Gut Deep: Torn Worlds Book One

by Augustine, Donna

  “We stick together because no one else will talk to us,” Pat said, laughing as if it were the funniest thing ever.

  “So how’d you end up with Donovan? I didn’t think he messed around with humans,” a sleek brunette asked.

  Pat pointed at her. “This is Violet. She wants to know because she’s one of the humans he didn’t want to mess around with.”

  They all looked at me as if I had a killer trade secret that could propel them to stardom and bring any shifter they wanted to his knees. They didn’t realize it was the reverse. The shifter in question was making mincemeat of me.

  I shrugged. “I was working for his mother. It just sort of happened.” I left out the bloodier details of some of those meetings and the fact that Donovan had been fighting the relationship the entire time. Getting through tonight was going to be hard enough without ripping my chest open, so they could get a firsthand glimpse at the bleeding.

  “Did he just grab you and go all alpha shifter? The way he’s eyeballing you, I can only imagine. Yummy.” Violet fanned her face.

  I didn’t glance over at Donovan. Violet was making it awkward enough. “Like I said, it just sort of happened.”

  Eric leaned in. “Is he your first shifter?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “Don’t get too attached. They never marry us,” Pat said.

  “Never,” Eric added.

  “That’s not true. Stephanie got married,” Violet said, a scowl on her face as she gave Pat a stare, as if that problem was somehow her fault for mentioning it.

  Pat shook her head, turning to Violet. “That doesn’t count. They got drunk, went to Vegas, and then he put in for an annulment the next day.”

  “It still happened,” Violet said, as if Pat were personally responsible for dashing her dreams.

  “Stop dreaming,” Eric said. “Even if Brad loves you, he’s never going to marry you. You could be one in a million and get pregnant, and he’s still not marrying you.”

  “Why is that?” I asked, hoping for a more impartial explanation than what I’d gotten from Donovan’s mother. Who better to ask but the human mistresses?

  They all turned to me, matching looks of pity in their eyes.

  “Because they consider us lesser beings.” Eric gave my arm a pat, as if he were doing me the highest favor by imparting his hard-won wisdom. “Most of us can’t have their children. We don’t live as long. Even the ones that don’t mind the drawbacks won’t because it’s so frowned upon. It’s completely acceptable to dally with us, but that’s it. We’re party favors to be used before tossing us away, a bit worse for wear. If you’re smart, you’ll find someone who ranks higher to date before the other one discards you. If you don’t make the jump soon enough, and you get dumped first? No one will touch you. They look at you like you’re a used chew toy.”

  “But where’s she going? There’s not that many around here who outrank Donovan,” Pat said, as if they were discussing a war strategy.

  “Not that you’d want to sleep with, even for the perks,” Violet added.

  “I don’t know,” Pat said. “The older ones aren’t always so bad. At least you get a good meal every night.”

  Eric patted my arm again. “It might work out okay. After Donovan dumps you, the other ones might want you out of curiosity. He doesn’t do humans, after all. They’ll think you’ve got gold dust between your legs or something. Just don’t get attached.” His eyes narrowed on something over my left shoulder, before he pointed at me.

  An attractive woman in ivory waved me over, the sleekness of her perfect bob so different than my own chaotic hair. She’d been at Larissa Tessa’s parties a handful of times. It was hard to miss someone as noticeable as her.

  “Hurry,” Eric whispered. “You need to go when you get summoned by one of them.”

  I made my way the ten or so feet over to her, curious to see what she wanted from me.

  “You came with Donovan.” Her smile made the air chill.

  She might be a werewolf, but I could feel the canine claws coming out. I also saw the man in question watching us from across the room.

  “Yes.”

  “You like him?”

  “One would imagine,” I said, keeping things vague. If I wasn’t ready to share my misery with the humans who might commiserate, I wasn’t about to spill all to her.

  “And he likes you?” she asked with a raised brow.

  He liked to fuck me. That I was sure of. Did he like me? Enough to save me, but I couldn’t make any guarantees beyond that, not that I’d bother giving them to this woman. It was none of her business.

  “Is there something you wanted from me?” I asked, wondering if I’d be this brazen if Donovan wasn’t watching.

  “Just offering a piece of advice, woman to woman. You seem like a smart enough girl. I just hope you understand how things are.” She smiled and glanced back to the group of human consorts, where they stood alienated from the rest of the room, a five-foot buffer of empty space all around them.

  “Just in case I’m not as smart as you think, why don’t you spell it out for me?”

  “Well, everyone knows how werewolves feel about humans, especially the pack leader. You’re the first human he’s ever touched, but certainly you wouldn’t be foolish enough to think you’re different.” She took a sip of champagne and smiled. “In fact, we had a conversation about you not that long ago. Now, what did he say?” She tapped a finger against her painted lips. “Wait, I remember. ‘The only reason I’d bother with a human is to fuck, and normally not even that. She’s a non-issue.’” She pointed at me. “‘She’ meaning you, of course.”

  There was something about the words that felt too familiar. I could imagine Donovan saying them. She’d taken a miserable evening and made it almost unbearable. She was wrong, though. He’d saved me countless times before he ever fucked me.

  But still, he’d talked to her about me, this woman who clearly hated humans. I didn’t respond. It took all the energy I had to keep a calm façade, to not let her see how, in spite of the wall I’d built around myself, she’d just taken a wrecking ball to my defenses. I couldn’t respond because the bottom line was that I believed her, and it robbed me of words.

  “Are you usually this quiet? You won’t keep his attention for even another week if you aren’t a bit livelier.” She continued to sip champagne, smiling away without a care in the world. “Oh, look at that, my friends are calling. I’m sure you’d rather go back to your own kind as well.”

  She walked off with a gleam in her eye. With nowhere else to go, and feeling like the entire room was staring now, I did exactly as she suggested, not looking anywhere near as confident as she had.

  My group was all eyes, watching me return, as if they already knew it hadn’t gone well.

  “Who was that woman I was just talking to?” I asked.

  “That’s Veronica. Was it awkward?” Pat said, brown eyes as big as an owl’s.

  I nodded.

  “Hate being the one to tell you, but that’s the woman Donovan is supposed to marry,” Pat said.

  “They’re engaged?” I asked.

  “No, but according to my boyfriend, it’s sort of understood. I don’t know. It’s weird. Alpha families like to mate with other alpha families to keep the bloodlines strong or something. I was surprised she talked to you at all. Most of them avoid us. What did she say?”

  A lie of omission, but a lie nonetheless. He knew I’d never have slept with him if I’d known.

  “Nothing important.” Nothing that I shouldn’t have realized on my own. I hadn’t known quite how much I cared until that moment. Sometimes, when all the lights were out and no one else was listening, I might’ve imagined that I could’ve lain there with Donovan for the rest of my life. But I’d never really believed it. Right?

  I stayed with the human group for a good hour. Mallard didn’t stop staring the entire time but didn’t take a step toward me. Donovan remained on the other side of the room. I kn
ew he was watching me, but sometimes it didn’t seem like it, especially right now, as that Veronica woman was hanging on his arm.

  My new companions were nice enough, trying to include me in conversations, but it was hard to think past the blonde Veronica, or the hurt of knowing Donovan was fucking me while he was nearly engaged. She’d sat right beside him at his mother’s dinners. How had I not guessed something? Was that where he went every night?

  “Can I get you a drink?”

  I turned to see a young male shifter standing beside me, offering me his hand. He could’ve been a troll and I would’ve danced with him right now. Anything was better than watching Mallard stare at me while I stared at Donovan.

  Thirty-One

  Donovan

  Pen was leaning against the wall, batting her eyelashes as she threw back shots with a werewolf named Marcus. He wasn’t one of my pack, or he’d never have made the mistake he was about to. And it was coming. One more come-hither signal from Pen and he’d drag her somewhere private. Then I’d have to kill him.

  I should’ve been happy. I wasn’t the only one who looked like they were about to step in. Mallard was nearly drooling in the corner over the scene they presented. This might be the thing that stirred him to action, but I didn’t think he was going to have enough time.

  I took a step in Pen’s direction.

  “Maybe you should let this go on a bit longer,” Huddy said, taking note of Mallard as well.

  Pen leaned closer to Marcus and then laughed, tilting her head back in that way she did. The action drew a man’s attention to kiss the slender throat, and her present company was no exception. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

  “Donovan,” Huddy said.

  It was too late. This was ending.

  I crossed the floor toward them, people stepping out of the way as I approached. We were definitely putting on a show tonight, just not the one that had been scheduled.

  Marcus saw me first, or at least acknowledged me. Pen barely gave me a glance.

  “She’s marked,” I said.

  “I’m sorry. She seemed—”

  “Available? She’s not,” I said, knowing everyone nearby was listening to every word and would pass the message along.

  “My apologies.” Marcus nodded and walked away.

  Pen leaned a shoulder on the column, still barely looking at me. What had happened between our arrival and now? A good guess was the chat with Veronica, but what could she have said? Couldn’t have been bad enough to warrant this behavior.

  I stepped closer, forcing Pen to give me her attention. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “You wanted distance between us. I thought I was supposed to follow your instructions, no?” she asked, a bite to her words.

  “Glad you’re listening. Party’s over.”

  “Why? We’re both having so much fun.” She tossed back her champagne. I took the glass from her and set it on a nearby stand.

  “You can walk out or I can drag you out. I don’t give a fuck either way, but we’re leaving.”

  I waved my hand toward the door, waiting to see which way it would go down. She turned and walked. I watched her, fully aware that I was on the verge of acting like a maniac and still not giving a fuck.

  Did she think she could just hop from werewolf to werewolf? That I’d sit back and take it because I’d bailed her out so many fucking times? No. There were some things that were getting cleared up tonight.

  We didn’t speak on the way home, as if both of us knew this might be too ugly to contain in one small car. It didn’t help my temper at all. By the time we were rolling to a stop, I was ready to burn down the walls of the house.

  She got out before I’d come to a complete stop, storming inside and leaving the front door open.

  “Pen!” I yelled as I followed her in.

  She didn’t look back at me as she climbed the stairs. “I knew we were going to put on a show tonight, but I thought it was for Mallard.”

  I followed after her, taking the stairs two at a time, not exactly sure what the hell she was talking about. I didn’t bother asking for clarification, either.

  “You definitely put on a show for everyone,” I said, stalking her down the hall. “It looked like my mate was about to fuck another male and everyone saw it.”

  “I’m not your mate. I’m a human, remember?”

  She walked into her room, trying to slam the door on me. I pushed it open, following her in.

  She walked to the other side, pointing to the door. “Get out. And before you say this is your house, let me tell you that I’d leave if I could.”

  She looked at me and then through me, as if I wasn’t standing there. She gave me her back as she took off her earrings, as if this conversation was done.

  This was just the beginning.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t like the way I handled things when you acted like an ass,” I said.

  “Is that the apology you’re sticking with? Because if it is, you should skip it altogether.”

  “Have you always been this difficult, or am I just special? Do you just lie to me? Keep secrets from me and all around expect everything from me?”

  She walked around me, trying to go into the bathroom so she could try to shut another door in my face. I blocked her path.

  “You want to talk secrets? When’s the wedding, Donovan? When’s the happy couple getting married? Is that why you really wanted distance tonight? Didn’t want your precious Veronica getting upset as you flouted your whore in her face?” She shoved at my chest, then did it again, as if frustrated that she couldn’t budge me.

  I’d known Veronica had to be in this mess somewhere.

  “I’m not marrying her. I don’t want her. If I did, I’d be with her.”

  “Really? That’s not what I heard.”

  She hit me again, and I wanted to laugh. She was a raving lunatic consumed with jealousy. She wasn’t trying to find another werewolf. She was mad the one she had might’ve been taken.

  “I’ll call her right now and prove it.”

  She stopped punching me long enough to look deflated. It didn’t last long.

  “Fine, maybe that information wasn’t accurate, but I’m surprised you let me in your house to begin with. You only use humans to fuck, and not even that, right? Or is that a mistake, too?”

  Now that one was going to be a little harder to defend.

  The moment I’d seen her talking to Veronica, I should’ve walked up and separated them. Although that might’ve looked even worse, not to mention thrown off my plan with Mallard, which I’d blown anyway.

  “It was taken out of context.”

  “Out of context? Oh, were you saying I only use humans to fuck but I love them oh so much? Was that the part I’m missing?”

  “Let me get this right: while you were near tears at the idea of sleeping with me, I’m supposed to beg for forgiveness because I wasn’t overjoyed at the prospect either?”

  She gave me her back, but she was softening. “When?”

  “When what?” I moved closer.

  She glanced over her shoulder. “When did you say that to her?”

  “Before the council meeting, before you moved in here.”

  She turned a little more toward me. “And all those nights you stayed out late?”

  And the picture expanded. Made sense that she would’ve assumed that.

  I walked closer, moving the hair away from the back of her neck. “The club, which she hates.”

  She took a step away. “Why’d you let her hang on you?”

  “For one, I didn’t consider her putting her hand on my arm hanging on me. Second, I was trying to allow some distance for Mallard to make assumptions.”

  “But when I did the same—”

  “Not quite the same.”

  “Why wouldn’t you want her?”

  “Why would I when I have you?”

  “She’s a shifter. She’s like you, fits in your world
.”

  I tugged her back against me, not able to resist touching her anymore, kissing her neck. “You’re the only one who fits me.”

  I bunched the skirt of her dress, dragging it higher, then slipped her panties to the side and rubbed against her clit, knowing I was using unfair tactics to get her to stay.

  She arched against me, and I slipped two fingers inside of her as I grabbed her hair, twisting her head so I could claim her mouth, silencing any other argument she might’ve given.

  Penelope

  Donovan had mentioned me leaving here the other day. How was I ever going to do that when I couldn’t even stop sleeping with him?

  What was happening to us? Who were we? We weren’t the same people who’d met outside of Arnold’s. Him, leaning against his car looking at me as if I were a useless beggar. Me, staring at him in disdain. I would’ve shot him in the heart if I’d had the chance. Now I feared I’d take a bullet for him. And feared was the right word, because everything about my feelings was terrifying. There was no place for this relationship to go but down. What else could we do but part ways?

  I wasn’t delusional enough to ever be his mistress long term. Not good enough to be his wife. Just there, waiting for whatever crumbs he could spare while never pursuing my own dreams. It would eat me up inside until the resentment bubbled over as I waited for him, never trying to cross over the border to Canada and have my own life.

  There was no future here with him, or even in this country for me, and I better not forget it. It didn’t matter how natural it felt here with him. This was a charade.

  He toyed with my hair as I wondered how many more times I could be here with him like this before I didn’t have the will to leave at all. Had I already gotten to that point?

  We didn’t talk about the fight. I didn’t ask more about Veronica or look for assurances that he wanted me more. If I did, I might end up convincing him how wrong he was in wanting me instead. I could see why everyone assumed they’d end up together. She was perfect for him. Being with me was a disaster.