Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6)

by Camilla Chafer

  "Don't panic!" yelled the first officer needlessly, drawing his weapon as he scoured the restaurant. "Where'd they go?"

  "Gone," said Solomon, leaning against the bar.

  "Thataway," added the manager, pointing to the rear corridor. "They made me empty the safe before they ran."

  "Aww, man," said the second officer as he stowed his gun in his holster. "We missed it!"

  "I got you thirty-eight witness statements," Solomon told them, approaching me.

  "Stay there, buddy," said the first officer, raising his weapon. "How do we know you aren't one of the suspects?"

  Solomon gave him a long, slow look. "How dumb do I look?"

  "It's not him," I said, standing and walking towards them. I dropped my napkin statement onto the bar. "He's my boyfriend."

  "And who are you?" asked the officer.

  "Oh, please," said a voice behind them, "she's my sister."

  "And mine," said another voice as Garrett, my oldest brother, stepped into view alongside Jord. "Did you know this was going to happen?" Garrett asked quietly as he stood next to me.

  "Total coincidence, I swear," I told him, showing him both hands so he could see my fingers weren't crossed. I decided not to make a point of the suspicious note in Garrett's voice.

  Garrett sighed. "You two better tell me what happened."

  Jord picked up my napkin statement, skimming over it before passing it to Garrett. "Looks like another one of the bar and restaurant robberies," he said.

  "We need to give these thefts a snappier name," Garrett replied. He turned, addressing the first responding officers. "Collect all the statements and make sure there aren't any injuries. I want the names of everyone here. I want to go through every witness statement. Jord, get crime scene down here to swab anything our perps touched and find the security tapes. This is a good system," he added, pointing to the discreet cameras above the bar. "Walk me through what was stolen," he added, turning to the manager.

  "Hey, what about us?" I asked.

  "You two, stay put," said Garrett, giving me a pointed look that warned we better not move. "I'll talk to you both soon."

  "What he said," said Jord, pointing a finger at us both as he walked away, obeying Garrett's orders.

  We had to wait quite a while for my brothers to return, and when they did, they didn't look happy. "The robbers cleaned out the safe and got around fifteen grand," Garrett told us. "Not big money, but not chump change either."

  "This is a lot of effort for fifteen grand," said Solomon. "Actually, I take that back. This was a crappy execution of a theft. It was no better than a smash-and-grab."

  "Except with a machine gun," I added.

  "I'm inclined to agree," said Garrett, nodding. "The witness reports you had the diners write down corroborate the idea that this wasn't a very well-devised or smart plan; plus, we got some good witness descriptions. Most diners agree on height, weight and color, and the timeline is pretty clear. We could be looking at the same thieves who targeted Lily's bar. One of them could be the man who grabbed her cash. If so, that makes this their seventh heist."

  "The MO is different," I pointed out. "This is a packed restaurant, and Lily’s bar wasn't even open."

  "We can tie the types of businesses together, and maybe one of the thieves, but I have to agree that the timing makes me wonder."

  "How much have they taken so far?" I asked.

  "Around sixty-five grand," Garrett replied.

  "Seven robberies for sixty-five grand. Why not do one high-end hit, like a bank, and get the big payload in one go?" mused Solomon. "Why not plan one really successful job?"

  "Like we already agreed, these aren't high-end guys. I'd go so far as to say they are about as unclever as they can be," said Garrett.

  "You might not have much chance to find them," I chipped in. "Even stupid thieves know the whole police force, and all of Montgomery even, is looking for them after seven robberies. They know they can't commit many more here, if any at all."

  "She's right," agreed Solomon. "If you want to catch these guys, you don't have a lot of time."

  "Good thing this isn't my case," grinned Garrett as he checked his phone. "Since there's no homicide, I'm just aiding the burglary division. Looks like this one is firmly on Jord's desk. See you at the family dinner? Mom says you're bringing dessert."

  I frowned. "Sure. I mean, what? Dessert? Me? Really?"

  "Yep. Did you read Mom's email?"

  I mentally winced. Did I? I couldn't recall it, although I skimmed over one. I still didn't remember any request for dessert... or agreeing to make one. "Maybe," I decided. "I might be working. Big case. Hot case. Huge."

  "You can take a night off to spend with your family," said Solomon.

  "Traitor," I hissed before smiling broadly at Garrett. "Solomon and I will be there."

  "Damn," said Solomon without conviction.

  "Listen, I gotta head out of here. A call came in about some street kids playing shoot-'em-up in Frederickstown and I gotta hunt for a body. Jord's your man now." Garrett hugged me, punching Solomon on the shoulder, before hightailing it out of the restaurant with barely a wave.

  "I'm gonna catch these guys and they're going to regret making my wife cry," said Jord, reappearing at my side.

  "That's good news, but what about now? Can we go yet?" I asked.

  "Give me a few more minutes. We just about got every witnesses' name and contact details. I don't think we'll get much off the tapes, but there's a good set of prints out the back; and we might be able to use traffic cam footage to find their vehicle."

  "Even better news. Speaking of footage, and since we've been so promising, can you help me with a little problem?" I explained my own security camera problem and Jord nodded slowly.

  "It's no, for a warrant," he answered, "but I could go in and flash my badge. That's if you didn't spook them into wiping their tapes."

  "I was very polite," I said, then added, "but perhaps you could hurry."

  "Sure. Give me the address."

  As I reeled off the address for Pretty Paws and the veterinarian, Jord's head shot up.

  "Problem?" I asked.

  "You could say that. Didn't you hear?"

  "Hear what?"

  "That whole block is on fire."

  "What?" I screeched.

  "Yeah, the call came in an hour ago and they're still fighting the flames. The whole block had to be evacuated. My buddy at the fire department said it's contained, but it's gonna burn a while longer yet, thanks to the fuel used by the arsonist. Fortunately, no one got hurt."

  "This is terrible. I mean, it's good no one got hurt, but all my major leads... are gone." I looked to Solomon in alarm.

  "Not yet," Solomon reminded me. "Lucas is checking out your lead."

  "But Nancy's apartment and... and... arson?" I spluttered.

  "Gone up in smoke," Solomon said, but none of us laughed. "Listen, sweetheart, why don't you head back to the car and call Lucas? See if he's got something for you. Then I'll take you home."

  I left the restaurant, utterly dejected, with Solomon's keys in my hand. Not only had our date night been ruined by thieves shooting the place up before we even finished our entrees, but now, there was no chance of returning to Pretty Paws or Nancy's former apartment to search for more clues. Even worse, it was now more unlikely than before that Nancy would return, since her job and her home were both now ashes. If the bus lead came up empty, I would be left with nothing more than the sad prospect of staking out the diner on the very remote chance Nancy would want to eat there again. Even if she did, I figured the waitress might have spooked her by telling her I was looking for her. With my heart sinking into my shoes, I raised the car key and hit open, leaping into the air as a hand clamped on my shoulder the very moment the car bleeped.

  "Don't do that, Sol... Oh!" I sputtered to a stop, expecting to see my boyfriend. Instead, I saw another familiar, but much less welcome, face. "Leo, hi."

  "Did you just come
out of that restaurant?" Leo asked, pointing at the restaurant I just exited. Two police officers stood outside and a small stream of people were leaving. One couple had foil blankets wrapped around their shoulders, and I saw a man with an oxygen mask over his face. He was being helped into a waiting ambulance by a clearly anxious pair whom I pegged as his wife and son.

  "Yes."

  "Is it true? I was just in a bar down the street and someone came running in saying there was a gang of gunmen shooting everyone. Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Leo's eyes roamed over me as his hand continued to grip my shoulder. "Tell me you're okay," he demanded.

  "I'm okay, I'm fine. Really, I am. It wasn't a gang. Just two thieves robbing the place and no one got hurt."

  "What kind of town is this?" Leo asked, glancing at the restaurant, then back to me again. "Lexi, you are one brave woman. You barely look shook up. You must have been terrified."

  "I was a bit..."

  "Were you alone? You can't drive home alone after that. Let me put you in a cab."

  "No, it's okay, I'm..."

  "I'd offer to drive you, but I walked here. I cannot, in good conscience, let you go off alone after your experience. You hear about these things, these shootings, but in a town like this? Oh my! Perhaps I should get you a drink. How does a shot of whiskey sound? Calm your nerves."

  "Well, I..."

  "I don't want to pry, only if you want to talk about it? Maybe not now, but another time. If you need a friendly ear, to get it all off your chest..."

  "That's really thoughtful of..."

  "You know where I am." Leo cut in, then hesitated. "You do look like you could use a drink, and maybe something to eat. Let me get you some fries? Or cake? Everyone loves cake, right?"

  "Leo, you don't have to worry," I assured him, patting the hand still clamped over my shoulder. His grip lessened, and he gave me a little pat as he dropped his arm. He stuck his hands in his jacket pockets and waited. "I really appreciate your concern, but you don't have to worry. I'm fine and no one got hurt. It was just a robbery. Wrong time, wrong place."

  "Lexi Graves, you have to be the bravest woman I've ever met."

  I blushed, laughed. "I'm not."

  "You are. Truly. I'm humbled. But I really don't think I should let you drive home alone."

  "She's not," said Solomon, stepping past Leo and plucking the keys from my hand. "I'm driving Lexi home."

  Leo blinked, seemingly surprised by Solomon's sudden appearance. "That's a relief. I couldn't let your employee get into the car, not after what she's been through. Your boss will get you home safe, huh?" Leo continued, stepping back, putting an extra step between us as he assessed Solomon and the arm encircling my waist. Leo frowned, but didn't say anything.

  "Actually, Solomon is my boyfriend," I explained, "but we work together too. We were having dinner when... when everything happened."

  "Oh, sure. Oh, okay. Well, don't let me stop you. I'll check in on you tomorrow, Lexi, and you can update me on the case." Leo grinned. "Goodnight, Mr. Solomon. Goodnight, Lexi. Hope your evening ends up quieter than it began." He stepped around us and headed on his way, the opposite direction from where he came.

  "Where's he going?" asked Solomon, turning to watch Leo.

  "For a cab, I guess. He said he was in a bar down the street when someone came in and shouted the restaurant was being shot up."

  Solomon rolled his eyes. "People always exaggerate. What did he want?"

  I shrugged. "To see what was going on? He saw me and wanted to know if I was okay. He seemed really concerned."

  "Hmmm."

  "Hmmm, what?" I asked as Solomon opened the car door for me.

  "Just hmmm," he replied, climbing in on his side.

  "Hmmm means something to you."

  "Hmmm means hmmm... Just watch yourself around that guy, okay? I don't like that he keeps appearing when you don't expect it, and he's a bit too friendly."

  "He's just being nice. He was worried. Wouldn't you be?"

  Solomon ignored my question. "Just let me know if he turns up again."

  "Thought you had eyes on him anyway."

  "I do."

  "No problem then." I leaned over and kissed Solomon's cheek. "You know what I really, really want right now?"

  Solomon smiled.

  "That's right," I continued, hoping he was thinking in the same vein as I. "French fries."

  "Leave it to me," Solomon said, gunning the engine.

  Chapter Eight

  "Guess who's got good luck?"

  I dropped the phone, coming close to falling out of bed in my subsequent search for it. When I did find it, seconds later, I pressed it to my ear and used my other hand to prop myself a mere few inches from Solomon's bedroom floor. If I really, really wanted to, I could have thrown in a few one-arm push-ups. I didn't really want to as I began to slide downwards. "What the what now?" I mumbled.

  "Guess who's got good luck?" repeated Lucas.

  "Please, let it be me," I groaned, sliding one leg out of bed and then the other. From my crouching position, I crawled back into bed and under the covers.

  So far, day: 1, Lexi: 0.

  "We have a winner!" Lucas paused while I considered how much extra sleep I could squeeze in. I awoke surprisingly stiff, and unfortunately, didn't have a chance to check whether Solomon was in the same state. Sort of. "Pretend to be enthusiastic, Lexi."

  "Sorry. Uh, yay, me! What did I win?"

  "You won one Nancy Grant taking bus thirty-five and getting off at Century Street. Who's a happy bunny now?"

  "I am!" I sat bolt upright, pushing the covers down. Next to me, Solomon groaned and pulled the covers up, over his shoulders. "I am a happy bunny indeed."

  "Thought so. I've isolated the tape and emailed it to you. You're very welcome."

  "Thanks. Listen, Solomon and I are going to be late this morning."

  Lucas gave a little huff, then drawled, "Really?"

  "Not like that! There was a shootout on date night and we're sleeping in to make up for it."

  "Best excuse ever. Your secret is safe with me."

  "No, it's not a secret."

  "Sure, okay, Lexi," he replied, his voice totally incredulous. "Let me know if you need anything else. Enjoy your snooze."

  "It's not... ugh!" I grunted as Lucas hung up. I stuck my tongue out at the blank screen, then dropped it on the nightstand and rolled over, tucking my arm around Solomon.

  "What's going on?" he asked, his voice muffled by the pillow.

  "Lucas got a lead from the bus cameras and he thinks we're missing work to have sex."

  Solomon lifted his head, twisting slightly to look at me. "Are we?"

  "Not at the time I spoke to him." I dropped a kiss on Solomon's shoulder, then his shoulder blade, then his spine.

  "How about now?"

  "Why?" I checked under the covers. "Did you start without me?"

  Solomon laughed, throwing an arm around me before pulling me under the covers. A few giggly wrestles later, his phone began to ring. "Ignore it," he mumbled between kisses as his hand slid lower. "Focus."

  "Focusing!"

  The ringing stopped... and started again. Solomon pulled the covers over our heads, sheathing us in darkness.

  "This is very unprofessional," I told him as he made my eyes widen.

  "This is an employee meeting. We're busy," he replied, as the ringing stopped. We held still, as if moving would trigger the ringer again. After a few seconds, Solomon's lips found mine. "Mmm," he murmured. "Do you have any complaints about your employment, PI Graves?"

  "Yes, lots, but none that spring to mind right now." I sighed as the phone began to ring again, and with a harder sigh, Solomon reached for his phone. "It's Delgado," he said. "I don't think he's going to stop calling."

  "Ugh, fine."

  "If this is about you babysitting your niece, I will reprimand him," Solomon promised as he answered, his weight pressed warmly against me. I tried my best to listen as he spoke. It wasn't easy
with his shoulder in my ear, or his hand stroking my hip, but always an absolute professional, I persevered. I got the gist. Delgado was concerned about us both after the shooting. Fletcher was running liaison with MPD, but little had come to light as yet. Then he said something about my sister, which I didn't catch, before saying Flaherty was parked outside a hotel.

  "I'll be there in an hour," Solomon replied as he hung up.

  "What's that about my sister?"

  "She said I could forget ever coming to another family dinner if I got you shot."

  I frowned. "She thought that was a threat? Please don't get me shot just to get out of it. You can simply say no."

  "I wouldn't miss a Graves family dinner. I live for them."

  "Yeah, right."

  "Your mom loves me."

  "She's grateful you're a man and there's still hope for me."

  "Ten bucks say she calls you inside an hour, wanting to know all about the restaurant and asking you to sign up for a self-defense class."

  "That's a very specific bet."

  "I'm a very specific man and I have twenty minutes to prove it," Solomon said, winking right before he did something extremely specific indeed.

  ~

  I sat cross-legged on Solomon's sofa, his spare laptop on my lap, watching the footage Lucas emailed while eating a bowl of cereal. Lucas edited the video so that it began only minutes before Nancy stepped onto the bus. The time stamp revealed it as the morning after I inquired about her at Pretty Paws. Why she waited so long to get on the bus, I didn't know, but I was determined to find out, and made a note to do just that.

  The cameras didn't cover every angle on the bus, but there were two in total. Both were positioned just above the driver, one pointing at the door, and the second covering the length of the bus. I watched as Nancy got on, paid, and walked a few rows down, taking a seat by herself. The time stamp said six-fifteen am.

  "Kind of early," I said to the screen. "Whatever happened to beauty sleep?" It made sense if Nancy didn't want to be seen. Pretty Paws opened at eight-thirty, and if Nancy wanted to disappear, she would find it easier to slip away while not being observed by her colleagues. And slipping away appeared to be exactly what she intended to do as I watched her on the screen. She had a heavy-looking rucksack over one shoulder, the type with heavy webbing and thickly padded straps, suitable for camping trips, as well as a sports bag.