Pride, Prejudice, and Cheese Grits

by Hathaway, Mary Jane

  “You remind me of a John Newman quote, that one definition of a gentleman is one who’s merciful to the absurd.”

  “I wouldn’t say you’re absurd... but there is one thing...-” he stopped to wipe a drop of Coke from the back of his hand “-you could do for me.”

  Shelby said nothing, waiting to hear what he had in mind, a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach.

  “There’s a fund raiser for the Southern History Society on Saturday, at my aunt’s home, Collier House. One of those horrible, mind-numbing affairs where people mingle and chat and generally try to outdo one another. It would make it a little less painful to have someone new. I mean, not so jaded... I’m not explaining this well.”

  He made an impatient noise in his throat, ran his hand through his dark hair, and then continued. “In all honesty, I was going to ask you anyway, before you ruined my suit, so it’s not really related. And I can’t promise you that you’ll have a great time. But you might find it beneficial.”

  Shelby wanted to have him repeat the invitation, not at all clear on what he meant. And she desperately wished her heart would stop pounding.

  “Beneficial?” she asked.

  “Yes, sort of a way to regain your footing here, because of our... trouble.”

  As he spoke, Shelby’s eyebrows raised higher and higher. He was offering her an old-fashioned social arrangement. She would accompany him, and he would make it known how friendly they were.

  She thought back to her argument with Jennie Anne. Was this the same? Could it be just a social occasion, with no hurt feelings or misunderstandings?

  “You’re debating,” he said simply. He leaned back against the edge of Donna’s desk, one of his pant legs plastered to his calf with Diet Coke. “Care to share?”

  Shelby paused, wondering why she felt like sharing anything that was going through her head. “In the pro column-

  “Starting off on a positive note,” he interrupted, smiling.

  “I really haven’t been out in a while and I’ve been hankering for a reason to dress up and hob nob.”

  Ransom’s blue eyes narrowed. “Funny.”

  Shelby laughed out right. “Okay, seriously. In the pro column, I do feel bad about this-“ she waved her hand over the mess “-and I would feel better knowing I’d made it up a little.”

  “No debt. I already said that,” he said.

  “I know you did. But that’s what I feel,” Shelby insisted..

  “Fine. Debt would be canceled. Any other pros?”

  “Well, as you noticed,” here she raised her chin a bit “you’re right that my departmental standing has taken a hit of late. It just might do me good to appear friendly with the great Ransom Fielding.”

  He grimaced a little at her word choice. “And the cons?”

  Now, Shelby decided, she really would lie, because the biggest con of all was the way Ransom Fielding affected her. The review should be front and center in her mind, but every time they met, it became less and less relevant. He was like a drug she wanted more and more of, but couldn’t get.

  “I’ve never really liked cocktail parties, especially where the crowd might be less than receptive to me,” she said.

  He straightened up and checked his watch. “And have you decided?”

  Shelby noted that he didn’t bother to allay her fears. She took a deep breath and threw herself on the side of all women like Jennie Anne. She hoped this wasn’t the top of a very slippery slope.

  “Yes... what time?”

  “I’ll pick you up at six. E-mail me your address. If you’re comfortable with that. I suppose we could meet there but it’s a bit of a drive.“

  Shelby briefly considered. A car ride together? What if they argued? And then laughed at the thought. They weren’t teenagers and he wasn’t going to make her walk home if they fought.

  “No, that’s fine.”

  The door swung open and Alicia Hines strode in, her reedy frame made leaner still by her all-black ensemble. The new professor of the Renaissance period had a manner that made her one of the least popular staff members. She seemed to be in a perpetual hurry, no one was fast enough and nothing was done quickly enough for Alicia’s taste.

  “Jolee, why are you standing out there? I’ve got those letters I need to send and you know I can never get the postage machine to work for me. Come on in here!” She barked, motioning urgently.

  A sheepish looking Jolee followed Alicia through the door, refusing to meet Shelby’s glare.

  “Oh, I couldn’t find what I’d left down there, honey. I’ll have to put it in your box.” Jolee exclaimed, “Heavenly days! What happened to you two?”

  Ransom smiled and said, “I’ll let Shelby handle that one” and left her to explain the state of the office.

  “I had hoped our that our sentiments coincided in every particular, but I must so far differ from you as to think our two youngest daughters uncommonly foolish.”

  -Mr. Bennet to his wife

  Chapter Twenty

  After a quick trip home to change into navy slacks and a button up shirt before class, Shelby spent fifty minutes trying to lecture a room of sleepy freshman, then settled in for her usual Wednesday office hours. She answered the phone on the first ring, her left hand lifting the receiver while her right hand clicked ‘save’ on the document page.

  “Shelby, it’s Ellie. How are you?”

  “What’s going on?” Shelby thought she’d better cut to the quick. Ellie never called to chat. It wasn’t money, that was her daddy’s area. It wasn’t advice, that was their mother’s domain. They weren’t close enough to share personal details, that was reserved for Jennie Anne.

  “Oh, not much. I was just going to tell you a little story, something that happened here and see what you think.”

  A bad feeling crept over Shelby, and an image popped into her mind of a little black storm cloud on the horizon of a sunny day. “Go ahead.”

  “Well, see there was this professor we didn’t like-

  “Who’s we?” Shelby didn’t feel bad about interrupting. Ellie could talk for ten minutes and Shelby wouldn’t have a glimmer of hope at understanding. Better get specific.

  “Lauren, my sorority sister. We’re really close, she knows all my passwords. I let her choose my hairstyle last time when I couldn’t decide between growing my bangs out or just letting them flop over one eye, like everybody else. If I grew them out then I’d have to use a hair band and I knew I’d look like Tina Turner in all her videos so -“

  Too specific. “Lauren is a friend. Okay, and the professor?” Shelby’s felt a growing sense of dread. Ellie had less respect for her professors than she did for their parents.

  “Some old hag teaching the creative writing class. She’s about ninety thousand years old and has crusty orange clown hair. She’s always going off about plot lines and realistic characters. She even told me that my story, this really awesome description of a Prada store in Manhattan, wasn’t realistic, and I’ve actually been to the store! She doesn’t know what the-

  “So you don’t get along with your professor. What happened?” Shelby rolled her eyes heavenward. Her description probably included a lot of words like ‘awesome’.

  “Well, Lauren and I were passing a note back and forth during class-

  “And she took it from you?” Shelby had seen a lot of note passing in her day. She preferred to ignore it.

  “No, we were super careful. She didn’t see a thing.”

  “Okay, so she never saw it.” Unlikely. Students always think teachers are blind and deaf.

  “So, I carefully tore the note up into little pieces and dropped them in the trash on the way out-

  “Wait. Why tear up the note?” Shelby sat up straight in her chair.

  “Um, well, Lauren’s kind of a gossip vulture and she heard that Mrs. Horowitz had all her fifty cats removed by the Humane Society because she was dressing them up like real babies and so-

  Shelby dropped her head in one hand
. Is this what her students were doing in class?

  “I thought we better get rid of the note. Because there was a little bit of meanage, just some words. ”

  There was a long pause. Shelby tried to speak calmly. “So, let me review. You and Lauren, your BFF, passed a note in class about your professor. The note had rumors in it and some words you probably don’t want to specify.”

  “Yeah, so then we get called in to the dean of student’s office and we’re sitting there totally clueless, when he pulls out this envelope that’s got ‘Confidential’ stamped all over it in red ink. He opens it up and there’s the little piece of paper, all taped together. It was our note! From the trash!”

  “And what did he say?” Her stomach churned. Mama would be so upset if Ellie got suspended.

  “He said he was putting a note in our file, like a disciplinary thing. He wouldn’t even listen when we told him the note was private and it wasn’t meant for anybody else. Can you believe it? Anyway, I was hoping you had some sort of rule or something we can quote to get it out of our files.” “A rule? What, that anything you write in class is protected by the First Amendment?” She couldn’t disguise her frustration.

  “Exactly! Does that one cover everything written down?” Ellie’s voice had risen in triumph.

  “I was kidding. There’s no universal rule you can use. You go to a completely different university. I don’t even know what our dean would say about that, but probably it would follow the same lines. You insulted a teacher, spread lies about her, and used profanity. I would say a written censure is perfectly fair.”

  “Are you serious? Chad Thurman wrote some nasty junk about his advisor on his facebook page and everybody just laughed about it. We pass a note and get something in our file? That’s totally unfair. What about the fact that we threw it away? She dug it out of the trash, Shelby!”

  “I understand that, but the trash isn’t off limits. Anything in public can be used against you, especially once you’ve let go of it. Haven’t you ever heard of the police going through the garbage for evidence? You would have been better off just taking it with you.”

  “That’s so not helpful. Obviously, we already did throw it away and now we have to figure out a way to get around their scheme. He’s clearly her little revenge artist, making us pay so she won’t look bad.”

  “He’s just doing his job. Do you even know what’s in your Student Code of Conduct? If you read it and there’s nothing in there about slandering your professors, then fine, go ahead and contest. But I think you got off lightly. She could probably push for disciplinary probation or even suspension.”

  “Figures you would take her side. You don’t even know this psycho woman and you’re defending her. Don’t you care what daddy’s going to feel when he gets the letter in the mail?” she whined.

  Shelby’s head popped up. “Are you saying that your misconduct, and daddy’s disappointment, will be all my fault because I haven’t helped you wiggle out of this jam? It’s not my responsiblity to get you out of trouble.”

  “You’ve never really cared about me. You were always so busy with your research and your letters. All those dead people from a hundred years ago matter more to you than your own sister,” she accused shrilly.

  “That’s not true. My family has always come first, Ellie. I know that our age difference has made it hard to be really close sometimes, but I’ve tried to be present in your life. I’m not going to engage in this sort of dialogue because it makes no sense.” Shelby tied to keep her voice from trembling but her hand was clenched around the receiver.

  “Whatever. I guess I’ll try to find somebody else to help me. It’s a total set up and I’m not going to let them put some stupid letter in my file.”

  “I wish I could-” The click on the line told her that Ellie had hung up. Shelby slowly replaced the receiver in its cradle.

  Digging notes out of the trash and taping them together, what self-respecting person does that? Would she ever stoop that low? Shelby tried to shrug off the whole episode but her focus was gone.

  Shelby flipped open her instant messenger window and sent her house mate a quick note.

  “Up for a trip to The Grind?I need a sanity break.”

  Moments later she was locking her office and heading out into the sunshine.

  “I like her appearance,” said Elizabeth, struck with other ideas. “She looks sickly and cross. Yes, she will do for him very well. She will make him a very proper wife.”

  Chapter Twenty One

  Shelby dropped into a chair at their usual table by the front window, the prime spot for watching the people pass by. The noonday sun slanted through, casting shadows behind her. The bitter smell of roasting beans in the coffee house was like aroma therapy and Shelby stretched the tight muscles in her shoulders.

  Ellie’s phone call upset her more than she wanted to admit. Why were her sisters so intent on destroying any chance at respectability? Her mother encouraged their behavior and their father never rebuked them. Something terrible was going to happen, she could feel it.

  “Shelby!” The barista zipped over to the table and plopped herself in the opposite chair. “You have to tell me everything. Who is he? Is he yours?”she demanded in an urgent whisper. Her dark eyes were heavily rimmed with gray liner that matched her shimmery top and her perfume had a sharp, clove overtone.

  “Zoe, I have no idea who you’re talking about.” That wasn’t exactly true but Shelby was on the defensive.

  “You know, the hunka-hunka that came here yesterday. I almost passed out with excitement when he said he was here to buy your usual coffee and could I help him please,” she squealed, her whisper gone. “Could I ever! I would sell my sweet old Auntie for a chance with him. He was amazing, his hair all ruffled like that and he just oozed the smell of old money...”

  Shelby let her go on for a bit until she was calm enough to listen. “Actually, I barely know him and what experiences I have had with him were mostly humiliating, except for the ones when I wanted to poke him in the eye. So, don’t worry, there’s hope for a happy future for you.”

  “But what was he doing buying you coffee? That’s so romantic, so thoughtful. I mean, what better gift than a big mocha? Of course, I’d prefer a triple shot, myself but he’s obviously the whole package.” The bangles on her wrists rattled as she gestured.

  “I loaned him some books, that’s all.” Shelby shrugged and glanced out the window. Rebecca had said she’d be there.

  “I have to read more. Nerds can be so hot. In fact, I’m going to go over to the library today as soon as we close. It’s off the quad, right? What are their hours again?”

  She wasn’t offended that Zoe assumed she would know the library hours because, frankly, she did. “They’re open until eleven every night except Saturday when they close at nine. Is that a new scarf?” she asked, desperate to redirect the conversation.

  “You like?” Zoe twirled the snow white scarf around her hand and held it up so the fuzzy fibers stuck out all over. “ I knitted it last week. It’s made of dog hair, totally organic. My sister has a Malamute and I asked her if she could save everything he sheds. I think I’ll make a pair of matching mittens.”

  Shelby was momentarily at a loss for words. “I guess that saves on yarn as long as you’re not allergic. Some people have terrible-

  She broke off, mid sentence. Walking down the sidewalk was Ransom Fielding in a deep blue suit, all sign of the Diet Coke fiasco was gone. Clutching one of his arms, was a slim woman with very shiny blond hair and high heels. Shelby slouched down, inexplicably filled with the desire to hide.

  “What? What is it?” Zoe peered out the window. “Oh my gosh, it’s him and hey, there’s some chick with him. That better be his sister or he’s a total rat. You know, you just can’t trust anybody can you? You think you know somebody and the next-

  “Zoe! Please be quiet, I think they’re coming in here.” Shelby felt her face flushing with embarrassment. Please walk by, pl
ease walk by, please-

  The door swung open and Ransom ushered the willowy woman in. From inches away, Shelby couldn’t resist stealing a quick glance. The young woman was strikingly beautiful, with eyes like enormous blue marbles set over perfect cheekbones. Her deep red shirt dress matched her large ruby drop earrings.

  “Quick! Introduce me,” Zoe hissed, standing up and tugging down her short black skirt. It seemed made out of some kind of shiny plastic.

  “Why? You were just saying that he was a rat,” Shelby couldn’t help hissing back.

  “Hello!” Too late, she was already standing in Ransom’s path. “Remember me? You came here to buy coffee for my friend, Shelby? Look, she’s here, too! How fun is this?” She bounced on her toes and ignored Shelby’s glare.

  “Of course I do. You were very helpful.” His eyes flicked over to Shelby, who studiously arranged the sugar packets on the table. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the blond woman facing away, not remotely interested in being introduced.

  “You know, I’m a big reader, too. I was going to borrow those same books but you beat me to it. In fact, I was headed to the library this evening. You wouldn’t want to join me?” Zoe laid a hand on his arm, the nails painted a deep gray.

  Shelby glanced up and almost laughed out loud at Ransom’s expression, somewhere between amusement and total confusion. He didn’t seem at all uncomfortable with the fact that Zoe was asking him for a date, even if it was to the library. He must have loads of practice at turning women away.

  Zoe was now positioned between Ransom and the tall blond. Shelby stole another peek, noting the fact she was very slim and her skin was flawless, if a bit too tan.