Bent

by HB Heinzer

  Shortly after five, everyone piled into vehicles to watch the annual tree lighting ceremony. It made Julia remember standing in front of the tree with her high school choir, singing Christmas classics before the mayor flipped the switch to illuminate the downtown decorations.

  They didn't have the most spectacular light display in the area but this was a tradition. It was something she loved as a child and that love hadn't faded while she'd been running. She leaned into Micah, taking in every second of the activities.

  Once the crowd began to disperse, Julia and Micah opened their home to whoever wanted to stop by. They dubbed it an anti-holiday gathering with no expectations and no formality. Slowly, the house filled with laughter as friends and Micah's employees wandered from room to room.

  If Julia did move back here, she decided this would have to become a holiday tradition. She loved entertaining but she hated pretenses, so this was the ideal situation. She figured it would also be nice for everyone to have a place to unwind after spending the day with family.

  It was after midnight when Micah ushered out the last guests and grabbed Julia's hand leading her to the bedroom. "Thank you," he purred into her ear as she washed her face.

  "Shouldn't I be the one thanking you," she said, turning into his embrace. "That was really something, I love it. All of it."

  "Damn, I'm going to miss you," Micah sulked.

  Julia pressed her index finger against his lips, "No. We promised we weren't going to think about Monday until Monday." She stood on her toes to kiss him. "I love you. Let's go to bed." She left him alone in the bathroom and cocooned herself in the down comforter. She purred softly when Micah slid into the bed and pulled her tight against his chest. She didn't want to tell him that the thought of leaving was already tearing her apart.

  It seemed like she had barely fallen asleep when her cell phone rang. She thought about ignoring it and then cursed Annie when she remembered that she had agreed to get up at this ridiculous hour. Sometimes, she really questioned her own sanity.

  "Yeah," she grumbled into the phone.

  "Hey, I'll be there in fifteen," Annie chirped. "Be ready."

  Julia rolled out of the bed and muttered incoherently about physically hurting Annie if she insisted on being perky. Micah rolled over to see what was going on.

  "Everything okay?" he asked rubbing his eyes. When he saw Julia pulling on her boots, he shot up in the bed. "Jules, what's going on?" His voice was panicked.

  "Go back to sleep," Julia mumbled, "In a moment of weakness, I agreed to go shopping with the girls this morning. I blame you for putting me into a deliriously good mood yesterday morning," she joked as she pressed her lips to his.

  "Okay," he said without breaking their kiss. "Don't scare me like that."

  Julia sighed, "I already told you I'm not going anywhere. Except for right now I'm going to the damned mall to deal with the mobs. Why did I agree to this?"

  Micah laughed, "Because you miss your friends. And because I made you deliriously happy. I'll take the blame any day if your happiness causes you to do goofy things like agree to go shopping in the middle of the night."

  Just before Julia left the room, Micah sat up again. "Hang on," he said getting out of the warm bed. He reached into the jeans he'd hung over a chair in the corner of the room. "Take this. You spent enough money getting out here and you're doing it again next month, so today's on me."

  "Micah," Julia huffed, "I don't need your credit card. I do have my own money, you know." She knew it was a nice gesture but part of her resented him spending as much as he already had trying to make her happy. It felt like he was trying to buy her way back to Wisconsin.

  "Baby, I'm not saying you don't have your own money," Micah said, frustrated, "I'm saying I like being able to spend money on you. It's not going to change, so get used to it. Now please, go be deliriously happy again today."

  Knowing it was a losing battle and that Annie would soon be outside, Julia took the card. Things were going well between them and she decided it was just easier to accept his kindness.

  Much to her surprise, Julia had a great time as they inched their way through the frantic crowds. It wasn't the type of thing she would go out of her way to do again but it was definitely an experience to behold.

  She bought so much that she had to make two trips from Annie's car when they got back to the house. Every gift she would give to her Wisconsin family was purchased and ready to wrap.

  That evening, she snuck into her office and wrapped the gifts for Micah and Caleb. Once they were safely covered in shimmering snowflake paper, she invited Micah to join her at the makeshift wrapping station. It felt natural to be standing there together wrapping and marking gifts for their loved ones.

  With the air clear between them, everything felt right and Julia once again started to question why she was so determined to live a life on her own in New York.

  The last two days of her vacation flew by much too fast. Not wanting to waste a minute of the time they had to spend together, Julia was reluctant to leave the house for any reason. Her guys agreed and they spent much of the weekend curled on the sectional watching movies. Sunday evening, Micah announced that he had to take care of something and excused himself, leaving Julia and Caleb alone in the silence.

  "PS3?" Julia asked. Without waiting for his response, she stood and brought the game system to life. It had become part of their routine to spend time fighting zombies and talking smack each night. Julia never expected to enjoy the games as much as she did. It was another little thing she would miss when she flew home.

  Once they were both relaxed, Julia spoke. "Hey, can I ask you something?" She was hesitant to bring it up but she knew this would be her last chance for a while.

  Caleb shrugged, "Sure." He kept his eyes on the television across the room.

  Julia took in a deep breath, "Did you tell your mom's counselor something about me being more of a mom to you than she is?"

  For the first time in nearly an hour, Caleb looked away from the game. "Who told you that?" he asked. He was upset and looked ready to bolt from the room.

  "Your mom did," Julia admitted. "I think it hurt her that you said that."

  Caleb slumped against the back of the couch. "Yeah, I said it. And who cares if it hurt her." His voice raised in agitation. "Sometimes the truth hurts."

  She didn't know what she hoped to gain by confronting him about this, so it took her a minute to figure out where to go next.

  "She's still your mom, Caleb," she said placing her hand on his knee. "And as much as we get along, I'll never be your mom. I love you and I'll always be there for you, but I will never be your mom. She's far from perfect, but I really do think she's trying."

  "So," he mumbled.

  "So, I think you need to give her a chance," Julia said, "It took guts for her to come and talk to me, especially when she knew how many people that know what happened were going to be there. I really think she wants to make things right." He was still guarded but at least he was listening. "Will you promise me that you'll try?"

  He didn't say anything and Julia feared he was going to shut her out too. That was the last thing she wanted since she knew he wouldn't tell Micah the things he shared with her. Caleb pursed his lips.

  "Fine. I'll try. But that won't change what I said." Sadness filled his eyes, "Even if you'll never be my mom, you've already been more of one to me than she ever could be. You probably think that's stupid, but it's the truth. And since I'm telling the truth tonight, I think it sucks that you're leaving. I think it sucks that you're not here anymore. You and my dad obviously love each other, so why do you have to keep going back to New York? Will you promise me that you're really coming back for Christmas?"

  Julia leaned back to match his slouched position on the couch. "Caleb, I will do my best to never make a promise I can't keep. And yes, I promise I'm coming home for Christmas." She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and drew his head to hers. "I'm sorry for all the suck I
bring to your life. It won't always be this way."

  For the first time, Julia realized the depth of her love for the boy sitting next to her. No, she would never be his mother but she loved him like a son. She leaned in and kissed the top of his head and then gently stroked his hair. She expected him to pull away but he let her.

  The sun was just starting to poke above the horizon as they drove towards the airport Monday morning. Julia leaned into the crook of Micah's shoulder as he focused on the early morning traffic. At a red light, Micah brushed the hair away from Julia's face. "I don't want you to go," he murmured.

  "I know," Julia whispered. She couldn't tell him that she didn't want to go. If she did, he would spend the few precious moments they had together telling her to stay. She couldn't deal with that conversation either. She knew it was time to make a decision one way or the other but she had to do it on her own. She wasn't going to let her emotions guide her this time.

  They quietly sat in the truck wrapped up in one another until Julia was dangerously close to missing her boarding call. Micah followed her in and carried her bag to the security checkpoint. He leaned down and buried his face in her neck. "This is going to be the longest twenty-six days in history," he moaned.

  Julia sighed. Micah was right. As much as it didn't seem possible, knowing exactly how many days it would be until they saw each other again seemed harder than not knowing when they'd see each other again.

  "Hey," she said pulling his face to meet hers, "it's not even a month. It'll be okay." She kissed him deeply. "I have to go, otherwise I'm going to miss my flight."

  Micah playfully tightened his arms around her torso. "And that would be a bad thing why?"

  After taking a deep breath to memorize his scent, Julia pulled away from him. "Not even a month," she said ignoring his question, "I love you."

  As soon as she was through security, the tears started flowing. There was no way she could do this again. By the time she came back in December, she promised herself that she would make a decision. It wasn't fair to Micah or to herself to put both of them through painful goodbyes time after time.

  "How was the trip?" Krista asked as Julia settled into her desk.

  Work was the last place she wanted to be but she had promised to come in as soon as her plane landed. "It was good," she said wistfully.

  Krista shook her head, "If it was so good, why do you look like someone shot your puppy? You're supposed to be recharged and ready to go."

  "It's hard to leave," Julia admitted. "It's totally different there and I think this trip showed me that different isn't always a bad thing."

  Before Krista could continue her interrogation, one of the new interns popped his head around the corner. "Hey Krista, I need your help with something quick."

  She held up a finger to acknowledge that she heard him and narrowed her eyes to Julia. "You're not getting out that easy. Drinks after work, my treat."

  Julia nodded. She wanted to be alone but she couldn't stand the thought of her cold, empty apartment either. Carly wouldn't be home until Wednesday which meant the apartment would be even more depressing and lonely than normal.

  Now that Julia thought about it, she hadn't seen much of Carly after Thursday and she'd dodged any questions about what she was doing. It was odd, but Julia figured she had her reasons.

  Over cosmopolitans at a trendy bar on the lower east side, Julia told Krista about her trip. She hadn't planned on giving her as many details as she did, but cosmos tended to erase her inhibitions. More than once, Krista's eyes looked ready to bulge out of their sockets as Julia told her about the house and everything that had happened with Karen including the attack in September.

  When Julia finally admitted that the man she was in love with was none other than the boy who had broken her heart right before freshman year, Krista choked on her drink.

  She waved her index finger in Julia's face, "Uh-uh," she nearly yelled. "He totally screwed you. You were a freaking mess! Have you forgotten all of that?"

  Julia sighed, "No. If I had forgotten, I wouldn't sitting here talking to you. And trust me, I haven't let him forget it either." She thought of all the times she'd thrown their past in his face. He never tried to discount her anger. He simply apologized and told her that he would do everything he could to prove to her that he knew how much he'd messed up.

  "So, what now?" Krista asked leaning back in her seat.

  "I honestly don't know. I'm not running back there right away, if that's what you're asking," Julia replied knowing that was exactly what Krista wasn't saying.

  "Good," she responded, "because I have a new client for you. It's not like anything we've done before and I think you're the one who can do it well."

  Julia's interest was piqued. Under normal circumstances, she would have been over the moon at the prospect of a new challenge. Right now, she couldn't shake the feeling that her new client was going to make a hard decision even harder.

  Chapter Twenty

  It has to be here somewhere, Micah thought as he tore apart the boxes that had been stored in Gran Turner's attic when he and Caleb had moved in. As he opened box after box, he realized how much stuff he and Caleb had accumulated. Boxes filled with toddler toys. Another filled with random papers that he'd been meaning to sort through as soon as they'd settled in four years ago. Nested inside a produce box, Micah found a shoebox he never thought he'd be able to look through again. With any luck, what he needed was in this box.

  It wasn't. Instead, he found a picture from senior prom. Julia's floor-length black dress hugged every curve of her body. He had been certain the slit running up to the middle of her right thigh was going to be the death of him that night. They looked so in love. So innocent.

  Pictures of their camping trip to Devil's Lake. They had explored the hiking trails surrounding the lake and Julia hadn't once complained, even though she had been hoping for a more civilized weekend. Watching the sunset over the distant bluffs was magical. That taped together box was a time capsule of the past, it held memories of every milestone they had shared.

  Panic washed over Micah as he finished digging through the last box. A smart man would have put it in a safe place. Then again, there were a lot of things a smart man would have done in his lifetime that Micah hadn't done.

  Years earlier, Karen had seen it sitting in Micah's top drawer, and asked him about it. It wasn't one of his finer moments, but he told her exactly what it was and why it was there. She knew how much it meant to Micah. She knew it was Julia's. That alone would have been enough for her to get rid of it. He didn't want to think that Karen would have done something that vindictive, but he knew how irrational she had been when she was using. No, it was in one of these damned boxes when we moved in.

  As he looked at the disaster he'd created, he saw a box he'd forgotten about slid under a shelving unit. He pulled the box out from under the shelf with such force that it caused the entire unit to shake. As soon as he opened the box, he saw a smaller wooden box nestled in some old t-shirts.

  He grabbed the oak box and darted down the attic stairs. There wasn't much time to get everything taken care of.

  With his errands completed and his suitcase packed, Micah needed to have a talk with Caleb. Even though he knew what his son's answers would be, he'd once promised to always involve him in decisions that affected his life.

  "Hey bud, can you come in here," Micah called from the kitchen. This conversation shouldn't be making him this nervous but it was. What if, by some freak chance, he didn't know his son as well as he thought?

  "What's up?" Caleb asked leaning against the counter.

  Micah laid out his plan to go to New York and fight for Julia. He wanted the three of them to finally be a family and couldn't sit around waiting any longer. She needed to know how he felt. She needed to know how both of 'her guys' felt about her.

  "Cool," Caleb responded. He was trying to play it off like it was no big deal but Micah could see the pure joy in his son's eyes. That was
a light that only Julia had been able to bring into their lives. "So, when do we leave?"

  "Well," Micah said, "I was going to have you stay with the Bryants while I'm gone. It's not winter break yet and you don't need to miss school."

  Caleb shook his head, "No way, Dad. You've screwed up so much with her, I think you might need backup," he said, "and what better backup than me? I mean, seriously, that chick digs me." Micah flicked his son in the forehead at his cocky attitude. If Caleb was this way about Julia, Micah feared what problems they were going to face with girls his own age.

  "I'll see what I can do, but no promises," Micah said before retreating into the office.

  The next three weeks were busy enough that Julia didn't have time to think about what she was going to do. Krista had been right when she said the new client was one Julia would enjoy working with.

  Colton Hayes was an up and coming country singer who had decided he wanted to create a name for himself as the bad boy of country music. Unfortunately, he was good at getting himself into trouble. His daddy's deep pockets paid quite well to have Julia on retainer to clean up his messes.

  It felt good to be doing something that was entertaining, to say the least, but she knew she needed to take some time to make a decision. She shut down her computer and tapped out a text message to Carly, letting her know that she was headed to her new favorite thinking spot above the TKTS booth in Times Square. She'd become a frequent visitor to the ruby steps where she could get away from people while being surrounded by the masses.

  Most nights, it was almost meditative to lose herself above the sea of people. As she climbed to the top step, her phone chirped letting her know she had a new text message.

  Be there in 15. Taking you somewhere.