Then I met with Pericles and Isodemos.
“We have plenty of money for now, but I want to get tighter control over the money supply. Instead of using silver and gold, I want to move to a fiat currency.”
Pericles looked at Isodemos “Are you going to ask him? Or should I?”
“You do it. I’m tired of asking him what in hades he’s talking about.”
“Fine.” He sighed, “What’s a fiat currency?”
“Fiat is a Latin word. Or maybe it will be. Do you know Latin? Rome? Do you guys know about Rome?”
They both shrugged to let me know I was basically talking to myself.
“Ok. Anyway, Fiat means ‘order’ or ‘command’. In Latin. Look, everyone agrees that silver and gold have value. Why do silver and gold have value? They’re not particularly useful. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that everyone agrees. A fiat currency, as the name implies, is a currency that has value by order or command of the government. Everyone agrees that it has value, because the government says it has value.”
They both looked at me confused.
Socrates had wandered in and he said. “I think I get it. Money has value only by convention. If we all stopped believing that gold was valuable it would stop being valuable. Compare this to wheat. Because you can eat it. It has an intrinsic value. Wheat will always be valuable. But gold only by agreement. So, if we can get people to agree that something else has value we can use that as money.”
Pericles and Isodemos looked a little (just a little) less confused. “Ok.” Said Isodemos, “but how do we convince people to agree that your ‘money’ has value?”
“Well, we do it two ways. First we make it convertible. You take our coin to our central depository and you can convert it, at will, into the equal value in gold or silver.”
“What’s the point of that? It sounds like we would need to have access to just as much silver and gold as if we used, well; silver and gold.” Complained Pericles.
“At first yes. But over time, as people, get used to the idea that they can convert it into silver and gold, they figure, why bother. If I can convert this to silver or gold at any time, well then, this is just as good as silver and I don’t have to go down to the depository!”
“Ok. But still we need to have the silver and gold ready. In case they want to convert.”
“Yes, but not all of it. We can figure that at any given moment we’ll need maybe 10 to 20% of the value of currency in circulation.”
Pericles shook his head. “That can’t be right!”
Isodemos asked, “If it’s convertible to silver or gold and just like silver or gold, why would anybody use it instead of just using silver or gold? It just seems like an extra step.”
“Excellent point! People will use it for two reasons. First convenience. Right now, if you want to buy something that costs 5000 drachmas, you need to bring 5000 drachmas with you. That’s a lot of silver. It’s heavy and difficult to carry. Also it’s not very secure since people can see that you are carrying something heavy and compact. What’s that you’ve got there? Is it 5000 drachmas? I think I’ll rob you!
“With our new money, value can be divorced from weight. We can mint a single coin the size of a drachma and say it’s worth 5000 drachmas. You can take it to the depository and we’ll give you 5000 drachmas! Or you can give this single coin to the seller and he can take it to the depository or he can just give it someone else to buy something else and it can continue in circulation. And we never need to give anybody the silver!”
“OK, I can see the value in that. I’m not sure it’s enough to make people abandon silver and gold.” Said Isodemos, who as our finance chief had had to deal with the problems of moving large amounts of silver and gold.
“Which brings me to reason number 2! Fiat means order or command! And as you all know, we will be instituting several new taxes. Well, we will COMMAND that all taxes can only be paid in our fiat money. You can’t pay your taxes in silver or gold! So, people will need to acquire our fiat currency in order to pay taxes, taxes on trade, taxes on wealth. And they have two choices. They can either bring their silver or gold down to the depository and trade it for fiat money or, the simpler choice, just do business in fiat currency.”
I could see the light come on in Isodemos’ face. I’m not sure if he understood completely, but he liked the idea. But Pericles was struggling.
“But it’s convertible into silver, so we still need silver?”
“At first, yes. But eventually we’ll stop converting altogether. We’ll just say it has value. And it will! It will have exactly as much value as silver or gold! More, because it will be more convenient to use and you can use it to pay your taxes!”
“But silver and gold are valuable because you can make things with them. Jewelry or cups or decorative items.”
“That’s right. And nobody will make cups out of our fiat money. But that’s just a side value. How much of your silver is in the form of cups?”
“Well, almost none.”
“Right! The value of silver as MONEY is completely separate from any value it may have as a useful metal.”
“Ok. If you say so. Who am I to argue with the man who singlehandedly defeated the mightiest army in Greece? But I’m going to stick with silver.”
“That’s fine. Right up until it’s time to pay your taxes.”
“Damn!”
“Anyway, fiat money is still a little ways off. Before that I want to set up a modern bank.”
“We have banks.”
“Not like the one I’m going to start. Within the year, you’ll be able to send money to any major city on Greece just by writing a letter. People will buy things with little pieces of papyrus. We are going to change the entire system of trade in Greece!”
Chapter 22
Lighting is a bolt of electricity (see section on electricity). High-speed winds in the storm cause molecules in the air to collide knocking free some electrons (see sections on molecules and subatomic particles). Once the charge potential in the air is sufficiently high, the lighting stroke jumps to the ground (or maybe it jumps from the ground to the sky). The thunder is caused by the rush of superheated air in the path of the electricity.
Book of Questionable Facts - 1006
But before we could start any banks we had the little problem of the Megarian delegation. They had arrived about 10 days after the Spartan retreat. The Spartans had passed Megara on their way back to Sparta and a few Spartans had casually mentioned that I had claimed to have conquered Athens in the name of Megara. So, they came to claim their share.
Tros and I met with them in the Strategeion. Melite wanted to join us, but she wasn’t feeling well.
“Hi guys! I’m Robert. This is Tros. What can we do for you?”
“Lord Robert! High Priest of the Great God Jack Daniels and the new God Einstein, I bring you greetings from the Council of Megara. I am Eustachys, Envoy of the Council of Megara. The Council has sent me to congratulate you on your success in taking the city of Athens and to discuss some issues that arise from the current situation.”
“Eustachys, we’re glad to meet you. But I don’t see how any of the current situation, as you put it, has any effect on the Council of Megara or the city of Megara.”
“Lord Robert!”
“Just Robert.”
“What?”
“Just Robert, I’m not a lord.”
‘Ok. Fine. Robert, I’m sure that we need not remind you that Megara welcomed you with open arms in your time of need.”
“And profited handsomely by it.”
“Ah, well, that is true enough, however, not only has Megara offered you and your people assistance we have also offered you, and you have accepted, citizenship. As a Megarian citizen, who claims to have taken Athens in the name of Megara, certainly you see that you have some obligations to your adopted home.”
“Esutachys, when we told the Spartan king, Archidamus, that we had taken Athens in the name of
Megara, well, how to put this delicately? Tros, how can we put this delicately?”
“You lied.”
“Right! I lied! We took the city in the name of the Great God Einstein! That’s what I wanted to say! Never mentioned Megara, not once! There, now I hope that clears things up. We have some letters for the Distillery if you would be so kind as to deliver them on your way back to Megara.”
“Lord Robert! Nonetheless, you are a citizen of Megara. That exalted status carries with it certain responsibilities, as well as privileges.”
“OK, Esutachys, you may tell the Council, that I will personally attend them in 10 days. Tros, get them the letters for Megakreon.”
So, 7 days later, Isodemos and I and a very pregnant Melite took off for Megara, with a guard of 50 soldiers. Every soldier had secret orders to get Melite away (by force if necessary) in the event of any problems. That woman can be stubborn as well as sarcastic.
2 days later we pulled up in front of the Distillery. It was good to be home! Megakreon came running to greet us as soon as we passed the compound gate. And there was much rejoicing.
I convinced Melite to rest a bit, while Megakreon filled me in on events at the compound and I filled him in on the happenings in Athens. We’d been in pretty much constant contact by letter, but we filled in all the details face to face. Then I left Isodemos and Megakreon together to discuss our financial and supply situations. Seeing them, heads together, going over the Distillery records, ex-slave and ex-master working side-by-side, I knew we were doing something good.
It was good to see the familiar faces. It was good to be among our own people, NONE of who wanted to kill me! We slept in our own bed that night, and I realized how much I missed it.
In the morning, I tried again to talk Melite out of coming with us. I put my hand on my back and pushed out my stomach to accentuate its size (quite small actually, the slave diet is great for losing weight and the changing the world job leaves little time for extra meals) and said “Hostile Council meetings aren’t good for pregnant women.”
She laughed, her that’s not funny laugh, and hit me (extra hard) on the arm. “If you want to play the quote Melite game, I’ve got one for you. ‘I go where you go. If you want to keep me safe, keep yourself safe. If you get killed, you kill me too, and the baby. That’s the deal.’ So, oh favorite of the gods, what’s the plan?”
I explained my plan to her.
“So, we’re not going with the keep us all safe plan?”
“Oh ye of little faith!”
“What?”
“Nothing. Look. It’s Megara! We’ve beaten Athens and Sparta! Is Megara really going to give us problems? We’ll just make them an offer they can’t refuse. Like the Godfather!”
‘What?”
“Oh. Nothing! I would kill for someone to catch just one reference! Just one!”
“Pericles got your Themistolis, or whatever, reference.”
“It’s not the same! Sometimes, I just wish you had been born in my world.”
“Me too!”
We found Isodemos and Megakreon waiting for us in the main dining hall. We ate a quick breakfast. Delicious! The food out here was so much better than in Athens.
After breakfast, we gathered the troops and hitched the wagon (for Melite) and headed to Megara.
Like in Athens, the Council lived and worked in one building during their term in office, so we found them, essentially, waiting for us when we arrived.
“Eustachys, Old pal! Good to see you again!” I slapped him on the back.
“Women are not allowed in the Council chamber.” Said an old man, with a self-importance problem.
“That’s going to be a problem. Because where I go, she goes and if I want, blah, blah there’s more of it. But you get the idea. And she can be very stubborn.”
“This is an outrage! You can’t seriously expect us to conduct official Council of Megara business with a woman in the chamber!” Said another old man. You’ve got to hand it to them, they were all on the same page.
“Fine. We’ll meet outside. Surely women are allowed outside?”
And we walked out into the street. We waited about 2 minutes before one of them came out to see what we were doing.
“Bring your friends out here and let’s get this party started.”
“What?”
“If the council isn’t out here in 2 minutes, we’re leaving.”
He went back in and returned with the other councilors, and we all stood around on the street (except Melite, who sat on a small wall that ran close to the council building).
“Ok,” I started. “You all wanted to talk to me and here I am. But, since I already know, more or less, what you want to say and since you don’t know what I want to say, let me go first.
“As you know, we are now in control of Athens. And I know you think you’re entitled to a share of the spoils, and you’re right.”
They were all smiles now.
“But, since there were no spoils, there is nothing to share.”
No more smiles.
“We didn’t despoil the city and we won’t. It was never our intention.
“As you also know, the Spartan army arrived at Athens shortly after we took control. We defeated the Spartans. You saw them come back through here on their way back to Sparta.
“Here are some things you might not know, although if you don’t you need to improve your spy network.
“Things are changing in Athens. There are no more slaves in Athens. Every inhabitant is now a citizen of the city. Women, who were essentially slaves, have been freed too.”
There were looks of shock on their faces, indicating that they did, indeed, need to improve their spy network.
“There is a new god, well not new, but newly revealed. The Great God Einstein, holds the city. Of course, we hold it in trust for the God.
“And here is some news that you can’t possibly have known. You have the honor of being the first to know.
“Even though we defeated the Spartans, we don’t expect them to stay defeated. Sooner or later, we are going to have to deal with the threat they present.
“And Megara, would be the perfect base of operation for that.”
I paused to let that sink in and waited for their response. But… Nothing. They just stared at me, confused.
Melite jumped in. “Ok, let me clear this up. We are going to take control of Megara, just like we did Athens, and use it as a base to, eventually, take control of Sparta. In the name of the Great God Einstein!”
That got a reaction! They began shouting. Things like “You can’t do this!” and “We are your allies!” and things like that.
And they were right! I suddenly felt bad. They had been our friends when we needed help. Sure for their own selfish reasons, but at least their selfish reasons had aligned with ours. Athens had aligned its selfish reasons against us.
“Ok, you’re right. You’re right! Tell ya what I’m gonna do! We’ll make Megara the capital of our union. We’ll build our capital out by the Distillery and all the official business of government will occur right here in Megara!”
This mollified them not at all.
Megakreon interrupted the shouting. “I think, if you sit down with Isodemos and me, we can give you some idea exactly how much money will be flowing into Megara. You’ve already seen the benefits from the Distillery. That’s just one small commercial concern. Imagine, if you will, how much greater would be the impact of the operations of, dare I say it, an empire!
“Of course,” he continued, “you really don’t have any choice, so you might as well make the best of a bad situation.”
He spoke their language and soon we had control of the Megarian council. We still needed to gain the cooperation of the citizens before we could institute the kinds of changes we were making in Athens, so I sent a soldier to Dikaiopolis and asked him to send a few priests and lab boys and explosives and stuff to demonstrate the power of the God to the people of Megara.
“Whatcha got there Dikaiopolis?”
He brought his hands around front and offered me his newest gadget.
“What the hades is that?” Asked Melite, examining the odd conglomeration of wire and gears.
“You’ll see!” I told her. “Send somebody to bring me some eggs and some olive oil and some salt. Oh and some lemons! Better get me a lot, because I’m not sure what I’m doing. Oh and bowls. Lots of bowls!”
It took a few hours of experimentation, but I finally had it. The look on her face as she bit into the grilled vegetable sandwich was worth it! Dikaiopolis had made me an egg beater (the old-fashioned hand-cranked kind) and I’d whipped up some mayonnaise! First we conquer Athens, then we defeat Sparta and now mayo! Things were really starting to look up!
After a few, relatively peaceful, days in Megara, it was time to head back to Athens.
Chapter 23
The speed of light in a vacuum is 186,000 miles per second
Book of Questionable Facts - 519
So, time moved forward (as it always does, except, perhaps, in my unique case). We continued consolidating our control of the cities. We started banks, built schools and temples opened a gunpowder factory in Athens and a thousand other things.
But most importantly, Melite had our baby! A beautiful little girl!
“What should we name her?” I asked Melite as I held my daughter (my DAUGHTER!) in my arms for the first time.
“It’s traditional to wait ten days before naming a child.”
“That’s nonsense! She’s a complete little person right now!” She had her little fist curled around my finger and it melted my heart. “She needs a name. Let’s start a new tradition. Well OK, another new tradition!”
“Ok, then you pick a name. That’s your right, as the father.”
A New York Lawyer in the Court of Pericles Page 16