Restless Hearts

by Mona Ingram

  She picked up the small bar of scented soap and her thoughts drifted back to the first time she’d met Julia. Her life hadn’t always been easy, but when compared with the present, those days had been innocent and carefree...

  * * *

  “Hello. Are you one of the gardeners?” A girl of about fourteen appeared out of nowhere, blocking the afternoon sun. Lily’s first impression was of blonde hair peeking out from under a broad-brimmed hat.

  Lily scrambled to her feet. She’d been taught to stand when confronted by one of the household members. “Yes, I am,” she said, thinking that it was a rather silly question. Why else would she be on her knees, weeding around the lavender? Bees buzzed around the heavily-scented plant.

  “What’s your name?”

  This girl was certainly direct, but Lily had heard that lo fan were like that. “I’m Lily,” she said, looking the other girl in the eye.

  “What’s your Chinese name?”

  Lily’s hand tightened on her gardening tool. “Yang Li,” she said, her chin tilting up ever so slightly.

  “Yang Li,” repeated the girl. “I like Lily better.”

  Lily said nothing.

  “I came out to get some flowers for my bedroom.” She eyed the lavender.

  Lily’s dismay must have shown on her face, because the girl stepped back. “I suppose that would ruin the look of this beautiful plant, though. Do you have any other ideas?”

  Using her limited English vocabulary, Lily led the girl to the cutting garden beside the new glass greenhouse. The girl gathered a small bouquet, chattering the entire time. Lily understood most of what she was saying, but she found herself wishing that she could enter into the conversation. The girl was obviously spoiled by her rich family, but she was bright and cheerful. It was a long time since Lily had had a friend, and she began to relax as the girl talked.

  After a while, she seemed to run out of words. “My name’s Julia, by the way.” She offered Lily an impish grin. “Would you like to be friends?”

  Lily frowned. Had this girl read her mind?

  “Listen.” Julia’s tone was conspiratorial. “I know you probably don’t understand every word I say, but you understand most of it, don’t you?”

  Lily nodded, and Julia beamed. “I have an idea. What if I could arrange for you to come to classes with me?” Lily could almost see the gears turning inside her head. “I have a tutor who comes every morning for a few hours. Daddy wants me to learn to speak Mandarin. I can tell him that you’re helping me learn Mandarin, and in the meantime, you can learn English. What do you say? I’ll have Daddy ask your father.”

  Lily was surprised by how much she wanted to be friends with this bright creature. She reminded Lily of a butterfly, flitting from one subject to another. And yet, she was sweet, and as far as Lily could tell, she had no ulterior motive in wanting to be friends.

  “Okay,” she said, hesitant to let her enthusiasm show. But Julia had been sincere, and within a week, they were attending classes together, building the foundation of their friendship.

  Julia’s father had built an impressive estate in Shanghai’s American settlement a few years prior, and Lily’s father had been the head gardener since the beginning. Most of the staff lived outside the fortress-like walls of the estate, but Lily’s father occupied a position of importance in this rapidly changing society where appearances were everything. An influential trader with his own fleet of ships, Frederick Reed reveled in his position. He frequently showed off his gardens to the members of the International Settlement, and was often heard to brag that his gardener lived on site.

  Lily’s mother had died in childbirth many years ago, her presence little more than a faint memory. As she’d grown older, Lily wondered if her parents had loved each other, but she didn’t dare ask her father. He never spoke of her mother, and, and hadn’t shown any interest in remarrying. Father and daughter occupied a small cottage on a corner of the estate, their future secure.

  That is until six months ago, when the fabric of Lily’s life started to unravel.

  * * *

  “Guess what?” Julia was almost vibrating with excitement. “Mummy’s taking me to Hong Kong. We’re going on one of Daddy’s ships.” She grabbed Lily’s hands. “I’ll miss you, but think how much fun I’ll have looking for something to bring back for you.” She frowned. “What would you like?”

  Lily laughed. “Nothing, Julia. Just have a good time and bring back your memories. How long will you be gone?”

  “About six months. Will you miss me?”

  “Of course.” It was the truth. After more than four years, the girls had become best of friends, and saw each other every day. “But you’ll be home before you know it.”

  Lily slipped easily back into her work routine with her father. A quiet man, he rarely praised her efforts, but she knew that he was proud to have her at his side as they tended the gardens together. In spite of the fact that the Reed family would be gone for an extended period of time, her father maintained the gardens to his usual exacting standards.

  * * *

  Lily paused in the act of clearing the dishes after the evening meal. “Father, what’s that on your arm?”

  Her father looked listlessly at the freckle-like rash on his arm. “I don’t know,” he said. “It appeared two days ago when I was digging out that nest of voles.” He tried to stand up, then eased himself back down.

  She looked at him more closely. His forehead was beaded with perspiration and yet he shivered, as though overcome with a sudden chill.

  Fear gripped her. “You don’t look well. I’m going to the big house for Liang Yan. She took care of Julia when she got sick last year.” She rushed from the room over her father’s protests, sensing that there was something seriously wrong.

  She was right.

  The healer took one look at her father and ordered her from the room. When she came out some time later, her expression was grim. “I’m sorry, Li, but your father has bubonic plague.”

  Lily’s stomach plummeted. Very few escaped the plague alive. “How bad?” she asked, dreading the answer.

  Yan shook her head. “He already has lumps in his neck and armpits.” She shook her head.

  Lily walked toward the door, but Yan held her back. “No,” she said firmly. “This is a highly contagious disease, and we can’t risk spreading it.”

  “But Baba...” Lily looked toward the little house she’d shared so happily with her father.

  “He asked me to keep you away.” Yan’s voice broke. “He asked me to tell you that he loves you, and he doesn’t want to risk infecting you or anyone else. He said it would break his heart if anything happened to you.”

  * * *

  Lily’s worst fears were realized two days later when her father died. She had been sleeping on a cot in a small alcove off the kitchen and was awakened by the housekeeper. “Come,” she said, her tone brusque. “Your father has gone to be with his ancestors. We must bury him right away in a special section of the cemetery.”

  Lily dressed in white – the color of death – and followed the cart to the cemetery, where a quick ceremony was performed. Shocked at the speed of her Baba’s death, the words barely registered. The only people in attendance were the housekeeper and her mother’s sister. As a cooling rain fell, she tried to remember anything about the aunt she barely recognized, but nothing came to mind. After her mother’s death, the woman had disappeared from her life. She had no idea why her aunt was here now, especially since the woman scarcely looked at her.

  Eyes dulled with pain, Lily followed the housekeeper to the cart, but was surprised when the woman laid a hand on her arm.

  “I’m sorry, Lily. You won’t be coming back to the estate.”

  Taken off guard, Lily gave her a blank look. “Why not?”

  “Because we need to clean out the cottage and prepare it for the new gardener.”

  Lily had been too worried about her father to consider what would happen to her; th
e announcement came as a shock. “But where will I go?”

  The housekeeper looked away, and for a moment Lily thought she saw pity in her expression. “Your aunt has offered to take you in,” she said, nodding toward the unsmiling woman. “We have packed up your personal items from the cottage and she has them.”

  “But Julia...” Lily was grasping at straws, but she didn’t care; there was something about her aunt that frightened her. She felt helpless, as though she was being swept away by a raging river. “How will she know where to find me?”

  The housekeeper’s expression softened. “I’m sure you will always be welcome to visit, but Mr. and Mrs. Reed won’t be back for another four months. You should be thankful that your aunt has offered to take you. Run along now.” She walked away, her back stiff and unyielding.

  Chapter Three

  Lily’s aunt started in on her as soon as the housekeeper was out of earshot.

  “Foolish girl! What makes you think the lo fan will want to see you when they come back? You are nothing to them.”

  Lily considered answering back, but the housekeeper was right... she was lucky to have somewhere to stay. She took the surprisingly small package of personal goods from her aunt and lowered her eyes. It wouldn’t do to let this unpleasant woman know how she felt... at least not yet.

  * * *

  Lily unpacked her meagre belongings the next morning and let out a cry of despair. Her jade bracelet, passed down to her from her mother, and her gold necklace were missing, as were all of her good clothes. All that remained were cheap cotton tunics and slacks... the attire of the lowliest servants.

  “Where are my things?” she inquired, trying to keep her voice even. “My jewellery and my good clothes?”

  Her aunt’s eyes narrowed. “Those trinkets?” she hissed. “I sold them. Did you think I was going to feed you and house you for nothing?”

  Tears sprang to Lily’s eyes. “But those were given to me by my parents. You had no right to take them.” She stood her ground, her body trembling with anger.

  Her aunt glared at her and for the first time in her life, Lily saw pure evil. “I have every right,” she hissed. “You are nothing more to me than another mouth to feed... an inconvenience.”

  Lily considered running away, but her aunt lived in a part of Shanghai she didn’t know. It had never occurred to her that by living with her father on the estate, she was effectively shut off from the rest of the world. Her forays outside the compound had been to nearby markets to purchase food and other necessities; beyond that, she was a stranger in her own town.

  Lily’s aunt ran a small noodle shop near her home. Lily didn’t mind the hard work, but no matter how hard she tried, her aunt found fault. Business was improving daily, with more and more laborers frequenting their stand and trying to engage Lily in conversation. Lily was polite, but she didn’t encourage them, aware of her aunt’s gaze constantly on her. There was something sinister in the way her aunt watched the men fawning over her. More than once she had noticed the woman whispering with strange men and looking in her direction.

  “Come,” her aunt said one afternoon, closing the shop early. Lily followed, curious as to what tragedy had befallen her aunt that she needed to close early... an unheard of occurrence.

  Her aunt wound her way through a warren of narrow streets, coming out at a section of docks along the Whampoa River. It was an area Lily recognized, having travelled there with Julia to see one of her father’s new ships.

  “Where are we going?” she asked at last.

  Her aunt ignored her, eventually stopping at an ocean-going ship. The gangplank tilted at a steep angle, and she pushed Lily ahead, puffing breathlessly as she followed.

  Once on deck, they were greeted by a rough-looking seaman who stared at Lily as though he had never seen a woman before.

  “Captain Jeremiah Briggs,” Lily’s aunt demanded, mangling the pronunciation of the last name.

  The man continued to ogle at Lily. “I’ll take you to him,” he said, leading them down the companionway and aft to the captain’s cabin. He rapped sharply. “Come,” a voice answered, and he opened the door.

  Lily’s heart started to pound as she looked around the cabin. Something didn’t feel right here, and she turned questioning eyes on her aunt.

  “So you’ve brought her.” The man studied her openly. “I was told she’s eighteen, but she looks younger.” He stroked a rapidly growing erection through the front of his trousers. “I like them young.”

  Lily turned terrified eyes to her aunt, who refused to meet her gaze.

  “All right,” he said, tossing a bundle of bills to Lily’s aunt. “I’ll take her. She’ll keep me company on the way to San Francisco, and I can sell her there at a nice profit.”

  Lily’s aunt grabbed the money and scurried out the door, leaving Lily stunned and alone with the captain.

  A cunning grin caught at the corner of his mouth. “You didn’t know about this, did you?”

  Lily shook her head. Maybe it was all a mistake and he would let her go. Somehow she didn’t think so.

  “Better that way,” he said, lighting a cigar. “Less time to object.” He rose and circled her. “So you speak English.”

  Lily considered not responding, but she’d already indicated she understood him. She nodded.

  “Good,” he said, as though they were conducting a business negotiation. “Here’s what’s going to happen. This ship sets sail for San Francisco tonight.” He gave a chuckle that set the fine hairs on the back of her neck on end. “Don’t get too attached to me, because I’ll be selling you when we get there.” He paused and lifted her heavy hair. She could feel his breath on her neck and she was almost overcome with nausea. “You should bring a fine price.”

  He continued pacing. “If you behave, I’ll let you out on deck once a week, depending on the weather. The rest of the time, you’ll be in here.” He paused dramatically. “With the door locked.”

  Lily looked toward the door.

  “Don’t think about trying to get away.” He stopped and pretended to think. “And don’t think about trying to harm me. If you were foolish enough to do that, my men would take turns with you for the rest of the voyage.” He made a tutting noise. “Trust me, that would not be pleasant.”

  He adjusted the bulge in the front of his trousers. “Much as I’d like to see what I’ve bought, I have to get this ship underway.” He glanced toward the bunk. “There will be plenty of time for that later.”

  * * *

  The captain made good on his promise. He took her virginity roughly, seemingly unaware of the tears streaming silently down her cheeks. After that, she learned to turn off her mind each night while he rutted on top of her, then rolled over and snored loudly while she roamed silently around the cabin, wondering if she would ever climb out of the black hole that was now her life. Her pride would not permit her to beg him to leave her alone. Besides, she knew it would do no good.

  Her one foray out onto the deck ended badly. The seamen all stopped what they were doing and stared at her, many making lewd gestures in her direction. Terrified, she ran back to the cabin, thankful for the locked door.

  As the days and weeks went by, Lily’s heart hardened. The captain had taken more than her virginity... he’d shattered every illusion she’d ever had about tenderness between a man and a woman. Looking back, she recognized the romantic, whispered dreams she’d shared with Julia as nothing more than the fantasies of two silly girls. This was real life. She may be broken, but somehow she was determined to survive.

  The only break in her routine came about a third of the way through the voyage, when the captain invited several of his officers into his cabin for a game of cards. At the captain’s insistence, she sat quietly behind him, watching the game progress. She did not recognize the game, nor the cards, but to amuse herself, she started observing the reactions of the men when they won, as well as when they lost. When she mentioned to the captain that the first mate tug
ged at his beard when he had a good hand, he looked at her curiously, but said nothing. The games took place more frequently after that, and he encouraged her to report to him when she saw other telltale signs. Pleased with his winnings, he presented her with a change of clothes. Her new outfit was a simple tunic and pants, but the fabric was finely woven, reminding her of her former life. But she harbored no illusions about what would happen when they arrived in San Francisco.

  * * *

  “Bollocks!” The captain turned away from the mirror, where he had been shaving. Lily had noticed a slow improvement in his appearance in the past few weeks, including reducing his beard to a strip of hair that rimmed his chin.

  He swished the razor in a basin of water. “Have you ever shaved anyone?” he asked, watching her reaction closely.

  “No,” she said, her gaze fastened on the sharp blade.

  He passed her the razor and indicated the nicks on his face. “You can’t do worse than this.”

  Lily turned the blade this way and that, catching the light. He was right; he’d made a mess of his face. She approached cautiously, wondering if this was a test.

  Within a few days, she had mastered the art of shaving him. He enjoyed the attention, but she was careful not to look in his eyes, unable to hide the hatred that simmered just below the surface. Just when she thought she couldn’t stand him another moment, he’d remind her of her fate if something were to happen to him. As they neared San Francisco, she resigned herself to the fact that she’d do nothing... at least not while she was on board.

  * * *

  The faint scent of lavender brought Lily back to the present. Her life these past few months had been one long nightmare... and almost as unbelievable. She splashed water on her face and gave a prayer of thanks. Was it possible that she could find peace in this house full of women? She stretched out on the bed with an exhausted sigh. She would certainly try.

  * * *

  Devon walked aimlessly. He knew that Addie meant well, and he appreciated her concern, but she couldn’t possibly understand what had happened to him when he looked into the woman’s eyes. His friends had called him a confirmed bachelor for many years now, and in spite of his oft-expressed desire to remain unattached, he was growing tired of the single life. In quiet times alone, he’d frequently found himself wondering if he would ever find a woman to love. And now that he had, she was beyond his reach. He didn’t need Addie to tell him that. He’d seen it for himself in the way she looked at him, breaking his heart even as he gazed into her eyes and fell deeply in love.