Guilt Trip

by Pat Simmons

  That was nothing new. She had even told Ace as much in one of their two abbreviated, heated conversations. “So what?” He folded his arms.

  “When she said that, those were like fighting words. Since I wouldn’t strike a woman, I came along with your brother to give you a beat down.” Parke interjected with his nostrils flaring.

  “We’re Jamiesons. We take claim our own and take care of our own. Slaves were stripped of their freedom, dignity, and birth name. Some fought for their freedom until their last breath. The Jamieson name has been passed through thirteen generations. Only you want to break that cycle and—”

  “Parke,” Malcolm called to his brother. “Calm down. Cheney will know if you’re upset when you get home.”

  Ace didn’t want to feel anything, but Parke’s raw emotion was starting to eat away at him. He already knew how his brother felt about responsibility. But Parke and Malcolm were so far removed as cousins; why they cared was beyond his reasoning.

  When Ace was a child, Kidd had taught him to never let another man see him sweat. “That’s old news. Her child will carry her last name.”

  “Let me deliver the punch line.” Malcolm cleared his voice. “That was before Minister Thomas. And if it’s a boy, he might be called Richard Jr.”

  Ace had heard enough conspiracy for one night. “Close the door behind you,” he said, dismissing them and heading to the kitchen to re-warm his dinner.

  A man needed energy to mastermind a plan to block a trespasser on his property—Talise.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  You should have seen them, Gabrielle. They were the most beautiful Black men I have ever seen,” Talise chatted while they ate lunch. After working so many days straight, Gabrielle was finally given a few days off. She made a special trip on her off day to come to the airport and meet with her friend.

  Talise had to fan herself. “They were like celebrities on a runway—tall, muscular, sexy, and all of them reminded me of Ace. It was agonizing to see that I didn’t make the cut. I was envious of what the Jamieson wives snagged but I couldn’t. I didn’t.”

  “Did you say Jamieson?” Gabrielle frowned. “That’s your ex’s name?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Oh, nothing. I went to college with a Jamieson. She’s a Rayford now. We were so close. Her name was Giselle and people would call us Gigi.” Gabrielle shrugged. “I don’t know that many Jamiesons. That’s all.”

  “Oh. Don’t get me wrong, I like the wives and would really enjoy spending more time with them. But when I saw their better halves, my mental stability faulted.” Talise glanced away and met the eyes of a handsome bystander.

  Ignoring him, she turned back to Gabrielle. “Anyway you can’t always have what you see in the window. My wound is deep with Ace. But the Bible says time heals all wounds.”

  Gabrielle shook her head. “You won’t find that in the Bible, but it’s a great saying. Try Psalm 147:3: ‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”’

  “How can you quote Scriptures like that?”

  Gabrielle laughed softly. “I can give you a Scripture to answer that. The Bible says, ‘study to show yourself approved of God.’ You’ll find it in 2 Timothy 2:15. People don’t want to hear Christians talk about Scriptures, but that verse says we should not be ashamed to correctly analyze and breakdown the Word of God. Honestly, the Bible was written for hurting people. Jesus came to save us.”

  She grinned and leaned closer. “Keep reading your Bible, Sister Talise, and the Scriptures will begin to stick.” Gabrielle patted her hand. “Back to the Jamiesons, have you ever thought about breaking ties with them?”

  Shaking her head, Talise dipped her French fry into a pile of ketchup. She sighed. “It’s too late. They have been more than kind to me and generous with the baby. I’ll probably always miss not being a part of their family, but my child won’t miss out. They’re even planning to set up a trust fund once they baby is born. They, meaning minus Ace, of course.”

  “God sends some people in our lives for a season. Maybe Ace’s season is over and it’s time for Minister Thomas.”

  It hurt to hear Gabrielle say those words, even if Talise’s heart knew it was true. “Maybe,” she sadly repeated the word.

  A few days later, an exhausted Talise opened her apartment door. Several of Myra’s guests, who had basically commandeered the living room and kitchen, greeted her. Talise mustered a smile. She was able to say hello after taking a deep breath.

  What was that song the choir sang at church? She tried to recall the words. “The Lord will make a way somehow …” As the medley began to revolve in her mind, she took another deep breath. Again, she had no right to complain. Myra was somehow making her life easier, as Lois tells it.

  She headed for her bedroom and removed her clothes. After Talise showered, she decided to take a quick nap to escape the company. Because the baby wouldn’t allow her to hold out forever, later on, she would have to get up and cook something to eat.

  Soon enough, she was tossing and turning as voices, music, and a variety of noises outside her door intensified. Talise closed her eyes and tried to recall Scriptures like Gabrielle.

  Patience, what was it about patience? Knowing that the trying of your faith works patience.

  Talise didn’t know where to find the verse or if she quoted it verbatim, but at the present time it worked. She got the gist of it—patience comes through having faith. She would have to hold on to that.

  When her cell phone rang, she reached for it and answered before it went to voice mail.

  “Hello?”

  “Did I catch you at a bad time?” Sandra asked.

  “You have no idea.” Just then, a piercing laugh on the other side of the door must have startled the baby. The kick was a bit forceful. Evidently, her baby was irritable too.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Put it this way. There’s a new renter who is paying part of my rent until basically after the baby is born. My nerves are shot and I don’t think the baby likes it either.”

  Sandra was quiet and then said, “Why don’t you come and relax at my place? I have a three-bedroom, empty condo. Pack a few things.”

  The idea did sound appealing. “I can’t. I’m too tired. I don’t think I could drive a block. I need a nap.”

  “Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get it there. I’ll come and get you and bring you back in time for work at the salon.”

  Good sense wouldn’t allow Talise to argue. They disconnected and she gathered a few changes of clothing and some bare necessities. She was finally going to Ace’s house, but not by his invitation.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Betrayal. That’s what Ace’s family had done to him—his mother, his brother, and his cousins. How could he have been so clueless to what every sneaky Jamieson was doing behind his back?

  Ace assumed that if he didn’t mention Talise’s name, they would drop it and forget about her too.

  “What a mess,” Ace complained, stepping out on his patio as the sun was setting. The night was peaceful and quiet. There were no sounds of planes, trains, or automobiles. He chuckled at the words from the title of an old movie starring the late John Candy.

  However, at the present time, his life was anything but a comedy. Women had come and gone in his life until their memories completely faded, but not Talise Rogers.

  Talise. If Ace was a sculptor, he couldn’t create anything more beautiful. But that regrettable Friday night in May, she had ripped his heart out. Did she or didn’t she try and trap him? It was the nagging assumption that had driven him away. Now what? According to his brother and cousins, Talise was indeed pregnant. “With my child,” Ace whispered for the first time.

  “With my child?” he repeated, not believing himself.

  At twenty-eight years old, Ace was scared for the first time in his life. The guns, knives, or jail time hadn’t terrified him. Being a father frightened him beyond measure.

 
His carefree lifestyle was based on his “responsibility is optional” mantra. Now could he handle the responsibility of being a father? Beyond child support, Ace didn’t trust himself to be the right kind of role model.

  Getting up from the lounge chair, he returned to the house for his cell phone. Lying down on the sofa, he punched in Kidd’s number. Ace hoped Eva wasn’t close by. He needed to have a heart-to-heart talk with his brother.

  “Yeah?” Kidd answered, as if Ace was disturbing him.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Talk.”

  Ace huffed. “In person, in private … and bring your Bible.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  While Ace waited for Kidd to arrive, he closed his eyes. Alone with his thoughts, his mind filled with images of Talise’s smile and her laughter. No longer able to deny it, he yearned for her. The truth be told, he started to miss her even while packing to leave Boston and never stopped once he moved to St. Louis.

  Less than an hour later, the doorbell rang and interrupted his thoughts. When Ace opened it, Kidd stormed through the door, carrying a thick Bible. Wanting to avoid any distractions, Ace didn’t comment on the size, but thought, A pocket Bible would have sufficed.

  He closed the door and joined Kidd at the other end of the sofa. At first, he couldn’t look at his brother. Kidd would immediately see the fear in his eyes. Ace chose instead to prop his elbows on his knees and rest his face in the palms of his hands.

  “I love her. Talise said she didn’t trap me.”

  “Do you believe her?”

  “If I say no, then I’ve lost my edge of staying on top of my game. If I say yes, then I’ve lost her for good.”

  “What does your heart say?” Kidd patted his own chest. “It will never lie. Your mind will lie to you, your eyes will play tricks on you, and your ears will deceive you, but your heart is right on point. That’s why God looks at the heart and blesses or judges us based on what He finds. Jesus has no problem showing us our ugly selves. Believe me. He spared no mercy showing me how wretched and lowdown I was.”

  Ace’s next words wouldn’t be a shocker to Kidd—he just needed to hear himself say it out loud. “I never wanted to be a father. I wanted to be like our father.”

  “Humph.” Kidd grunted.

  “When I was little, Samuel was my idol. He bragged about the places he had been and the fun he had. He came whenever he wanted and brought gifts. As I got older, I thought that was so cool … it must be a great life to be free like him … to have no responsibility and not have to answer to anyone.”

  “And we suffered from his lack of responsibility,” Kidd snapped and stretched out his legs. “Hey, aren’t you supposed to offer your company a glass of water, Kool-aid, or something? And, man, you need to get a coffee table and some chairs in here.”

  Ace tilted his head toward the kitchen. “You’re not company. Get it yourself.”

  Kidd did and returned with bottled water. “Listen, Samuel lived and died a fool. He gave us his name, but not his heart. He cheated us out of a family. I wish he was alive today, because I would show him how to be a father—a good one.”

  “Yeah, you had me to practice on.” Ace looked Kidd in the eye. “You’re a good man and a great brother. You’ll be a wonderful father.”

  “I am the man I am today because of two women, Ma and Eva. Without knowing it, Eva forced me to get past my disappointments, hatred, and stubbornness. She taught me how to give my best. Wanting her love was the reason I tried Christ. Ever since, Jesus has been my Pops and He’s had my back.”

  Ace sighed heavily. “Well, Talise hates me. I made sure of that in our last conversation. In all the materialistic things Samuel bought us, he failed to tell me the price tag on his lifestyle. With eleven children that we know about, from two marriages and one relationship, he was a busy man.”

  “I can tell you the cost of doing it his way. The Bible says the wages of sin is death.”

  Leaning back on the sofa, Ace rested the back of his head on the wall. “I already died when I walked away from Talise, knowing she needed me.”

  “Okay, let’s brainstorm. Ace, you did make her happy once—check. But then you hurt her—so repent. Get your sorry, ugly behind in gear and fight for her. Step up to the plate and fight for the Jamieson name.” Kidd grinned and puffed out his chest.

  “Besides, my daughter is going to need a cousin to play with and long distance won’t cut it. Then again, I’m not sure if I want you as a next door neighbor.”

  “You’re having a girl?” Ace was in awe.

  Kidd nodded. “Yep, and proud of it! At first, Eva didn’t want to know, but our mother talked her into it. If you repeat this, I’ll break your nose. Nobody is supposed to know.”

  “Oh, yeah?

  Sitting up straight, Kidd crossed his arms. “I believe you’re the one who bears a scar, not me, pretty boy.”

  Ace rubbed the spot on his nose where the wound had healed, but the scar left a reminder. “You have to admit that was a good fight.” He grunted. “Taking down two men for the price of one, they were no match. So what if they drew a little blood? I knocked them out.”

  Ace paused and regrouped. He didn’t summon his brother over to his apartment to reminisce. “That lifestyle ended way before I met Talise. Although I’m 100 percent male, I’m scared that this is one mind-and-heart game where I’m going to have to fold. I’m out.”

  “You were always mentally challenged,” Kidd joked. “I’ll leave this Bible for you to read, but I’ve got to get back home. So let’s pray.”

  Bowing his head, Ace gripped his brother’s hand and waited for some type of miracle to happen.

  “Father, in the Name of Jesus, I love You today for so many things. Most of all You put Yourself in harm’s way for us. You allowed Yourself to be murdered for us, and You’ve given us gifts and power to help us to be ready when You come back …”

  Ace held his breath. The only thing he wanted Kidd to do was recite a powerful prayer and be done with it, not preach.

  “Jesus, You are the Father to the fatherless. You know my brother’s heart. Help Talise and Ace to forgive each other and be a blessing to their child. Amen.”

  “That’s it? I was hoping God would give you some kind of message that everything would be all right.”

  “God will get your attention, and when He does, you’d better listen.”

  Ace slept better that night. Instead of Talise’s distraught face haunting him, the laughter of a child soothed him.

  Glancing at his watch, it was seven o’clock, eight, on the East Coast. Since his mother didn’t normally leave for work this early, he called. Ace needed her help to get Talise back.

  “Nicholson residence,” the sweetest voice answered.

  Ace was momentarily tongue-tied. “Tay?”

  “Sandra, telephone,” Talise said, without responding to him.

  “Tay,” Ace repeated, as his mother came on the line.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Mom. Was that Tay?” How close had they become in his absence? He wondered. “Can I talk to her?”

  “She answered the phone, son. If she wanted to speak to you, then I’m sure she would have. So what’s going on?” Sandra switched subjects, as if they were discussing whether he made up his bed or not.

  “Can you tell me why Talise is at our house this early …”

  That was a mistake. “First of all, you moved out. So this is no longer our, but my house. Now I have to finish dressing to go to work. Is everything okay?”

  “It’s not until I speak with Tay.”

  “Then you’ll have to call her cell.”

  “I don’t have her number.”

  “I can’t give it to you,” Sandra told him. “Sorry, she’ll have to give it to you on her own.”

  Okay, Ace recognized when he was being challenged. He had hoped after Kidd prayed for him last night that things would turnaround instantly. Evidently not. Talise might not want to talk to him
over the phone, but she sure would face-to-face.

  Unfortunately, flying was not an option. As Kidd had suggested, he had no choice but to buy a gas card and start driving—twenty hours one way—to plead his case.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  After work on Thursday evening, Sandra strolled through her front door. Unaccustomed smells and sounds greeted her.

  The aroma meant Talise had made herself at home and felt up to cooking dinner. Yummy. Her sons could cook, but they always burned the first batch of anything. A soft gospel melody serenaded in the background, another welcome home treat. What a contrast to the R&B music Kidd and Ace would blast when they lived there.

  After placing her purse and keys on the French side table in the hallway, Sandra rounded the corner into the living room. She stopped and smiled, taking in the sight before her eyes. Stretched out on the sofa, Talise dozed. Sandra hated to wake her, but she looked uncomfortable.

  “Hey.” Sandra said softly, gently shaking Talise’s shoulder until she stirred. Her lids fluttered open. Once Talise seemed to have her bearings, she smiled. “Hey. How was work?” Sitting up, she rubbed her stomach.

  “The same every day and every minute—crazy. I’m glad you felt up to cooking. You didn’t have to, but thanks.” Sandra headed to the kitchen and washed her hands.

  Talise stood and followed her. “It’s the least I could do. You rescued me from the craziness at my apartment. I slept well last night and, as you can see, was in the middle of an afternoon nap. Now your grandchild is hungry.” They laughed.

  After filling their plates with slices of roast beef, beets, green beans, mashed potatoes, and a roll, the two women enjoyed easy conversation. They chatted about fashion, hair, and baby stuff.

  “That was good. You’re a great cook,” Sandra complimented, putting down her fork.

  “You’re the one who left me with something to cook—”