Burning Both Ends

by Sinclaire Jayne

  “Is that really all that’s bothering you?”

  Hell no. He wanted her too much. He was already fascinated, and he’d never felt a pull toward a woman like this before. He felt all-in before he’d even known he was at the beginning. She made him want things he thought he’d never want again. A wife. A family. He’d raised his siblings. He’d felt like he’d done the parenting role and now was finally his time. He was free of most of the responsibility that had dogged him for the past twelve years far before he’d felt ready for it.

  “Yes.”

  “Liar.”

  “No, Dare. I tried to get your number from Logan.” He wanted her to know that he wasn’t a one-night stand bloke. Well, he often was, but she was special. “And, of course, he wouldn’t give it to me.” He didn’t tell her he’d also called Caleb, Dylan, and Duncan. That would make him too pathetic. “I wanted to see you again, but then you showed up at my station, and Avis, the Melbourne fire chief I guess you’d call him, assigned you here. He said he trusted me. A few hours later I have to talk to Avis and your father and explain why I was on a video ripping off your bunker gear after you aerial dove into a burning apartment building without proper gear.”

  Dare grinned. “I sound like a super hero.”

  “That’s not how it sounds to anyone responsible,” he said sternly.

  Dare shrugged. “I could call and explain for you.”

  “You think?” Lock asked, straight-faced. “Why not? That’s sure to go well.”

  “Lighten up. No one died. You and I can both obviously handle heat,” she said, which launched his mind way into inappropriate land. “Besides, my dad had five daughters. He’s used to excitement, but trusty with a shotgun. We’re southern and also wild west,” she teased. “But I pulled off my pants so you’re probably only half in trouble.”

  “The point is, they trust me. Your family. Avis. My colleagues. They don’t expect me to make a move on you.”

  “Okay.” Dare cocked her head at him, tan and glistening with water.

  Disappointment crashed through him. God, he was stupid.

  She kissed him without warning, her lips soft and insistent and he caught her around the gentle flare of her hips that had already driven him out of his mind two weeks ago when he’d first buried himself into her body any way he could. Today, his desire flash burned to desperation with her first touch. His mouth parted, her tongue swept inside easily taking control of the kiss, devouring him, her fingers hard on his shoulders. She whimpered, deepened the kiss, and wrapped her legs around his waist.

  The urge to pull off her booty shorts and his boxers was like a snare drum pulsing in his head with every heartbeat. Instead, he devoured her mouth as she responded. Their breathing was ragged. His fingers dug into her ass and pulled her up and ground her against him, moaning at the contact. One hand slipped down the wide waist band of the booty shorts, and even under the water, he could feel her hot slickness coat his fingers.

  He wanted to taste her. Eat her. Take her upstairs to his apartment and not let her go.

  She broke the kiss first. His forehead rested lightly against hers as he gulped in air fragrant with her desire.

  “See,” she whispered and kissed his eyelids first one then the other. “There’s nothing wrong.”

  Chapter Nine

  Hell, nothing had ever felt so right.

  “Dare,” he murmured against her mouth, “we have to stop.”

  “Okay,” she said still kissing him, and now her hand was wrapped around his cock, and the heat that flashed through his body felt like it could scorch his bones clean. “I love the way you feel,” she whispered. “Remind me why we have to stop again.”

  He could barely drag his mouth away to answer. Her kisses were drugging. He was addicted and craving more of her. She reached down and boldly cupped his balls, squeezing lightly and letting her short trimmed nails lightly rake his straining length. Lock could swear he saw stars and felt like he was floating up to heaven.

  He’d never been spiritual, but this was the closest to religion he’d ever got. Lock felt like the top of his head was going to blow off and wanted to be lodged deep inside her body and never have to come up for air. Dare whimpered as their drugging kisses intensified, and he gave his hands free rein over her body.

  Fuck it.

  The voice inside his head was greedy. Hungry

  “Dare.” He managed to break the spell she wove around them, but he could not let her go, so their breath mingled, their faces close together in the pool, and the sun danced in his eyes, or was that her dazzling him?

  “Sorry,” she said. “Sorry. I know you want to stop.”

  His heart pounded, and he couldn’t catch his breath like he’d just raced flat out for a 2K.

  “I don’t want to stop.” He dragged the words out, hating to say the next part. “We have to stop. I don’t want inequity between us, and when you work for me and with me and I’m in charge, it will seem like that.”

  Dare searched his eyes, for what, he didn’t know.

  “You’re a strong woman and I like that.” His thumb touched her bottom lip. “I fucking love that, but I run my station tight. You’d be under my command, and it wouldn’t sit right with you having me lead you at work, and then coming back here and....”

  “But I’ve worked under strong leaders.” Dare objected. “In the army and as a smokejumper. I can follow rules.”

  “You argued with me in front of the paramedic.”

  “I would have done that with anyone,” she said.

  Lock rested his forehead against hers, looking deep into her mystically colored eyes. “You would,” he said. “And with anyone else it might piss me off, but with you—” He broke off.

  She smiled, and he felt charmed right down to his soul as her body cradled his. He dug deep for resistance.

  “And it’s company policy not to fraternize at the same station, especially for station officers.”

  “Rules.”

  Lock sucked in a breath. There was more. It was too soon. But he had to be honest with her. He cupped her cheeks, carefully avoiding her injured area. This might be the last time he got to hold her, and he wanted to memorize the texture of her skin. The light in her eyes. The way her eye lashes were so long, but pale and curled up at the ends.

  “Not just rules.”

  Shit, he was going to scare her away with the next bit, but it had to be said. Maybe that would be for the best, but his heart was heavy as an anvil.

  “Dare, I don’t just want you sexually.”

  She pulled away from him. Her eyes, slumberous with desire, sharpened. Lock felt the separation like a knife.

  Damaged.

  “Tell me,” he whispered.

  She pulled herself out of the pool in one fluid movement, and then held her hand out to him. He huffed a laugh.

  “When your cut is healed I’ll take you on,” he said, and pulled himself out. They stood there in the still hot early evening sun. Water streaming off their bodies.

  “I like you Dare,” he said softly. “So, so much. I don’t regret one moment of time I’ve spent with you, and I’m not afraid to admit that I want more time with you. With all of you.”

  She angled her chin. “You can’t say that. You don’t know me.”

  “I’d like to.” He caught her hand, but she pulled away.

  “I need a towel.”

  She needed space. Advance. Retreat. It made him want to push harder so instead he strode to a small cabana, opened the door, and pulled two towels off the hook. One he wrapped around his waist. The other he brought to her along with a large hooded terry robe.

  “Oh, my God, you have a cabana. Of course you do.”

  She held her hand out for the towel, but instead Lock gently wrapped it around her and began to towel her off. His movements were slow, almost as if she were a wild animal that would startle. She held herself stiffly, and when he ran the towel up her thighs, he was aware she was trembling.

&nbs
p; “Have you ever been in love?” she whispered, staring at something far away.

  “No,” he said automatically.

  “I was,” she said, her voice tragic and empty. “And I can’t, Lock. I can’t ever again. I can’t give you what you are going to want from me.”

  She hated this part. The part where they wanted more. They always got angry. Blamed her. Said she was stupid to dwell on the past. No one understood. Her family thought she was crazy. A counselor. Always a counselor. Or meds. Or just get over it. Like her promise to Ryan had been a cold virus.

  “Tell me,” Lock said again, turning her around to face him while he slipped the robe around her, guiding her arms into the sleeves like she was little or precious.

  Her heart lurched. He couldn’t do things like that. She grabbed his biceps.

  “It’s me. Not you. Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re perfect. It’s me,” she said, fiercely wanting him to know.

  “I’m a few skipped stones away from perfect,” he said. “Let me get us something to drink, and then you can tell me.”

  “Don’t you need to get back to work or something,” Dare said, and she could hear the edge in her voice.

  “I got a lot of phone calls to make, and I’ll check in with Reese in a few, but you were going to tell me something first.”

  She would have objected but he was already striding towards the house with that ground-slaying stride. She’d wanted him gone so she could re-center herself, but now that he’d left she felt empty. How was that even possible? All they’d done was have mind-blowing sex one night and then today he’d bossed her around. And rejected her.

  So why was her heart flipping over like she was a stupid, naïve teenager again thinking that love worked out.

  Love!

  She did not just think that word. Lock was hot. And sexy. And smart. And stood up to her crap.

  He was perfect.

  For someone else.

  Lock went into the house and returned a few minutes later with two smoothies.

  “Kale?” She looked at the green color.

  “And a lot of other greens.”

  “That’s a few stone throws closer to perfect,” she said using his words back at him.

  “Trying to get better each day.”

  He sat on a lounger near the pool, probably trying to give her some space.

  She sat on a chair, pulling the tie tighter on her robe—so not like her, but Lock had made his intentions clear and, for some strange reason, she didn’t feel like pushing him just because she could.

  “This is delicious,” she said sipping the bright green smoothie. “Maybe we could swap recipes.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Quit stalling.”

  Then he smiled at her, and her heart broke a little.

  She played with the tie of the terry, trying for once to choose her words carefully instead of blurting and letting what happened, happen. Oddly, she wanted to make Lock understand. Not hurt him. She didn’t understand it, but she marveled a little at her feelings.

  “I was in love once,” she said softly. She bit her bottom lip hard to feel the sting so she could focus. “I was young. So young. We both were. But it was real. That’s the thing in my family. We fall in love straight away and it’s forever. Have you heard the story of my parents? My dad was a firefighter. One of seven Knight boys with deep Aussie roots, but he was pulling an extra shift at a swimsuit photo shoot supervising the pyrotechnics and he saw my mom posing, not even wearing a bikini just body paint, and he stared at her with all the fire blazing, and him with an extinguisher, and she stared right back, and at the end of her shoot he just walked up and introduced himself and said ‘I’m going to marry you.’”

  “And she said?” Lock smiled because the story was infamous in the Knight family. Leonard had told that story more than once over a beer about his middle son, Seth.

  “I’m going to let you.” Dare laughed. “And their love is still so real. Five daughters. Two states later. And my dad still looks at my mom like that, like she’s his entire world. You know Logan and Arabella? They fell in love on a bus. It was instant, and one of my sisters, Sutter. She’s a country music star, well, getting there, and she had a boyfriend in middle school and high school, who was her singing partner, but he wouldn’t go to Nashville with her. She cried herself sick for so long over him. Ten years later, she’s never really had another boyfriend. It was always Dawson, and she went back to Sweet Tea for a visit, saw Dawson again, and a few weeks later, they’re engaged. That’s how we love. Instant and forever.” Dare paused and risked a glance at him. “I had my one and only.”

  Lock leaned forward and kissed her cheek. Then he brushed her hair out of her eyes.

  “I can’t imagine you ever walking away from someone you loved, Dare.”

  His words were so gentle that tears filled her eyes. Two spilled over and Lock chased them with his tongue. She gripped his shoulders. They were strong, and she allowed herself to lean into him, absorb his strength.

  “His name is Ryan. He died when I was seventeen. He was eighteen. Of a brain tumor. He got sick at prom, and everyone laughed because they thought he was drunk, and he was always so against anything like that, but it wasn’t that,” she whispered. “I had to drive him to the emergency room because he was so sick, and I was sitting in the ER for hours waiting for news because his parents were out of town. He died two days before high school graduation.”

  “Dare.” e picked her up out of the chair like she weighed nothing and then laid back in the lounger, pulling her close to his body, his arms around her warmer than any blanket, and she relaxed against him. Feeling safe even though she knew safety was an illusion.

  She hadn’t felt this safe and cherished since Ryan had walked up to her that first day in front of the high school in Newport Beach where she’d been desperately trying and failing to blend in and said, “I’m Ryan. I’m yours.”

  Dare stared into Lock’s searching deep Pacific blue eyes. He deserved so much better than her. She touched his cheek, let one finger trace his mouth.

  “I’m sorry, Lock. You are an amazing man, and you deserve to be loved, really loved. I’m only good at temporary. I can’t love again.”

  “Dare, you have a really big heart.”

  She shook her head.

  “You loved your friend Lydia and were there with her when she was battling cancer. You loved your best friend Alicia. You definitely love your family, even your crazy cousins. You are made to love. Loving another person doesn’t diminish love from someone else. It’s not like your heart is a pot of stew that once you dish out all the bowls it’s empty. Okay stupid analogy.” He ran his hand through his hair.

  “No.” Dare stood up quickly, her heart cold and her body icy at his words.

  He didn’t understand at all. Just like her family. Because if she listened to them or she listened to him, it would be like Ryan never mattered.

  “I’m...” Crap. She couldn’t even think of an excuse. She was tired, but she’d never admit that. And the sun was still out. It probably wasn’t even dinner time. Her face hurt like hell, but Lock would want her to take pain meds.

  “No,” was all she said.

  Two weeks later, Lock arrived home after a rare night out with quite a few of his crew, including Dare. He’d left before everyone, claiming an early morning although all his mornings were early since he usually rowed or ran several miles. Life at the station was settling down into some sense of normality. News outlets had stopped calling about “the American’s heroics.” Some bloggers and media people from as far away as the States—had wanted to interview Dare about her unconventional aerial rescue, but he and the PR department had headed most of it off. Even a cat magazine—who knew there were any—had contacted Melbourne’s public relations department to find out about the cat she’d rescued.

  Lock hadn’t even realized there was a cat; he’d been so focused on Dare blasting through the window but, seeing the video later, even Lock found him
self laughing at the cat. A Himalayan with huge green eyes, the cat had looked so pissed off when Dare had tossed it on a branch and, before running off, it had turned around to glare at Dare then lifted its paw seemingly in a one finger salute and then hissed before scurrying higher in the tree.

  After personally meeting Dare at the station with his eyebrows perpetually in his hairline—whether charmed or shocked as Dare chatted with him—Avis had finally calmed down and was no longer demanding daily reports. Dare had filmed a public service announcement about what people should and shouldn’t do when home and a fire broke out.

  So the station was back in a groove. Dare was fitting in as if she’d always been there, and she was an asset—seeming to revel in every call, whether it was to a fire or a traffic accident, where her medic experience had been so helpful that he toyed with the idea of asking her if she wanted to transfer to MFB so she wouldn’t be under his command and he and she could—Lock pulled into his garage and cut the engine.

  Dare wasn’t a football to be kicked around. She was settled and happy, and he wasn’t going to be a selfish dick, but he still couldn’t get the way she’d said “I can’t love again” out of his head. Not that he’d been expecting her to declare undying love to him. He hadn’t come close to mentioning that word, but she had, and now it rattled around in his head like a kicked soda can. Can’t or won’t? She’d sounded so broken. Not like the Dare he knew. Or thought he knew. He was an idiot. He should be relieved she was now putting distance between them. He’d wanted it.

  Careful what you ask for. How many times had his mom said that to him, smiling wisely as if she’d known something he hadn’t? A wave of bitterness nibbled at his conscience. He’d wanted freedom as a teen. That was why he’d left home to attend uni. Freedom from Melbourne and family expectations and demands.

  He’d gotten more freedom than he’d wanted or been able to comprehend.

  And even though Dare no longer questioned the distance he’d insisted on, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Day and night. He still sat in his car but pocketed his keys. He should go to sleep. He had a few brutal shifts coming up, except he couldn’t sleep because he was conscious of her sleeping in his house—or not sleeping as was more common. He’d see her light on late at night and fantasize about what she was doing. Or he’d see her slim form swimming lap after lap in the pool, the lights dancing off her body. She’d offered to move into the station bunk several times, but he’d insisted his house had plenty of room, and it did. He’d grown up here with his grandparents and parents and three siblings, but now, with Dare in the main house and him in the apartment, he felt so hyperaware of her every move.