Shyt List 5: Smokin' Crazies The Finale' (The Cartel Publications Presents)

by Reign (T. Styles)

  Bang! Bang! Bang!

  Three hard raps on the door startled her.

  “Yvonna, what are you doing in there?” Bricks asked from the outside of the door. “And who are you talking to?”

  She turned around to look at Bilal but he was gone. She hoped Bricks didn’t hear him. She certainly didn’t want him to think she was cheating. “Nobody...uh...where were you last night?” She spoke to the door. “How about you start by answering some questions for me.”

  “Yvonna, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I need you to come out here. We havin’ a meeting.”

  “Give me a few minutes. I’m washing my hands.”

  After she got herself together, she walked out and into the living room. Ming was sitting on the sofa next to Swoopes and Bricks was standing up. For whatever reason, Swoopes seemed to avoid eye contact with her.

  “We have to get moving.” Bricks started, taking the papers from the box they confiscated from Ron Max’s house. “I don’t know how much safer it will be for us to stay here.”

  “Where were you last night, Bricks? And why didn’t you come back here?” She paused long enough to allow him to respond with a short answer. When he didn’t she continued, “Were you out cheating on me? If you want to do you, why worry about coming back?” Swoopes burst into laughter. “Fuck is so funny, nigga?” Yvonna questioned him.

  “Are you serious?” He asked looking at her.

  Not knowing she tried to suck his dick less than twenty-four hours ago, she placed her hands on her hips. “You see me laughing?”

  He looked strangely at her again. “You know what, ain’t nothing funny. Go ‘head, man. Finish with what you were saying.”

  “Naw...let’s not go ‘head.” Yvonna interjected. “I want to know where the fuck he’s been all night. Where he’s just seeing it fit to bring his dirty dick ass back in the house.”

  “Yvonna, ain’t nobody got time for that shit.” Swoopes said, for the first time coming to Bricks’ defense, shocking everyone in the room. “He about to discuss business and you going at him on some other shit. Cheating is not what the meeting is about.”

  “I got it, Swoopes.” Bricks said raising his hand and giving him a nod. “First off, I been in the house all night. You would’ve known, if you hadn’t been out all night yourself, only to spend the rest of the time in the bathroom, doing God knows what.”

  She knew she supposedly killed Tree, but she was clueless on everything else. “What you talking about?”

  Ming, Swoopes and Bricks all laughed. “We heard you fucking yourself in the bathroom, Yvonna.” Swoopes continued. “You didn’t come out until about an hour ago and then you took a nap. We been up all night going over the plans. When we heard you talking just now, we decided to invite you to the party. You’re late, so let’s get down to business.”

  “That’s not true.” She shook her head and stepped back. She eyed all of them in confusion. “I didn’t leave the bedroom after you walked out on me. Remember, we had an argument about Swoopes.” She was trying to convince herself she wasn’t that far gone “You see I know what I’m talking about.”

  “Why the fuck were ya’ll arguing about me?” Swoopes interrupted.

  “It wasn’t even like that, man.” Bricks said before focusing back on Yvonna. “Squeeze, you were in the bathroom, for hours.” He tried to approach her but she backed away. She was starting to favor a mad woman. “I wouldn’t fuck around with you like that. We been up for most of the night going over the plan.” He pointed at Ming. “Ask your girl.”

  Yvonna looked at Ming. “You were in there all night, Yvonna.” She said softly. “Ming thought something was wrong at first. But when I knocked on the door, you told Ming to get the fuck away as usual.”

  Yvonna knew what was happening, they all were banning against her. Trying to make her think she didn’t know what really happened when she did. Of course she was diagnosed with this or that in the past, but since she stopped taking her medicine, she had a clearer head. And she wasn’t going to allow them to bring her down, just because they needed somebody to pick on.

  Taking a few more deep breaths, she folded her arms and walked closer to the group. It was important to appear as lucid as possible. “Go ahead, Bricks,” She pointed at the papers, “Finish with the plan. I’m listening.”

  Bricks looked at her and then the crew. Not wanting to argue anymore he started. “Cool, we’ve already worked out our next move. But I think I ran into one of the Four Captains’ crony last night and we have a bigger problem on our hands than I originally thought.”

  “Why?”

  “Because they watching us. I had to knock her out just to get away from her. And if we don’t be careful, they going to start plucking us off before we can get to them. Starting with you.”

  CHRIS

  Yvonna eyed the pool in the backyard, as a little girl wearing a yellow coat, led them to the house through the rear. She was no more than ten and reminded her immediately of Delilah. In the back was a huge shed and she wondered what her friend Chris, who they were meeting, kept inside of it. Yvonna remembered being at his house before, when she first met him. Well actually, she recalled waking up on the ground, after almost dying in the pool due to a night filled with drinking. She was as reckless back then, as she is now, when it came to taking her medication.

  Chris, who she came into contact with after needing a powder called Lidocaine, that could be used to make fake cocaine, was as hospitable to her now as he was back then. The young Matt Damon look alike, could not take his eyes off of the curves of her black body and what he considered the wildness behind her eyes. He was still a fan.

  Chris’ white skin looked bleached, as he opened the sliding glass door. He was wearing nothing but a black satin robe and blue satin boxers. His bare chest produced a few brown curly hairs that matched his head, and his piercing blue eyes stared directly into hers. He hoped that he could finish what he wanted to start some years back, with present company excluded.

  “Thanks, Amber,” he said, and the little girl disappeared into the house. Focusing back on the woman before him he said, “Yvonna Harris,” he reached out and grabbed both of her hands. He was high off chronic and didn’t bother looking at the people she had with her, particularly her boyfriend Bricks. “You know…I was afraid that after I gave you my card so many years back, that I’d never see you again.”

  After Bricks treated her like half a freak the night before, she welcomed his compliments, along with the attention. “Well it looks like you thought wrong. Here I am.”

  He licked his lips, as if she had just invited him to bed. “I am glad about that.’ He eyed her breasts and Yvonna had to admit, the white boy could get the pussy if they were brought together under different circumstances. “So my beautiful,” he kissed the top of her hand. “What brings you this way?”

  When Bricks saw his blue boxers rise in the front, forming a tent, he interjected. “She’s here for business.” Bricks stepped between them.

  “Nothing more and nothing less.” Swoopes added.

  Chris cleared his throat and said, “Of course,” he stepped back and allowed the clan into his home, which was decorated expensively with cream and burgundy colors. “Come inside.” He led them to the dining room. Ming, Swoopes and Yvonna took a seat at the cherry wood table and Bricks elected to remain standing. “You want to introduce your friends to me?” He sat next to Yvonna and looked around the table at the rest. He was suddenly nervous. And with Bricks standing over him like Tyson in a winning round, he had every reason to be. “I didn’t know you were bringing people with you. I would’ve…”

  “Gotten dressed?” Bricks finished.

  “No.”

  “So what, you thought you was gonna get a little brown sugar? Is that why you naked?” Bricks barked. “You trying to fuck my girl, white boy?”

  “No,” he shook his head in a mousy fashion, “I mean yes.” Bricks tightened the space between he and him. “I me
an no.” The scared host ran to the sink, grabbed a glass cup in the cabinet directly above it and turned the cold water on. When he placed it under the faucet, his hand was shaking so much he was barely able to fill it. When he captured enough, he placed it to his mouth and swallowed all he could, although most of the H2O ended up on the floor. He was messy and the crew looked at him in confusion. You would’ve thought that Bricks broke his jaw. Seeing how scared he was, Swoopes decided to ease the tension. Besides, they hadn’t gotten what they came for yet.

  “You need to relax, homie.” Swoopes said to Chris. “That man ain’t about to kill you.”

  Placing the cup in the sink he responded, “I know, I know. I’m just not use to having so many people in my home.” He walked back to the table. “Can I get you and your friends something to drink?”

  “No thanks, Chris.” Yvonna decided to get right to the point before Bricks killed the man. “When I called you earlier, I asked if you still had access.”

  “I know,” he sat down next to her until Bricks grunted. Then he jumped up and stood across the kitchen next to the sink. “But you never said what you needed access to.”

  “Explosives.”

  “Oh…well…uh,” he scratched his head. “I can pretty much get you anything you need. You know that. Some of the stuff I have here.”

  “And now you know exactly what I need. Can you help us or not?” Yvonna said.

  “Give me a second,” he stole one last look at everyone before disappearing downstairs.

  “You sure you can trust this white boy?” Swoopes inquired. “If he shakes anymore behind my back, I’ma drop his ass. He making me nervous.”

  “Please don’t, Swoopes. He’s not the enemy.”

  “Well how come he act like he ain’t never done business with niggas before?”

  “I don’t know.” She looked at Bricks. “Maybe somebody got him all confused.”

  “Don’t blame me. These your people not mine.”

  “But you don’t have to scare him either. He’s on our side, remember?”

  “Trust no one.” Ming said, sitting on Swoopes’ lap. They were getting cozier. “Fuck what you heard.” Everybody looked at her sideways. Ming was always good for a surprise phrase every now and again.

  When Chris returned, he had a large brown box in his hands. He carefully sat it on the table and took a deep breath. Since they had a pretty good idea that he had explosives in the box, everybody stepped back and hung against the walls of the kitchen. Alone at the table, he reached into it, and grabbed a block of what looked like white rubber.

  “This is the best of the best, my friends. The king of explosives. The almighty.” He held it up in his hands, as if everybody couldn’t see it from where they cowered. “You can’t get better than this I assure you.”

  “What is it?” Swoopes asked, wanting to keep the seven good fingers and one eye he had left. “And make sure you careful with that shit.” He had visions of a soldier’s death, but not like this.

  “It’s C4.” He placed it methodically on the table before reaching into the box again. When his hand came back out, it was clasping a gold tube connected to a wire. “This is a blasting cap. Separate they aren’t a problem, together they mean war.” He stuck one into the C4 and everybody except Yvonna hit the floor.

  “Fuck is you doing, slim? Bricks asked. “You trying to get us killed?”

  “It’s no fun when the white boy got the gun.” He laughed, tagging him back for the fear he caused him earlier. “Now who’s scared?”

  “I’m not playing! Don’t blow nothing up in here. You a little too comfortable with that shit if you ask me.”

  He continued to laugh until Bricks released his weapon from the hold it was in, cocked and aimed. “Seems like you have a problem with jokes. I can cure that for you if you want.”

  Chris separated the tube from the C4 and everybody relaxed. “Not that serious.” He placed it on the table. “Just wanted to show you what we’re dealing with.” He took a piece of the C4 off of the edge of one of the blocks and flattened it.” C4 can be molded so you can literally place it anywhere you want, like clay. But you need a detonator to blow shit up. Which is what I showed you before everybody hit the floor.”

  Silence.

  “Can’t we shoot the C4 and have it go off?” Ming asked. “Instead of the blasting caps.”

  “Why would you ask some dumb shit like that?” Bricks inquired. “You can blow your face off if you want to but I need mine.”

  “It wouldn’t work anyway.” Chris interrupted. “You can drop C4 and even put fire to it, but it will not explode by itself. However, the moment you introduce shock or friction, you have trouble.”

  “That don’t make no sense.” Swoopes disagreed as if he were an expert. “What has a harder impact than a bullet?”

  “It needs electricity not fire.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  “It’s true. That’s another reason its good for transport because of its stabilizing elements. As a matter of fact, soldiers in the military sometimes use C4 to cook with. If you have enough, you can build a fire strong enough to prepare a meal.”

  “We not trying to cook a meal.” Bricks said. “We trying to blow mothafuckas up.”

  Chris cleared his throat. “I didn’t think so.” He picked up the C4 and the blasting caps. “Put these together and it’ll take care of any problem you have. Trust me.”

  “So where do we go from here?” Bricks asked, wanting to get down to business.

  “There’s the matter of the payment and after that, you can go wherever you please. Just leave me out of it.”

  THE EIGHT SECRETARIES OF TOLERANCE

  A blast of sunshine surrounded the Walter E Washington Convention Center. Although it was winter, the large windows surrounding the facility, made it feel as if it were a great spring day on the inside. The center was swarming with sinners wearing their high hats, cheap perfume and holding their tattered checkbooks. Today was the best day of the year to some because AFCOG was holding its annual ‘Give God Your All And He’ll Do More’ convention. As always, the most celebrated evangelists of AFCOG, and some would say the Christian community as a whole, were present. This was not an event to be missed, although if the members knew their true intention, most would have.

  Marge and her daughter Tyisha stepped off one of the twenty-five buses in the parking lot. She was hoping that the more services Tyisha went to, the higher the chances were that she’d rid herself of the lying lips she picked up without her notice. Although they had an agenda, they weren’t alone. Other bible toter’s wanted to get a glimpse of God’s Eight, or The Eight Secretaries of Tolerance, as known by the secret society running AFCOG.

  While chaos ensued in the convention, the Eight met in one of the smaller rooms to hold their meeting. In a red pencil skirt with a matching blazer, Dana Kellogg stood at the head of the table. The other seven remained seated; all hoping the day would be profitable and end without an issue.

  Reading to begin the meeting, Dana directed her long black hair out of her face by a graceful swing of her neck. “I’ve spoken to Rufus a little under an hour ago. And he wants me to say that even with the death of Ron Max, he wants us to remain focused.”

  “It’s easy for him to say,” Elizabeth Hay responded, who along with Dana, also reported to Ron before his demise. “He isn’t the one who has to wonder when or if this bitch will strike again.” Like Dana, Elizabeth’s brown skin was painted expertly with just enough makeup. “I’m tired of having to look over my shoulders every five minutes for this woman.”

  “Well don’t look over them!” Charles Blaine responded. “And I would also like to add, that although you can demonstrate your heathen abilities outside of this convention, while handling any AFCOG duties, I request that you keep your potty mouth to a minimum.” Charles, a black man in his mid forties, was just as scared of the legend known as Yvonna, but he refused to let them know. Besides, his leader Anna Livingston assured
him and his peer Heather Randolph that they didn’t have a thing to worry about. “We just have to remain focused and get the job done.”

  “I really don’t think we have any other choice.” Dana added.

  “What else is Rufus saying about the matter?”

  “He didn’t say much about the matter after that.”

  “But I bet he said something about the money.” Heather Randolph added. Heather was a drunk who didn’t care. Most times she didn’t bother anybody, but when her life was in danger, she could be quite the headache. “I know for a fact he had something to say about that. Didn’t he?”

  Dana placed her hands on her hips. “He did, but you shouldn’t have a problem with it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you getting paid just like everybody else in this room.” She looked at the coffee cup in her hand. “How else are you gonna get the cheap shit you push down your throat every morning?”

  Heather rolled her brown eyes and tried to minimize the embarrassment she felt on her face. “Whatever.” She continued as she sipped her vodka, which was sprinkled with a little coffee. “I just want this shit over with.”

  “Like I was saying, Rufus has given me his hopes for the financial goal for the day. He suggests that whenever an opportunity presents, that we promote the special edition AFCOG bibles which are embroidered with his signature, the classes and future conventions. He said if we do these things, we should net at least a little over a million today. Couple that money with the girls we have on the streets, I say it is looking pretty good for us all.” She placed her notes down. “I don’t have to tell you how grateful he would be to us, if we are able to achieve this goal.”

  “And how will he show you his gratitude?” Elizabeth Hay, said, “By letting you suck his dick?”