Queen of the Demonweb Pits (greyhawk)

by Paul Kidd

  Escalla watched Cinders pass her by and waved an astonished hand.

  "Does anyone else find that amazingly disturbing?"

  "You had to teach him to fetch." The Justicar parried an arrow shot from somewhere amongst the shelves. "Polk, which way?"

  "Left, son! Go left!"

  "Henry, Cinders, move!"

  Galloping along to rejoin the Justicar, Cinders stopped, looked down a row of shelves, then humped out of sight and disappeared. An instant later, he came charging madly back, row after row of bookshelves exploding into flames behind him. The hell hound sniggered, and Escalla wagged her finger angrily at him as he passed.

  "Cinders! Bad dog!"

  F-U-N-N-Y! Funny!

  "Damn it, Cinders! Steal that stuff! Don't just burn it!"

  Henry snatched a glimpse over his shoulder at the fires and said, "I feel a bit guilty about this."

  "Hey!" Escalla scoffed. "We asked them to let Enid go, and they said to go take a hike! So they can look on this as a lesson in not pissing off faeries by using my best pals as slave labor!" The girl had retrieved some wisps of clothing from Jus's belt and was pulling on new gloves of fine black elven mail. "Henry? Still got the jug?"

  "Yes."

  "Hoopy!"

  Jus snatched up the hell hound and tossed him over his shoulder. Behind them, the fires spread. Winged guardians could be heard screeching as the soldiers of Horus were called upon to destroy the interlopers.

  The group charged out from between the shelves and into a great quiet hall where hundreds of figures lifted scrolls, books, and tablets from great untidy piles and sorted them at tables made from ebony. The workers never once looked up as the adventurers pelted past them, until suddenly a screech came from the portable hole.

  "Back! Back, boy! You're runnin' too fast!" Polk blustered down in the depths of the hole. "Turn right, son! Right! Stop! Now go straight! Straight! Back!" There was a scrabble, and Polk's head emerged from the hole as Morag lifted him on high. "That's it! She must be right here!"

  At a nearby table sat a silent figure dusting off a manuscript. Ibis-headed, androgynous, dressed in a kilt, and wearing a sad expression, the creature sighed as it worked. Escalla and Henry both stared at the creature for a long, quiet moment. The faerie slapped Jus on the shoulder and sent him on his way.

  "Here we go! Jus, hold the fort! We'll be with you in a minute."

  Enemies were thundering down the corridor that led into the room. The Justicar tied Cinders tight about his helm then strode forward, swinging Benelux in his hand. The sword was definitely not happy.

  Sir Justicar, I must protest! Can we not try reasoning with these creatures? These are worshipers of truth and knowledge!

  "If they're so knowledgeable, they should know when to shut up and run."

  Sir, I really must ask you to consider limiting the scale of this conflict!

  The Justicar planted his back against a huge shelf and heaved. His muscles bunched as his enormous bulk slowly pushed the shelf with its great load of books over, and the whole mass came crashing down to block the corridor. The first enemies tried jamming their way through the gaps, and Jus shoved them backward using a huge shelf board as a battering ram.

  Over at the work tables, Henry and Escalla softly approached the ibis creature that was cleaning its book. Escalla took the polymorph spell off Henry and returned him to his usual self. They both edged up to the table, watching the sad creature at its work.

  "Enid?"

  The ibis-headed being blinked and looked up at them. It had Enid's eyes-honest and always a little shy, but no spark of recognition came until her gaze lingered on Henry. She hesitated, then nervously turned away.

  "I'm not allowed to help you. You have to see a supervisor. We're not allowed to help people."

  "No. We're here to help you." Escalla spoke with infinite kindness. "Do you know us at all? Have you seen us before?"

  "No." The creature shrugged then looked down unhappily at the table. "I… perhaps. We're not allowed to remember."

  "I know." Escalla uncorked the big brass jar. "Here. We brought you something."

  "Oh! Oh, no." The ibis head looked away. "I am not allowed to drink now. No food or drink until I make my quota."

  "No-no-no! It's hoopy! This time you're allowed." The faerie gently turned the ibis's beak toward her. "Listen. Thoth said his afterlife arrangements suck and that we should come here and deal with it. So we have a drink for you."

  The creature looked anxiously at the brass jar. Henry's hands shook, and his face was sick with love. The ibis head looked from Henry to the faerie to the jar of water.

  "I could get into trouble. How do I know I'm really supposed to drink this?"

  "Trust me!" Escalla opened her hands, the very image of pure innocence. "I'm a faerie!"

  The words made the creature jerk. It stared at Escalla in wonder, then slowly held out its hands. Henry passed her his brass jug. The contents smelled unpleasantly of river water.

  The ibis creature hesitated. Henry kept his hands hovering anxiously beneath the jug, and then the ibis head drank. It dipped its beak, drank slowly and deeply, and withdrew its dripping bill and stared into the air.

  "Water from the river Mnemos," Escalla said. They had been gathered at vast expense and danger and effort from the wildest places of the outer planes-all to be brought here, for this perfect moment.

  Enid turned her ibis beak and looked at her friends, her heart hammering. Her eyes seemed to clear. She saw Escalla sitting beside her and started to cry.

  "Escalla…" Enid held the faerie against her heart and closed her eyes. "Oh, Escalla!"

  "Hey! We've got a wedding. Can't have a wedding without my bridesmaid." Escalla cried wiping her own eyes. "It's all right. We got here. It's all right now."

  Enid saw Henry and found herself in his arms.

  "Henry! Henry!"

  They cried. They kissed as best human and ibis could. Escalla sat a little distance away and let the lovers have their moment, and she wept like a babe. With a great wet sniff, she turned.

  The Justicar and Cinders had set their barricade on fire and were striding to meet their friends. Enid held Jus tight, closed fingers in Cinders's fur as the hell hound jumped about and wagged his tail.

  "Cinders!"

  Hello, cat lady!

  Polk waved.

  "How?" Enid looked at them all in lost wonder, unable to stop her tears. "Why did you do it? Why?"

  The Justicar took Enid by the hand and lifted her from slavery. "Because you never leave your people behind. Ever."

  A deep boom came from the barricade as Thoth's minions broke down the shelves. Enid looked longingly at her friends, then bowed her head and turned away.

  "I can't leave. I'm part of this place now."

  "Ha! No way." Escalla perched atop her friend's feathery head. "We made you a new body! Cloned it off your tail. We've got it in the portable hole. All we have to do is get you in there, read the spell, and you're back as good as new! So let's blow this joint!"

  "A clone?" Enid was agog. "Just how much trouble have I put you to?"

  "None! Nothing we minded!" The faerie happily shoveled priceless scrolls into the portable hole. "Well, we had to steal the clone spell from this wizard guy in Greyhawk, then make you a new body at Dad's place, then find the river Mnemos, fight a few evil denizens, avoid a few rampaging armies, then find this place and bust in. Simple!" Escalla finished looting. "Morag! Teleport time! Do your stuff, snake-babe. I think these locals are working into a real rage!"

  Morag was there under protest. Escalla had tempted her with booklets of swatches and a roll of plans for Morag's dream home, but the tanar'ri was regretting the deal. Annoyed, the secretary peeked her thin face up into the light.

  "Why are you all crying? I don't see what there is to cry about."

  "Oh, yes you do." Escalla clicked her fingers. "All right! So now we get into the hole, and you teleport us to our getaway boat a few dozen planes awa
y!"

  Morag thrashed her tail.

  "No."

  The entire party stared.

  "No?" Escalla placed a hand on the frost wand tucked beneath her belt.

  "I can't. Not in here." Morag sniffed at the air as though it were poison. "This is Thoth's home temple. My magic won't work here. You have to get outside into open air. A garden or a field."

  The Justicar grumbled, grabbed Enid by the hand, and led a charge to the far end of the hall. Behind them, the barricades collapsed. The group found a door into a colonnade and raced for the promise of open sky.

  As they ran down a vast cascade of marble stairs, Escalla flew happily beside Enid's ear, so happy to have her girlfriend back that she couldn't let her go.

  "So how's the food here? What do you afterlife guys eat?"

  Enid ran awkwardly, holding up her kilt.

  "Pulse."

  "Is that a kind of sandwich?"

  "Not really." Enid looked back over her shoulder. "Oh, dear."

  Striding over the rooftops came Thoth himself, heading straight for the fugitives. As the colossal figure stepped over the colonnade onto the stairs, Escalla looked back and cast one of her oldest, simplest spells.

  "Grease!"

  "Hey Morag!" The faerie flew merrily onward. "How's that teleport thing coming?"

  The tanar'ri grumbled from deep down in the portable hole.

  "I'm working on it. Must you always be so pushy?"

  From overhead, Thoth sang the song of avenging glory. With his sword in one hand and his scepter of life in the other, the god overstepped the roofs and planted his foot right in the middle of a greasy patch that had suddenly spread over the stairs. Hundreds of feet tall, golden and magnificent, Thoth fell over like a jester treading on a banana peel. Escalla whooped and leaped high into the air.

  "The faerie scores!"

  Half the temple collapsed in the shockwave as Thoth fell. His scepter crashed to the ground beside the fleeing adventurers. Escalla immediately plucked out the hoopiest looking gem and threw it into the portable hole. Polk gave a screech of pain.

  "Ow!"

  "Sorry!" The girl looked around. "So can we do any more damage here? I think we're done!"

  The Justicar had already pushed everyone else into the portable hole. He grabbed hold of Escalla while Morag stood waiting impatiently on the pavement. Jus leaped into the hole, Morag rolled it up and tucked it under her arm, and they teleported away.

  A Perfect Ending

  A thousand miles away, the river Lethe crashed and tumbled into a maze of rapids. Grumbling, Morag slid across a fallen log to a hidden isle, passing through the unseen veil into another plane. The tanar'ri teleported again, and then again, muddling their trail as best as she could. Finally, she reappeared on the hind deck of a disreputable old boat and shook out the portable hole to let her employers clamber into the light.

  They were on an alien river in a land haunted by pyramids and pteranadons. Coiling her long tail, the tanar'ri heaved a sigh and pushed off from the shore. They would have to cross into another plane by following the river before she could teleport again, making the leaps and jumps that would finally take everyone home.

  They sailed onward, scooting into the river mists. Enid emerged from the hole-a sphinx once again, and with one of Lolth's best jewels hanging at her breast. The big cat settled quietly at the prow between Henry, Escalla, and the Justicar while Morag grumbled and propelled the boat from behind.

  Enid looked at her dear, familiar paws, then out at the river as it crossed into another plane of reality. The riverbanks were now inhabited by dinosaurs dancing in feather headdresses.

  "Um, where are we now?"

  The Justicar shot a glance at Escalla, then gave a heavy sigh.

  "Apparently those details are supposed to fix themselves."

  "Ah." Enid neatly curled her tail about her hind feet, folding Henry beneath her wing. "Do you have any idea where you're going at all?"

  Escalla threw a length of sausage to a velociraptor that danced along the riverbank.

  "Sure I do! Trust me! I'm a faerie!"

  "Yes." Enid purred quietly. "And no one touches the faerie."

  Thoth's Kingdom was far behind. The nightmare of the afterlife was fading to memory. Enid looked back and felt a little twinge of sadness in her heart.

  "You saved me, but it will happen again one day. One day, we'll all have to part again."

  Sitting happily in Jus's lap, Escalla polished her new engagement ring.

  "Hell no! You guys are with me!"

  Enid sighed. "We'll get old."

  "Um, no." Escalla looked at her friends as if they were incredibly thick, then rapped her knuckles against their heads. "Hello? Has it not sunk in that you guys hang with a faerie? You won't get old! No one ages around faeries. Why do you think we're so popular?"

  The Justicar raised one brow.

  "I'd wondered."

  The boat floated onward. Escalla rummaged through loot taken from the temple of Thoth. There were schemes to make, a wedding to plan, and Henry and Enid's romance to encourage-all that any interfering faerie could desire. Escalla plucked out magic scrolls, magic tomes, and scraps of parchment, delighted by each and every find.

  "Hey! A shrinking spell! This is going to save me a fortune in potions."

  "How?"

  Escalla whispered into her friend's ear, and Enid blushed.

  "Oh, I see."

  "Hey," Escalla whispered again in Enid's soft fuzzy ear, "I'll promise you a thousand uses of my polymorph spell as an engagement present."

  Morag slithered cautiously out of hiding, looked nervously about, then found that the Justicar had made a space for her at his side. She nestled down, unsure whether she was welcome, and then Henry handed her a piece of fairy cake.

  Morag looked along the river and asked, "So do we have somewhere to go?"

  Everyone looked to Escalla. The faerie rolled here eyes.

  "All right! All right! I got rid of the Hommlet deeds! I swapped them for a mansion. A real mansion! There's a whole private tower for Morag and her boyfriend. We can each have a wing of rooms, gardens, and even a hoopy little village nearby! It's perfect!"

  This was the first Jus had heard of it. He looked at Escalla in puzzlement.

  "When did you swap the deeds?"

  "When we went through Greyhawk! Some guy called Rump gave it to me." Escalla proudly unrolled the new deed and a map. "It's even got a name, see? Tegel!" Escalla waved her hands to gather in all of her companions. "A few minor vermin to clear out, and the place is ours! Morag, welcome to the team!"

  The reformed demon looked a little pained.

  "Vermin?"

  "It'll be nothing! Don't worry about it!" Escalla patted the woman's scales. "Trust me. I'm a faerie!"

  It was a perfect ending: the river, faerie cakes, and a new adventure to begin. Escalla nestled against Jus and sighed.

  "Adventure complete. And this time we even got treasure!" The girl scrabbled in her pile of loot. "See? I have this jewel from Thoth! It must be a truth jewel!" Escalla planted the gem against her forehead. "Hey, Jus! Who has the fairest butt in all the lands?"

  The big ranger leaned on his sword in the prows. He looked back at Escalla and smiled.

  "You do."

  "Hoopy!" Escalla gave a sudden frown. "Hey! Are you under my spell, or are you just saying that?"

  The Justicar came and sat by his betrothed's side, spreading Cinders out to make a seat.

  "Completely under your spell."

  The boat floated past metallic swamps and fields of flowers. No one knew where the river went, or even where it stopped. All in all, the journey was the thing.

  FB2 document info

  Document ID: fbd-74cb3f-c91e-6646-078c-e6ce-6a05-fd70e0

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  Document creation date: 23.03.2012

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