You know why?!? She thought my play was too violent!!!
Hark told us that she was questioning some of the content in our plays, and that she wanted to read them over before they were performed publically. And she only saw mine, so she clearly hates me and wants to ruin my life. I can’t think of anything other than the fact that some guy dies that would be questionable. And it’s not questionable; it’s funny!!
I wanted to yell at her, but Kraleigh had already left, and Hark was trying so hard to stay calm about it. I wanted to scream, but I know it’s not Hark’s fault that she’s so awful.
I can’t believe that she would stoop to this level. She should be more professional! I’m pretty sure it’s against the law for teachers to have personal vendettas against students. I wonder if there’s someone I could complain to, maybe the head of the school board or something. This is totally unfair. We’ve been working on these plays for so long! Not only that, but Hark already okayed all the plays. He’s the Drama teacher, not Kraleigh. He should get the final say!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Von Ipo ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: February 8, 11:07
Hey, Arthur!
Bummer about yesterday, hey? I hope we get to start up again soon! You seemed really mad, which I get. But I guess she’s kind of got a point. The school basically has a no-gun policy, so it probably counts for the theatre department too. But still, what a crappy thing to have happen.
I was thinking that if we can’t do our plays as plays, you and I could make them into movies! Bet Hark would let us do that if we asked. Especially if you’re involved. I think you’re like his fave student!
Von
The new principal definitely hates me!
ya we new that
wat did she do this time?
She basically cancelled our play festival because of my play!
it was that bad?
NO. It was that good.
so … no play festival?
She’s reading all the plays to decide if we can do them. She’s a dictator!
u should quit and move to lethbridge. my school is pretty chill
But then I would have to see your face every day.
more like u would have 2 live with caleb and my mom.
Yeah, that’s not going to happen.
Assignment: Superstitions
We’re starting Macbeth this week! I think you’ll enjoy the elements of the supernatural, the bloody battles and treasonous acts found in this Shakespearean tragedy. We’re going to take our time reading this play, and studying different aspects of Shakespeare, and the unit will culminate with a field trip; we’ll get the chance to see Macbeth at Theatre Calgary later this year!
A main theme in Macbeth is one of superstition. In fact, in the acting community, saying the word “Macbeth” is considered unlucky, so you’ll often hear it referred to as “The Scottish Play.” Write a one-page reflective essay on superstitions. What are some superstitions that you have heard about? Provide examples of superstitions people you know believe. Do you believe in superstitions? Why or why not?
Due: February 17
February 11th
Dear RJ,
I stopped in to talk to Hark today at lunch and see what was happening with our Leg Breakers plays. He seemed so stressed out! He said that we would just have to wait and see. He felt so bad that this was happening. He said that he should have known better and that he screwed up because he told us to push the envelope with our pieces. But that’s not true, and I told him so! He’s been the best teacher I’ve ever had, and I think that he’s awesome. He smiled and thanked me for saying so, but said that we would see what the future holds, and that, even if we couldn’t do our plays, we would find something equally great to do.
But I’m going to do my play. We’re going to make it happen, even if it’s without Hark. I don’t plan to be stopped by just a lowly principal!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
i got a date for valentines day!
Yeah right. Who would go out with you?
hayley would
Yeah right.
no its true i asked her if she was dating dominic and she said def not. then she asked if i wanted to go w them 4 pizza friday nite.
That’s not a date, Robbie.
well it is after i asked her if dominic had 2 come, or if maybe it could be just her + i
And she laughed in your face.
AND SHE SAID YES
SO WHAT R U DOING?! A date with ur cat?? HAHAHAHAHA
February 14th
Dear RJ,
So it’s Valentine’s Day, so what? It’s just another normal day. There’s nothing that I’m missing out on today by not having a girlfriend. In fact, I’m not even interested in any girls. I don’t care what Kennedy and whoever she’s dating these days are doing tonight. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s lame. I’m pretty convinced that no one actually likes romance. It’s so much work, and it feels so fake. Besides, what is romantic about winter in Calgary? It’s freezing cold and covered in snow. Yeah, like that’s a good time to strike up a romance. Ha! I’m glad I’m not dating anyone! I can just hang out and do whatever I want tonight. Everyone else is a sucker!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
Yeah? So???
Are you jelous??
I’m not jealous. I’m just really busy right now.
ya rite. dont you want to hear about my awesome night?
Not really, but I think you really want to brag, so you can call me and I’ll put the phone down while you ramble on.
CALLING NOW
February 15th
Dear RJ,
Robbie kissed Hayley last night. I don’t know how that guy learned such smooth moves. He sure never had charm like that last year. Maybe there’s something in the wind in Lethbridge. I bet the wind just gusted and he lost his balance and his face fell onto her lips.
It’s not fair, RJ. Why does he get a girlfriend, and I can’t even get a friend? His brother is a criminal and he’s bad at spelling and his mom is super strict! I’m a good-looking, really smart and funny guy with a heart of gold. In the movies my mom used to watch, it’s me who’s supposed to get the girl, not guys like Robbie.
I don’t mean it, RJ. I know Robbie’s cool and stuff. I know I should be happy that his life is turning out perfect. But I can’t help feeling annoyed. Why does nothing like that ever work out for me?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
Assignment: Superstitions
By Arthur Bean
One can’t help but be superstitious when you need all the help in life that you can get. Which is probably why so many people believe in superstitions.
I wish I could tell you that I’m above all that and I think they’re dumb, but I think a lot of superstitions became superstitions because they are actually just good advice. Take, for example, “Never walk under a ladder.” Of course you shouldn’t walk under a ladder! The person using the ladder could fall on top of you! They won’t die, but you sure could. So, I follow “Never walk under the ladder” as part of the Laws of A. Bean.
Another superstition that is one of the Laws of A. Bean is “You will have bad luck if a black cat crosses your path.” This one is particularly true. Pickles is a black-and-white cat and seriously, every second time she walks in front of me, something bad happens that day. She walked in front of me yesterday: BAM! Surprise Science quiz! A few weeks ago, she walked in front of me twice in one day, and I stubbed my toe on the couch and burnt my tongue on dinner. Clearly, there is some kind of evil force at work here.
One superstition that I really like, but have yet to put to the test, is that you can never give someone a knife as a gift, or else it will sever your relationship. I’m considering trying it with someone … maybe, I don’t know, Ms Kraleigh. You know, just to test it out. If she goes away a
nd we never see each other again, then I’ll put it on my list!
There are a few that don’t make any sense to me. For example, there’s one about red skies and sailors that my mom used to say, but I am highly sceptical that it matters to sailors what colour the skies are in Alberta. There’s a mountain range between us and the next ocean. If they are worried about that, they have bigger problems, namely, the fact that they should be able to avoid a mountain range in their boat, so maybe they should consider a career change.
The one that makes me really roll my eyes is that you should never light three cigarettes with the same match. You know why? Because you shouldn’t be lighting cigarettes in the first place. They’re gross and they stink, and of course you’re going to die if you smoke. Maybe this superstition is there to stop dumbasses who smoke from having friends who smoke too. I guess there’s a reason for everything.
Arthur,
First, please watch your language in your assignments. It’s not appropriate, even if I might agree with you about the detriments of smoking.
Second, while I appreciate the sentiments that you’ve laid out in describing which superstitions you believe in versus which you do not, I would like you to work on developing a professional tone to your work. Your narrative voice is quite casual, and while it works for some pieces, it’s important that you are able to pull yourself away from the subject matter and write in a more neutral manner.
Ms Whitehead
hayley told the whole school that im her boyfriend
Is that good? It sounds bad.
no its good! now a bunch of other hot girls r being super nice 2 me
But why would that matter? You’re with Hayley.
i know but i got invited to 3 different parties this w-end! im like the coolest guy at school!
There are three parties on the same weekend? Are there enough people in Lethbridge for that?
dude, theres lots of people here. and there pretty cool
Are you sure you’re not just saying that because you live there now and you’ve been brainwashed?
your being pretty judgmental 4 a guy whose never been here
Well, maybe you should invite me to come and visit!
the invite is open man. come this weekend!
I can’t this weekend. I’ve got a huge Social report to do. Sorry.
no prob. maybe another time
Dear Leg Breakers,
I wanted to apologize to all of you for the miscommunication that led to this afternoon’s meeting. I know you all worked very hard on your plays, and I’m so proud of all the blood, sweat and tears that you put into writing them. They are all fantastic, and you should be so happy with them!
As you heard from Ms Kraleigh today, the content that we tackled in our plays isn’t really appropriate for a public play festival. I should have consulted with her before we went forward as far as we did.
This doesn’t mean the end of the Leg Breakers, though! We still have time to mount a play, and Ms Kraleigh has suggested something that could be great. We’ll be performing Coming of Age, a musical all about being a teenager! I remember my school put it on when I was in junior high, and with a little updating, I think we can really make it shine!
If any of you would like to talk about this more, my classroom door is always open. Let’s look at this as a learning opportunity for all of us, and a chance to tackle a different type of challenge!
Love you guys for being so cool about all this!
Hark
February 24th
Dear RJ,
I was so mad about today’s Leg Breakers meeting that I almost didn’t go to fencing. Dad told me that I’d probably feel better hitting something, so I went, and he was right. At least I got to forget about it for a few minutes. But then Millie brought it up, and then I got mad again.
I can’t believe that Kraleigh would do this! It’s not like we’re six years old. We’re practically adults! I’m sure it was my play that she hated, because she has no sense of humour, and even though she acted like she was talking about all our plays, I could tell that she wanted to just be talking to me.
We’ve been working so hard on these shows. We should be allowed to show our plays, especially since people would be paying to see them. They are choosing to come; if the subject matter insults them, then they could just not come! This is definitely not over, RJ. I’m not going to just let her do whatever she wants!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
February 28th
Dear RJ,
We read through Coming of Age today, and there’s NO way I’m doing that play for Leg Breakers. It’s the worst play ever written. We had a read-through today after school and it was awful. It was written in the 80s, and it’s so stupid. The songs are titled things like “Peer Pressure, You’re Bringing Me Down,” and “Puberty Blues!” The plot is really lame, and the whole thing is embarrassing to read, so I can’t imagine what it would be like to act. Hark pretended like it was really great, but when the whole group was groaning about it, he said that it wasn’t so bad, and we could work as a team to fix it and make it more contemporary. But I think it’s unfixable. I definitely won’t be in it, and I told Hark that. I felt bad telling him, especially because a bunch of other people in the group said that they didn’t want to do it either. I know he’s just trying to make us feel better, but I don’t know why he doesn’t just tell Kraleigh to back off and let us do our own thing.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
MARCH
Assignment: Design a Set
Imagine yourself as a set designer for Macbeth. Draw a set design for one scene that we have already studied (you may choose any scene up to act 3, scene 1). Along with your set-design drawing, include a short paragraph explaining some of the decisions you have made to bring the play to life. Remember that sets can be designed to show symbols or bring out characterization as well!
Due: March 14
March 6th
Dear RJ,
I talked to Millie and Ben (and Von too, but he doesn’t really count) about the Leg Breakers, and we have a plan. I’m going to write an article for the Marathon about the recent controversy! I think that maybe we can get more people on our side when they hear about how we aren’t allowed to do our plays. Like Millie said, it’s a question of free speech! We should be allowed to do them!
I know that I’ve already gotten in trouble for articles in the Marathon, so I’ll have to be super careful to be objective, but I think that I can pull it off.
Ben suggested that we get the other Leg Breakers on board, keep rehearsing and perform the plays anyway. He said we could probably get away with it, because Kraleigh can’t stop us if she doesn’t know that we’re going to perform them!
I’m pumped, RJ. It feels so awesome being surrounded by people who are as mad as I am. And every famous person has a story of rebelling against authority. Plus, the best books and plays have been banned at some point too. The way I see it, my play could be the next Harry Potter phenomenon! If it’s edgy, we might even get MORE people coming to our festival!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
I’m staging a coup!
i think youve flown the coup. what r u talkin about?
A coup! We’re going to put our plays on even though Kraleigh doesn’t want us to!
wow such a rebell
I know! Ben and Millie and Von are helping me.
good luck!
oh ya and i got an interview at camp!
An interview? For what?
a councilor job, i have 2 go over brake
So you’ll be here for spring break?
part of it. hayley doesnt want me gone the whole time
Awesome. We can hang out while you’re here!
March 10th
Dear RJ,
I’m going to enter a fencing competition! It’s not until June, but Deeter said that he thinks I’ll be ready and that I have a great chance to do pretty well i
f I focus and practise a lot. Millie said that she would practise with me on the weekends if she’s around (her and Joie go to a lot of competitions, so they aren’t here that often), and she said that Joie would come too. Joie actually owns two swords, and Deeter said that we could maybe borrow equipment if we’re really careful. I just hope that Joie doesn’t want to do footwork drills all the time. Those are the worst.
The competition is a pretty big deal; it’s the Calgary regionals. If you win this one, you could even go to provincials, which are being held in Lethbridge in the fall! So if I win, I would even get to visit Robbie. Although maybe he’ll move back for high school. If I were him, I would. I think he really hates Lethbridge.
I wonder what Kennedy would say if she knew that I was now a competitive fencer. That’s way cooler than being an athlete on some dumb school volleyball team!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
Can you send me a couple of drawings of ghosts? Little ones?
what kind of ghosts?
Scary ones. And a king. And a witch.
Notes from the Life of a Total Genius Page 9