Winger

by Samantha Whiskey

  The place had once been one of our favorite spots to hit, and while I knew I’d likely come here on girl’s nights, it didn’t hold the same allure it always had. The pulsing lights, the writhing bodies on the dancefloor, the vibrations of base from the music pounding in my chest, the drinks that never ended at the bar. It all seemed like a past life, a scene for someone with way more energy than I currently had.

  And that realization made me smile.

  Because I was happy.

  Sure, I was upset that I’d lost my mind on Warren, but I was happy. We were happy. We had a new life to take care of, to nurture, to give ourselves wholly to, and it was a damn gift that we had this chance.

  Why had I let fear keep me from telling him I loved him? I should’ve told him the minute I realized it. Should’ve let him know he owned my heart. My soul. He’d given me the most beautiful gift with our child, something I never knew I desperately needed until I had it. And I would always be grateful to him for that.

  I moved through the crowded club, my eyes scanning for his sculpted body, that handsome face, those deep eyes. Where was he? Now that I was ready to pour my heart out to him, it was like I’d combust if I didn’t do it soon.

  Apologize first.

  Right.

  Apologize first then tell him I loved him.

  God, I’d made a fool of myself. And I knew it wouldn’t be the last, either. But I wanted him. I wanted a future with the three of us. He needed to know that, understand that I wasn’t a crazy bitch that was using him.

  I turned a corner, my heart full but my nerves frayed, and stopped dead in my tracks.

  Warren.

  He leaned against a thick black pillar that held up the balcony Bailey had mentioned earlier. A gorgeous brunette stood in front of him, her arm on one side of the pillar, a drink in her other hand. The same bunny from the picture. They looked familiar with each other. They spoke easily, freely, and there wasn’t even a hint of him pushing her away.

  As if he could feel my heart break, his eyes moved past the beautiful woman and widened when he caught my gaze.

  I glanced down, only now realizing I’d shown up to Phantom in fucking yoga pants, a spit-up stained t-shirt, and my hair in a top-knot. I hadn’t wanted to risk waking Katherine to change.

  God, I looked like roadkill compared to the woman in the mini-skirt before him. A year ago, that could’ve been me…was me. And now?

  I was a fucking moron for thinking he wanted this life. A life where he came home to a madwoman in shambles, completely coming apart at the seams from the task of trying to be the best mom in the world.

  I backed up a few steps as he came toward me, calling my name.

  I spun around and ran out of the club, gripping my chest like I could hold my heart together.

  “Nine!” He called as I bolted toward my car parked across the street.

  Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I cursed the hormones that had turned my normally steely self into a weeping woman.

  “Jeannine!” He grabbed my elbow, finally catching up to me when I’d reached my car, and spun me around. “What are you doing here?”

  “Me?” I snapped, my entire body trembling with adrenaline. “I came here to apologize to you. To explain why I lost my damn mind. What the hell are you doing, Warren?”

  “Me and Gage were just having a drink.”

  I scoffed. “I didn’t see Gage anywhere.”

  He growled. “That girl—”

  “Don’t,” I cut him off, swiping at the tears underneath my eyes. “Spare me, Warren. I know it’s been over a month since we’ve fucked. You obviously got tired of waiting for me to heal. And why not? I went off on you like a crazy chick, so might as well come here looking for a piece of easy.”

  “That’s not how it is and you know it!”

  I jerked out of his touch. “Do I?” I shook my head. “God, Warren it’s only been a few months! How the hell am I supposed to know if we’re it? Huh? If this was supposed to be more…”

  “It was! It is!” His voice cracked. “Just let me explain—”

  “No,” I said, stopping him. A cold brick wall formed around my shattered heart, cursing me for giving it to him. “You know what, I’m done. I get it. You wanted to be part of Katherine’s life and now you are. It was simply a bonus to make me fall in love with you, huh? That way I’d give you whatever you wanted.”

  He flinched. “Nine, don’t. I love—”

  “Save it.” I snapped. “You wouldn’t be here looking for easy if you did.” I flung open my car door and sank inside. He stopped me from shutting it. “Don’t worry,” I said through my tears. “We’ll be gone by the time you get back.”

  Warren went three shades of white and stumbled back like I’d punched him in the chest. I slammed the door shut, and sped out of the lot so fast I was surprised I didn’t get a ticket.

  The closer I got to home…to Warren’s home, the more I crumbled. I’d been a fool to think I could have it all, but I guess it was better to know now.

  Before anyone else could get hurt.

  Chapter 16

  Warren

  All the air sucked from my lungs like I stood in the middle of a vacuum, not a fucking parking lot.

  I gaped at the spot where Jeannine had just been, where she’d just sped away from me.

  We’ll be gone when you get back.

  The words sliced through my chest like razorblades.

  How had today gone past the point of fucked up?

  Where had I gone wrong?

  The ring box called to me from my pocket, begging me to rush home. Catch her before she could leave and show her what she meant to me.

  But the other part of me? The one that was breaking inside…it froze me. The ice-cold fear thrumming through my veins only propelled me back into Phantom not away from it.

  What if all this—Jeannine’s anger and fear—was a way to cut ties between us? What if she finally realized that being with a Shark isn’t what she wanted for herself, or Katherine.

  Katherine.

  My baby girl.

  Fuck, I’d already let her down.

  “Warren, man, what the hell was that?” Gage asked, glancing over my shoulder like he was looking for Nine.

  “She wouldn’t let me explain,” I said, my tone almost too low to be heard over the pulsing music.

  Fuck, why was I here?

  She’d told me to leave. So I called Gage and he suggested a drink at our favorite spot. It seemed innocent enough, but then—

  “There you are,” Shay said, swishing back over to me. Just like she’d done a few minutes ago, spouting off score stats from last season like we were the oldest friends. I’d tried to be cordial, tried, once again, to shut her down nicely, but she hadn’t listened. “You ran off so fast we didn’t get a chance to talk about—”

  “Stop,” I cut her off, blocking the hand that reached for me again. “God damn it, I’m not some piece of meat you can put your hands on whenever you want.”

  Her eyes bulged, shock filtering across her face.

  “I’m not interested,” I said as clearly as I could. “I’ve tried to be nice, but you won’t let up. Leave. Me. The fuck. Alone. I’m taken.”

  Her lips parted, her eyes shifting to anger. “You could’ve just said so. You don’t have to be a dick about it.” She rolled her eyes before clicking away on her heels, deeper into the club.

  “Fuck,” Gage said.

  “I know,” I said, rubbing my palms over my face. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’ll be all over the web tomorrow. But I don’t give a shit, Gage. Nine saw me with her and thought I wanted my old life back. Thought that I could possibly choose that life over her.”

  “Shit.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Why are you still here? Go talk to her.”

  “She wouldn’t let me explain. For the second time today.” I sighed. “I think she’s trying to end things.” I shook my head. “She doesn’t want this life.”
/>   “You don’t have a clue what she wants because you won’t talk to her about it.”

  “Who would want this? Bunnies and clubs and a constant stream of rumors you never know are true or not? Games and travel and—”

  “Stop doing this to yourself, Warren.” Gage cut me off. “I know you think you don’t deserve her. Don’t deserve the life that’s been gift-wrapped for you with her and Katherine, but you do.”

  Numb.

  It spread over me, silencing the roar in my chest, sliding a balm over the sting from the cut.

  “Maybe she’s better off this way.”

  “Maybe,” Gage said. “But you won’t know until you man up and talk to her. Make her listen to you.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “This is a shit show, but we make it work. You’ve seen me, Rory. We make it work. And it is all worth it.”

  Something clicked in my brain, my mind finally catching up and restarting my body.

  “I’ve got to go.”

  “Finally,” he said. “I’ll head home in case she went there, but I’ll call Rory on the way to check there, too.”

  “Thanks, man!” I called over my shoulder as I raced out of the club. It was agony waiting for the valet to bring my SUV around, but after six minutes I was finally behind the wheel.

  I tried to call her as I drove, but her cell went straight to voicemail every single time.

  “Damn it, Nine!” I growled, the numbness gone, replaced with a sizzling anger I usually kept on the ice.

  Anger at myself, for not telling her I loved her sooner.

  Anger at thinking I wasn’t good enough for either of them.

  Anger at Nine, for not giving me two seconds to explain.

  And then, regret.

  About my past, about something out of my control because I had no way of knowing how Jeannine would hit me like a falling star—all hot and sparking and fierce enough to shake up my world. My past is what made her believe I could actually step out on her, see a bunny on the side.

  I thought I’d shown her all these months.

  Thought I’d proved it to her.

  I should’ve used words too.

  Her car wasn’t outside the house, but I was still the dumbass that hoped as I ran inside.

  I knew the second I stepped foot into my entryway.

  The silence was deafening.

  No cries.

  No gentle whir of the sound machine to help soothe Kat to sleep.

  No gentle sucking of a breast or bottle.

  No Nine.

  The lack of life in the house hit me like a check to the boards.

  I did this. I drove her away.

  She’d really left.

  And she’d taken Katherine with her.

  I slammed my fist into the wall, my knuckles barking when it went clean through.

  Chapter 17

  Jeannine

  Two movies, two pints of Ben & Jerry’s, and two feedings later, I sank onto Paige’s couch, my eyes raw from crying. Katherine had finally conked out on my chest, snoring peacefully after doing her fair share of crying as I’d quickly packed us a bag and shuffled us over to Paige and Rory’s house. Bailey following me.

  Rory had come in the door an hour ago, bags of ice cream in hand. He wasn’t at Phantom like I’d originally thought, but Gage had been there, as Bailey told me, but it didn’t matter. Not anymore.

  “Another round?” He asked, picking up the empty cartons.

  I glanced up at him. “No, thank you,” I said, my tone hushed so to not wake the sleeping baby on my chest.

  He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.

  My cell vibrated on the coffee table before us, drawing me, Bailey, and Paige’s gaze.

  Warren.

  I let it got to voicemail.

  Again.

  Every time he called I wanted to pick up, to hear him out, but then I’d see the image of that mini-skirt wench so close to him, so close to his body…and I’d cringe. The anger consumed any rational thought I may have had.

  “Don’t you want to answer?” Bailey asked.

  “No.”

  “Nine,” Paige said, sighing. “You know we love you. And support you no matter what, but…” she glanced at Bailey before continuing. “Crazy puck bunnies come with this Shark territory.”

  “I can attest to that,” Rory said, returning to sit next to Paige in the armchair she perched on. “And, again,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down Paige’s back. “That bunny has been after Warren for months. He constantly shuts her down.”

  I huffed. “It didn’t look like it.”

  It had looked like he was letting her in.

  Rory grumbled and Paige elbowed his side.

  “Thank you for vouching for him,” I said, flashing Rory a sympathetic look. “But honestly, Rory. It’s only been a few months.” I shook my head. “He never wanted this.” I glanced down at the bundle in my arms, at my heart that I held like it was the most precious thing in the world because it was. “He never signed on for this kind of relationship. He only wanted to be involved in the baby’s life, and I think we got in too deep and he felt it and…” my breath caught as more tears threatened to stream from my eyes. I forced them down. I was done crying. “He wanted an out. He used the bunny as his exit ticket. And we’re done.” I sighed. “Who would want what comes with this crazy, stressful life when they could be a hockey star who can sleep with anyone he wants?”

  “You seriously didn’t fucking just ask me that, did you?” Rory snapped, and Paige elbowed him again. “I’m sorry, Nine. You know I love you, but fuck. Gage and I both were in the same exact position as Warren. And look at us now.”

  “He’s not you. He’s not Gage. And it most certainly wasn’t the exact same.” I eyed him, then Katherine, and back again.

  “Damn straight he isn’t. He stepped up like a man the second he found out that baby was his. He didn’t run from it. If anything, he embraced it a hell of a lot faster than I would’ve.” He glanced down at Paige giving her an apologetic look. “It’s true. I know I’d man up, but maybe not as fast as Warren did. He wanted this. He wanted you both.”

  “Maybe he did, in the beginning.” I patted Katherine’s bottom when she nuzzled against me. “But tonight…he went rushing back to his old life. And I can’t even blame him for missing it. For wanting to be that free again.” I could understand the urge to be free of responsibility again, despite not wanting to go back to that life myself. “And I bombarded his life with this. Turned it upside down with the news. And fuck me if I wanted him to choose me. Choose us.” I shook my head. “But I won’t force him. I would never want to force his hand like that. Trap him in something he doesn’t want. So, he got his out.” I sucked in a sharp breath, ignoring the pitying gazes of my friends. “And now I need to focus. I have a baby to raise and a banquet to host to get my fourth restaurant greenlit.” The same function Warren had promised to be at. To help me seal the deal on the building…

  An ache split down my chest at the realization that we were done. I’d gotten used to him being there for me, depended on him.

  Loved him.

  And now it was over.

  Rory parted his lips, but Paige elbowed him again, and he blew out a breath, rising from the chair and disappearing to another wing of the house. I appreciated him trying to talk some sense into me about his best friend, but I couldn’t hear it.

  Not when I was in so much pain.

  Not when all my fears had come to a head.

  Not when I knew exactly what it felt like to never be chosen by a parent.

  I held Katherine a little closer, thankful that I knew with absolute certainty that I’d never let her feel like a burden. Never let her doubt how loved she was.

  I could be enough for her.

  I would be enough for her.

  And my broken heart would just have to heal another time.

  Chapter 18

  Warren

  Crack!

  My helmet smacked against th
e boards, Bentley’s hit had the force of a Mack truck.

  “So we’re full force today, huh?” I snapped, shaking off the hit. “Good.”

  Bentley’s eyes flashed wide beneath his helmet, but there was a challenging smirk there that said he knew I needed this. Gage must’ve filled him in before he dragged me out this morning.

  After finding my home empty last night—both the loves of my life fleeing from my very existence—I hadn’t wanted to move, let alone play a pick-up game.

  But Gage and Rory showed up, packed my shit, and forced me into the rink.

  Now I was glad they did.

  The feel of my skates shredding the ice, the heat in my lungs from the level we played at—not easy like our usual pick-up games—the sweat dripping over my face, the burn in my muscles as I chased after the rookie to return the hit, it all focused me to the point where I could think clearly.

  The physical exertion lifted the fog hovering over my brain, the ache splintering my heart. My first love soothing me like nothing else could, and making me realize how much more I loved Nine and Kat.

  Smack!

  I caught Bentley, slamming him into the boards so hard he lost his footing and crashed against the ice.

  “Shit,” Gage said, skating over to us, the game completely forgotten. Rory was right behind him.

  I offered Bentley a hand up. “Gotcha, Rookie.”

  He took it, and righted himself, blinking the haze out of his eyes.

  “Fuck,” he hissed. “I’m glad we’re on the same team.” His breaths were fast. “I’d hate to play you when you’re actually on point.”

  I raised my brows. “You think that was going easy on you?”

  He tilted his head. “I know it was.”

  “Not bad, Rookie.” I pursed my lips, nodding. “Not bad.”

  He rolled his eyes but didn’t comment on the nickname I knew he hated, which was the only reason why I used it.

  A moment of catching our breath and I realized…I stopped moving.

  Stopped skating, playing.

  Fuck, there it was, the storm cloud of thoughts rolling in to take over now that the distraction had paused.