Bent

by HB Heinzer

  Without hesitation, Julia closed the space between them and pulled Caleb close to her, "No, buddy," she whispered, "I'm not mad about you seeing your mom. You have to trust me on that. As long as she's not hurting you, I'd never have a problem with you seeing her. She's your mother." Julia didn't know what shocked her more; her holding Caleb as a mother would hold a child or the fact that he wasn't pulling away from her.

  "Your dad and I have a lot of history to get over," she continued, "But our issues are our issues. Now, what games do you have on that PS3 in the living room?"

  Caleb's eyes got wide. "You like video games?" Julia nodded. Whatever she needed to do could wait. Like it or not, Julia had to admit that Caleb had a strangle-hold on part of her heart and he needed her right now. He needed something to get his mind off things that no child should worry about. The only thing Julia could think of to accomplish that was inviting him into the alternate-reality of video games.

  The unlikely duo flopped onto the couch in unison, game controllers in hand. For over an hour, they channeled their fears and frustrations into fighting to survive the zombie apocalypse. Every time Caleb's jaw dropped at her gaming proficiency, Julia laughed.

  Once she was satisfied that they were both in a better place emotionally, Julia opened up to Caleb about her own childhood. She explained that she knew what it was like to have someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally walk out. It was important that he understood that she knew, on some level, what he had gone through. His expression fell when she said it had been over twelve years since she had even heard from her mom and that she envied him that his mom was trying to be part of his life.

  "But what if she picks the drugs again?" he pleaded, "That's why I don't like talking to her. The drugs were more important when I was little. Why wouldn't they be now that I'm old enough to take care of myself?"

  Julia wondered if he'd voiced these concerns to Micah or to the counselor. She knew he hadn't. Caleb still saw Julia as his safe person. If only she had realized this months earlier...

  Placing her controller on the coffee table, Julia turned to face Caleb. "What if she doesn't?"

  "But what if she does?" he volleyed back.

  "Caleb," Julia said, hating the mom tone she heard in her voice, "you can't live your life waiting for her to mess up again. I have no doubt that if your dad had a feeling she was using again, he'd do everything he can to keep you safe."

  "That's not what I mean. Well, it is, I guess," he waffled, "If she starts using drugs again, he's not going to let me see her. That's why I don't like spending time with her. I don't trust her to stay clean. And what if she hurts you again?"

  Julia slumped back at his admission. Why was the twelve year old the one person in this damned town who had no problem being honest with her? It was more than a little unsettling.

  A tension headache was forming behind her temples. This was all too much information for one brain to process in such a short amount of time. Not only that, but the longer she spent talking to Caleb, the more she felt her resolve to leave weaken. "I can understand that. It's why I didn't want to talk to my mom. But even though she left again," she paused, "I'm still glad I had the time with her that I did." With that, Julia excused herself to get another cup of coffee.

  The sliding glass door opened as she entered the kitchen. "Garage," she said through clenched teeth when she saw Micah walking through the door. His face twisted at the icy greeting.

  Julia let Micah know she'd be back as soon as she grabbed her coat. She was counting on Caleb being so absorbed in his game that he hadn't heard his father come home. She wanted to talk to Micah without him knowing.

  "Is he talking to someone?" Julia asked as soon as they were in the secluded safety of the detached garage.

  Micah tried to rub the confused look from his face. "I'm not sure I'm following you," he said.

  Julia recounted the morning's conversation as Micah's shoulders slumped. When she was finished relaying everything Caleb had told her, she folded her arms across her chest while she waited for an answer.

  "No," Micah muttered, "but you're right. He needs to. He's talked to Karen's counselor a couple of times with her there, but you're right. He needs more."

  Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around Julia and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Thank you for telling me. Now, if you're going to keep calling me out here, I'm going to have to find a wood stove or something. It's freezing. Let's get back inside."

  There was one thing to be said for the Wisconsin side of her life; it was never dull. Everything that had been crystal clear when she woke up was now as muddy as the creek at the edge of town. She decided to leave her travel plans as they were originally set. That would give her a week to figure out what to do.

  It was going to mean some serious conversations, probably some fights, but it was worth the fights if it meant she was making an intelligent decision rather than an emotional one. This time, it felt like removing any feelings for Caleb in order to make her decision was going to be the hardest part. It may not be what she signed up for but there was no denying the pull she felt towards him.

  Shortly after lunch, their friends started to file into the house. Micah forgot to mention to Julia that Packers games at her house was a new Sunday tradition. He offered to tell everyone they would have to leave. She reminded him that, technically, it was his house now. Not only had she, in a moment of brilliance, told him to move in to her rental but she was now his tenant.

  Julia ducked into the kitchen shortly after the start of the game. Most weekends she'd have no problem sitting down to watch the game. This wasn't a normal weekend. She was still trying to process everything. She needed to keep herself removed from the "normal Wisconsin life" if she had any hope of making a clear decision.

  It was a good thing she'd gone shopping. This spur of the moment gathering would mean she had to shop again but at least she had something to feed the masses. Julia pulled the chips and dip out of the cupboard and walked them into the living room.

  Julia looked forward to spending the rest of the afternoon baking. She wasn't sure what she would make but it was what she did when she needed to think.

  Eventually, the person Julia was still trying to avoid joined her in the kitchen. "Need any help?" Annie asked meekly. Given her cautious demeanor, Julia figured Micah had warned Annie that she was in Julia's cross-hairs for the house debacle.

  "I'm good," Julia said coolly. After a moment, she firmly set a knife on the counter and looked up. "No, actually, I'm not. We need to talk out in the garage."

  She looked dumbfounded by the remark but didn't question it. Annie grabbed her coat from the foyer and let the guys know where she was going. Julia stifled a laugh when she heard Micah's warning, "Uh-oh, you're in trouble, Annie. Any time she tells me to go out there, it means I screwed up."

  "Bet you spend a lot of time out there," Annie snapped at him.

  Micah laughed, "Even more than you know."

  As much time as Julia was spending in the garage, she wondered if she should take Micah up on his offer to install a wood stove. Then again, he could do anything he wanted since it was his house now. That thought brought Julia back to the agitated place she needed to be in right now. She wasn't going to back down and let Annie convince her there was some noble explanation for hiding the sale of the house.

  Annie didn't say anything as Julia unleashed a tirade on her. She simply nodded as she absorbed everything. Julia realized she'd become much more assertive in her short time in New York. She was getting pretty good at telling people exactly what she thought with enough force that they didn't dare interrupt her.

  When Julia was finished, Annie stayed quiet, waiting to see if there was going to be a second wave. When there wasn't, she responded. "Jules, I'm sorry. I know it wasn't right, but you should have seen him. He really wanted to make this place great for you and he practically begged my mom to sell him the house. He won't tell you that, but everything he's doing is for
you. He's hoping that someday you'll come back. If it helps at all, they haven't closed yet. He said he couldn't do that without talking to you first."

  It was a small consolation but it did help. Why hadn't Micah told her that? Probably because she didn't give him the chance to. "What about the rent checks?"

  Julia couldn't believe she was letting Micah and Annie rationalize this situation. Maybe there was something in the water in Brooklyn that short-circuited the part of the brain responsible for logical thought.

  "He's been paying mom rent since you left," she admitted, "Mom didn't want to take your checks. Micah told her she had to take them and cash them until you came home. She tried to fight him on it, but you know how hard it is to resist those sleepy eyes and his pouty face." Both women laughed at the statement. "So, mom opened a separate savings account at the bank and she's been putting your checks in there. Micah wanted to talk to you about it but he didn't want to do it over the phone. You kind of freaked him out when you left without telling him..."

  "I'm still pissed," Julia stated. "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Micah last night. I can't do lies. I can't do secrets," she said pulling Annie in for a hug. "I love you, Annie, but you can't keep things from me. Not even when you think it's in my best interest."

  Annie agreed promising she wouldn't go down that road again. They stood in the cold talking for a while about Caleb. Julia felt like she was betraying his trust by talking to Micah and Annie but she needed people who were around him all the time to know what was going on. She felt better knowing that Annie would keep an eye on things and make sure Micah found Caleb a counselor of his own. She also said she would offer to take Caleb if Micah had to work late. The conversation made Julia feel a bit better knowing that Caleb was being cared for.

  By the time Annie and Julia made their way back to the house, the ham she had put in the oven to warm was being unceremoniously butchered by a pack of hungry men. The packaging from two boxes of stuffing was strewn across the counter. The guys had proven their ability to fend for themselves in the absence of a woman to cook for them. In light of everything that had happened in just over twenty-four hours, the scene was welcomed chaos.

  The delicate balance had returned to the house as Julia unraveled the mess that was her life. She was no closer to a decision and the anger was still smoldering within her, but being surrounded by her friends and her brother made it hard to dwell on those things.

  After cleaning the kitchen, she joined their friends in the living room. It felt good to see all of them crowded onto the sectional sofa and she squeezed herself between her brother and the love of her life. No matter what, she knew Micah would always hold that title.

  "Hey, everything okay?" Adam whispered in her ear. Julia nodded.

  Shortly after nine, the front door closed as Adam, the last straggler, took the hint that it was time to go home. Julia watched as Micah cleared the empty beer bottles and dishes from the living room. She finally believed the words she'd told Caleb earlier in the day; everything would work out one way or the other. The thought gave her peace.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Concentrating on work was nearly impossible for Micah the week of Thanksgiving. He wanted nothing more than to spend the week at home trying to repair his fractured relationship with Julia. He needed to be on the job-site if he wanted to make sure they were finished and obtained the occupancy permit by the first of December.

  He'd spent so much time trying to make sure he didn't upset Julia while she was halfway across the country that he had failed to take into account how she would react to learning that he had kept things from her. It had never been his intention to lie to her but he couldn't disagree with her accusation that he'd done just that by not being forthcoming.

  Had it simply been the issue of him buying the house, he figured she would have come to understand why he had done it. If there was a crushing blow to their relationship, he knew it was Julia seeing him with Karen.

  Micah had spent thirteen years wondering how things would have turned out if he had told Julia the truth that rainy night in his Mustang. Now that he saw how amazing she was with Caleb, he knew lying to her then had been the biggest mistake of his life besides being insecure, immature and drunk the night he cheated on her.

  To not be man enough to tell her where he was going Saturday morning because he worried she would be upset was inexcusable. Because of that decision, he was preparing himself for the reality that when he drove Julia to the airport Monday morning it would be their final goodbye.

  That reality was hard to accept. He deserved for her to walk away forever but Caleb didn't. For whatever reason, Julia was the only person Caleb was willing to talk to when he was upset. She might say she wasn't cut out to be a parent but Micah knew she was wrong. The way she related to Caleb and got him to open up was amazing.

  For three short days, Micah was able to walk through the door after work and see what he always dreamed his life could be. His son sitting at the kitchen table finishing his homework while the woman he loved made dinner. He decided that no matter what happened at the end of the weekend, he would do everything he could to make the next few days memorable.

  Micah walked through the door on Wednesday night, prepared for an evening of shopping and dinner with Julia and Caleb. He was surprised to see Julia ridiculously bundled up in one of his Carhartt work coats with hot pink gloves and the clunkiest boots he'd ever seen.

  The only thing more surprising than her attire was her mood, "Hey baby, change of plans," Julia chirped. He had no clue what caused the tension between them to melt away but he was thankful for it.

  "Um, okay?" Micah replied, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

  Julia wasted no time pulling him out the door. "We have to head downtown. Lizzie called and they need help getting everything ready for the tree lighting ceremony. I told her we'd love to come down."

  It wasn't the evening Micah had planned but it gave him an idea. Understanding what was driving Julia's good mood, he threw her the keys so she could drive. "I have to send a couple of emails for work. Is that okay?" This was one time he figured she would forgive him for lying to her. As soon as she was behind the wheel, Micah started tapping out text messages from the passenger's seat.

  Micah: Hey, you still have the card I gave you the last time you were down?

  Adam: Yep. Need it back?

  Micah: No, can you go shopping for me tonight?

  Adam: I suppose. I do have something I need to do later, how long will it take?

  Micah: Hopefully not long. Head towards Madison and I'll call you as soon as I can get a minute away.

  "Everything okay?" Julia asked as the text alerts continued coming in.

  Seeing her eyes shifting towards his hands, Micah turned the phone away from her. "Yep, everything's great." It would be much easier to surprise her if he hadn't broken her trust.

  By the time she parked the truck along Main Street, Julia's good mood was fading fast. Something was going on with Micah. She didn't know what it was but he had a guilty look on his face. She hated the way things were between them now. She hated second guessing everything he did or said.

  "I'm going to go find Lizzie," Micah said as leaned over to kiss the top of Julia's head. "I probably should have asked sooner, but where's my son?"

  He would have felt bad for not thinking about Caleb sooner but he knew Julia wouldn't leave him home alone. In some ways, Micah felt like she was more of a parent than he was.

  "Annie picked him up after school. He's down here somewhere," Julia said, her eyes flitting from group to group trying to find them. "Tell you what, you find Lizzie and I'll find Annie. We'll meet back here when everything is done."

  With that, Micah watched Julia as she nearly floated down Main Street. He picked up the phone as he walked to where he knew they always set up the staging area for the decorations to give Adam his orders. Minutes later, he was perched high above the street in a bucket truck draping the gas-lamps wi
th evergreen garland and lights. Julia's laugh echoed through the cold night air.

  He looked to the courthouse lawn to see her head pop up from behind a six-foot toy soldier just in time to lob a snowball at Caleb. Before long, a wintry war broke and it seemed that every volunteer whose feet were on solid ground was hurling snowballs as fast as they could make them.

  It was the first time Micah had seen Julia without a trace of worry since she woke up on Saturday. As tempting as it was to lower the bucket and join the fun, he decided to stay safely out of harm's way and revel in the scene below.

  As the fight dwindled, volunteers returned to setting up the same set of decorations that had adorned the courthouse lawn for generations. Micah saw someone approach Julia from the opposite side of the building. With the number of people working in the area, it shouldn't have concerned him but it did. As soon as he saw the nearly threadbare red coat, he fumbled for the controls. He needed to get down and go to Julia.

  "Julia?" The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as soon as she heard the familiar voice.

  She whipped around, willing herself to stay calm. "Yes?" Julia said coolly.

  As soon as Julia looked into her eyes, she knew the woman standing in front of her didn't pose the same type of threat she once had. If it hadn't been for having the woman's voice seared forever into her memory, she wouldn't have recognized her. "Can we talk for a minute?"

  "Karen, I'm not sure there's anything to be said," Julia said without a trace of emotion. There was no emotion because Julia didn't know what to feel. "What are you doing here?"

  Karen's eyes shot up and she fixated on something over Julia's shoulder. "Look, I know you probably hate me and I don't blame you. But I need to talk to you about a couple of things." Her words were hurried as her eyes stayed set in the distance. "Please, it won't take long."