by Knox, J. C.
Marking the calendar, George realises that it has been exactly 10 years since that fateful explosion at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant in the Soviet Union. He glances out the circular hole in the wall that is the window of his mud house and watches a group of giraffe’s meander past, ignoring him completely. He constantly monitors the animals, the elephants, the hyenas and the lions and so far, none of the animals in Africa that he’s seen, appear to have been affected by the radiation in any shape or form. There are new young born each year, the giraffes he notices have several calves in their group. It’s early evening, and the sun is beginning to set; He knows that in about half an hour the daylight will be completely gone. In Burkina Faso, the sunset is different from home and he still finds it strange that one minute the sun is above the horizon and its complete daylight and the next it has dropped below the horizon, and it is completely dark. It’s the dry season, the season George hates the most, glancing across the dusty landscape as the sun begins to drop, he can see the heat rising from the ground, there are hyenas lounging under a lone tree in the distance, he hates the hyenas, they torture the village, killing livestock on a nightly basis. But this is his life now, and he is still adjusting to the intense heat his body is not used too.
The following morning George sits at his window watching his ex-wife with her swollen belly and his friend Seamus as they leave their home to walk down the street. At thirty-five she looks a lot older; George was surprised that she was able to get pregnant at all after all that she’s been through and the radiation she’s been exposed to. He couldn’t believe his eyes that first time he saw Sarah when she landed back on Blackcliff Island with the other survivors, she had lost all of her hair and was like a different person, but being Sarah, she took it in her stride, telling him that it is part of her survival. Sarah was the first on the Island to lose her hair but not the last. Her hair has never grown back but she has grown into her bald head and it doesn’t look strange anymore. As the years have moved on everyone who lived on Blackcliff Island and survived has lost all their hair, it’s almost like a mark that distinguishes them as nuclear survivors. There are others in Djibo who migrated from different parts of the world, but the bald heads make it easy to recognise Blackcliff Islanders. He still feels bad about leaving Sarah behind in Iceland, and how he treated her when she arrived back on the Island. If it wasn’t for Connor’s negotiating skills, he honestly believes that she would have killed him, shot him between the eyes for his betrayal and he wouldn’t have blamed her. The atmosphere was tense for a long time and he had to watch his back, sleeping with one eye open would describe the last three years on Blackcliff Island. Sarah was a mess when he left her in Iceland, but it was a different woman who returned, not only was she bald, but she was also sober and hardened, and wasn’t going to take any shit from anyone. Her no shit attitude has served her well here in Burkina Faso, the people respect and listen to what she has to say. Everyone who left the island has slowly but surely been able to make a new life for themselves in Africa. All except George, there isn’t a day that goes by where he doesn’t miss his island and the life he had with Sarah. It was the two of them against the world, he had hoped that one day they would have a child, but now he has to watch her have that life with someone else. It still pains him when he thinks about what happened to their baby and realises the moment, they found out that Sarah was pregnant was the moment when their marriage started to unravel. He deeply regrets getting sent to prison leaving Sarah to deal with the pregnancy and birth all by herself, and wonders if things would have turned out differently if he’d been there to support her, to stop her continuing with the pregnancy.
Since the explosion George had to fight every day for his life against an invisible enemy and was prepared to do everything in his power to survive, but here where everything has been safe for the past 3 years, his fight is gone. He lost the fight to live a long time ago, living a meaningless miserable existence. Opening the medicine box, he empties all the pills into a wooden bowl, bringing them to the table in front of the only window in the mud house. Pouring the whiskey, he tips all the pills onto the table in front of him. They spill out spreading all over the table, he lifts one, placing it in his mouth, swallowing it before lifting another, doing the same, washing them both down with another swig of whiskey. Methodically, he swallows pill after pill, until there are no pills left, glancing out of the window, he notices the giraffes again and smiles as his vision blurs and he closes his eyes for what he hopes will be the final time.
Chapter 25.
New beginnings.
George doesn’t know what the strange noises are, but he likes them; there’s a methodical bleep whoosh, bleep whoosh, bleep whoosh, nice and steady coming from somewhere nearby. His eyes are closed, but there’s an orange glow coming through his eyelids, he knows it will be bright when he opens them. Listening to the noises, George begins to wonder where he is and listens more carefully. He can hear more noises but doesn’t know what they are.
‘What is that?’ he thought, trying to open his eyes, but the light is too bright, and he closes them again.
‘George, can you hear me?’ he hears, wondering who is calling him.
The noises fade into the background again along with the voice and darkness descends.
Bleep whoosh, bleep whoosh, he listens to the noises again only this time he can hear voices, people are talking somewhere close to him, he tries to speak, but no noise comes out. He tries to open his eyes, but the light is too bright, as he lies listening to the noises, he remembers the pills and wonders if he is dead. He took them all, they should’ve killed him, especially with his damaged lungs and the throat tumours.
‘George, come on wake up!’ he hears a female voice calling him, and suddenly he realises the noises are machines and there’s a smell he recognises as disinfectant.
He tries to open his eyes again, but the light is still too bright, he wants to speak but nothing comes out and he wonders if he is in a hospital. ‘Surely not, I couldn’t have survived taking all those pills, could I?’ he wonders, trying desperately to communicate with the woman who keeps calling him.
He doesn’t know how long he has been here, but he recognises the different patterns made by the staff, the doctors come around in the morning and when someone needs them, the nurses change twice a day. There’s one voice he likes the sound off and tries to answer when she calls him, but he can’t. He’s beginning to get frustrated with the lack of improvement as he listens to the nurses talking about a series of attacks by militant gangs in the village. The door opens and closes, there’s a new smell, it’s a smell he knows, he’s sure it’s Sarah’s smell, it’s not perfume, just her natural smell. Determined to talk to her he tries to make any kind of noise and hears a strange gargled noise. The noise stops and he realises the noise was him when he hears a flurry of movement and Sarah said,
‘George can you hear me? squeeze my hand if you can hear me.’
He can feel her hand and tries to squeeze, he doesn’t know if it worked but he hears Sarah call the nurse,
‘He squeezed my hand, look, George squeeze my hand again.’
George tries again to squeeze her hand and it must have worked because he can hear excitement in both Sarah and the nurse’s voices.
‘I’ll get the doctor; this is fantastic,’ the nurse tells Sarah.
A door opens and closes shortly after, he can smell that Sarah is still in the room and tries to squeeze her hand again and hears her say,
‘George, you’re in the hospital, you’ve been here for a month now, please, if you can, open your eyes.’
A month, he’s been here a month, why can’t he open his eyes, the door opens again, and he can hear the nurse telling the doctor what happened.
‘George if you can hear me, can you squeeze my hand,’ the doctor asks.
George squeezes as hard as he can and hears a gasp from somewhere in the room, he’s certain it’s Sarah.
‘Mrs O’Neill, I re
duced the sedation medication last night and it would appear that George is responding, but it could take time. It would be beneficial if you could talk to him and if he has any other friends or family who could come in that would help as well,’ he hears the doctor say.
Mrs O’Neill? What’s going on, he’s sure that it’s Sarah out there, what has he forgotten?
‘Yes, my husband will come in, he and George are friends,’ Sarah said.
His head is reeling he can’t understand what is happening, who is Sarah’s husband if it’s not him? Were they ever married or was it all a figment of his imagination? Was there a nuclear explosion? Yes, he remembers, he and Sarah lived in the bunker for three years and then went to Iceland. The baby, prison, Sarah’s alcoholism, the past eight years rush into his memories and he can’t make it stop, he remembers what he did and why he and Sarah are not married any more. Blinking, he manages to open his eyes slightly, a blinding light preventing him from opening them any further. He can see the room; The nurse is checking his chart and Sarah is sitting near the door her bald head down. He’d forgotten about the hair, but seeing her head brings that back as well, lying in the hospital bed he wants the memories to disappear. He hates his life; he wanted to die and wonders why he isn’t dead? he’d taken enough pills to take out an elephant. Sarah is looking at him from across the room George closes his eyes, he doesn’t want to talk to her.
‘George are you awake?’ she asks, walking to the bed, lifting his hand.
He can feel her this time but doesn’t respond, hoping she will leave, so he can wake up without her here.
‘Nurse, I thought I saw his eyes open,’ Sarah said, as the nurse crosses the room.
‘George, squeeze my hand if you can hear me,’ the nurse said, but George intentionally doesn’t respond.
‘Even though he has had a breakthrough this afternoon, it could be awhile before he is able to respond properly,’ the nurse said.
There’s silence for a while before Sarah said, ‘I’m going to go; will you get me if there’s any change?’
‘Yes, of course, Mrs O'Neill.’
Waiting until he’s certain Sarah would be well away from the hospital before opening his eyes, this time fully, George takes in the sterile white room. The nurse has left, and he gets a chance to properly assess where he is, wondering if it is a secure wing for mentally unstable people who try to kill themselves or a regular hospital room. His hands are free, and he’s been left alone suggesting it’s a regular room. He’s startled when the door swings open and the nurse enters, she does a double take when she sees him looking at her.
‘George, you’re awake!’ she exclaims, turning, calling to someone behind her, ‘George’s awake.’
He hears a flurry of movement before several people dash into the room: there’s a doctor and several nurses.
‘Someone get Mrs O’Neill’ one of the nurse calls.’
‘No!’ George croaks.
‘What George, what did you say?’
‘No, I don’t want Sarah.’
‘Okay, okay. She can wait, don’t get yourself worked up.’
He wants to leave but knows he must wait; The nurse is checking all the machines and seems satisfied with what she finds. The doctor returns smiling.
‘George, it’s good to see you awake,’ he said, checking the chart at the end of the bed.
It’s been three weeks since he woke after being in a coma for a month and today is the day he gets to go home. During the past three weeks he found out that it was Seamus who found him unconscious slumped over the table and drove him three hours to the nearest emergency hospital. George doesn’t want to be ungrateful, but he didn’t and still doesn’t want to be alive, he doesn’t know why Seamus had come to the hut, but deeply wishes he hadn’t. He had intended to end his life and as soon as he gets a chance, will do it again. During the time he was in the coma, he’d forgotten that Sarah is pregnant, and it was torturous seeing her swollen belly when he eventually allowed her back, only this time with Seamus. He can’t bear the thought of the pair of them being together, she was the only person able to connect with him, she saw the real him, now his world is blacker than it ever was before, loneliness cripples his every thought.
It’s a long three hours back to the village, he just wants away from Sarah and Seamus, why can’t they see that? He wonders if it’s some sort of punishment that Sarah is intentionally inflicting on him. On the drive home he’s made up his mind that he is going to return to Blackcliff Island, he would rather live in the place he loves than stay in this hell hole even with the threat of the radiation. He’s not going to tell anyone until he’s ready to go, he will have to stock up on supplies, but he’s not really bothered, he just wants to get home.
‘Nearly there, I’ll be glad to stretch my legs,’ Seamus said.
‘Yeah, it’s a long way and these roads are terrible,’ Sarah agrees.
George doesn’t respond, he wants to get as far away from them as he can and hopes they will let him go to his hut without any fuss. Spotting the village in the distance through the dust being displaced into the air his heart sinks. Fuck, he hates this fucking shit hole, the sooner he can get away the better.
It’s been a month since he left the hospital and life has been shit, Sarah and Seamus are watching his every move, there hasn’t been a day where he has been left alone. He does whatever jobs need doing around the village, but his days are dreary, and he desperately wants to put his plan into action. He hates the heat and the only thing getting him through the day is the thought of getting away from here. There’s increasing unrest in the surrounding villages with nightly attacks from militants and gang violence, several people are dying each night, but George doesn’t care, he hopes that he will be next. The sun is low in the sky as he takes the first swig of what he knows will become complete oblivion; he watches his wife and Seamus walking towards their hut after bringing him food that he will discard. He doesn’t want their food, or their interfering, all he wants is to be left alone but no one is listening.
George is woken in the early hours of the morning by Seamus in a panic.
‘George, wake up, George, George wake up!’ Seamus yells, shaking George awake.
‘What’s wrong, stop shaking me, I’m awake,’ George said as bile rises in his throat and the room sways.
‘It’s Sarah, she’s bleeding. I think she’s losing the baby.’
Falling out of bed, George grabs his trousers,
‘Where is she?’ he asks.
‘At the house, she doesn’t want to move.’
‘Okay, you go home. I’ll go to the hospital.’
George and Seamus go their separate ways, George has never been to the hospital at night before, he knows that the sister in charge stays overnight, but she has disliked George from the moment she first met him and is not shy to show her disapproval. Poking his head through the door, he’s grateful that she’s not asleep but checking on the patients.
‘Sister, I need your help, my wife, I mean friend, is pregnant, and she’s started to bleed.’
‘Is it Sarah?’ the sister asks, eyeing George sceptically.
‘Yes, it’s Sarah who’s bleeding, she’s heavily pregnant.’
‘Okay, can you go to the rooms down that hall and wake my stand in, tell her where I have gone and give her these charts.’
George watches as the sister gathers a medical bag before heading towards the door,
‘Shall I stay here?’ he asks, unsure what to do.
‘Yes, my nurse is going to need help, I don’t know how long I will be, can you stay?’ she asks raising her eyebrow, her afro hair making a halo around her face.
‘Yes, I can stay, you go and help my Sarah,’
‘She’s not your Sarah, I know about you!’ she said, before turning her back on him, walking out the door, leaving George dumbfounded.
The night is dragging, and George can’t concentrate on anything but Sarah, he tries to make conversation with the nur
se, but she’s as friendly as the sister. George wonders if everyone knows what he did, and that is why he has been kept at a distance? As he does the rounds checking the sleeping patients, he realises that Sarah did this, she trained all the nurses working here, bar the sister who was the only medically trained person in the village. Sarah also designed how the ward should be arranged, making sure that the nurses wherever they were in the small hospital building could hear a patient calling; it’s impressive. As the hours drag on, he can barely be bothered to check the patients, impatiently waiting for news, as much as he wanted this life for himself and Sarah, he doesn’t want her to lose another baby. The sun has risen, and the day staff have arrived, George is grateful that he can finally get away from the unpleasant nurse, who has made him feel as welcome as a rat in a kitchen. He truly hopes he never needs their assistance; he reckons they would let him die rather than help him. Leaving the hospital, he runs as fast as he can until he reaches Seamus and Sarah’s house, he stops outside nervous, gasping for breath unsure what to do next, when Seamus suddenly bursts out of the door and grabs him, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck.
‘What’s happened?’ George asks, barely able to hear the answer.