At first, I thought it was a mistake. Then I thought that maybe someone forgot to order the cheese curds. But no. It was, in fact, a deliberate omission. Ms Kraleigh has taken away our Fry-day.
The Terry Fox Jr. High cafeteria has slowly been shifting towards healthier options, but I know that I was not the only one who appreciated that once a month we were treated to the option of buying crisp, hot fries, salty gravy and squeaky cheese curds. For some students, I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason they come to school.
I approached Avril Lonie, the chef in charge of the cafeteria, for a comment, but she shooed me out of the kitchen, claiming that I needed to be wearing a hairnet to be in there. It’s possible that this is true, but it’s also possible that she has been given a gag order, and is not allowed to speak on the matter.
I don’t know why the school administration is trying to suck every bit of enjoyment out of our time here. I don’t see why poutine once a month is a bad thing. What is bad is the fact that once a year people make ridiculous claims about trying to become better by setting goals that they will never reach.
Don’t ban poutine. Ban New Year’s resolutions instead. But hey, that’s …
Just One Guy’s Opinion.
Hey, Arthur,
I know you’re against New Year’s resolutions, but I don’t think they are such a bad thing! Sometimes we need a reminder to do better, the same way that I am, again, reminding you that we cannot skewer the administration for decisions that they make, in each edition of the Marathon. Please edit your piece to make it more diplomatic and objective and re-submit. I know you can do it; we’ve had lots of practice on your earlier pieces.
Cheers,
Mr. E.
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: January 9, 16:02
ARTHUR!!
I CAN’T believe that THIS is what you meant when you said you wanted to write the New Year’s resolutions article!! That isn’t at all what I thought you were going to do! I feel like you totally misled me into trusting you with this!
Why did you write this?! I thought that we were FINALLY getting back to normal after all the stuff from last year, and then you go and break my trust with this?!?
Kennedy :(
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: January 9, 17:17
Dear Kennedy,
I wasn’t skewering what you wanted to write. I just thought it was a good angle to take when they took poutine off the menu. I really didn’t do it to make you angry!
I’m just writing what I think, and what others might be thinking too. That’s why my articles are called JOGO!
I want us to be friends, but imagine if everyone always agreed with you? Would you want your boyfriend to always think all the same things as you do? That would be so boring!
The Marathon is for debating issues and putting forward points of view for our readers. I promise you, this wasn’t a personal attack!!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: January 9, 20:15
Let’s be clear. You are my co-editor, NOT my boyfriend. We’re SUPPOSED to AGREE on what goes in the paper! That’s what the CO part means in front of editor.
January 9th
Dear RJ,
I got called into a meeting with Mr. Everett today, and you’ll never believe what he said! He said that Ms Kraleigh has some serious concerns about my work on the newspaper! Even AFTER I changed all the stuff about the administration in my poutine article. I don’t get it at all! I’m just trying to provide a counterpoint to some of the decisions that she’s making, and she shuts me down! Mr. Everett said that she feels that I’m attacking her personally, and that I am, get this, “undermining her ability to effect positive change.” I put this in quotes, because that’s what it sounded like when Mr. Everett said it to me. He would never talk like that; he’s too dorky. RJ, I’m not the kind of guy to rock the boat, but I think this is kind of crazy! I should be able to say what I want! Even Mr. Everett agreed with me that I back up my opinions with valid arguments. Frankly, I think they should all be proud that I actually learned something from Ms Whitehead and follow her laws about persuasive writing. I was so mad. I asked Mr. Everett if I was getting kicked off the paper, and he assured me that I wasn’t, but that we would have to tread carefully with this new administration. I felt kind of bad for him, being caught in the middle. I think he’s mad about it too, but he never said that. He said that both Ms Kraleigh and I had valid points, but that she was in charge here, not me.
Now I don’t know what I’m going to write about for the next edition of the Marathon. Everybody’s jumping down my throat for such little things! I was going to write about changing the school mascot to something more original than a fox, but I kind of want to write about free speech instead. I should write about how my basic rights as a citizen are being taken away! I should write about the Charter of Rights and Freedoms! I could be the next Braveheart!! FREEDOM!!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Von Ipo ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: January 11, 9:32
Hey, Artie!
Great rehearsal yesterday, hey? Loved how funny everyone is! I toned down what I was going to do, because I wanted to make sure that everyone got a chance to be funny, otherwise I would basically steal the show. Isn’t it awesome to have your words spoken by other people?
Also, Millie is super hot! Think you could give me her number? I’m surprised I don’t have it already — I basically have everyone’s number in our grade. I want to invite her to my hockey game tomorrow. Actually, now that I think of it, you guys could come together! I’ll invite her and then we could all hang out after. You could basically be my wingman!
Von
Von wants me to be his wingman. Ha! Like I would help that guy get a date!
why not? he would help u
Seriously, Robbie. He’s annoying. He thinks he’s so much better than everyone else. Plus he wants me to set him up with Millie. And I’m pretty sure she’s in love with me.
Ha! pot=kettle=black
I don’t think I’m better than everyone! I just know that Millie would definitely NOT be interested in Von.
well let him down easy
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Von Ipo ([email protected])
Sent: January 11, 20:41
Von,
I don’t have Millie’s number, so I can’t give it to you. I just see her at fencing. She fences a lot though, so I don’t think she has time for a boyfriend anyway.
See you Monday.
Arthur Bean
January 16th
Dear RJ,
I found out during fencing today that Millie is super in love with Vincent. I was sure she was into me! I’m kind of glad that she’s not, but it’s also kind of confusing. I was sure she was flirting with me. I don’t think I was supposed to find out about her liking Vincent anyway, but she and Joie were talking about it and I couldn’t help but overhear. No one else at fencing really pays attention to me, so I spend a lot of time feeling like a lurker around Joie and Millie and waiting for them to acknowledge me so I can join in the conversation. At least they always do acknowledge me. It’s better than some girls I know.
I’m not allowed to tell anyone her secret, because Vincent doesn’t know, which is weird. I told her to tell him, but she said that she could never do that because she’s not his type. How does she know? If she’s never really talked to him, how does she know she’s not his type? Plus, people date surprising people all the time. Like how Kennedy and I were together. I bet a bunch of people probably never thought that woul
d happen! I told Millie this, but then she said that she had heard that Kennedy and I never really were together. Which kind of proved my point that the rumour mill is never right. But man, am I glad that she doesn’t like Von! Ha!
Anyway, I’m thinking now that maybe it’s Joie who likes me, and Millie was just trying to make it seem like it was her. Not that I would date Joie. She’s nice, but she’s a way better fencer than me, and she’s super competitive.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
i sent in my app for summer camp
Aren’t you too old to go back? I thought you had to be 14 and under.
ya i know. im gonna be a counsilor
Ha! Not with spelling like that, you won’t.
just watch me
Assignment: Book Review Two
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
I read this book because the librarian told me it was really good. And boy, was she right! It’s a pretty great book, and I particularly liked that it’s been banned in so many places. I am particularly drawn to books that have been banned these days. I like to push the envelope. For example, did you know that Harry Potter has been banned? I don’t understand some people. What’s so terrible about wizards?
Anyway, this book had everything you would want in a book. A hilarious protagonist, a complicated history and some touching moments. If I ever write a book, I hope that it’s as good as this book. In fact, this is the kind of book where I read it, and I told my dad to read it, because I wish that I had written the book. Some books are so good that I can’t help but be jealous that I didn’t write them myself. Also, I liked that it had doodles in it, but I’m a pretty bad illustrator, so I would get Robbie to do that part for me.
The one thing is that I’m glad that this wasn’t my life, because I’ve had some pretty terrible things happen to me so far, but nothing as bad as Junior’s life. Overall, I give it five stars out of five stars.
Arthur,
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian is not a real biography. I’ll agree with you that it’s an excellent book, but it does not fit into the parameters of the original reading assignment. Please choose a different biography to review. I’ll accept this piece as an extra-credit assignment so that you receive credit for your work here.
Ms Whitehead
Dear Ms Whitehead,
I think we need to agree to disagree. The title clearly states that it’s a true story, and I read a lot about the author, and he’s First Nations. He may have partially fictionalized his life for the book, but I still think it should count, because: a) it was a really awesome book and everyone should read it, b) it’s not a fantasy novel and c) the only other biographies that I found that sounded interesting were all about old comedians. Reading this book opens my horizons way more than knowing where Steve Martin did his first stand-up comedy routine, don’t you think?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
Arthur,
You do weave a compelling argument. Let’s compromise: come by my classroom and we can discuss The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian in depth. I’ll provide you with the discussion questions ahead of time so that you can prepare thoughtful responses for our conversation.
Ms Whitehead
January 21st
Dear RJ,
I could actually start to like this fencing thing. Millie and Joie’s class is super fun, mostly because they are there, but also we get to fence more! The only part that sucks is that we had to do wind sprints to warm up, which I tried to get out of, and then Deeter made me do more than everyone else, which made me really mad. But after that, we did some practice moves where I learned a new attack move, and then we actually got to hook up to the electric machines and score our bouts. We never got to do that in the lame beginner course. If we had done that on the first day, it would have been way better. Every fencer is hooked up to an electric wire that runs down the inside of your jacket, and it hooks up to the machine. Then you have this metal jacket called a lamé, and if you hit your opponent’s lamé, the coloured light goes on. If you hit them on the sleeve or whatever, the white light goes on. Sometimes all the lights go on at once, and that’s when the ref has to decide who hit whom first. It was so cool. I barely made any coloured lights go on, but I fenced against Joie and I got the first point. Then she got mad and beat me in like 10 seconds, but still. I got the first point! I watched Millie and Joie fight each other. It was so fast paced. They are really good!
I think Dad was glad that he didn’t have to go, but he did seem a bit sad about it when I told him that it was way cooler this semester. I asked him if he wanted to rejoin, but he said he was going to stick to something more passive. It’s probably for the best. To be honest, RJ, I didn’t really want him to come back anyway.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
Can you make me some scenery for my play?
can u pay me?
No.
ok ill do it
wat do u need?
It’s about spies, and it takes place in a secret spy room. I wanted some cool portraits on the walls of famous spies.
like this?
EXACTLY
January 30th
Dear RJ,
Rehearsal was good today. Von was less annoying, but I think that’s because he has strep throat so he’s not allowed to talk very much. I watched a couple of other rehearsals too while I was waiting for Dad to pick me up, and my play is definitely going to be the best. I just kind of wish I could be in my own play! Hark says that we need to learn how to work with others as directors, and that it’s good to hear our words in other voices. He’s probably right, even though I have to remind myself of this every time Von says his lines wrong and I have to correct him. I tried to tell him exactly how to say the lines to make them funny, but he never does the same voice as I do.
In other good news, Kennedy seems to have forgiven me for the New Year’s resolution article. She was being super fun and hilarious in today’s newspaper meeting. She even touched my shoulder at one point when she was laughing about something I said. So that’s definitely a step in the right direction. I think maybe she is waiting for me to extend an olive branch so that we can be real friends again.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
FEBRUARY
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: February 2, 9:30
Dear Kennedy,
Happy Groundhog Day!
I don’t know if you’re busy, but I was thinking of watching this movie called Groundhog Day today. It’s really old, but it’s really funny. I know you love funny movies, and I bet you haven’t seen this one! Let me know if you want to come over. I’m home all day, so whenever works for you. It’ll be like old times!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: February 2, 17:17
Hi Arthur,
I actually hate Bill Murray! I can’t believe that people like him! I don’t think he’s funny at all! He just smirks all the time! My brother made me watch a bunch of his movies a couple of years ago and I’ve made sure to NEVER watch another one LOL!
But I really hope you enjoy your movie!!
Kennedy :)
February 2nd
Dear RJ,
I really wanted someone to watch Groundhog Day with me today, but there was no one around. I tried a bunch of people. I got so desperate that I even considered calling Von, but c’mon, RJ, I’m not a sucker for torture! I don’t have Millie or Joie’s phone numbers, but even if I did, I don’t know if I would have called them. RJ, I don’t know how to make friends. Like, how do I invite them over without it sounding like a date? And what if they laugh at me and say no?
Anyway, in the end, the three people I asked were b
usy, so now I’m just waiting for Dad to get home. I know he’ll watch it with me. He loves Bill Murray. But still, I’m a guy whose only plans this weekend were watching a movie with his dad.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
I won a bout tonight!
that makes no sense. about what?
A fencing match, idiot. A bout.
no doubt A BOUT it!
You’re the biggest dork of all time.
im not the 1 who swordfights 4 a living
February 7th
Dear RJ,
You won’t believe it; I am SO MAD at Kraleigh.
We were rehearsing this afternoon after school, and we were just coming to the big climax scene when she walked into the Drama room. She stood in the doorway, leaning on it, listening. I didn’t really want her to see my play, but I also thought she should see that I am a great director and a great writer, so we kept going. But after we were done, she walked all the way in and demanded to speak to Hark. He was in the other room, helping Georgia and Simon develop their romance play. (It’s so boring right now. It’s basically them making out and telling each other that they love each other, the same way they do at the back of homeroom every morning.) ANYWAY, Kraleigh stormed in there and pulled Hark out into the hall. They were out there for a long time, but eventually only Hark came back in and said that we had to put a pause on rehearsals for the time being.
Notes from the Life of a Total Genius Page 8