Left For Dead (The Guarded Secrets Series Book 3)

by Sara Schoen

  I heard him shuffle to get off the floor, the thick boots he wore at all times scuffing the ground. I could hear the steel toe boots plant firmly as he rose on his feet, but he didn’t start moving right away. An uncomfortable tightness suddenly wrapped around my heart, crushing it in my chest, but I couldn’t tell if it was discomfort from hoping he’d stop me from walking away or leave me be. I had hope for either side, but the moment he took hold of my hand I was both relieved and annoyed at the same time. I just wanted a few minutes alone, I didn’t want to explain to him I was hurting inside.

  “Please, just talk to me,” he pleaded. “I know it hurt when I left you in Mexico. How do you think I felt? I didn’t like leaving you there, and I was thrilled when you came back because—”

  “Because you didn’t have to deal with my death.” Once again the words came out sharper than a knife.

  Renegade’s hand tightened around mine, relaxing and making me nervous all at once. “I knew you wouldn’t die. You’re skilled and determined as hell to survive. I know you’d fight and do anything to win. I didn’t leave you because I thought you were unskilled and would drag me down; it was nothing like that. I just want to keep everyone safe, and I knew that you would do better if I wasn’t there for you to worry about.”

  “And what about now?” I asked, skipping over the attempted apology. “Your new girlfriend is making it impossible to keep her safe, not to mention people on both ends of this exchange.”

  “Girlfriend?” he asked curiously, completely lost, judging from his expression. “What are you talking about?” A moment passed before understanding swept across his features. “Is that why you’re so upset? You think—”

  “Forget it!” I cried. “You’re not getting it, are you, Jackson? You’re so focused on rules that you’ll blindly follow them, but there’s not a right choice here. We are risking our lives, and Natasha’s, but you’re too focused on some girl to see that. Wait until after the mission is over, then you and Demon can fight over her if that’s what you want, because I don’t know anymore. You treat me well and then you ignore me. You try to take over my job and get me caught, then try to tell me it was to protect me. Seriously, I’m sick of it. You need to reevaluate what’s important to you.”

  “You’re important to me!”

  “Then prove it!” I retorted. “So far you’ve made it very hard to trust you, and in this business I can’t work with someone I don’t trust.”

  Renegade was about to speak when someone else interjected themselves into our discussion. “Excuse me,” a female voice said from behind me. I turned to see who it was, about to tell them to get lost so Renegade and I could finally hash everything out, and was shocked to see Katya standing behind me. “You should know that Renegade is nothing to me. I just prefer to speak Russian rather than English. I’m sorry if I caused confusion.” Her English was perfect, even if she spoke in a thick accent.

  “You could speak perfect English this entire time, and you chose not to? Why didn’t you tell us that in Russia? You could have told me about your sister then and there, and I could have done something about it. I didn’t understand a word you were saying, and needed to get you out of there. That would have been a good time to reveal you knew English, then we wouldn’t be in this mess and your sister would already be here instead of your father waiting for whoever saved you to show up and take Natasha!” Katya opened her mouth to respond with an excuse but I didn’t want to hear it so I cut her off by holding my hand out in a stop motion. “Never mind. I need to talk to Renegade, alone.”

  Katya backed down, unaffected by my anger. She took a step back and gestured for us to go. I didn’t wait for Renegade to move, I pulled him along with me. He kept pace easily as we rounded the corner. After putting a fair distance between us so Katya wouldn’t overhear, I turned to face Renegade. From the determined expression etched onto his features I knew our conversation wasn’t over. Maybe I could put it off until he stopped caring about making it up to me, but something told me that was a lost cause.

  “Katya is creating too many problems and one big suicide mission for whoever gets sent out to save her sister.”

  “You don’t know for certain that Sharp Shooter is making that call. We may not go at all. We can’t save everyone, Night Stripe.”

  I glared daggers at him. “What other choice does he have? Without Natasha safe, Katya won’t give us the information we need. Without that information, we can’t get rid of Volodya before he comes to kill you himself for killing Marco.”

  A smile spread across his lips. “It’s nice you care enough about me not to want me dead.” He reached up and brushed my bangs away from my eyes. The gesture sent my stomach into knots and my heart pounding against my rib cage. I let the moment last a little longer before I pulled back and looked him in the eye. The playful gleam I had adored had returned as well as the breathtaking smile. About time.

  “I don’t want anyone to die,” I said honestly before silently adding especially you to myself. “That’s why I need you to go back and convince her this is a bad idea.”

  “Why is it such a bad idea? I did it for my sister and you’d do it for your family,” he pointed out. “What’s wrong with her doing the same thing we would?”

  I fell silent. I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence I was able to save her. Something told me this was just a bad idea, though I knew it couldn’t have been avoided. I sought out some of the survivors after being released from house arrest, but I never had one fall into my lap like this—one I had to protect further. The others had been able to remain out of danger and move on with their lives—all except Katya and Jackson.

  I glanced at Renegade, who was still waiting for an answer. Just having him here proved that even when I didn’t go looking for the survivors Ash left behind it was only a matter of time before I ran into another one.

  But what were the chances of finding a survivor only to save them again? I could ask the same thing about the two of us, both targeted by Ash, ending up in CIRA. Coincidence? I didn’t think so but I didn’t know how Ash would line up with my recruitment into the agency.

  It seemed off, but I never thought about it before. Renegade had technically joined before I did, and then I was recruited for a mission due to my natural skills. There was no way Ash could have had something to do with our recruitment, or did he? If anything he just gave us a reason to say yes.

  “Night Stripe,” he asked as he waved a hand in front of my eyes to snap me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.” I was vague on purpose and for once Renegade didn’t push me. “You’re right, I can’t ask her not to do what I’d risk for my family, but it’s not her life on the line. It’s mine and other agents. Who’s the poor soul that has to go out for Natasha? Me, but I’ll make sure it’s just me. No one else’s life will be put on the line for this.”

  Renegade was about to shoot down my idea when Rum called for us. She rounded the corner to find us, and I didn’t miss the curiosity in her stare as she looked over the scene in front of her. Renegade and I close together in another heated argument. I’d be lucky if I ever heard the end of this one.

  “If you two are done, we’ve made a choice.”

  Chapter 12

  Rum escorted Katya back inside Sharp Shooter’s office, quickly followed by Renegade and I. I didn’t have time to explain to Rum we had been talking about what would happen if Sharp Shooter said someone had to go back to Russia. I was sure she’d grill me on it later, thinking that it was some big newsbreak—that Renegade and I finally kissed and made up. She’d think we had actually moved forward in our relationship, when in reality I think we took a few steps backward. This was going nowhere fast.

  “Glad to see you both could rejoin us,” Demon mocked, as he flashed me a mischievous grin and the new black eye forming on his face. “What took so long? Were you two busy?” He winked before Renegade took the seat next to him and
kicked him under the table. Demon let out a hiss as he gritted his teeth against the pain; all he could do was throw a glare in Renegade’s direction.

  “Sorry, was that your leg?” Renegade questioned, feigning surprise. “I thought I hit the table. I’ll be more careful next time.”

  A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as I took my seat next to Spit Fire, who must have joined the meeting while Renegade and I were talking in the hallway. Though the smile was short lived, I could see from the irritated expression on Sharp Shooter’s face that Rum and Demon had gone all out in their debate. He was both annoyed and defeated as he glanced around the table. His gaze met everyone else’s, and when they met mine I could see the apology in his eyes. Before he spoke I knew the choice; I just hoped he would send me and me alone. I didn’t see any reason to risk others’ lives for this. It was too dangerous to send very many people; otherwise we’d be noticed before we had a chance to meet up with Natasha. There would be eyes all over Volodya’s compound because we waited so long to go back. If Katya had just told us, in English, the moment she woke up, then I could’ve gotten Natasha while Demon got Katya out. I would have had to wait for another plane, but at least they would both be safe.

  “So after a rather heated discussion,” Sharp Shooter started, flashing a glare in Rum’s direction. I had never felt pride swell in my chest over something I didn’t do, but knowing Rum was my trainer and that she had fought for what she believed in made me happy to have her on my side. “We’ve decided to take Katya up on her offer.”

  I turned to Rum in shock. I thought she would have been the one fighting not to go back, but her gaze flickered to Demon. I silently cursed him for dragging us back to Russia. I hoped some of the points Rum made got through to Sharp Shooter, and this could be an easy in and out mission.

  Sharp Shooter cleared his throat, regaining my attention. “We will be sending in a small team to go back and retrieve Natasha. Katya, you’ll be kept here for safety reasons, and I’m going to have Renegade stay with you to make sure you don’t try anything.” He flashed a knowing gaze in her direction. Maybe he thought I was rubbing off on even more people, even ones who haven’t been here that long. I must have been on the right track because Katya spoke up next, and the defiance in her voice said she was going to get her way.

  “I have to go with them,” she asserted, letting her thick Russian accent loose. “If I don’t then my sister will never believe them. She’s been brainwashed to think what our father is doing is for our own good. I could only see through the deceit because my mother told me what was really happening. She tried to save us, and now I have to save Natasha. I won’t leave her there to be murdered.”

  Sharp Shooter groaned. “Katya, you can’t go. It’s too dangerous. What if you are taken? What was the point of making this deal? I’m giving you what you want, but you have to work with me as well. I don’t want you walking out of this building and risk losing both you and your sister.”

  “You’re not understanding,” Katya cried. “She will not come willingly as I did. She will fight you if she thinks you’re trying to take her from our father. Your agents will be found, and they will die for nothing. You won’t get the information, my sister would have out-lived her usefulness, and then their blood is on both of our hands because we did nothing to prevent it.”

  There was a deathly silence that filled the room. I had to admit Katya knew how to get her way. If I had to guess it was because she was raised by a man who made all the rules. She had to be a good fighter, verbally and physically, in order to get her way sometimes. Though I wish she would have just taken Sharp Shooter’s deal; it was the safest option. I didn’t have a problem with her wanting to save her sister, but for her to go back and risk her life along with other agents? I had an issue with that. She was using her bargaining chips to come along, and that didn’t sit right with me.

  “She can’t go, Sharp Shooter!” I yelled, standing up from my seat to lean into him. “She’s risking our lives and other agents who didn’t volunteer for this. If she wanted to save her sister she should have spoken up when she woke up.”

  “I was disoriented,” Katya replied. “In case you forgot, I was almost killed. I couldn’t think straight.”

  “And you’re thinking straight now?” I retorted, effectively silencing Katya for the moment. I knew she’d come up with something eventually. Suddenly, I wished she still only spoke Russian. At least then it would be easier to ignore her. I turned back to Sharp Shooter, who just looked done with the whole conversation, but I couldn’t stop. Demon still supported going back, but I knew he wouldn’t risk Katya’s life so I had to convince Sharp Shooter no matter what information she gave us it wouldn’t outweigh the risks. “If she’s seen then we’re fucked. That’s putting it lightly too. Worst case scenario you lose everyone who gets on that plane. Best case, one of us escapes.”

  “What do you suggest, Night Stripe?” he asked curiously, shocking me slightly. He never asked for my opinion. He said I was too hot headed and acted before I thought. I wasn’t someone he’d look to for advice—that would be Rum and Demon’s job.

  “Send in two people at most, and let them retrieve Natasha. I will even volunteer for it.” The second the words left my mouth a kick landed perfectly in the back of my knee. I didn’t need to turn around to know Rum was glaring at me, silently telling me this was a stupid thing to do, but as I told Renegade I wasn’t going to let any more people die than necessary. I could get out of sticky situations; I had been doing it since I first joined this agency, and I could do it again.

  “I’ll go with her,” Renegade stated, raising his hand to volunteer.

  “No,” I said, turning to face him. “You can’t go, you idiot. This is already a lost cause, and taking you there would be suicide. You’re a wanted man, with posters offering a reward for your dead body!”

  “I’m sure the reward would be higher if I was alive.”

  Sharp Shooter interrupted before I could respond. “She’s right. Renegade, you can’t go. I’m sending Demon and Night Stripe in since she offered to go and Demon seems to think it’s a good idea.” He looked around the room to see if anyone disagreed. Nothing came up. “I also hate to admit it, but Katya is right. She will be needed to convince her sister to come with us. If she won’t come willingly without Katya and it will save your lives I’m willing to do it, but on one condition, and this one isn’t negotiable.” He glanced at Katya to make sure she was listening. “My agents, my friends, are risking their lives for this mission. If you’re risking their lives for nothing, and I find out, I will send you back to Russia to your father as a gift.” He paused to let the information sink in. Her eyes grew wide. “You’ll be staying with Demon. Demon, you’ll be on the outskirts of this mission keeping her safe. That means Night Stripe is in charge.”

  “What?” I asked in disbelief. First he asked me for advice on what to do and then gives me a leading position in a mission. I had to be dreaming.

  “You’re in charge of this mission, you’re taking the lead, giving the orders. How many different ways would you like me to put it?” The joking tone in his voice was obvious, but I was still too shocked to give him a reply. He smiled at me and gestured for me to sit down before I fainted from his decision. “Spit Fire,” he said, getting back on track. “I need you to go with them as well, but your mission is to stop Camden from giving away anymore secrets. So do whatever you need to do to make that happen. I’d start with finding out if he’s talked to anyone else. I’m sure you’ll find someone willing to talk, and then deal with Camden yourself.”

  My eyes flicked between Spit Fire and Sharp Shooter. I knew Renegade had the same blood boiling sensation I did. We had the chance to take out Camden before he could cause trouble for us. Clearly CIRA needed to revise their code on killing our enemies from only when necessary to pre-emptive action—take them out before they could kill us.

  “I knew I should have killed him when I had the chance,” Renegade sai
d, letting the annoyance lace through his words.

  “Live and learn, Renegade. That’s all you can do in this business.” Sharp Shooter offered him a sympathetic smile, but that was about it. The rules were in place for a reason, and were meant to keep us safe, but I had a feeling after this breach the rule would change to kill on sight. I was all for it; it made my job easier, but I was sure there were a few more sensitive agents who wouldn’t like the change.

  “I’ll make sure he can’t cause any more trouble,” Spit Fire promised. “I will also see if he’s given the information to any of his other friends.”

  Sharp Shooter nodded. “We’ll take care of them if it’s needed. Do what you can and let me know.” He waited for Spit Fire’s acknowledgement before continuing. “Night Stripe, don’t worry about Camden Cardoza or anyone he may have talked to. We will deal with him when the time comes. For now make sure you get Katya and her sister out of there alive. But no matter what make sure you get out too. I don’t want any risky behavior out of you this time. I’m putting a lot of faith in you, so don’t screw it up.”

  I nodded. This would be my first leadership role; I could only hope I could show him I could do it. Maybe then he’d give me a permanent job outside of the cartel aspect of CIRA.

  “You have four days, and even that’s too long in my opinion, but I want to give you guys enough time to make it there and do the mission safely. Use the same codes and calls to get in touch with Spit Fire and Maverick, and again, make it out alive. If we take out this trade line, we could finally finish off most of these cartels in our country and move on with our lives.” He paused to glance in my direction again. He knew how badly I wanted to go on other missions; how I wanted to show off my skills in something other than just sneaking around and stealing. Rum had taught me a lot and I wanted to make her proud of me. “Let’s finish this job and see what happens next. I’ll see you all again when you come back. For now, eat, pack, and be prepared to take a red-eye flight out of here. You all have a mission to do.”