Restless Hearts

by Mona Ingram

  “Sorry I’m late,” he said, lighting one of the thin cigars he allowed himself. He had run out just before the Cape, but he’d replenished his supply in Valparaiso. “How was tonight’s sunset?”

  “It was lovely,” she said absent-mindedly. Only faint streaks of color remained in the western sky.

  A thin stream of smoke escaped his lips and she lifted her head as it blew in her direction. She’d become accustomed to the sweet scent of the tobacco, and knew she would miss it when she reached San Francisco. Not for the first time, she was reminded that every hour they sailed brought her closer to the moment when Jamie would go his own way.

  She glanced at his profile and swallowed a sigh. Why couldn’t she have met someone like him back on the east coast? A silly question, but one she couldn’t help but ask. Of course if she’d met a man like him, she wouldn’t be here now.

  “What is it, Sarah?” He kept looking out to sea, as though to look at her might stop her from speaking.

  “You’re getting to know me too well,” she murmured.

  The skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Perhaps.”

  Sarah sucked in a deep breath. “I’m concerned about finding a place to live when we get there.”

  The tip of his cigarillo glowed in the dusk and she focused on it as she continued to speak. “Oddly enough, I’ve never worried about taking care of myself. I’m not afraid of hard work, but this is a problem I hadn’t considered.”

  “Understandable, but you have the advantage of having friends there.” He turned toward her. “Lucy, and myself. We both have homes, so it’s not as if you need to go without a roof over your head.”

  She stared at him. “I couldn’t do that.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Why not? Lucy is your friend, and I have an entire ranch at my disposal.” He glanced at the ring on her finger. “I get the impression that people in California... at least those who’ve come out for the gold... aren’t spending a lot of time worrying about social niceties. I suspect that they wouldn’t pay too much attention to a widow who visits the friend of her late husband.” He grinned. “That would be me.”

  “But...” Sarah stopped, recognizing that what she said now could set the tone for the future of their friendship. She needed to word her reply carefully.

  “I hadn’t thought of posing as a widow.” The water rushed past the hull, keeping time with her racing thoughts. “And thank you for the offer. It’s good to know there’s somewhere I can go if I get desperate, but...”

  “...but you want to assert your independence.” It was almost dark now, but there was something in his eyes when he looked down at her. “I appreciate that,” he said, glancing away and then back, “but I’ll be there, if you ever need me.”

  She laid a hand on his arm. It was an instinctual gesture, and she almost wished she hadn’t touched him, hadn’t rekindled the attraction that pulsed between them. And now... now that he knew she wasn’t married... there was nothing to prevent them from acting on that attraction. Nothing other than her need to be independent. Thankfully, it was a need he seemed to understand.

  She lowered her eyes, suddenly shy. “I’ve never had a man friend before.”

  He tossed his precious cigar away and she followed the glow until it fell into the ocean. Then he tipped up her chin, and her heart began to race. “Is that what we are?” he murmured, lowering his head until his mouth hovered just over hers. “Friends?”

  She gazed up at him, sensing more than seeing the intensity in his eyes. Then she closed the distance between them, and settled her lips on his.

  He responded with a low growl, and one arm slid around her, pulling her firmly against his broad chest. The other hand cupped her face, tilting it slightly to give him better access. His lips were soft yet hard, gentle yet demanding. Sarah’s senses spiraled giddily, and she returned the kiss with a passion she didn’t know she possessed. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she scolded herself for all those years of missing out on such a delightful experience.

  He pulled back slowly, breathlessly. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, trying to see into her eyes. “But I couldn’t resist.”

  “I’m glad you did,” she said, unable to hide her smile. “I thought it was rather wonderful.”

  The wind had come up, and an escaped lock of hair blew across her eyes. Jamie reached out to tuck it behind her ear, and his fingers lingered along the column of her neck, sending shivers of anticipation throughout her body.

  He gave a soft, intimate chuckle. “Sarah Howard, you’re like no other woman I’ve ever met.” He looked ahead, where the bow cut cleanly through the water, rushing them toward their destination. “You’re going to do just fine when we get there. I’m convinced of it.”

  She tried to read the expression on his face, but it was too dark. Did he regret kissing her? She couldn’t imagine why, when they’d been leading up to it ever since the first moment they’d met. A sudden thought chilled her, and she backed up a step. Jamie’s sense of adventure had brought him to California, but unlike her, he didn’t need to prove himself. He would have no interest in being saddled with a woman when he had a business to establish, and a rancho to run. Besides, he was correct: her goal in striking out for California was to prove that she could be an independent woman, and she wasn’t prepared to give up her dream. At least not yet.

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” she said, boldly touching him on the cheek. Then she turned and walked toward the soft glow of light coming from the companionway, her lips still tingling from the unexpected kiss. She had a lot to think about tonight.

  * * *

  Jamie made no move to follow her, even though his body ached with the need to touch her again. He wanted to slowly remove the pins from her hair and run his fingers through the silken strands.

  He gave a strangled laugh. Who was he kidding? He wanted to make love to her. He was right when he’d said that he shouldn’t have kissed her, but not for the reasons she might think. A shudder rippled through his body as he took in a deep, calming breath. He didn’t know why he wanted her so badly. He’d known women more beautiful, more socially adept, but he’d never known anyone with the fire and independent spirit shown by Sarah. Not to mention the fact that she cared about others. That in itself was enough to make him fall in love with her.

  But he had to let her go. She was obviously inexperienced when it came to men, and he sensed that her underlying sensuality could burst into the flames of passion very easily.

  ‘Flames of passion’? When had he started thinking like the dialogue in those penny dreadfuls, the new rage in fiction from England? He reached inside his jacket, patted the slim pack of cigars in his vest pocket, and debated lighting one. Caught up in the need to draw Sarah into his arms, he’d tossed a perfectly good cigarillo into the ocean earlier. If that wasn’t proof that he was in too deep and needed to step back, then nothing was. No, he told himself. He’d save the cigar for when he really needed it. He braced his feet apart as the ship crested a long, rolling wave and slid down the other side. High one moment, and low the next: much like his life at the present. He turned and went below.

  * * *

  “The pastry’s too short.” Levi looked pointedly at the pastry flakes that littered the table. “You need to cut back on the lard. You know... make the pastry tougher.”

  Sarah looked to Lucy, then to Jamie. They both nodded.

  “I’m not sure if I can,” she said with a frown.

  “Nonsense. Of course you can. You just don’t want to.” Lucy eyed her knowingly. “You’re proud of your flaky pastry, and rightly so, but it just doesn’t work with these.” She took another bite. “They’re delicious. I’ll bet you could sell as many of these as you can make.” She absently picked up the flakes and ate them. “You said you could fill them with fruit as well?”

  Sarah looked to Jamie. “Apparently that has been done, with equal success.”

  Lucy placed her hands on her am
ple hips. “You could make a living with these.” Her eyes flashed as she warmed to her subject. “I’ve heard about women who sell food to the miners. Some of them are making more than their husbands. But they’re limited by the number of plates, and spoons, and seats. With these, the men don’t need to sit down. Just think how many more you could sell that way.”

  Sarah shouldn’t have been surprised that Lucy had read her thoughts. They’d spent a lot of time together this past month, and what had started as a friendship on a sea voyage had turned into something more permanent. Lucy would never take the place of Sarah’s mother, but she’d found herself turning to the older woman to discuss her feelings for Jamie, and her nervousness at striking out on her own.

  Jamie watched the two women. Part of him wished that Sarah was more reliant on him, but he knew that a successful business would be good for her. He’d originally thought that she might try to make a living utilizing her medical skills, but baking was something she excelled at. Knowing her, she’d be treating her customers for less serious injuries while she fed them. He wanted to help her, but he hadn’t thought of a way. At least not yet. Things would no doubt change when they sailed through the Golden Gate.

  * * *

  “That’s the Golden Gate?” Sarah couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. They had stood off for two days due to heavy fog, but this morning’s breeze blew the fog away, revealing the shoreline basking in the warm September sun. The pilot had boarded, and then guided them between the high cliff and some unremarkable, rocky islands. “I thought it would be something majestic.”

  Lucy and Jamie said nothing. They were too busy trying to take it all in.

  Once inside the bay, Sarah’s disappointment turned to awe. Rolling hills rose up from the sheltered bay, dotted with structures of various types and sizes. But it was the ships in the harbor that drew and held her attention. She turned as Levi came out on deck, and she made space for him in their small group.

  “So many ships,” she said, gazing out over the forest of masts. “I had no idea. Is this normal?”

  Levi shrugged. “Captain says most of ‘em are deserted. The crews go ashore, get the fever, and run off to the gold fields. Captains can’t find anyone to sail them back.”

  “And so they just sit here. It must be a real problem.”

  Levi shook his head. “It will probably get worse in the months to come.”

  Sarah looked up into the rigging, where many of the crew had climbed to get a better view. “Will Captain Johnson have that problem?”

  “I don’t know, but he has a good reputation. A few of the crew are bound to run off, but he’ll be able to replace them, I’m quite sure.”

  “I hope so.” Sarah turned to Jamie and Lucy. “What happens next? How do we get to shore?”

  “Charlie is sending a boat for us.” Lucy glanced toward the forward deck, where several large crates already sat waiting. “Those crates contain my household supplies. I hope he remembers that I don’t travel light, and sends a large enough boat.” She turned to Jamie. “What about your minting machine? You’ll need a special winch for that, I suspect.”

  He appeared surprised at her knowledge. “Yes. I’m going to go ashore first and make sure there’s a spot prepared for it. Once it’s set in place, I’d rather not move it.”

  “Then by all means, come ashore with us.” She lowered her voice and spoke to Sarah. “What about Anna and Melissa? Has she made arrangements?”

  “She seems to think that her husband will be here waiting for her.” She smiled, recalling Anna’s growing excitement as they neared their destination, and her disappointment at being delayed by the fog.

  Lucy spoke forcefully. “He’d better hurry up. It looks to me as though she could have that baby any day now.” She turned to Sarah. “Wouldn’t you say?”

  “She looks ready to me, but she seems to think it will be another few weeks.”

  “I suppose time will tell. You said her husband’s a miner?”

  Sarah nodded. “That’s what she said.”

  Lucy gave a soft little snort of derision. “These young people,” she said. “Blinded by dreams of riches, and yet I’d wager most of them are barely scraping by. Oh, look. Her face lit up and she suddenly looked ten years younger. “There’s my Charlie, in that boat.” She waved gaily.

  The man in the boat was as tall and lean as Lucy was short and round. He looked up at his wife, and even at a distance, Sarah could see the adoration in his eyes. She liked him on sight.

  Lucy had come up with a practical solution to Sarah’s housing dilemma. Sarah would spend the first night at Lucy’s home, and Charlie would fill them in on what was available for rent. The plan had made sense at the time, but seeing the obvious affection between the couple, she worried about spoiling their reunion.

  “Isn’t he handsome?” Lucy was almost giddy as the lighter bumped against the hull of the ship, and her husband started to climb the rope ladder. “And he’s a good man, too.”

  Lucy ran to greet her husband and Sarah backed up a few steps, bumping into Jamie’s solid body. His hands braced her shoulders and lingered longer than necessary. He bent his head and whispered in her ear. “It’s nice to see a couple express their affection so openly.”

  His hands slipped from her shoulders and she wanted to lean into him again... to feel his solid strength and support. It was just as well they’d arrived; there was no room in her plans for conflicted emotions... was there?

  Chapter Eight

  “Pioneer Merchant Bank, you said?” Charlie Davis shot a quick glance at Jamie and nodded vigorously. “Yes, I know them. Two fellows showed up, oh, a month or so ago and purchased a building on Montgomery, near Sacramento.”

  Jamie leaned forward eagerly. “That’s excellent news. Is it a good location?”

  “It had better be,” said Charlie with a twinkle in his eye. “I sold it to them.”

  Jamie laughed. “Then you would know.”

  The businessman turned serious. “What I also know is that if you’re smart, you buy what’s available as soon as you hear about it, assuming that it suits your purpose. If you wait... even as much as half a day... it will be gone.” He grinned, and for a moment he looked like a tall, gangly pirate. “Or you could wait until tomorrow, and pay twice the price. That’s the way things go around here.” He motioned for the driver to stop and pointed out a two-storey building. “That’s the place right there. Good luck, young man.” He held out his hand, and they shook. “Come and see me any time. My office is two blocks in the other direction.”

  “Will do.” Jamie nodded to Lucy. “Goodbye, ma’am. It was a pleasure sailing with you.”

  Lucy huffed. “It’s not as if we’re never going to see each other again. Now say goodbye to Sarah, and we’ll be on our way.”

  “Goodbye, Jamie.” Sarah’s throat was suddenly tight. “Good luck.”

  “Thank you, Sarah Howard.” A soft, intimate smile flitted across his face. “But this isn’t goodbye.” He held her gaze for one last, lingering moment, then walked away.

  * * *

  “Charlie, it’s perfect!” Lucy reached up and patted her husband on the cheek. “I love my new home.”

  The two-storey structure overlooked the city from a hillside near Telegraph Hill. On the drive from the waterfront, Charlie had explained proudly how he had purchased two of the first shipment of pre-fabricated wooden houses imported from China, and had re-worked the plans to turn it into a two-storey dwelling.

  “I’m glad you approve.” He stood in the kitchen, where he’d just opened the crate marked kitchen supplies. “And now, if you don’t mind, my love, I need to get back to the office.”

  “Of course not. Sarah and I will unpack and tonight we’ll have our first family meal.”

  Sarah couldn’t remember ever witnessing any signs of affection between her mother and father. Seeing Lucy and Charlie together made her feel like a voyeur, but in a good way. Would she ever feel that kind of
happiness? Her thoughts drifted to Jamie, and she was overcome with a longing so intense it took her breath away. Maybe one day, when she was established and could meet him as an equal. The idea gave her strength, and she set about unpacking the crate with a faint smile on her face.

  Lucy lingered at the door, saying goodbye to Charlie, then came into the kitchen and watched for a moment. “You’re smiling. I suppose you’re thinking about that young man of yours.”

  “He’s not my young man.”

  “Nonsense.”

  Sarah gave in. “I suppose I was thinking about Jamie.” She unpacked a teapot and fished around in the excelsior for the lid. “I couldn’t help but notice how well you and Charlie get along, and I was hoping that I experience something similar one day.”

  “You mean with Jamie, of course.”

  Sarah nodded. “I got to know him fairly well during the past four months.”

  Lucy wrapped an apron around her ample waist. Sarah had no idea where it had come from, but she’d stopped being surprised by Lucy a long time ago. “What’s holding you back?” the older woman asked, her tone mild.

  “I don’t know.” Sarah kept her head lowered. Lucy was far too intuitive.

  “Nonsense.” There was that word again. “Of course you know. Your father trampled on your dreams of becoming a doctor and you’re determined not to let a man take control of your life again.”

  Sarah acknowledged her friend’s words with a wry smile. “I hadn’t thought about it quite like that, but you could be right.”

  Lucy remained quiet.

  Sarah continued. “Yes, I think perhaps you are right. It’s something I have to do.” She paused and ran her fingers over the pattern on a large serving dish.

  Lucy watched her, one hand braced on the edge of the packing crate. “It’s not an either or proposition, you know.”

  “What do you mean?”