“Better.” Sarah smiled.
Sarah wasn’t really one for blankets, but as soon as Harper had put it over their legs, her body had moved closer as well. Harper’s thigh pressed flush up against her, and her whole body caught fire at the contact. She was not prepared for the physical overload that rushed through her when Harper’s hand began to move along the top of her leg. She darted her gaze to Harper questioningly.
“You’re freezing,” she whispered.
Sarah tried to catch her breath, but her heart was pounding in her ears. What Harper was doing was so strange and so good at the same time. Harper moved her hand down Sarah’s thigh to her knee, then began the slow journey up her inner thigh. She stopped breathing altogether. She was afraid to move. Afraid of how good it felt. Afraid that if she so much as breathed, Harper would stop touching her.
Her fingers were tracing higher and higher until they were only inches from her centre, the heat from her skin permeating through her clothing as if there wasn’t anything between them at all. Sarah’s breath caught and Harper pulled her hand away. She cleared her throat, and Harper’s hand did not return to her leg. Did Harper even realize what she had been doing?
More time had passed in the game than she’d thought, and when everyone started to get up around her, she realized the game was over. They’d lost twenty-one to three. Great. Tyler was always a big baby when they lost.
She’d been told that the party was going to be at Jordan’s house, and thankfully it was only a few minutes’ walk, because she was getting mighty cold without Harper beside her anymore. When everyone started to make plans to walk over together, Harper made sure not to leave Sarah out. “You’ll walk with us,” she said to her. “The guys will meet us there after they shower and change.”
“Thank God,” Alexis said, and the others laughed.
On the sidewalk, Sarah walked alone behind Alexis and Harper, who gave her an apologetic glance over her shoulder. To her surprise, Bronte Isabelle stepped up beside her, and the weight of the moment settled in her stomach.
“So, you’re my sister’s new BFF?” Bronte asked.
“What?”
“Harper.” She nodded her head in her direction. Harper looked back at them questioningly, but did nothing to intervene. They were out of earshot, and Bronte knew it. “She gets bored a lot and finds things to entertain her.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Sarah said quietly.
“You’re Sarah Jamieson, right? Tyler’s sister?”
Sarah nodded. Bronte Isabelle knew her name. That was unexpected. The kids up ahead of them turned up a walkway into an old brick house, and she let out a sigh of relief. They were almost there.
“Don’t get too used to this, is all. When she’s done with Tyler, she’ll be finished with you too.” Sarah stopped walking just before the door. “Come on.” Bronte pulled on her arm and brought her inside. “Might as well enjoy it while it lasts, right?” With that, she left her in the foyer.
Bronte’s words, so callous and so candid, made Sarah realize she should leave. Bronte was right. She could feel it in her bones. She’d known all along that whatever interest Harper seemed to have taken in her wouldn’t last. How could it? It was astonishing it had even gone on this long. What had she been thinking? This was Harper Isabelle. She and Bronte were fucking royalty at their school, and Sarah was just some loser.
“Hey.” Harper’s voice pulled her out of her musings. “What was Bronte saying to you?” A cold beer bottle was pushed into her hand.
“Nothing.” Sarah took a sip. It was strong and bitter.
“Hey,” Harper said again, softer this time. “What did she say?” Harper waited a moment, but when Sarah didn’t respond, she continued. “Whatever it was seems to have upset you. I know Bronte, she can be…unkind.”
Had it been unkind, or was Bronte just being honest with her? “It’s fine.” She took another sip of her beer. It really was awful. People drank this stuff for fun?
“Well, whatever she said to you, I’m sorry.”
Sarah looked into her deep, green eyes. They were soft and sincere, and she wished they were somewhere alone together, not standing at some party with all of these people around them. Was it normal always to want to have your friend to yourself?
“I think I should go.”
“Come on, we just got here, and I want you here. If we’re going to be friends, then people are going to have to get used to seeing us together, right?” Harper gave her that easy smile. “Come over and talk to some of my friends. They can be nice once you get to know them.” When Sarah made no move to go with her, Harper pouted, sticking out her bottom lip. “Please? For me?”
Sarah smiled involuntarily. “That’s not fair.”
Harper grinned in return. “Of course it is.” She laughed. “Now, come on.”
Being dragged around by Harper Isabelle did have its advantages. For one, everything they drank was free. No one stopped Harper from taking their alcohol or sharing it with Sarah, and no one ever tried to leave a circle once Harper entered the conversation, so Sarah never had to worry about who to talk to next or what to say. She was close enough to listen to what people were really saying too.
Sure, Harper received a lot of compliments, but the jealousy behind most of them was barely veiled. Harper smiled at all of them and moved the conversation along quickly, but did she know what was really being said? How calculating these people were?
As Harper’s invitee, she became nothing more than a decoration, an accessory to Harper’s outfit as she moved them around the room from group to group. The entire time they were there, she wasn’t sure that they’d been part of one sincere conversation.
“That’s a cute shirt, Sarah,” Alexis said to her, and she was floored that Queen Cartwright had lowered herself to speak to one of her subjects. It was the first time she’d ever bothered to acknowledge her presence. “I don’t know why people say discount buys aren’t worth wearing, it suits you so well.”
There it was. Sarah caught the knowing gleam in Alexis’ eye. How tactfully she’d insulted her. This was certainly new, and much less painful than the meme she’d posted of her stuttering on Twitter, but it was a jibe just the same.
“Your nautical blazer looks better though,” Harper said. “I used to have one just like it last year.”
Sarah smiled. So, Harper knew how to play the game as well. If Alexis had a retort, it died on her lips when Tyler and the rest of the football team came booming in the front door with a cooler full of booze, shouts of payback on their lips about their next game against Northern.
The first move Tyler made after dropping the cooler in the kitchen was to seek Harper out and plant a kiss on her mouth. The sight of it made Sarah’s stomach twist uncomfortably, and she turned away. Tyler looked her way and nodded, but said nothing before turning back to Harper. “Let’s go outside.”
“It’s cold,” she said, looking down.
“Come on, I’ll give you my coat.” He took her hand, and gave her his most charming smile. It seemed to have the desired effect on Harper, as she gave him a small one of her own, and allowed herself to be pulled from the group and out the sliding door at the back of the house.
The second Harper left, Sarah became completely indifferent to the conversation around her. Truly, she wasn’t even listening anymore. She had only come for Harper, and now that she had left, she just wanted to be home by herself. What was she doing there if Harper was off with her boyfriend?
She looked up to see Alexis appraising her and fear rushed in to her gut. As unimpressed as she was with Alexis, her insults still hurt. Why did Alexis hate her so much? She didn’t even know her. The smile that played on Alexis’ mouth worried her.
“Where’s the bathroom?” she asked no one in particular. Thankfully, Jen pointed to a hallway far away from where they stood.
When she reached the door, it was locked. She really did need to pee after one beer and a Mike’s Hard Lemonade, so she wen
t upstairs in search of another washroom. She turned her nose up when she found it. Someone had thrown up in the sink. She spritzed some room spray, and opened the window, finally able to breathe.
After she’d emptied her bladder, she spent a long time looking at herself in the mirror, asking herself what she was still doing there. Was this what she wanted? To follow Harper around like an adoring pet, just waiting for someone else to find her presence annoying and send a little kick her way, as Bronte had? She had no business there, in a house full of people who couldn’t care less about her. Downstairs, they were all enjoying their party, blasting music that she didn’t even listen to, and getting drunk with the hopes of hooking up.
She’d always thought she had no friends because she was weird and unlikeable, but was it possible that she’d never met anyone she wanted to let into her life? Until Harper. There was something different about Harper. She was confused about everything that had to do with her, and she longed to be home with her paper and charcoal. Her fingers itched to cast her feelings onto a page.
She took a good look in the mirror. She didn’t recognize herself anymore. Who was this girl? Despite being unpopular, she’d at least been confident about who she was. She knew what her beliefs were, what was and wasn’t important, and exactly what she wanted from her life. Now, she wasn’t so sure.
There was a knock at the door, and Sarah cringed. She didn’t want to see anybody. “Just a second.” She let out a long breath, and took a moment to tuck her hair behind her ears again before she opened the washroom door.
“Sarah?”
“Harper? Oh, sorry.” She moved to step outside, but a light hand to her shoulder stopped her.
“I thought I saw you disappear up here.” Harper entered the washroom and closed the door behind her.
“I thought you were outside.”
“I was. It was too cold though. Did someone say something to you?”
“No, I just had to go to the washroom, okay?” She winced at her own vitriolic tone. “I’m sorry,” she continued. “I just don’t know how to act around your friends. Around you.”
“Being yourself is a good start.” Harper smiled, and a lock of wavy brown hair fell in front of her eyes before she tucked it back. “I want to get to know you better.”
“I’m worried that you won’t like who I am.”
“I already do.”
Her words caused that familiar tug in her chest. How long could Harper do these things to her before putting her into cardiac arrest? Can someone my age die of a heart attack? She imagined the headlines.
“There’s something about you, Sarah. I want to be near you, and when you’re not around, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
A slow grin pulled at Sarah’s mouth.
“Wow, that smile is worth every confession.”
Sarah had thought being close to Harper at the game had somewhat satisfied her craving for her, but it had only whetted her appetite. Being close to her caused an aching deep inside, and she moved closer. She closed her eyes and took in Harper’s sweet, fruity scent, and the knot in her stomach tightened.
“I think about you too.” Sarah’s heart jackhammered against her ribcage. What was she saying? Was it possible that Harper felt that strange pull as well? Sarah bit her bottom lip, nervous about her admission.
Harper’s eyes dropped, as if drawn in by the movement, and then they went dark. Sarah’s gaze moved to Harper’s lips. She wanted Harper to kiss her. Her desire shocked her. There was no way that was going to happen. No way that standing there in front of her, Harper could possibly be thinking the same thing. She stood still, immobile, her gaze still locked on Harper’s lips. She held her breath when Harper slowly leaned forward. What was she doing? Harper closed her eyes, and a moment later, her beautiful, soft lips connected with Sarah’s. Sarah’s eyes widened a moment in surprise before she slammed them shut.
The sensation of Harper’s lips moving against hers made her head spin, and she moaned softly into Harper’s mouth. She didn’t have time to be embarrassed or question if she should pull away, because Harper’s hands were on her, holding her face and leading her further into the kiss. Harper’s kiss moved deep in her abdomen. When her tongue sought access inside her mouth, she parted her lips to let her in. The butterflies in Sarah’s stomach went wild.
Harper’s mouth was warm and soft, and her tongue stroked the top of Sarah’s like velvet. Her body came alive with each caress of Harper’s tongue, the sensations flashing through her like bolts of lightning. She had never tasted or felt anything so perfect in her life. A small part of her screamed that she was kissing another girl, but the rest of her didn’t care if the world fell down around them and burned to the ground, as long as Harper kept kissing her.
Harper gently began to stroke Sarah’s cheek with her thumb, her other hand sliding back and moving through her hair while the kiss continued. The ache inside Sarah grew. She needed every available part of herself to be touching Harper in some way. Bolstered by Harper’s actions, Sarah circled her arms around Harper’s waist, and rested her hands in the small of her back. Harper groaned against Sarah’s mouth and moved her hips forward against her, connecting with her own. There was a responding pulse between her legs. It was too much. She pulled her mouth away, gasping for air, her heart and lungs stifled with the weight of her desire.
Harper’s eyes focused slowly before she spoke. “Sarah, I–”
Whatever Harper was going to say, Sarah never found out, because Tyler opened the door to the bathroom, and they quickly jumped out of each other’s arms.
“What are you guys doing up here?” he asked, and not in his usual good-natured way. “Lots of people are asking for you.” He turned to Harper, and Sarah sucked in her lips, hoping they didn’t look as hot as they felt.
“I…I was just coming down,” Harper said and left the room, not looking back at Sarah before she slipped past Tyler and headed down the stairs.
“What’s going on with you?” Sarah asked him, and hoped he couldn’t hear that she was still out of breath from kissing his girlfriend.
“What’s going on with you, Sarah?” His tone made her not want to venture any further into that topic, and she didn’t try to stop him when he turned and left the room.
Did he know something? How could he? Up until just moments ago, there hadn’t really been anything to know, but now she held the Pandora’s Box of secrets. She took a minute to compose herself after her brother left, locking the bathroom door and leaning against the counter for strength, because she wasn’t sure how much longer her legs could hold her up after that kiss.
Now she understood what the big deal was about kissing. Sarah had never felt anything so good, so mind-blowing in her life. Harper had a way of making her feel as if she was just waking up to who she was, of showing her everything that she hadn’t realized she’d been missing from the world. She tried to catch her breath, but she inhaled Harper’s scent, and the oxygen tapped on the door of every one of her cells as it passed through her, letting everyone know that it was time to wake up.
Nothing could feel as good as that kiss. The only thing that could compare to it was making art. It was as though she and Harper were a canvas, and every time they spoke or touched, another stroke was added to the painting, completing the parts of her that she didn’t know were blank until Harper filled them in.
She couldn’t stay there any longer. She didn’t belong there, not with what she had just done, with what she was feeling. There was no denying her feelings for Harper anymore. Everything she feared was real. She was falling for Harper so fast her head spun.
She couldn’t let anyone see her like this. She couldn’t stand it if she had to go back down the stairs and watch Harper and Tyler play girlfriend and boyfriend while her heart broke. No, after that kiss, there was no more pretending. She knew what she wanted, knew how badly she wanted it, and she needed to face the consequences of her feelings.
Without a word to anyone, she sl
ipped down the stairs and out of the house. As soon as she hit the sidewalk, she broke into a run. She was desperate to get home to her sketchbook, where she could unleash the power of her feelings once and for all.
Could Harper have been right all along? Could it be possible that this wasn’t wrong if it felt so right? If it wasn’t wrong though, why did she feel so guilty about it? She had kissed her brother’s girlfriend. Wasn’t that some kind of adultery? Wouldn’t it be in God’s eyes?
Harper always looked miserable with Tyler though. At first, she’d thought it was just some kind of wishful thinking on her part, jealousy of her brother. Had she actually been seeing the truth in those moments? If Harper liked Tyler, then why did she always leave him to be with her?
Sarah pulled out a large canvas and grabbed her paints, fighting with the tops of her acrylics and straining to steady a paintbrush. Harper had kissed her, and one thing was for sure, there was no going back after that kiss. No more pretending. No more misunderstanding. She had feelings for Harper. Romantic feelings, and despite her effort to deny them, they were real.
That night, she painted with abandon, trying to get her emotions out of her and onto the canvas, but the more she painted, the deeper they grew, and she realized that no matter what she did, no matter how much she painted, they might never go away.
CHAPTER 15
Harper waited nervously behind the portable. The note that she had passed Sarah at the end of class only said not to go far, that she would come find her, and that she needed to talk to her. She’d fought the urge to call her all weekend, fearing that Tyler would pick up or listen in on their conversation again.
She had kissed Sarah. She had abandoned her fears and doubts and kissed her. The second her lips had connected with Sarah’s, she felt like she had finally found what she’d been looking for, without even realizing that she’d started the search. Nothing had ever felt so amazing in her entire life.
After Tyler interrupted them, she’d floated through the rest of the evening, still high on the taste of Sarah’s kiss. The feeling had stayed with her, carrying her off to sleep and blissful dreams, but when she woke up Saturday morning, all the dread that had been looming just on the periphery of her joy found a way in. How long had it taken her to notice that Sarah had left the party that night? She couldn’t remember, seeing as she’d been in a kind of fugue-state. Was Sarah upset? Had she spent the rest of the weekend regretting what had happened between them? Sarah hadn’t pulled away, but had she wanted it the same way Harper did, or had she simply been too surprised to stop it?
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