”
“She loves animals, doesn’t she.”
“She takes after me in that,” he said, walking into the room.
As he drew near, her stomach fluttered nervously. Looking away, she put some clothes in a drawer, hoping her face had revealed nothing.
She turned around. “Ellie was waiting for me when I got here.”
“She’s been waiting out there ever since breakfast. I think she was afraid you wouldn’t be coming back.”
Her heart ached with a new pain—the pain of knowing Ellie felt insecure about her. She sank onto the bed. “How do I make her understand that I’m never going to leave her again?”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “By loving her and never letting her down.”
Her eyes met his. “I won’t.”
“That’s all she wants. To be able to trust you.”
A message hovered behind the words and she didn’t miss it. I want to trust you, too. She’d have to prove herself; that was the only way to show them she was sincere.
“I promised Ellie we’d get the Christmas tree,” he said, breaking into her thoughts. “So if you’re ready, we’ll go.”
“Yes.” She’d finish unpacking later. “Where do you buy trees?”
“We go to a tree farm not far away.”
She remembered Christmases past. A decorator did the trees in her mother’s home and in her father’s. She had never had anything to do with it, not even as a child. The tree was just there, beautifully decorated, but that personal touch was lacking.
“This will be a new experience for me,” she said, then added without thinking, “I seem to experience a lot of firsts when I’m with you.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she wished them back. Colter knew exactly what she’d meant. She could see it in his eyes. He was remembering their first night together; she’d been a virgin.
“Something else you lied about.” His words weren’t harsh. He was just stating a fact.
“I didn’t lie—you never asked me,” she said defending herself. She had tried to appear experienced, like the other women he’d known. She’d wanted to be with him so much, but that omission was the same as a lie.
“You let me assume you had experience, and later, well…it was much too late.”
She hung the clothes bag in the closet. Yes, it had been too late. She remembered that night as if it were yesterday. She’d been so naive. Everything she knew about sex she’d learned from books and from the other girls. She’d always heard that the first time would hurt. But Colter had been so gentle and had carried her to such heights of pleasure that there’d been very little pain.
Later, his eyes had blazed with anger at her lie about her virginity, but using feminine instincts she hadn’t known she possessed, she’d been able to coax him into a better mood. Their second time had been even more satisfying. Her body had come alive under his tutelage.
From then on, a look, a touch, a caress could send their bodies up in flames. They had lived in their own private world, full of intimacy and sensual delight. But outside, the real world had been waiting.
“I don’t see any point in rehashing the past,” she said, steeling herself against the onslaught of memories.
He observed her closely. “Does it make you uncomfortable to talk about that night?”
She shut the closet door. “Of course not. As I told you, I just regret what happened afterward.”
“We keep coming back to that,” he retorted.
“Yes, and it’s something that will always haunt me.”
He stared at her, seeing the young girl she’d been at seventeen, completely dominated by her mother. The fact that she’d ignored her mother’s wishes and gone out with him, made love with him, agreed to marry him, must mean that she’d felt something for him at the time. He desperately needed to believe she hadn’t used him merely as a means of escape.
He saw the sadness that touched her face and wanted to ease her pain. “Let’s go get that tree with Ellie.”
“Okay.” She smiled slightly.
They walked out the door, but Marisa suddenly stopped. “Oh, I forgot my jacket,” she told him. “I’ll be right with you.” She hurried back into her room.
“We’ll be waiting outside,” he said.
She grabbed her jacket, slipping into it as she ran down the stairs. She found Colter leaning against a pillar on the patio, smiling at Ellie. He was wearing a sheepskin coat and a Stetson. He stirred her senses. She quickly followed his gaze to Ellie, trying to forget how he made her feel.
Ellie had Sooner by the collar and was leading him to his doghouse. “Naughty, naughty dog,” she scolded. “You have to stay in your house until you learn you can’t eat Mr. Squirrel.” Tucking his tail between his legs, Sooner ran into his house in disgrace.
Colter looked at Marisa, then wished he hadn’t. His muscles tightened with a sexual need that shocked him as his eyes roamed over her tight-fitting jeans and settled on the blond hair that hung around her face. Her brown eyes were so deep, so sensual, so—oh God, where was his strength? This woman could wreck his whole life; he had to remember that.
They stared at each other in silence for several seconds before he forced himself to break the contact and shifted his attention to Ellie. “Come on, angelface. Let’s go get the Christmas tree.”
They started for the garage, with Ellie marching ahead. A woeful whining stopped them in their tracks. All three turned simultaneously to see Sooner’s pitiful face peeking out from the doghouse.
Ellie glanced up at her father, and Colter nodded.
“Okay, you can come,” Ellie called, and Sooner bounded out of his house. He ran to her, jumping up to put both paws on her shoulders while licking her face, nearly knocking her over in the process. Ellie gave him a big hug, laughing. “You crazy dog.”
Colter rolled his eyes, and Marisa smiled.
They got into a silver four-door pickup. Ellie and Sooner climbed into the back, while Colter and Marisa sat in front. They traveled several miles from the ranch to the tree farm and, not surprisingly, the place was busy.
Ellie had to personally inspect each and every tree, occasionally asking for their opinion—and Sooner’s. Every time Sooner barked, Ellie shook her head and moved on to another tree.
“Remind me to strangle that dog,” Colter whispered to Marisa.
Although she laughed, his low voice and the warmth of his breath caused a tremor of excitement to course through her.
After much deliberation, Ellie decided on the right tree. Colter looked up at the tall Virginia pine. “That’s about twelve feet. It’s going to touch the ceiling.”
“I don’t care,” Ellie said, looking defiantly at Marisa. “Do you care, Mommy?”
“Not in the slightest,” she answered, and received a frown from Colter. But he accepted defeat graciously.
A man at the farm helped cut the tree down, and within minutes they had it in the bed of the truck. As they headed for home, Ellie kept a watchful eye on it through the back window.
Decorating a Christmas tree with Ellie was unlike anything Marisa had experienced. She’d thought the tree had to be perfect, with the ornaments and decorations coordinated like they’d been in her parents’ homes. Ellie, however, had a very different view. Everything had to be done with the greatest speed, using as many bright colors as possible. Marisa followed Ellie’s lead until it came to the icicles. Ellie made short work of those by throwing them all on at once.
Marisa glanced at Colter, smiling, and he returned the smile, amused at the antics of their child. The sincerity of his smile flowed through her like good wine, soothing and relaxing.
“Oh, Daddy, we forgot the star,” Ellie cried, rummaging in a box and lifting the ornament into the air.
Colter placed the star on the tree, which required a ladder, since the top brushed the ceiling. Everything completed, Ellie stood back admiringly.
“Oh, it’s the most beautiful tree in the whole world,” she exclaimed, walking over and putting her arms around Marisa’s waist. “I’m glad you’re here, Mommy.”
At those precious words and the tiny arms around her, Marisa fought back tears. Ellie had called her Mommy several times, but suddenly she felt it—felt it deeply. She bent down and held her child. She was a mother. Ellie’s mother.