by Knox, J. C.
‘I won’t stop you George, I will tell the chief that we’ve talked, I hope you get what you want. But I want you to know that I’m not just saying it, I truly do forgive you.’
In the darkness the noises of the Savanna are intensified, in the dry season, they are in more danger from starving animals. George can hear gun fire somewhere in the distance, it’s become normal now to hear about the killings the following morning. With the hungry animals and militants George knows he should be afraid, but he doesn’t care if he gets mauled by a hungry lion or shot, it will just quicken the process and put him out of his misery.
‘I should get back and give Seamus a break,’ Sarah said, breaking his train of thought.
‘I’ll walk you, and thanks Sarah.’
‘We’re family George, families fight but we can begin to put that behind us, I should apologise to you as well. I dissed you to everyone in the village and I enjoyed watching you get shunned and left out, but you didn’t deserve it and I’m sorry. If you can forgive me, I would like it if you could spend more time with us, I would like you to get to know my son, we’ve decided to call him Connor, what do you think?’
‘Connor’s a great name and if he turns out half the man, he’ll be a great person.’
A week later George is woken by several tribesmen outside his window, telling him that he has been summoned to the chief. Unsure what will happen George follows the men without question, he’s told to wait outside until he is summoned. It is still early, but the heat is already intense as George waits to be called, he watches as the heat rises from the arid ground, a skinny dog ignores him as it meanders past. He’s always wary of the animals, he’s learnt the hard way that they can spread disease and contamination far and wide before showing symptoms. A good ten minutes pass and George is still waiting to be called and wonders if he should leave, as the animal skin across the door is drawn back and he is invited in.
‘George, thank you for coming to see me, I along with my men have been discussing your proposal to join the tribe. You were given a task, tell me how that went?’ the chief said, taking a long drag on the pipe.
The mud house is only slightly bigger than Georges, but it’s dark and smoky from the pipe and the low fire burning in the center of the room, the only light coming from a slit where the fabric meets across the door.
‘Yes chief, I did as you asked, I talked to Sarah,’ George said, wondering how much he must tell of the conversation.
No one speaks, the chief continues to draw on the pipe and the two other tribesmen just watch him as he stands awkwardly.
‘She’s forgiven me.’
The chief looks up and said,
‘But that wasn’t the task, George, the task was to forgive yourself, has talking to Sarah helped you do that? You’re a broken man George, to be part of the tribe we need strong men, men that can forgive themselves if they are truly sorry.’
George has a tightness in his chest as he tries to stop the tears from falling,
‘No… I can’t forgive myself; I’ve done some truly horrific things,’ he said, his chest heaving.
‘And you feel you must be punished?’
George can’t answer, he doesn’t know what to say, does he deserve to be punished?
‘I don’t know?’ he said, finally in a voice barely above a whisper.
‘Does Sarah think you deserve to be punished?’
‘No, she forgives me,’ he said, finally making eye contact with the chief.
‘Join us,’ the chief said, indicating a rug on the floor.
George sits, no one speaks, the four men sit looking toward the fire, the warmth from the fire and the smell from the Chiefs pipe, appear to wrap around George comforting him. Many minutes pass and still no one speaks the comforting silence filling the space. George has lost all track of time and doesn’t know if he fell asleep, but he’s startled when the Chief finally speaks.
‘You need to forgive yourself George, until you do that you will continue to be a broken man, from what I can tell, the only person who hasn’t forgiven you for whatever it is that you did, is you! But I’m not turning you away, I think you would be an asset to have. We won’t have a ceremony yet but will work on making you whole again and when you are ready you will be accepted into the tribe.’
‘How can I forgive myself?’
‘You need to look deep within yourself and find your inner peace,’ the chief said, passing George the pipe.
George takes a puff and passes it to the man next to him, when all the men have smoked the pipe, the chief calls the meeting to an end and the tribesmen see George out. His head spinning George walks home and decides to clear his bathroom, the smell of which can be smelt long before he reaches it. George spends the rest of the day sealing the hole and digging a new one, he moves the outer structure over the new hole feeling satisfied with his days’ work. Taking down the old bathroom unit has given him a better view of the Savanna, he brings a stool and table outside, to watch the sunset, out of habit he pours himself a drink. But holding the glass he realises that he’s not drinking it to block his feelings but as a way to end the day.
Chapter 27.
20 Years after the initial explosion. April 2006.
It’s mid-afternoon, George watches the children tear out from the school building, running as fast as their legs can take them. Sarah is waiting her arms open wide as her son Connor rushes to meet her. He’s ten now, George was delighted when Sarah told him that they were going to call him Connor. He’s a small lad, his growth is stunted compared to other children the same age, but he’s healthy and doesn’t seem to have any significant deficits from the radiation. George had hoped that the birth of Connor would be the beginning of more healthy children being born, but that hasn’t happened. There have been many babies born across the different groups of survivors in the village, but none have survived beyond a few hours even without any obvious deformities. The native people have had several live births, but the chief reports a significant drop in the number of babies being born. Niamh married one of the local farmers, but she has lost six children, every birth goes to term, but the baby dies for no obvious reason, he doesn’t know why she puts herself through the heartache, but she insists that she must keep trying.
‘I have to George, otherwise the radiation wins, we have to keep the human race going, if no babies survive and everyone dies, that’s the end, we have to fight. Giving birth means that there’s hope,’ she told him shortly after her last child died.
Ten years ago, he tried to end his life, and it has taken a long time for him to get away from that as a goal, but shortly after he got out of hospital, he decided that he would go home to Blackcliff Island. The thought of going home gave him hope that he could have the life he longs for. It stopped him from trying to end his life again. He hasn’t told anyone his plan yet, but he can’t stay here much longer, he’s always hated it here and over the years the dislike has grown. He had hoped to join the tribe, but they didn’t accept him, the chief said he needed to forgive himself for what he done to Sarah, but he couldn’t and still can’t. He still has meetings every now and again with the chief and has great respect for the man, but what he is asking is too much, what he did to Sarah is unforgivable, even if she has forgiven him.
To occupy his mind after he left hospital, George started building a storage hut, it was only after the hut was built that he realised what he wanted to do with it. The hut has been used to stockpile non-perishable food, that he will use to take him back to his island. He’s not worried about when he gets there; he plans to live freely until he dies whenever that may be. If there’s still radiation, then it won’t be for long, but at least he will live the life he wants, instead of existing in a place he hates. The gang violence has increased, people are dying and having their homes destroyed on a nightly basis, the chief asked if he would join them in the fight against the militants, but he doesn’t care enough to get involved with the fight. Also, tomorrow is the day when he tells
Sarah and Seamus that he is leaving for Blackcliff Island.
The following morning he’s nervous on the short walk to Seamus, Sarah and Connor’s place. He doesn’t know how they are going to react when he tells them his plan.
‘You’re doing what?’ Sarah asks, looking from him to Seamus.
‘I’m going home. I hate it here. I’ve always hated it here, and I’ve made up my mind. I’m going home.’
‘But you will die, George, the radiation.’
‘I’ll die if I have to stay here a day longer.’
‘Mate, when are you thinking of going?’ Seamus asks.
‘The day after tomorrow.’
He watches their shocked faces but doesn’t care.
‘George, you’ve lost your mind,’ Sarah said, running her hand over her bald head.
‘No, that’s where you are wrong, this is the sanest I’ve felt, it’s been hell for me here, my life is meaningless, I hate the heat and the lack of routine but most of all, I miss my home in the Atlantic Ocean.’
‘What about Connor, he will miss you?’
‘I’m not staying for Connor, I’ll talk to him before I go, but he’s a smart boy, he knows I’m not happy, we talked about it the other day.’
‘We’ll be able to talk on the radio’s still, right?’ Seamus asks.
‘Yeah, the radios will work. I’ve been monitoring the situation around the globe and in some areas, people are starting to leave the bunkers.’
‘Really, you’re still monitoring. I hadn’t thought about anywhere but our lives here,’ Seamus said.
‘I monitor the radios and every week I check the air and the water with the Geiger-meter,’
‘How are you planning on getting home?’ Sarah asks.
‘Oscar is taking me to Dori later today so I can buy a vehicle, I’m hoping the icebreaker will still be in Dakar, if not I will get a ship that I can use to sail home.’
He watches as she wrestles with the fact that he is actually leaving and wants to wrap his arms around her and beg her to come with him, but he knows her life is here now with Seamus and Conner.
‘I wanted to let you both know that I was leaving, but I must get organised Oscar will be here soon to lift me.’
Sarah grabs him and wraps her arms around his neck. ‘Promise me that you will take care of yourself, George,’ she said, burying her head into his chest.
‘This is the best decision I’ve made since we arrived,’ he said, pulling her back from him to look at her face, her eyelashes heavy with tears.
He’s surprised when he’s pulled in the other direction and Seamus wraps his arms around him slapping his back.
‘Gonna miss you mate, I understand why you want to go home, when me and Connor were first on Blackcliff Island and my home was just across the water, it was torture, I just wanted to go home. It’s easier here because we’re so far away, although there’s a part of me that wants to come with you,’ he said.
‘Seriously Seamus, you want to go home?’ Sarah asks her eyes wide.
‘Yeah, I mean it’s okay here, but it’s not home, my Irish skin is not built for this heat,’ Seamus said.
‘What about the radiation?’
‘It might be clear now, you heard George, he’s been monitoring the radio’s and people are leaving their bunkers around the globe,’ Seamus said.
Watching his friends George is curious, is Seamus going to suggest that they come with him? Sarah turns to look at George. ‘What do you think George, would you mind if we came as well?’ she asks.
George is stunned. ‘I thought you guys were happy here?’
‘Yes, it’s nice not worrying about radiation all the time, but I’m with Seamus, this was only ever a temporary measure, I always thought that we would go home eventually,’ Sarah said.
George can’t believe it; This is what he really wanted but never dreamed he would actually get.
‘Yes, I would love for you all to come with me, but what about Niamh?’ he said, choking back the tears that have sprung to his eyes.
‘I’ll talk to her, but she won’t want to leave, she’s part of this place now, she has her farm and the workshop,’ Seamus said.
They look at each other, and Seamus starts grinning.
‘Fuck it! Let’s do this, the Blackcliff Islanders are going home. Ye ha,’ Seamus yells, pulling Sarah and George into a group hug.
‘You’re serious, you want to come with me?’ George asks, unable to keep the grin from his face.
‘Yes, now go get us a vehicle,’ Seamus said.
‘Do you think we should ask Oscar and Lilly?’ Sarah asks.
‘Yeah, probably,’ George said. ‘You know I wasn’t even going to tell him; I was just going to get a vehicle and leave.’
‘Well, they do seem happy here, but we should ask, they might feel the same as us,’ Sarah said.
The three discuss their plans until Oscar pulls up in his four by four truck.
‘What’s up guys? You ready George?’ he calls stepping out of the truck.
George gives him a rundown of the conversation, but he’s not surprised to see the shocked look on Oscars face, Oscar and Lilly have kept to themselves since they arrived in Africa, it’s only occasionally that they mix with the rest of the survivors. George asks if he and Lilly would like to join them. Oscar explains that he and Lilly are happy with their lives.
‘I will speak to Lilly when we get back from Dori, but I don’t think she will want to leave, she still has nightmares about Blackcliff Island and the radiation that killed our girls,’ he said.
Three hours later George and Oscar arrive at Dori, it doesn’t take George long to negotiate his mud hut and all its contents for a battered eight-seater four by four truck. The vehicle is bigger than they need, but George is hoping it will allow some space for sleeping when they stop. Filling his new truck with fuel, he follows Oscar back to the village. It’s a long, hot and dusty journey back and George is glad that soon he will be home in the cool fresh air of Blackcliff Island. He’s exhausted when they arrive back, after thanking Oscar, he heads straight to his hut, lying on the rug in the middle of the floor, falling asleep almost instantly content in the knowledge he will be going home soon.
‘Cool car uncle George,’ Conner said, the following morning walking around the vehicle, his long blond hair blowing in the breeze.
‘Glad you like it little man, did your mum and dad tell you what’s happening?’
‘That we’re going to Blackcliff Island, yeah, I can’t wait. Mum and Dad talk about where they used to live all the time.’
‘They do?’
‘Yeah, especially mum, she misses living there and tells me about the ocean, she said there’s a beach where I can swim in the sea, is that right?’
‘Yes, that’s right, but you must know that we may not be able to stay on the island if the radiation is still there, if it’s high we’ll have to go into the bunker.’
George suddenly realises the danger he’s putting them all in and decides to talk to Sarah and Seamus. Living here they’ve all been able to relax about the radiation, but they need to understand that it could be the same as it was when they left. Before when it was just him, he didn’t care, his plan was to go and live the rest of his life, regardless of the radiation, but now the others want to come, he must warn them that they may end up back in the bunker. In fact, he must insist that they wait until he has checked the situation. Spotting Seamus, he waves to get his attention, ‘Seamus, I need to talk to you and Sarah,’ he calls.
‘Okay, mate what’s up?’ Seamus said, striding across the parched land to him and Connor.
‘Get Sarah, we need to talk.’
‘What’s wrong uncle George, why are you angry with dad?’ Connor asks.
‘I’m not angry, but I don’t think you or your mum and dad should come with me until I make sure it’s safe.’
Seamus and Sarah are heading towards them.
‘I was just saying to Connor, that I think I shou
ld go ahead alone to assess the situation, you don’t want to get to Blackcliff Island only to find that we have to live in the bunker again.’
‘I’m willing to take that risk,’ Sarah said, looking at Seamus who nods,
‘Me too, look we know the risks,’ he said, before turning to his son. ‘But Connor, I want you to stay here with Niamh until we’ve assessed the situation,’ Seamus said, wrapping his arms around his son.
‘But I want to go, I don’t want to stay here,’ Connor said, his eyes full of tears.
‘It’s too dangerous, that’s also why Uncle George shouldn’t go alone,’ Sarah said, joining Seamus wrapping her arms around them both.
‘What if something happens to you?’ Connor asks.
‘We’ll be as careful as we can, and we will keep in contact the whole way, via the radio, you remember how to use it?’ Seamus asks.
‘Yeah, I’ll miss you all, make sure you come home quickly, okay?’ Connor said, wiping the snot and tears running down his skinny face.
‘Okay, so Connor stays, but we go?’ George asks, looking from Seamus to Sarah.
‘Yeah, that’s the plan,’ Sarah said, looking at Seamus for confirmation who nods in agreement.
‘Okay so when do you want to leave?’ George asks.
‘In the morning as planned, we should all go and see the chief this afternoon, tell him what we are doing and ask if the tribe can keep an eye on Connor,’ Sarah said.
A couple of hours later, George, Sarah and Seamus head to the chief’s hut to explain what they are doing. The chief isn’t surprised and agrees that the tribe will look after Connor, suggesting that the boy move in with a couple who were recently married and don’t have any children yet.
‘Okay, as long as Connor agrees, but if he changes his mind and wants to stay with Niamh, then he must be allowed,’ Sarah said, meeting the chief square in the eyes, something George could never do.
‘Sarah, you must understand, Connor is one of us, what he wants will always be of upmost importance, if he’s not happy here, then he can live with his sister.’