Arizona Cowboy

by Jennifer Collins Johnson

  She tapped her chin as a mischievous smile curved her lips. “Oh, that’s right. I guess it still is.”

  He cocked his head. “Do you remember my favorite pizza toppings?”

  She lifted her finger. “Meat, meat and more meat.”

  “Yep.” He shut the door and walked around the truck. Each moment he spent with Ava he felt more certain that his feelings for her had never gone away. He still loved her.

  * * *

  Ava licked the blueberry gelato from the spoon. “Aunt Irene, this was a great idea.”

  Her aunt pulled the straw out of her chocolate milkshake, scooped off a dollop of whipped cream and popped it into her mouth. “I know Rita’s is your favorite, and I didn’t know if you’d taken time to get some ice cream since moving back to Surprise.”

  Ava relished the cool, fruity goodness as she shook her head. “I can’t believe I’ve been here more than two and a half months and hadn’t stopped by.”

  Katie took a bite of her mint chocolate chip blendini with extra chocolate. “You’ll never make that mistake again. I’m making you come here at least once a week.”

  Aunt Irene frowned as Phoebe stirred the straw in her Italian ice. “What’s the matter? You don’t like it?”

  Her friend smacked her lips. “Must have been the pear flavor I liked so well. This key lime is too sour.”

  “You told her green,” said Aunt Irene.

  “I know. That’s because I couldn’t remember which flavor I like.”

  Ava swallowed a spoonful of her gelato, then swung her legs out of the booth. “I’ll get you the one you like, Phoebe.”

  “No, no.” She touched Ava’s hand. “That’s sweet of you, but I’m not going to waste a perfectly good Italian ice.” She sucked on her straw, then puckered her lips before grinning. “Already starting to grow on me.”

  Aunt Irene dabbed her mouth with a napkin. “Did I tell you that the pattern for my outfit arrived?”

  “The one for Senior Idol?” asked Katie.

  She nodded.

  “I’ve never been before, but Mom and Ava say you sing really well.”

  “You’ll have to come this year with Ava.” Aunt Irene touched her neck. “Phoebe and I found the perfect sewing pattern for a cowgirl dress, and I ordered some red-checkered material, and—”

  Phoebe swatted Aunt Irene’s arm. “Don’t tell them what it looks like. It should be a surprise.”

  “Fine,” she snapped, then grinned back at them. “Jerry and I are gonna look for a cowboy hat for him this weekend.”

  Phoebe rolled her eyes. “I never see my friend anymore, now that she has a boyfriend.”

  Aunt Irene nudged her. “Oh, stop it. We still see each other all the time.”

  Ava enjoyed spending time with her aunt and Phoebe. The two had been friends longer than Ava had been alive, and she doubted Aunt Irene’s budding relationship with Jerry would change that. Though they teased mercilessly, their friendship was one to be admired.

  Katie whispered, “Are they always like this?”

  “Pretty much,” Ava chuckled. “So, how are things with Corey?”

  Her expression brightened. “He just got a call last week for an interview with the police department in Phoenix.” She twirled her hands. “It’s a long process, but at least the interview is a start.”

  “That’s great,” said Aunt Irene. “Corey must be your boyfriend.”

  The teen nodded.

  “And how about you?” Phoebe pointed to Ava. “Any new beaus since moving to Surprise?”

  She shook her head, and Katie gasped and pushed her with her shoulder. “What about Holden?”

  Phoebe’s eyebrows rose. “Holden Whitaker?”

  “We’re just friends.” Ava twisted the napkin, knowing she’d already lost her heart to him again. He’d been seeing her for physical therapy for a month. Katie had tricked them into attending the Diamondbacks’ game, and then somehow she’d ended up having a quick dinner with him a couple times. Each moment she spent with him she fell more head over heels.

  “I’d say they’re more than friends.” Katie leaned forward. “Last week he brought in flowers for her.” She lifted two fingers. “For the second time.”

  Ava bit her bottom lip. She’d forgotten about the flowers. The gestures had been sweet, and he’d gotten her favorites both times. He remembered so many things about her.

  “And,” Katie continued, “he showed up at the clinic a couple of days ago when she was getting off work, and insisted she go to dinner with him. Said he owed her something for all the help she’d given him with his ankle.” Katie snorted. “None of the other clients take you out to eat. They just pay the bill.”

  Ava studied her aunt’s face, trying to read her thoughts. She hadn’t told her how much time she’d been spending with Holden. Not that Aunt Irene would mind; she loved him and would approve of him without question. And yet Ava still hesitated to talk to her about him.

  “In fact,” Katie went on, “he made her promise to let him take her out tomorrow night. Wouldn’t tell her where they would be going, but she agreed.”

  Ava’s jaw dropped. “How would you know that?”

  Katie shrugged. “Thin walls.”

  “More like a big snoop.”

  “Maybe that, too.” The teen twirled her straw. “But just so you know, it was Mom who told me about that. She really likes Holden.”

  “He’s a great guy,” said Aunt Irene.

  Phoebe shook her head. “Little terror as a boy.” She blew out a breath, then looked at Irene. “Remember how we dreaded when he came into Sunday school?” She snapped her fingers. “Remember the time he snuck a baby frog in his pants pocket and scared the whole class half to death?”

  Aunt Irene cackled. “I sure do.”

  Phoebe lifted her finger. “Terror as a boy, but he’s certainly grown into a fine young man.”

  Katie started up again. “Yeah. I guess Ava and Holden had some kind of history together—” she pointed to Aunt Irene “—when she lived with you before. She was all worried about whatever happened then, but I told her you gotta let go of the past. We’re living in the present.”

  Aunt Irene’s voice was just above a whisper. “But you have to face your past before you can let it go.”

  Chapter 14

  With two large lemonades in his hands, Holden walked to Ava and the blanket she’d spread out on the grass inside Surprise Stadium. She could have been mistaken for a model, sitting there with her face turned up to the sun. One hand rested on the blanket behind her back and the other draped over her slightly bent legs. She wore a pretty purple sundress for him. At least, he believed she wore it for him, as he’d always loved her in purple.

  The Arizona heat of May still bore down on them, but the sun would be setting soon, and the temperature would drop as well. He offered her a cup. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.” She took a sip, then squinted and puckered her lips. “Really good, but really sour.”

  “First sip’ll get you every time.” He settled down beside her and gazed around at the families, with varying ages of children, spreading towels and blankets in preparation for the movie. For years, Surprise Stadium had been showing family-friendly movies during the summer months. Concessions were open, but the movie and the seats were free, though Holden preferred to lounge on a blanket on the grass. Many families shared his sentiment.

  “This is my kind of ball game,” Ava said.

  The screens lit up with a commercial before the movie. She kicked off her sandals, then leaned back on her elbows. “Remember, this is how we used to do it.”

  Holden remembered. They’d come to a free movie almost eight years ago. She’d watched some full-length Disney cartoon, and he’d watched her. The same thing would happen ton
ight.

  He’d thought he loved her then, and he had. As much as a twenty-year-old man could love a barely-out-of-high-school girl. He was committed to her, and if she hadn’t run off to college, they’d have worked through their relationship the hard way.

  Now his feelings plunged to a deeper level. Though he saw snippets of the teenage Ava, when she teased about pizza and then flopped back on the blanket to watch the movie, he appreciated the grown-up Ava more. The woman who guided patients through physical therapy with confidence and kindness, who cared for her aunt and family.

  The movie started, and Ava laughed at one of the characters’ antics. Holden tried to focus on the show, but the truth was he didn’t like to watch movies. He grew bored easily, and soon found himself watching Ava, or the couple beside them with a small girl and baby. He and Ava could marry and start a family. She was out of college. He was established with his dad on the ranch. He loved Ava. She was the only woman he’d ever envisioned having a future with.

  The movie ended, and they headed to the truck. Before starting the engine, he said, “I thought we’d take a walk on the trail.”

  She looked surprised, but said, “Okay.”

  The trail had been their spot, the place they’d told each other “I love you.” Where they’d had their first kiss, and where he’d told her he wanted to marry her.

  He pulled into White Tank Mountains Regional Park and stopped the truck. After going around and opening the door for her, he took her hand in his. She didn’t pull away.

  “The park won’t be open much longer,” Ava whispered.

  He looked at the time on his smartphone. “We still have an hour.”

  He expected her to let go, but she didn’t. His heart pounded as his mind raced, trying to figure out the words he wanted to say. I want you to be my girlfriend. They just seemed too old for that. I still love you. Those words would probably scare her off. Will you date me? I care about you. I’ve never gotten over you. The more he debated, the more confused and uncertain he became.

  Ava stopped, jolting Holden from his thoughts. A cactus towered twenty feet or more above them. The mountains rose in the background. “Remember this?”

  Of course he did. He’d been so busy worrying about what to say that he’d almost walked past the place he’d spent more than one night dreaming about. “Vividly.”

  He gazed down at her. When she looked into his eyes, he saw the Ava who had loved him with all her being. He cupped her chin with his hand, finding her skin as soft as he remembered. Bending down, he pressed his lips to hers.

  For a moment, he thought she wouldn’t return the kiss, but then she trailed her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. He was dreaming. Surely, this wasn’t really happening.

  When she broke away, Holden was breathless. He couldn’t remember the walk back to the truck or the drive to her aunt’s house. When he walked Ava to the door, he kissed her again. This time she touched his cheek and gazed into his eyes before saying goodnight.

  Everything in the world seemed right as, a short time later, he rushed into his bedroom and rummaged through the bottom dresser drawer. When he couldn’t find the item fast enough, he threw every pair of shorts he owned onto the floor. Finding the black box, he gently took it out of the drawer, then plopped onto the bed.

  He took a deep breath before he opened the box for the first time in eight years. The purchase had been made before Ava left. Popping the top, he stared at the single marquise-cut diamond and white-gold band. Though the ring was simple, the diamond was good-sized, a full carat. He’d sold his old work truck to buy it for her.

  Grinning, he took the ring out of the box. He’d been foolish back then. If she’d stayed and agreed to marry him, he would have needed that truck on the ranch. Her running the way she did was probably a good thing. We weren’t ready.

  He replaced the ring in the box and tucked it back into the drawer. But we are now.

  * * *

  Ava floated into the house, her heart still beating quickly. She waved to her aunt as she made her way into the bathroom and shut the door. Gripping the sides of the sink, she leaned forward and stared at her reflection. “That was wonderful,” she whispered.

  Still gazing at her reflection, she bit her bottom lip, then slowly lifted her hand and pressed her fingertips against her mouth. Her heart pounded as she thought of Holden’s lips pressed against hers. She’d forgotten how much she loved to kiss him.

  Tingles shot through her as her mind and heart conjured all the memories with Holden. Her first love. My only love.

  She wrapped her fingers tighter around the pedestal sink and dipped her head. God, how can I feel so much love for him? She made a fist and pressed it against her chest. My heart actually hurts.

  Tears filled her eyes, then rolled down her cheeks. Undressing, she started the shower, as hot as she could stand it. The water rained against her skin and she wet her hair.

  Love was tidy. It was calculated. Superficial. All surface. Love was financial provisions. Food. Shelter. Clothes. A good education.

  But not here. Not in Surprise, Arizona. She loved God. He was her Lord and Savior, but in this city, He was also her friend and daily guide. Here, she had an aunt who pampered her and talked to her, who wanted to know how her day had gone and how she was feeling.

  And Holden was here. A shiver rushed through Ava, and she turned down the cold to make the water hotter. She’d never loved a person with every ounce of her being as she had Holden. Which was the reason she’d run away. The feeling was too strong. Too scary. Too all-encompassing.

  She closed her eyes. That’s not true. There was someone else she’d loved as much as Holden.

  Her feet, which had felt as if they were floating only minutes before, became heavy concrete blocks, weighing her down. Keeping her immobile. She turned off the shower, dried herself, then slipped into her robe. She couldn’t see her reflection in the fogged up mirror. She didn’t want to.

  Running the comb through her hair, she plodded to her bedroom. Aunt Irene sat on the corner of the bed. She folded her hands in her lap. “We need to talk.”

  Ava wasn’t surprised. She wouldn’t even argue. Lowering herself into the wingback chair beside the desk, she said, “I’m listening.”

  Aunt Irene opened her mouth, then shut it and pursed her lips. The heaviness in Ava’s heart increased, and somehow her mind had gone blank. She wondered how she could go from such deep, vivid feelings of love and happiness to complete and utter emptiness.

  “Until Katie mentioned it the other day, I didn’t realize you and Holden were seeing each other again. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with my own life. I hope I haven’t neglected you.”

  Ava looked at her aunt. “You have never neglected me. I’ve never told you how much your support has meant. All my life you’ve been my constant. Especially when I needed you most.”

  Aunt Irene walked to her and kissed the top of her head. “You’re special, Ava. God has always had a plan for you. Do you believe that?”

  She sighed. “In my head, yes. When I’m in His Word, yes. When bad things happen, it’s hard.”

  Aunt Irene sat back on the bed. Ava didn’t look at her, but she could feel her aunt watching. She envisioned her lips moving as she prayed for peace over Ava. She had heard and felt her aunt do it before, years ago, when Ava had thought she’d die from the pain.

  “Have you told him?” Aunt Irene’s voice was just above a whisper. The words seemed to brush Ava’s cheek like a kiss of death.

  She shook her head. A flood of despair filled the emptiness in her heart and mind. She heard Job’s words from scripture as an audible voice in her mind: If I am guilty—woe to me!

  She was guilty. “I was punished.” The words slipped out.

  Aunt Irene took her hand and guided her to the bed beside her. She
wrapped her arms around Ava and pressed her face against her shoulder. “My sweet child, you were not punished. There are things we will never understand this side of heaven. That is one of them.”

  Bitter sobs escaped Ava’s lips as she clung to the only woman who’d shown her physical affection. “I don’t want to tell him. I don’t even want to say the words.”

  Her aunt rocked back and forth and patted her head. “I know. I know.” Then she whispered, “But you must.”

  Ava closed her eyes and let misery consume her. Her aunt continued to rock and hum. Soon, she sang an old hymn Ava hadn’t heard in a long time. The beginning was a jumble in Ava’s mind, then she heard, “‘When sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.’”

  Ava sniffed as she held her aunt tightly. Her soul was not well.

  Chapter 15

  The last week had been exceptionally busy, with several cows giving birth. Two of them had to have some help, so Holden had gotten little sleep and even less time to talk to Ava. They’d texted a few times, but she seemed to have had a busy week, as well.

  But the week was behind them and at any moment both their families would join him and Dad for a Memorial Day lunch.

  “Son, get the hamburgers and hot dogs out of the refrigerator for me,” Jerry called from the back deck. “I’m going to go ahead and get ’em started.”

  Holden grabbed the meat and took it out to him, then set the condiments on the counter. The front door opened and Sara, Daryl, Traci and Carl all walked inside together. Daryl set Sara’s homemade coleslaw on the table, and Carl placed a tray of brownies smothered in hot fudge icing beside it.

  “Mmm, I smell the grill,” said Traci.

  Sara giggled. “I’m surprised Irene’s letting Dad eat red meat.”

  “It’s good he’s eating better. His blood pressure’s been down a bit,” responded Holden.

  Sara reached up and pinched his cheek. “Don’t go getting all defensive, little brother. I’m glad she’s keeping an eye on him.”