by Linda Warren
“I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t want you for a mommy,” Ellie mumbled into her neck.
Marisa stroked her hair. “I know, baby. I know.”
Colter’s had a lump in his throat. Mother and daughter were forming a bond. He only hoped Marisa would live up to Ellie’s expectations.
THE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS were busy and happy. Every morning Marisa found Ellie sitting on her bed, waiting for her to wake up. As soon as Marisa opened her eyes, Ellie would start chattering, planning their day.
Colter was cool and distant at times; at others, he was warm and friendly. He obviously still had doubts, but he’d put them aside for Ellie. Both were determined to make this a special time. But she wondered if Colter was ever going to see her as the woman she was now, if he’d ever trust her with his daughter’s heart—or his own.
As Christmas drew near, Ellie could hardly contain herself. Her excitement was infectious, and Marisa was looking forward to Christmas in a way she never had before.
Every day Ellie thought of something new that had to go on the tree. Today it was popcorn, so that evening, Marisa and Ellie sat on the den floor, stringing strands of popcorn.
Tulley was half asleep in his chair, while Colter lazed on the sofa with his legs stretched out in front of him, eating popcorn.
Colter was in a good mood as he observed Marisa with Ellie. Her eyes sparkled, her skin glowed, and there was an air of anticipation about her that he remembered from long ago. An excitement that charged his senses—which was something he would do well to forget.
Ellie giggled, and moved closer to her mother. It seemed as if they’d known each other all their lives, and that was how it should be. A girl needed her mother. There were so many things that Marisa could share with Ellie that he couldn’t—makeup, boys and feminine things he hadn’t a clue about.
He felt as if Ellie was slowly taking steps away from him. He shouldn’t think like that, but he couldn’t keep the doubts from torturing him. He had to trust Marisa. He had to trust her. He had to trust her.
“Daddy, you’re eating the decorations,” Ellie scolded, shaking him out of his reverie.
“Well, pardon me.” He pretended to be affronted. “I’m just trying to help. If you put anything else on that tree, it’s going to collapse.” Some branches were actually beginning to sag.
“The tree’s supposed to look like that,” Ellie informed him.
“Oh, excuse me, I didn’t know.” Colter grinned. His amused glance swung to Marisa, and when she smiled back at him he couldn’t look away. Admit it, he challenged himself. You want to make love to her as badly as you did eight years ago. His gaze slid over the tight jeans, her breasts pressing against her blouse and the soft blond hair. She was beautiful. More beautiful than ever. She was a mature woman now, and he wondered what it would be like to make love to her….
Although Colter tried to stop his thoughts, he couldn’t. He had to acknowledge that she fit into his household well. He’d expected the city lady to be completely out of place when it came to the everyday routine of a working ranch. And yet the other day he’d found her helping Tulley feed the horses in the corral. Of course, Ellie was there helping, too, but it shocked him to see Marisa handling the feed. And then he’d seen her making supper alongside Tulley, which was another shock to his system. He would’ve sworn she didn’t even know what a stove was. Maybe she had changed. She certainly seemed able to take care of herself these days.
She’d become strong and independent, but he had to wonder how deep that strength went. Years ago, she hadn’t been strong enough to fight for their love, but now he felt she was capable of fighting for whatever she wanted. And she wanted Ellie….
Colter’s penetrating gaze heated Marisa’s skin and she immediately looked away. One glance from him had the power to make her feel giddy and breathless, like that seventeen-year-old who’d fallen in love with him. But there wasn’t any chance of that happening again. His feelings toward her had hardened, and the only reason he tolerated her presence was Ellie.
She knew he’d been watching her, judging her actions, making sure she had Ellie’s best interests at heart. At times it made her angry, and at other times she understood, but she wished he didn’t feel as if he had to protect Ellie from her.
It would make things a lot easier if she wasn’t so aware of him. Even knowing the way he felt about her, she was still intensely attracted to him. Her pulse pounded as her eyes found the taut muscles of his legs and the dark curls of hair that peeped out from the V of his shirt. She could remember winding her fingers through them and tugging gently, initiating a response that ended with them making slow, passionate love. Why was she torturing herself by recalling every detail, especially when the man in question seemed to distrust her.
Marisa and Ellie hung the strands of popcorn on the tree. “Gosh, that looks great, huh, Mommy?”
“Just great,” Marisa answered.
“Wanna hear me play the piano?” Ellie asked eagerly.
“Sure.”
Ellie and Sooner charged off to the living room where the piano was, and Marisa followed more slowly. Ellie ran her fingers across the keys and Marisa sat beside her on the bench. She could see herself at that age, and felt a bitter sadness for all the tireless hours she’d spent on a piano bench.
Ellie played through a chorus of “Jingle Bells” and “Frosty The Snowman.” Marisa thought she was brilliant.
As the last note died away, Ellie said, “Now you play.”
After her baby’s birth, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to play, no matter how much pressure her mother had applied. It’d been so easy at Mrs. Hackleberry’s, though—and Marisa felt she knew why. She’d met Ellie, and subconsciously must have known that this child was her baby.
Lightly she touched the keys, and her fingers moved as if of their own volition. She played Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Flight of the Bumble Bee,” then went into a spirited Chopin piece and ended with Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue.” The lovely sounds consumed her, and she was unaware of anything but the music.
When her fingers stopped, the room became very quiet.
“Golly,” Ellie said, her eyes round. “I never heard music like that. That’s awesome.”
“I agree,” Colter said from the doorway. “I’d never heard you play before.”
Marisa looked at him and realized again how little they’d known about each other back then. They only knew they were in love, but there was so much more to a relationship. Things like responsibility and commitment, which were concepts that had been virtually unfamiliar to her as a teenager.
Colter stood transfixed, suddenly understanding just how talented she was. And she’d been willing to give it all up for him. That was a sobering thought.
If Ellie had that kind of talent, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. Would he pressure her like Vanessa had pressured Marisa? And if Ellie got pregnant at seventeen, what measures would he take to ensure that she reached her full potential? He didn’t have an answer, but he had a very chilling look at the other side of Marisa’s life.
“Time for bed,” he said to Ellie.
“Daddy,” Ellie groaned.
“Christmas is still three days away,” he reminded her.
Ellie pulled a face, but obediently slid off the bench. “Remember to come and tuck me in,” she called, running from the room. Sooner barked as he loped behind her.
Marisa stared down at the piano keys.
He noticed her tearful brown eyes and he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her, to feel the softness of her lips against his. Instead he sat down beside her.
She clenched her hands in her lap and he wondered if his nearness bothered her.
“I never realized your great talent,” he said, needing to tell her that.
‘Thank you,” she replied, head down. “It feels good to actually be playing again. I just couldn’t play after I lost my child. I didn’t have the drive anymore. The lady I live with in Dallas has an old piano, a
nd I’ve been playing it. I even stopped by the Dallas Symphony Orchestra to try out.”
“Do you regret giving up your music?”
“No. But I have missed it.” She looked at him. “I plan to continue playing.”
“With a talent like yours, I think you have to.”
“Thank you,” she said, her eyes holding his.
“As I was listening to you, I wondered what I’d do if Ellie had that kind of talent.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean—would I force her to play?”
“Oh.”
“And more important, I wondered what I’d do if she got pregnant at seventeen.”
The question gnawed at her, and she was unable to answer.
“This isn’t easy for me to say—but if I’m completely honest—I know I’d want to kill the boy who did that to her—to her future.”
“But you’d listen to Ellie, wouldn’t you?”
“I hope I would, but I’d probably be so angry I couldn’t say that for sure.”
She had no response, and silence fell between them.
“I never imagined I’d see this from your parents’ point of view.”
“Me, neither,” she said in a quiet voice.
“Sometimes it’s easier to hate than to understand and forgive.”
She pushed back her hair with a trembling hand.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You haven’t,” she assured him. “I’m just staggered by the view I’m seeing as a parent. It’s one I never considered before.”
“Yeah,” he murmured.
She got to her feet. “We’d better tuck Ellie in.”
Later, as she lay in bed, Colter’s words returned to her. She had thought she’d never forgive her parents and she wasn’t sure she could. But now she was able to see the reasons behind their actions. They did what they believed was best for her, as any parent would. As she’d do for Ellie.
Some of the sadness in her eased, and she was grateful to Colter for opening her eyes. Now she wondered if he’d ever forgive her.
And if she could forgive herself.
Chapter Sixteen
The next day Marisa and Colter went Christmas shopping. Since Ellie wasn’t grounded anymore, they dropped her off at Lori’s so the girls could exchange presents.
Ellie wanted a red bicycle and they searched until they found the perfect one in a large sporting goods store.
Marisa told Colter she’d like to give Ellie the jeans she’d wanted that day in Dalton’s. He said that was fine, so she called Cari and met her in the children’s department. She knew she wouldn’t run into her father; he was never on the floor unless it was a special occasion.
Colter browsed in the store while she shopped with Cari, and she tried to hurry because she didn’t want him to wait too long. She bought Ellie a complete outfit—jeans, a matching jacket, blouse, socks and headband. Then she found something for Colter and Tulley, and a pen-and-pencil set for the brother-in-law. Shopping for Colter’s sisters was more difficult. She decided on a purse mirror that folded into a decorative case for Becky and a photo album for Jen.
“So, how are you?” Cari asked as they waited for the items to be gift-wrapped.
“Great.” She smiled.
“I can see that.”
“I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas because I won’t see you on Christmas Day.” Marisa hugged her. Colter had left it up to her, and she didn’t want to be away from Ellie, so she’d decided to spend Christmas with Colter’s family.
She handed Cari an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“It’s your Christmas present—a day at the spa. The works, from a facial to a massage to a pedicure.”
“Marisa! You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes. I did. You’re my best friend.”
“Thank you. Wait right here,” Cari said, hurrying over to a counter. She came back with a package, which she gave to Marisa.
Marisa opened it then and there. It was a small, beautifully produced book on the Christmas Cradle and how it was made and it included the illustrations of the Twelve Days of Christmas that were etched on the cradle itself.
“Oh, Cari. Thank you.”
“In the back is the man’s name and address, in case you’d like one of your own.”
Marisa hugged her again. “My baby is seven years old, so I don’t think I’ll need one, but I love the book and I’ve always loved that cradle.” Over Cari’s shoulder, she saw Santa Claus handing out candy to children, and it jogged her memory about the Santa in the white suit. She drew back. “Any news on the Santa who spoke with Ellie?”
“Yes. I’ve been meaning to call you. My assistant talked with him, and he was an older gentleman filling out an application in her office, which is across the hall. I called him and he said he’d heard everything that was going on between you and Ellie, and he decided to play Santa. So he told Ellie everything she wanted to hear. I informed him that we like our Santas to use a little more discretion and not promise children things that are unrealistic.”
“What did he say?”
“He apologized and said he hoped there was a happy ending. He also said anyone who believes that strongly should get his or her wish.”
“I knew there had to be a reasonable explanation,” Marisa murmured.
Cari lifted an eyebrow. “You sound disappointed.”
“Maybe, like my daughter, I want to believe.” And she did. Not in Santa Claus, but in the power of love.
“Well, then, believe.” Cari laughed. “It’s Christmas, after all.”
“Have a wonderful one.” She hugged Cari once more and soon joined Colter, who’d been wandering through the store.
They’d been gone two hours, and Marisa couldn’t wait to see her daughter. She met Lori and her mother when they collected Ellie. The child bounced up and down with excitement, and that excitement lasted all the way home. Ellie couldn’t stop talking.
Colter grinned at Marisa. “I think she’s had too many sweets.”
Marisa smiled, feeling truly a part of this family for the first time.
CHRISTMAS EVE DAWNED bright and sunny, but cold. Brodie and Tripp came by to bring presents for Ellie, and she proudly introduced Marisa as her mother. Brodie and Tripp were both friendly, and she enjoyed visiting with them.
The men saddled up and galloped to the pasture to look at a horse Tripp wanted to buy from Colter, and Marisa and Ellie fed Dandy. Walking back to the barn, Marisa noticed a young Mexican man holding something in his arms. He was one of several ranch hands, but she hadn’t met any of them.
“Let’s go see what José’s got,” Ellie said, running toward him, Marisa close behind.
“It’s a baby deer,” Ellie cried as José carried the animal into the barn and laid it on some loose hay.
The little animal was limp and trembling and had sores all over its body. Ellie touched it gently, and Marisa wanted to grab her hand, afraid she might catch something.
“Where’s Tulley and the boss?” José asked.
“They’re looking at a horse with Brodie and Tripp,” Ellie said.
“Ain’t nothin’ the boss don’t know about animals. He fix this little one up in no time.”
A moment later, they heard the clatter of hooves as Tulley and Colter rode in. Colter swung out of the saddle in one easy movement, then handed the reins to Tulley, who guided the horses through the barn into the corral. Obviously Brodie and Tripp had left.
“Look what I found, boss.” José pointed to the bundle in the hay. “I was feeding in the south pasture and there it was. Thought it was dead, but no, it’s still alive.”
Colter knelt down in the hay and ran his hands over the small animal. “Fire ants almost got her. She’s weak and dehydrated. Her mother must’ve been killed or she’d never have left her alone.”
“Killed,” Marisa breathed, unable to keep the horror out of her voice.
Three
pairs of eyes turned to her. “Yeah,” Colter answered, “it’s deer season around here.”
“But surely it’s not legal to kill a mother!”
“’fraid so, ma’am,” José said.
“That’s terrible! How could someone kill a mother?”
Colter pushed back his hat, noting the painful emotions on her face. “Does are plentiful, so permits are issued every year. Most of the time it’s sport, but a lot of people hunt to feed their families.”
“Still—” Her eyes flashed with outrage. “It’s not right.”
Colter got up and went into the stockroom, and soon he was back with two syringes, a bottle, some ointment and rubber gloves.
He handed Ellie the bottle and gloves. “Start cleaning the sores with peroxide, then rub ointment into them.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Ellie said, slipping on a glove.
Goose bumps rose on Marisa’s skin as Colter gave the animal two injections in its hip. Ellie meticulously cleaned the wounds, then rubbed the ointment into them. Marisa didn’t think this was a job for a small child and she wanted to tell Colter so, but the words stuck in her throat.
“Keep at it, angelface. I’ll fix some milk.” Colter and José disappeared into the stockroom, and Marisa watched as Ellie worked. The animal made a whimpering sound, and Marisa realized that the little thing was in pain. She didn’t know what it was—the thought of the pain or the thought of this small animal without a mother—but she found herself sinking down into the hay, reaching for a glove. In silence, she and Ellie cleaned and medicated every wound.
Colter came back and stopped as he saw Marisa helping Ellie. This was something he hadn’t expected and the sight was a little unnerving. He could’ve sworn Marisa wouldn’t touch the animal, but he was wrong.
“We’re through, Daddy.” Ellie’s voice interrupted his musing.
“Good. The milk’s ready.” He knelt down and tried to get the fawn to suck from a bottle, but the little creature didn’t respond. She just lay limp, stretched out on the hay as if she was ready to die.
“José, bring me the force feeder,” Colter said.