by CB Conwy
"That wasn't what I meant." Jerry sounded impatient.
"So, what did you mean?" Matt stopped and looked at Jerry. "That it's okay to do something like that to a friend because I'm rehearsing doing something a lot worse to an enemy?"
Jerry cocked his head. "Yeah. That about sums it up." He began walking again.
"It isn't that simple!"
Jerry spun around and pushed him back against a tree. "Yes, sometimes it is that fucking simple, and you know it! That's what being a Warrior means. You stop pussyfooting around and do what needs to be done. Then you can cry over it afterward."
"Then I'm not a Warrior!" It had felt horrible to see Sam like that.
"Because you don't like the consequences of your actions?" Jerry was suddenly very close.
Matt nodded reluctantly.
"Tough luck, Matt. Because you have the ability; that means you have the responsibility to use it." Jerry pulled back and started walking again.
"I don't think I can do it."
Jerry came back to where Matt stood, the anger on his face being replaced by a kind expression when he saw Matt's look of self-doubt.
"I know it was a lot all at once, okay?" He put a hand around Matt's shoulder and started walking again. Matt reluctantly accepted his lead. "If only you could keep from using enough force to destroy a small village every time you do something, your companions wouldn't be throwing their guts up all over the place."
"I only used a tiny bit of my force," Matt protested, a little embarrassed.
Jerry turned to stare at Matt. Then he started chuckling, and he didn't stop until he was roaring with laughter.
"What?" Matt couldn't help smiling; Jerry's laughter was infectious.
"God, Matt. You're something, you know that?"
Matt shrugged. "I guess I don't. I just try to do things as well as I can. Preferably without killing myself or anybody else in the process."
They came out in the open along the shore, and Jerry stopped, looking out over the lake. He didn't say anything, but Matt could feel how he relaxed, taking in the view. Then he nodded to himself and sat down on the grass.
"Are you sure he's going to be okay?"
Jerry looked up. "Who, Sam? Of course. He's tough."
Matt sat down next to Jerry. "He didn't look so tough before."
Jerry snorted. "No. I'm going to use that against him for a long, long time to come."
"You aren't bonded, are you?" Matt didn't get that connected feeling from them that he got from other mated couples.
Jerry went very quiet. "No, we're not."
The air was suddenly so thick with sorrow that Matt had trouble breathing.
"You can feel it, can't you?" Jerry was watching him.
Matt smiled apologetically. "Yeah. Sorry."
Jerry shrugged. "Nothing to be sorry about."
"What happened?" Now that Matt knew there was something there, it would only fester if it was left unsaid.
"My mate died." Jerry's voice was quiet.
Matt went cold when he heard the brief statement. Just the thought of losing Pietr sent him into icy panic.
"I... I didn't think you could survive that."
Jerry shrugged, not looking at Matt. "Most Himika don't. But Sam was there, and the stubborn bastard refused to let me go."
There was a quiet acceptance about his words, but as usual, Matt got a lot more than just the words. Jerry hadn't wanted to live; he had wanted to die like his mate.
"How did it happen?"
"The war."
"I'm sorry."
Jerry shrugged again. "It is what it is. After Sam pulled me back up, I didn't really have a choice whether to live or not. I'm making the best of it. Stor would have killed me if I didn't."
"Your mate?"
"Yeah. He was Sam's best friend, and then we bonded. It was... eventful. A lot of big egos in a very small space." Jerry smiled a sad smile.
"Never a dull moment?"
"Definitely not. Robbie reminds me a bit of him." Jerry turned toward Matt. "Listen, I'm only going to say this to you once, so you better pay attention. Stor died because of a war that could have been prevented. I'm not going to have Sam killed now, or you, or Pietr. So you're going to stop whining and take the Assessor out, no matter what it takes, or I'll have your ass on a plate. Got it?"
Matt studied him for a long time. Then he stretched out his hand. "Deal."
Jerry looked at it, eyebrows lifted, before reaching out to shake it. Then he got up. "Let's get back to Sleeping Beauty."
***
Sam was almost able to walk straight when they woke him up. Jerry took one look at him and decided that "almost" wasn't enough.
"The kid will kill you if you do any more work today," he grumbled before reaching for his friend's arm and hoisting it over his shoulder. Then he marched Sam back to the cabin and put him to bed in the guest room. Sam didn't even protest much.
They had dinner, and Matt could feel Pietr's eyes on him during the meal. When they were done, Pietr reached out for Matt.
"Come on. Let's go to bed."
It was way too early, but Matt didn't protest. He felt more and more miserable the more he thought of the prone Himiko in the guest room.
Pietr pulled Matt into a hug as soon as the door closed behind them, and he didn't let go.
Matt let all of his defenses down and let Pietr see how terrible he felt about what he had done, and how scared he was to have to do it again.
You're okay, Matt. Everything's fine. Pietr rubbed his back, pouring comfort into his mind. It made Matt relax a little, but he still couldn't get the image of a retching Sam out of his head.
That's a good thing. You know that, right?
Matt didn't understand what his mate meant.
You don't like to hurt others. There was something strangely close to relief in Pietr's mind that Matt didn't understand.
Pietr tried to explain it to him. Warriors tend to get... absorbed in their task.
Ruthless. That was the word Pietr didn't want to think.
Yeah. I know you're not that way, but...
But Matt did have a temper and he was very stubborn. Those were Warrior traits.
Your ability to do that is getting scary.
Huh? Matt hadn't known he was doing anything.
You hear things I haven't even thought yet. There was a familiar mix of pride and exasperation in Pietr's mind.
Hey, I can't help that I'm smarter than you.
What the... Asshole! Pietr caught him in a tight grip, wrestling him down onto the bed. Matt fought back, but mostly for the fun of it. All he wanted was to be close to his mate after an exhausting day.
Pietr stilled when he heard that thought. Then he pulled off first his own his shirt and then Matt's, pushing in close. His skin felt good against Matt's, and Matt wrapped around him.
I love you.
I know, Matt. His mate was open and caring and considerate, and Matt could feel the love pouring out of Pietr's mind. It finally made him feel somewhat settled.
I hated seeing him like that. I've never hurt anyone before.
Pietr was worried, but there was also a certain helplessness in his mind.
Don't worry; I am going to do it. I promised Jerry. Matt showed Pietr his conversation with Jerry.
He told you about Stor? Pietr was baffled.
Yes. I guess he's not the type to talk about it?
No. He never talks about it. But everybody knows.
Why?
Pietr peeled off the rest of his clothes and helped Matt do the same. Matt knew that it wasn't because Pietr wanted sex; he just wanted to be as close as possible. Matt could relate to that.
It was the key moment of the war. The images in Pietr's mind were muddled, terror and desperation prominent among them as he showed Matt what the war had been like. We had been fighting each other for so long that we had lost perspective. There had been fatalities before, but
not intentional; they were accidents. Or as accidental as it can be when a Warrior faces another Warrior and does everything in his power to win. It wasn't until later that we started realizing how much the battles affected us long-term. A lot of us couldn't live with what we had done.
Matt caught the memories of Himika going crazy with the realization that they had tried to hurt other Himika. It wasn't simply a matter of conscience; it was the very fundament of their existence that crumbled when they couldn't trust each other anymore.
But that was later. During the fighting, nobody had been killed deliberately. Jerry was really strong, one of the candidates to be our leader. But he didn't want that, didn't even want to take part in the fighting if he could avoid it. But he couldn't. There were strong Himika who weren't Warriors, and they schemed and manipulated everybody else into taking sides and fighting for them. And it wasn't for some sort of cause; it was all politics. Sometimes, the sides changed so fast you got dizzy.
Pietr took a deep breath. There was a major battle that day. The strongest contenders to take over were all there with their respective Warriors. Jerry was there, too, but only because he wanted to try talking some sense into the combatants.
There was a deep bitterness in Pietr's mind as he remembered the events. He wasn't even fighting when it happened; he had no shields up whatsoever. And then someone went for his mate.
There was such a sense of betrayal in Pietr's mind that Matt clung to him, tried to lessen Pietr's devastation at remembering that fatal day.
The Himiko killed Stor without even straining himself. Stor wasn't strong -- he was only there because his mate was and to help if anybody got hurt. Killing him was far easier than fighting Jerry in an open fight.
Pietr was back in the middle of the fight, his mind so deep into his reminiscing that he probably didn't even notice Matt next to him anymore.
Everything stopped when that Himiko lashed out at Stor. Matt saw through Pietr's eyes how the fighting came to an abrupt halt, everything standing still when the Himika realized what had happened. Then Jerry fell over, too, and Sam screamed at him.
I still don't know how Sam did it, but he went so deep into Jerry's mind that he managed to get Jerry back.
Sam kept him from dying for long enough for him to regain consciousness. I've never heard anyone scream like Jerry did when he woke up and found out that he was alone. Pietr shuddered, and Matt held him tight. But Sam wouldn't let him go, wouldn't let him die. I'm still not sure if it was the right thing to do.
Matt was right beside Pietr in his memories, saw how devastated Jerry had been, an empty shell of sorrow.
It was enough to make us stop. We had crossed the ultimate line, and if we didn't step back, it would mean the end of our entire civilization.
Matt could feel it, could feel how the trust betrayed had made the very foundation of the Himiko civilization waver. It wasn't an individual thought, it wasn't even a rational knowledge; it was the certainty that if the Himika kept on fighting, they would lose the trust that bonded them together as a race and assured their very existence. Pietr had told Matt about this before, had told him that the mental communication was more than a pure means of communication. It wasn't until now that he really understood, though, that violating the rules of coexistence would have the same effect on the Himiko society as that of all humans going psychotic: It would mean the collective loss of sanity.
At least it made us end the war. Pietr took a deep breath, trying to tell the rest of the story. We realized that we couldn't go on like that, and so we stopped.
What happened to the Himiko who killed Stor?
Pietr shrugged. He went crazy when he realized what he had done. I still think it would have been better if there could have been a trial.
Closure?
A symbol that this would never be tolerated.
What about me? Matt would have preferred not to ask, but it was impossible to hide anything from Pietr when they were as entwined in each other's minds as they were right now.
What do you mean?
Matt made an effort to collect his thoughts. I'm going to fight a Himiko; will I be tolerated after that?
Yes. You will. Pietr rubbed Matt's back, deep in thoughts. And this is what makes you different from me -- from most Himika, in fact. You know it has to be done, and you're going to do it, no matter how hard it's going to be. That's why Himika need Warriors; someone to do what the rest of us can't. You are a Warrior, Matt.
Ruthless?
Willing to do what it takes. It's a brave thing to do, Matt.
I don't feel brave at all. Matt tried to push the image of fighting another living being out of his head.
Good. It shouldn't be easy. Pietr pulled back and looked into his eyes. You're going to be okay, Matt. You're going to do it, and you won't lose yourself. I promise you.
Matt closed his eyes and pushed into a kiss, suddenly desperate to be as close as possible to his mate.
I need you, Pietr. I need you so much.
Shh. I know. I'm here.
Matt sobbed into the kiss, frantic in his effort to have his mate closer. I need you in me.
I'm going to fill you. Don't be scared.
Matt clung to him, whimpering when Pietr leaned away from him to get the lube. Pietr was quickly back, rumbling reassuringly to him. It wasn't enough, though; nothing was enough.
He arched when he got the first finger, taking a deep breath to relax enough that his mate would be satisfied and give him another. Pietr seemed to understand his need, opening him up with soft but unrelenting thrusts into his body. He got another finger, and another, and he was too deep in his need to even notice if it burned or not.
Then Pietr was over him and in him. He wanted to shout as he was breached, but then Pietr was deep inside of him and everything went quiet, still. He closed his eyes and pulled his mate close.
Pietr slowly moved in and out of his body, the long movements opening him up both physically and mentally. He surrendered, giving up all of his shields to let his mate into the deepest corners of his soul.
Pietr answered him, taking what he gave and rejoicing in the gift. His mate's mind was entwined closely with his own; he couldn't tell where one ended and the other began, and it didn't matter. His body sang with the feeling of being possessed, and he laughed with joy when he felt his mate responding to his happiness, pushing deep inside of him.
It went on and on, and Pietr kept the pace slow, prolonging their ecstasy until the world around them disappeared and there was nothing but their pleasure. It was glorious, and Matt didn't want it to end. Pietr heard him, and his mate kept going until Matt was so high that he was dizzy with it, soaring on their perfect union.
Their climax took him by surprise, and Matt was almost reluctant to give in to it. Then he surrendered, and it took him crashing over in a cascade of light and quiet.
He knew that he had been gasping and sobbing and that his body was exhausted and sore. But when he came back to reality a long time later, everything in him was quiet and at peace.
Thank you. He gently kissed Pietr.
You're welcome. I love you.
Matt didn't answer; he didn't have to.
9
When they got up early the next morning, the kitchen was empty. So was the guest room where Sam and Jerry were supposed to have been sleeping. Matt got a cold flash of panic, the image of a prone Sam on the ground the day before going through his mind. Then the kitchen door opened, and Sam and Jerry came in, carrying sleeping bags.
"Hey, you're up already. I'd have thought you would have needed more time to recuperate after yesterday's exercises." Sam was grinning, and Jerry had a wry smile on his face as well.
"What do you mean?" Matt looked from one to the other.
"Oh, nothing. Just that you were so loud that we had to escape. We could hear the two of you all the way to the meadow by the oak."
"I... What?"
"Aki and
Robbie suddenly had to leave, by the way. I think they had something come up. A pressing need of some kind." Sam snickered.
"You could hear us?" Matt's voice was kind of faint.
"That would be the understatement of the year, but yes, we could hear you. You must have been a nightmare to be near when you were newly bonded."
They had been a fucking live porn movie. Again. Matt turned to Pietr, looking accusingly at him. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Pietr looked slightly embarrassed.
"He would have been crazy to have stopped that. It was quite something. It even got Sam back to the world of the living." Jerry nodded.
Guilt welled up in Matt. "God, are you okay, Sam?" First he had injured Sam, and then he had chased the Himiko out of his house.
"Oh, he was more than okay. He gives great head."
"Jerry!" Matt didn't know if he should laugh or cry.
"Hey, it's the truth." Unperturbed, Jerry started to make breakfast. He seemed to be very hungry.
So am I. I haven't worked out so much in months.
"Pietr!" Matt groaned. His mate just laughed and hugged him from behind.
Aki and Robbie showed up some time later, Aki looking a little sheepish. Robbie just looked very, very satisfied. They, too, were predictably very hungry, and Sam seized the opportunity to tease them mercilessly. In the end, Aki got up.
"I think it's time for you to continue your training. Now." He looked to be at the end of his rope.
"Yes, Aki." You almost couldn't hear the glee in Sam's voice.
Matt wanted to talk to Jerry on the way to the oak, but Sam held him back.
"Let him go."
"I just want to talk to him," Matt protested while Jerry picked up some bags and went ahead.
"He doesn't talk much. He was all raw from whatever the two of you discussed yesterday. It's good for him not to bundle it up, but now he needs his space. Don't push him."
Matt nodded reluctantly. Sam did know Jerry better than anybody else. Then he cast a closer look at Sam. The man looked fully recovered, but Matt still felt he had to say something. "I'm really sorry about yesterday."
Sam interrupted him. "If you say that once more, I'm going to hit you over the head with a stick. And believe me, I'll find a way to do it that even your over-developed powers can't stop."