by PA Vachon
I watched the nurse leave the room to go and get my father. Once she was gone, I let the fear out. I couldn’t remember what had happened but I was pretty banged up. I had a broken wrist and I could also feel a pretty big lump on my head. The door to my room swung open and there stood my dad, holding Rory and looking concerned, maybe a little scared.
“Regan, sweet pea, are you ok?” he asked me in a worried tone.
“I’ll be fine, Daddy,” I replied, reaching for my little cub to make sure she was ok. “Don’t worry, the injuries are already starting to heal.”
‘Thank God,” he whispered.
Rory cuddled into me. I held her close as my dad explained what had happened. Janet and the others had apparently planted a bomb in the main meeting building where I was putting lunch together, with the help of my little cub. When the explosion happened, we were trapped in the rubble. While Trevor and my dad were digging us out, Janet and the rest escaped. It was all a diversionary tactic to get away. We could have died.
They stayed with me for quite a while, both of us adults seeming to have a hard time with what could have been. My dad couldn’t take his eyes off of me, and I couldn’t let go of Rory.
“I’m gonna take Rory home,” my dad said. “She’s fine, but she definitely needs a nap.”
I tightened my arms around Rory. I didn’t want to let her go, but I knew my dad was right. If she didn’t need to be here, then the best place for her was at home, surrounded by her own things and the rest of the clan. I reluctantly let my dad take her from my arms. With one last kiss on the check for my little cub and one from my dad, they left to go home.
I sat up in my hospital bed, still unsure what had happened. I think I was lucky I couldn’t remember the bomb going off. Maybe it would save me on the nightmares.
I heard my door open slowly and turned to see who was coming through. My breath caught as I whispered out, “David…”
“Regan, are you ok?” the man who had left me asked.
“I will be,” I replied. “What are you doing here?”
“Trevor told me you were here,” he said. “I had to make sure you were alright.”
“Why do you care?” I asked him sullenly, my heart breaking all over again at just seeing him standing here.
David walked up to my hospital bed and leaned over. Looking me in the eyes, he said,
“I never stopped caring.”
I watched his eyes roam over my injuries, stopping to look at my wrist and then traveling up to see the bruising on my face. He made a noise at the back of his throat, a cross between a growl and a groan of pain. He slowly reached his hand towards my face to cup my cheek, but I moved away from him at the last minute. There were so many things we needed to discuss, Rory being the biggest. David had no idea that she even existed. How was I going to tell him that he had a little girl?
“Baby, you sure are banged up,” he murmured.
“I’ll be fine, thank you,” I replied. “Please don’t call me baby…” I was too beat up to be able to deal with his whispered endearments or the way his eyes were watching me.
“Regan, we need to talk,” David started to say.
“I know we do,” I interrupted. “But it can wait until I’m out of here.”
Just as I finished speaking, the nurse walked back into the room.
“Miss Jensen, the doctor will be in shortly to let you know when you can go home,” my nurse said as she looked at David, and I could feel my bear becoming agitated. No one was to look at my mate, unclaimed or not. I couldn’t control the growl in my throat that was threatening to be released. Just as I thought my bear was going to win over my human side, I felt David take my hand in his and gently stroke my palm, calming my bear and my soul.
As the nurse left the room, I pulled my hand from David’s light grip, trying to regain my balance. I knew we would eventually see each other, but not like this. Not when I was injured and hurting, my mind clouded by painkillers, wanting to fall into him and never let go. I watched him through lowered eyes, wondering what he was doing standing in the middle of my hospital room looking at me like he had never stopped loving me. I still loved him. He was my one, my Fated Mate. I raised my chin and looked him in the eye, asking,
“What do you want, David?”
“You, Regan. I want you,” he responded.
“Well, I’m sorry,” I answered. “I’m not available at the moment.” I knew I was lying to David but I couldn’t tell him about Rory yet, so maybe a small lie about not being free would give me some time to decide how to discuss his daughter with him.
I watched David, longing to be closer to him but knowing that if I told him about our little one, he would hate me forever.
“Regan,” David began, “I have so many things to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.”
“We can’t do this, David,” I said. “I don’t want you here. I needed you to be here two years ago but not now. Get out! Just go!.”
David stared at me for another long moment and then with a very long sigh, he said, “Alright, Regan, I’ll go for now. But I’ll be back later. We have to talk.”
I watched as he headed for the door. Just before opening it to leave, he turned, looked at me, and said,
“I’ve loved you for a long time, Regan. Being away from you for the last eighteen months hasn’t changed the way I feel. I can’t breath for thinking of you.”
Then he left, walked out the door just like I had ordered him to. I couldn’t believe he didn’t stay to fight it out like we had in the past when we had a disagreement. He just left. I watched the door for several minutes waiting for him to come back, waiting for him to decide that he wanted to fight for me, for us. He said he loved me as I laid here and said nothing of what was in my heart, in my soul. It was like my heart was breaking all over again. As I stared at the door, it was slowly pushed open. Hoping it was David, I sat up a little straighter. Once the door was pushed all the way open to reveal the doctor, I deflated, all the air going out of me on a broken exhale.
“Ms. Jensen, you are a very lucky woman. That explosion, by rights, should have done much more damage than what you have,” he said as he checked my vitals and began to ask me inane questions about the date, who the President was, and my first name and age. They were the same questions that the nurse had asked me earlier, and my answers hadn’t changed from then till now.
“When can I go home, Doctor?” I asked with hope in my voice.
“If you have no issues overnight, I should be able to discharge you tomorrow,” he replied, smiling.
“Thank you. I can’t wait to get home to my little girl,” I said to him.
“Yes, your daughter is a cutie. I was the doctor on call when you were both brought in,” he stated. “You protected her very well, Ms. Jensen.”
“It’s what a mom is supposed to do, Doctor,” I said with a small smile as I thought of my little sunshine.
“Well, if you need anything, please use the call button for the nurse,” the doctor said as he began to gather his things to go. “If you have any issues at all, I need to know right away, so don’t be tough, Ms. Jensen.”
“I won’t. Thank you again, Doctor,” I said as he left through the same door that David had walked out of nearly an hour before.
After the doctor and nurse left, I sat and thought back to the day my little cub was conceived. It was the day we went skinny dipping in our pond, one of my favorite memories of our time together. Until just a month later when, at that same amazing spot, we both made one of the hardest decisions of our lives. I knew David was keeping something from me. I could tell through our tenuous bond that had never been completed.
I laid my head back on the pillows and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. The sound of the door opening yet again yanked me from my musings of what my life would have been like if David and I had mated when we first realized that we were meant to be. I glanced at the opened door to see Trevor standing there looking concerned and a
little guilty.
“Hey, Bug,” Trevor said. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, Trevor,” I replied. “Dad told me you pulled us out of the rubble. Thank you for that.”
“I would do it all over again, Bug,” Trevor said with emotion choking his words. “You’re my sister. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Trevor, I’m fine,” I reiterated. “I get to come home tomorrow, the doctor said.”
“I’m glad, Bug,” he said. “I’ve got something to tell you though…”
“What is it?” I asked him with curiosity.
“I saw David today,” he said. “I’m the one who told him you were here. I’m sorry, Bug. I should have seen what’s been in my face this whole time.”
I sat in silence for several minutes, and then Trevor began to talk again.
“I know he’s Rory’s dad, Regan.”
I gasped and said, “How could you know that? No one knows who her father is.”
“I saw you together before, remember?” Trevor reminded me gently of the day that I walked away from David. “I promised not say anything then but I had to say something now, Bug.”
“Trevor, what the hell did you do?” I shouted at him in a panic.
“I told him about Rory. At the time, I hadn’t put two and two together to get four,” he answered me calmly, which caused my panic to rise even more.
“How could you?” I whispered, hurt evident in every word.
“I’m sorry, Regan,” Trevor said, turning to go. “I’m really, really sorry.”
As the door closed behind him, I thought to myself about why David hadn’t said anything about my little cub, my Rory. I wondered if he was angry. He hadn’t acted angry earlier, just sad. I had to talk to him before it was too late. I had to make this right, as soon as possible. Reaching down, I pressed the button to call the on duty nurse. She bustled in asking if I was in any pain. I answered her,
“No, no pain. Can you tell me where the man who was here just before the doctor went?”
“Well, he’s outside in the waiting room, hon,” she answered in surprise, acting as if I should know where he was.
“Could you get him for me please?” I asked quietly.
“Of course. I’ll be back shortly with that nice young man,” she said as she left the room. I took a deep cleansing breath, then another and another, knowing that I would have to have a deep discussion with David now instead of after I’d left the hospital.
The nurse came back with David in tow. I watched him walk over to the chair near the windows that overlooked the parking lot below. Sitting down, he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. I looked into his beautiful green eyes, so like Rory’s, and lost another little piece of my heart to him. It’s been said that even a broken heart can love, and I guess that was the proof right there.
“Hey, baby,” David started. “The nurse said you wanted to see me.”
“David,” I said, my voice cracking from the unshed tears that I was barely holding in. I took a shuddering breath before continuing, “I’m sorry, so sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” I started to cry, unable to hold in the tears that had built up and spilled over.
David stood up and came to the side of the bed, sitting on the edge he gathered me up in his arms, holding me gently but firmly, running his hand through my hair and making shushing noises as I cried. The pain came out in each shuddering breath, with each fallen tear. I cried for the lost time, I cried for our daughter, I cried for David, and lastly, I cried for myself. It was a healing cry, one that had been long overdue.
“Baby, I need you to listen to me,” David said. “You need to know that I am still with Hatchet’s fractured clan, but not for the reasons you think.”
I had finally stopped crying, my tears slowly stopping as I breathed a little raggedly, but I was able to say to David,
“Why, David? What is so important that you stay? Make me understand.”
“Do you know what the Secret Keepers do?” he asked me.
“Ummm, I think so,” I answered him evasively. “They keep our laws and sometimes have to pass judgement.”
“That’s right, baby,” he said. “I’ve been a Secret Keeper for almost six years.”
I gasped in surprise. This was one thing I had never considered, that he had been undercover with Hatchet and the rest. I was stunned. Speechless.
“Wait, I thought the Secret Keepers identity was never to be revealed,” I asked, knowing full well that the oath was the one I had taken myself not even four years earlier.
“We aren’t, but I couldn’t keep lying to you,” he said. “You should probably also know that my name isn’t David. It’s Johnny. I’m sorry I lied to you. It was part of my job. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone who I really am.”
“I know, Johnny,” I said, trying out his real name for the first time and liking how it felt rolling off my tongue. “I know because I have something to say to you, too.”
“I already know about Rory, baby,” he stated. “That isn’t really a secret anymore.”
“That’s not the only secret I’ve been keeping,” I told him. “I’ve been a Secret Keeper for four years.”
He stared at me for long moments, then slowly he started to grin. His grin turned into a full blown smile in no time flat. Once his smile was lighting up almost his whole face, he began to laugh, a huge mirth filled sound. I worried he was in shock, he laughed for so long. Thinking I would need to snap him out of his hysteria, I was reaching up to give him an open-handed tap to the cheek when he stopped laughing. He looked down at me and said,
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Fate must be laughing her ass off right now.”
“You’re probably right, babe.” I laughed a little in response, wondering if I should ask him what was next. Did he want to meet his daughter; did he want to continue on his mission; did he want to restart our relationship? I had so many questions but I was mentally and physically exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open. I yawned, trying to hide it behind my hand. Johnny caught me yawning though, and I was sure he would tell me to rest.
Instead, he said, “Baby, scootch over. I’m gonna hold you while we talk, okay?”
I moved over to give him more room. As he climbed into the too small bed and snuggled me close, I sighed contentedly, loving the feeling of safety and love I could feel radiating from him, joining with my soul and soothing the inner beast. My bear had been an angry bitch for the last eighteen months, missing our mate, pining for him. She would only be gentle with our cub. If I shifted and one of the guys of the clan came too close, she would react violently. So many times Trevor and Ian barely missed being cut to ribbons by my claws.
I rubbed my cheek on his forearm and cuddled into his large frame, leaching his warmth into my bones. I was always cold no matter how many layers I wore and lying in the hospital where they kept the temperature on frozen, I was appreciating the extra warmth.
“Which of us is going to go first?” I asked.
“Let me tell you a story first, ok, baby?” he said.
“The hurt comes in waves, and tonight I’m drowning...”
Chapter Six
David/Johnny
I pulled Regan’s lush body against my larger frame, holding her tightly. I was afraid this was one of those too real dreams that you wake up from way too soon. I mulled over what I was going to say. I had already told her too much. As I relaxed next to her on the bed, I began the story of how I had become a Secret Keeper in the first place.
“I need to tell you some things about my past,” I began. “There’s a reason that I became a Secret Keeper and why I have been undercover for so long.”
And so I told her of the first time I saw Hatchet and his crew of miscreants.
I was 13 years old. I had been sent to the store to get milk for my little sisters. We had run out earlier in the day, but dad wasn’t feeling well now. Mama had to stay with the little ones, so I volunteered to go. I walked the four blocks to the lo
cal grocery store. I was there for maybe fifteen or twenty minutes. I ran into a friend and lost track of time. God, why did I lose track of time? I talked with my buddy for a bit then headed home.
As I walked around the last corner and started towards my house, I saw several men get into an older Chevy that was all black and really badass parked at the end of our driveway. They were running for the car, one yelled over his shoulder “Let’s go Hatchet, this was a bad idea.” They looked like they were in a hurry. I watched as they flew down the road at a high rate of speed.
I remember walking to the front of the house and going in, but then I don’t remember much other than the blood everywhere. There was so much blood. I don’t know why I can’t remember anything else. The cops showed up and questioned me. Even they didn’t know how I couldn’t remember anything other than the crimson red on the floor, the walls, and even up on the ceiling.
My mama, my sisters, and my daddy were all slaughtered for no good reason. Daddy didn’t have a lot of money. Most of the time we were living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to eat let alone have anything to steal. That’s what the police thought had happened, that the group of men were there to steal from us. Because daddy was sick, he couldn’t protect them, and mama was human.
The police asked me so many questions. All I could tell them at the time was that there was a group of men who ran from our house and got into an older black Chevy muscle car. That was it, nothing else. I am haunted by nightmares still of the looks on everyone's face at the house. It will stay with me forever.
She was going to be shattered to know that I wasn’t finished with my mission. Janet and the others needed to be stopped before it was too late. I struggled with how to tell her for several minutes when she turned her head, looked up at me with a sad little smile and said,
“Just say it, Johnny. I don’t like it, but I understand.”
“Baby, I have to finish this. I can’t just walk away,” I said as I watched her face contort in pain. I knew that I would hurt again, but I had hoped to ease the ache for her. She was my light in the darkness that was in my soul. The waves of depression that had been drowning me slowly were receding and giving way to a lightness I hadn’t felt in years, not since the day we were there by the pond not realizing that was going to be our last time together. But Fate can’t be stopped or beaten. That controlling bitch always gets her way, and now here we were cuddled up together and getting ready to bear our deepest secrets to each other.