Restless Hearts

by Mona Ingram

  “I’d love it,” he said as he kneeled down to greet Missy. She had been observing them with the intensity only an eight-year-old can bring. “How are you, Missy? I missed you, too.”

  She threw herself into his arms. “Did you?” The baby cried somewhere in the back of the house and she turned serious. “We have a new baby. His name is Walter.”

  Jamie rose and looked at Sarah.

  “It’s true,” she said. “The baby came last night.”

  “How is Anna?”

  “She’s fine.” She glanced over her shoulder. “She’ll be out in a moment.”

  A shadow passed over his eyes.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  He pulled the photograph out of his coat. “I told Charlie I was coming to see you and he asked me to bring this.”

  Sarah looked at the picture and some of the brightness went out of the day.

  “Plus, the reporter from Alta California asked me to return this.” He handed her the small package. “Some of Walter’s personal items.”

  Sarah stared at the package, then took it from him; neither of them noticed that Melissa had disappeared. “I’ll take it to Anna now,” she said. “I think she’d prefer to be alone when I give her this.” She gave him a weak smile. “Will you stay? I’d like to show you the house.”

  Sarah brought him a coffee and joined him a few minutes later at the table by the window. “What do you think?” she asked.

  “It’s amazing,” he said, looking around. “It’s as if it was made for you.”

  She told him of her plans to re-arrange the dining room, and her anticipated schedule for selling food.

  “It sounds like you have it all planned out.” He turned to her. “Is this what you thought you’d be doing?”

  She considered his question. “I didn’t have a firm idea of what I’d be doing,” she said finally. “But I’m willing to work at it and see what happens. What about you?”

  “I’m the same, I guess. I don’t regret coming, at least not yet.” He looked around again. “I envy you this house.”

  “There’s always your rancho. Maybe you’ll feel more positive when you see it.”

  He nodded. “Maybe. Right now it’s a big unknown.”

  They sat quietly for several moments, watching the parade of people on the street. Jamie slid his hand across the table, and intertwined his fingers with hers. Conflicting emotions raced through her body; sparks of desire battled with a calm sense of contentment. Was this what it would be like to be with a man she cared for? Excitement mixed with the sensation of coming home? If so, she could get used to it.

  “Thank you, Jamie.” Neither of them had heard Anna enter the room. “It was good of you to bring Walter’s things.”

  Jamie rose and took her hands in his. “Angus from the newspaper deserves the thanks. I’ll pass them on.”

  She looked from one to the other. “I’m sorry I disturbed you, but I wanted to say thanks.”

  Jamie rose. “That’s all right. I have to be going. I’ll see the rest of the house some other time.”

  Anna drifted away and Sarah walked him to the front door. “Thanks for coming by.”

  “I came to ask you out for dinner.” He glanced toward the back of the house. “If it’s okay to leave Anna alone, how about tonight? I could stop by around six and we can walk over to the hotel.”

  “I’d like that.” She touched him briefly on the arm. “See you then.”

  * * *

  “Perfect timing,” said Sarah as Jamie appeared at the door that evening.

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “It’s almost time for sunset.” She hooked her arm through his as they made their way toward Kearney. “Remember all those evenings on the ship?”

  “I remember.” The look he gave her snatched her breath away. “I remember everything.”

  She wondered if he could see the pulse pounding in her throat, and looked away, trying to regain her equilibrium. “What did you do today?”

  He protected her with his body as a wagon rattled past. “I watched them set up the minting machine for a while, and when I realized that our chaps from Chicago had it in hand, I went out to drum up business.”

  “Were you successful?”

  “Yes. There’s quite a demand for five and ten dollar gold coins. Every merchant I spoke to is glad we’re setting up.” He smiled down at her. “What about you? What did you do?”

  “I checked out what’s available in the stores on Montgomery.” She gave her head a quick shake. “The prices are unbelievable, but I suppose you know that.”

  “So I’ve heard.” They walked in silence for a few moments. “You look different tonight, Sarah.”

  “I do? In what way?”

  He paused to gather his thoughts. He didn’t want to frighten her with the truth; that he’d been thinking of her all day.

  “You look energized, and there’s a lightness in your step.”

  “I’m feeling positive about the future, and Anna is adjusting to her new status surprisingly well. We even baked our first batch of bread today. And tomorrow we’re going to make our first pasties.”

  “Speaking of food, would you rather go to Delmonico’s, or to a Chinese restaurant I heard about?”

  “I’m feeling adventuresome. Let’s try the Chinese.” She paused across from a large building with a row of dormers. “That’s impressive. What is it?”

  “That’s Parker House, the famous hotel. One of the most popular gambling locations in town.” He lowered his voice. “I understand that there are special rooms on the second floor. One is high stakes poker, where the men are said to bet thousands on one hand.”

  She shot a speculative look at the building, and then her gaze fell to a Chilean man straining to push a hand cart through the muddy street. “As I said before, it’s a place of extremes.” She leaned into him. “I’ve had enough sightseeing. Let’s go to the restaurant.”

  “It’s on a side street just up ahead, but it’s worth going a little out of our way. The food is supposed to be excellent.”

  As they rounded a corner, they almost collided with two women. Sarah couldn’t be sure, but they looked like they were from the American south. She smiled, but they ignored her and gave their attention to Jamie, who flushed dark red at something they murmured to him. Then they continued walking, their laughter floating down the street.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, and as he spoke, she realized that the women were prostitutes.

  “It’s not your fault. You...” Her words were cut short by a cry of alarm. She and Jamie looked at each other, then ran back toward the sound. One of the women was sprawled in the mud, just off the wooden sidewalk, clutching her side. But it was her leg Sarah noticed, positioned at an unnatural angle. A few feet beyond, a man was trying to control his rearing horse, which was harnessed to a broken cart, now mired in the mud. Jamie and Sarah took in the scene in seconds, surmising correctly that a wheel had come off, hitting the woman as the cart passed.

  “We have to help,” said Sarah, about to step off the sidewalk to help the moaning woman.

  “No.” The second woman held up a hand. “Hiram doesn’t like anyone to interfere.”

  Sarah couldn’t believe her ears. “Who?... I just want to help.”

  Something softened in the other woman’s eyes, and for a moment Sarah thought she was going to give in, but she held her ground. “No, but thank you,” she said firmly. At that moment, Sarah saw beneath the garish makeup to the person beneath. She may be a prostitute, but she was another woman... and a frightened one, if Sarah didn’t miss her guess.

  “Please,” the other woman said. “Leave now.”

  Sarah reluctantly allowed Jamie to lead her away. “What will happen to her?” she asked, glancing back one last time.

  “She’ll be cared for.” Jamie flushed again. “He makes money from her, so he’ll see she gets to the hospital.”

  “He makes...?” She tried to hide her anger. She’d
heard of prostitutes and their so-called protectors, but this was her first real-life experience. No matter what the woman did to survive, it angered her that she hadn’t been allowed to help.

  They walked along in silence for a few moments until Jamie stopped at a single storey building. Beaded curtains marked it as a Chinese restaurant and he turned to her. “We don’t have to do this tonight, if you’re too upset.”

  “I am upset, but I’m also hungry, and I’ve been looking forward to this.”

  * * *

  Sarah ate the last few grains of rice and pushed the bowl away. “I’ve had Chinese food at home, but never anything that tasted quite this good.” She passed her teacup to Jamie, who filled it with fragrant tea.

  “That’s because at home, the restaurants are serving what they think we want, whereas this is authentic.” He reached across the table and took her hand in what was becoming a familiar gesture. “Thank you for coming.”

  “I enjoyed it.” She studied him in the dim light. Who was this man who was slowly capturing her heart? After the fiasco with Lewis, she’d thought it would be a long time before she even considered becoming involved, and yet here she was, falling for Jamie in a big way.

  But he had made his intentions clear. He planned to work here for a few weeks, and then go to his ranch. He’d expressed ambivalence about working in his family’s bank; what if he fell in love with life on the ranch and never came back?

  “Sarah,” he said, breaking into her thoughts. “This won’t be happening for a few more weeks, but would you like to accompany me to Sacramento when I go to check on my ranch?” A smile flirted with the corners of his mouth. “I’d like you to be there when I see it for the first time.”

  She should say no, but she couldn’t form the words. The idea was too tempting, and she realized that she’d been hoping for just such an invitation all along.

  “I...” a dozen questions popped into her head. “How would we get there?”

  His eyes gleamed when he realized that she was considering his invitation. “That’s part of the fun. We’d go on the new side-paddle steamship, the Senator. It makes the trip up to Sacramento and Stockton three times a week.” A boyish grin lit up his face. “I’ve heard it’s luxurious, and the trip only takes ten hours. We can be up and back in three days.”

  She lifted the teacup and drank slowly, trying to marshal her thoughts. “I’d like to come,” she said slowly.

  “Excellent!”

  She held up a hand. “But I need more time before I can give you a definite answer. Give me one more week, and I’ll have a much better idea of how things are working out.” She spread her hands in a helpless gesture. “I can’t very well leave Anna alone. Not yet.”

  He nodded his agreement.

  Sarah twirled her cup between her palms. The tea had cooled, but she scarcely noticed. “Thank you for the invitation, Jamie. It means a lot to me.”

  He looked up and met her eyes. “It means a lot to me, too.” The server appeared at their table, breaking the sizzling band of tension that stretched between them. “And now I suppose we should leave. It’s almost dark out.”

  They walked slowly back to Sarah’s house, neither wanting the evening to end. Little traffic remained on the streets, and they were able to stroll side by side, their hands touching and finally clasping.

  At the door of her house, he released her hand and she leaned toward him, missing his touch already.

  “I’d like to see you again, soon.” He cupped the side of her face and brushed his thumb against the softness of her cheek. “I’ve grown accustomed to seeing you every day, Sarah Howard. I don’t want to let you go.”

  “Me, too,” she said, and raised her lips.

  A moan of delight rose from somewhere deep inside her as his mouth covered hers. His kiss was familiar and yet new, and she opened to him as his tongue probed between her lips, filling her with a hot thrill of anticipation.

  “Sarah,” he murmured, sliding his fingers into her hair and pulling her even closer.

  “Jamie!” The door flew open, bathing them in soft candlelight. Caught up in their mutual passion, it took a moment for them to realize that Missy stood in the doorway. “You’re kissing Sarah!”

  Jamie answered the child, but didn’t take his eyes from Sarah. “Yes, I am.” A slow, intimate smile curved his lips, and then he forced himself to look away and pay attention to Missy. “That’s what adults do when they like each other.”

  “You must really like her.” She looked from one to the other.

  “Missy!” Anna appeared behind her daughter. “You shouldn’t be disturbing Sarah and Jamie.” She adjusted her hold on Walter and pulled Missy inside. “I’m sorry.”

  Jamie spoke first. “It’s all right.” He reached for Sarah’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “I was just leaving.”

  Neither of them noticed as Anna faded back into the house. “I’ll see you soon,” he said, his voice husky. “And thank you for tonight.”

  Sarah watched him as far as the street, where he turned and gave her a smile that sent delicious heat spreading through her limbs. And then he was gone. She turned with a sigh, still tingling from his kiss... and wanting more.

  She locked the door and leaned against it, aware that something had changed tonight. It was becoming increasingly clear that Jamie wanted to deepen their romantic involvement... to make love to her. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back. The truth was, she wanted the same. Her entire body had come alive tonight; it pulsed with need, even now. But if she gave in, would she lose her chance for self-fulfilment... her chance to be independent?

  Most women wouldn’t think twice; they’d choose a man and security. But she wasn’t most women. She’d worked hard once, only to have her dreams shattered, and in the interest of self-preservation, she couldn’t allow that to happen again.

  A frustrated sigh escaped her lips. Was Lucy right? Was it possible to have both? She didn’t know, and the truth was, she wasn’t ready to find out. Even now, her heart ached as she considered that she might possibly lose Jamie if she followed her own path. And yet she had to try... didn’t she?

  She pushed away from the door and wandered into the dining room. Anna had re-arranged the tables while she was out, separating them. The room looked more inviting already. There was no sound from beyond the kitchen, and she realized that Anna must have turned in. She needed to do the same... tomorrow was going to be a busy day.

  * * *

  “I’m sorry about last night.” Anna and Sarah were making their first batch of pasties while Missy watched Walter in the dining room.

  Sarah hesitated for a moment, then continued to roll out the pastry. “It’s okay.” She raised her eyes. “I think Jamie and I have to figure out where this is going.”

  Anna raised an eyebrow. “Better now than later.”

  Sarah sighed. “That’s what I thought. The thing is, I don’t want to give up my independence.”

  “I can understand that.” Anna blinked back tears. “I also know that life is much easier with a good man.”

  “I’m sorry, Anna. I shouldn’t complain.”

  “No, it’s not that.” She seemed to drift off. “I envy you,” she said finally. “I think it’s wonderful that you want to be independent.” She made a gesture encompassing the kitchen, and the house. “And you have the means to make that happen.”

  Sarah remained silent, sensing that Anna had more to add.

  “Please don’t think poorly of me, what with Walter so recently gone, but some women just need a man in their lives, and this past couple of days, I’ve discovered that I’m one of them.”

  “Of course I don’t think poorly of you.” Sarah studied the other woman openly. “I admire the fact that you know that about yourself. Whereas I...” She raised her hands in a gesture of futility. “I don’t know what I want.” She crimped together the edges on a tray full of pasties and slid them into the oven. “At least we’re in control of our own lives.�
��

  “What do you mean?”

  “I saw something last night that’s been bothering me.” She told Anna about the injured woman. “Imagine, being injured, but too afraid to accept help.” She pulled a bowl of apples across the work surface, and started peeling.

  Anna took over rolling the pastry. “The hard part,” she said. “Is that those women are stuck here in San Francisco. Even if they wanted to get away, where are they going to go?”

  Sarah nibbled on a piece of apple. “I hadn’t thought about it that way.” She started to peel again, her movements brisk. “You know, I think I’m going to go to the hospital and check on her. Charlie spoke about the hospital, and apparently the conditions are terrible.”

  Anna’s eyes grew wide. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” Sarah put down the paring knife with more force than necessary. “Anyway, unless I miss my guess, this Hiram character isn’t going to be sitting there holding her hand. He’ll never know I was there.”

  Anna had seen her new friend in action often enough to know not to argue. “You’ll be careful, won’t you?” She started to fill the remaining pastry with fruit. “While you’re out, see if you can find some more sugar, okay?” She looked around. “And some milk would be wonderful. I know it’s scarce, but I love a drop of milk in my tea.”

  Sarah grinned. “Only in San Francisco. Champagne, claret and brandy by the caseload, but no milk.” She pulled a shawl over her shoulders. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Appalled by the smell that greeted her, Sarah hesitated at an empty desk near the entrance to the hospital. A surly man came by, clutching a tray of bandages. She couldn’t help but notice that his hands were filthy. She suppressed a shudder.

  “Who are you looking for?” he asked, looking her up and down. She smelled brandy on his breath and tried not to react.

  “I don’t actually know her name,” she said, stepping a bit farther into the building. “She was brought in last night with a broken leg.”

  His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. “You know her?”