Scenes from the Epic Life of a Total Genius
Page 3
Kennedy :)
October 7th
Dear RJ,
Kennedy knows about Anila, but I can’t tell if she’s mad or excited when she uses so many exclamation points.
Plus, it’s even weirder because Thanksgiving dinner was so strange. For one thing, Anila’s parents are really quiet. My dad and I got there, and he had brought a bottle of wine, so he gave it to Mr. Bhati, who was all confused. “Oh. We don’t drink, but you’re welcome to have a glass if you like,” he said. Then my dad was all embarrassed and declined, but Mr. Bhati put the bottle in the middle of the table, like a constant reminder of my dad’s mistake.
Anila looks exactly like her mom. They both have thin eyebrows that look like they’ve been painted on, and puffy cheeks and pointy chins. If I ever marry Anila, I’ll know what she’s going to look like when she’s old. That’s so weird I don’t even want to think about it ever again.
The worst part of dinner was that the food was crazy spicy, and we couldn’t leave right afterwards. I barely ate anything except the bread, but my dad ate a bunch and complimented Mrs. Bhati with every bite. That was embarrassing enough, but then afterwards he kept having to go to the bathroom, and then he came back and tried to make jokes about us not being used to fancy Indian spices. I don’t think he was trying to be racist, but I was so embarrassed I couldn’t even look at him. Every time my dad got up, there was this horrible silence and Mr. Bhati was just staring at me, and Mrs. Bhati was searching for something to say to keep the conversation normal. We ended up talking about camp for a really long time, especially since Anila’s parents are good friends with the owners.
Anila must want to break up with me by now. I guess I’ll find out soon.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Kennedy Laurel (imsocutekl@hotmail.com)
To: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
Sent: October 8, 10:58
Hi Arthur!
How was dinner with your girlfriend??? My Thanksgiving was REALLY weird, because my brother and Robbie’s brother got into some kind of stupid FEUD about a video game or something (you’d THINK that my brother would let it go because he’s in university! He’s SO immature!).
Do you wanna hang out? You can tell me ALL about your ROMANCE LOL!!! I’M DYING of suspense here LOL LOL!!! I’m SO bored and I’m stuck here with my brother and he’s totally hungover and is lying on the couch watching lame sports!
Kennedy :)
From: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
To: Kennedy Laurel (imsocutekl@hotmail.com)
Sent: October 8, 11:13
Dear Kennedy,
I can’t believe I never told you about Anila. I’m sure I did. Maybe you weren’t listening, because I definitely would have talked about her, although I guess I don’t see you one-on-one at school very often. She has a good singing voice. When she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, I figured, “Why not?” She’s really into world music and documentaries, which is cool too.
As for this afternoon, I can’t come, but I would love to! We are going to Nicole’s house because she and her boyfriend invited us for dinner. Can we hang out another time?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Kennedy Laurel (imsocutekl@hotmail.com)
To: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
Sent: October 8, 14:02
Hi Arthur!
Anila sounds cool! I can’t wait to meet the girl who stole your heart LOL! Definitely we’ll hang out soon! Plus, Robbie was talking about your movie at Thanksgiving and I TOTALLY think it sounds like it will be AWESOME! He said that it was like Watchmen meets The Avengers meets Survivor meets Zombie Apocalypse meets The Bachelor LOL!!! Sounds INTENSE!! I learned SO MUCH about you! Robbie was telling me about how much trouble you guys got into at camp! It sounded HILARIOUS! I didn’t know you were such a BADASS Arthur! He told me about how you guys would sneak out at night and go light fires on the beach and go swimming and steal food from the mess and never get caught!
Kennedy :)
Hey, Robbie: I got an email from Kennedy saying you told her stuff about camp. What did you tell her? We made a deal to never tell anyone.
u mean the camera? of cours i didnt tell her. u r so para-noid.
But what DID you tell her? Other than stuff about Anila.
I TOLD HER NOTHING. CHILL. what r u worryed about? its gonna be fine. well use it and return it b4 anyone even notices.
From: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
To: Anila Bhati (anila.i.bhati@gmail.com)
Sent: October 8, 16:58
Dear Anila,
How are you? I hope you’re good. My dad is going to call your mom to thank her again for last night’s dinner, so I thought I would let you know. I really liked all the food. Your mom is a good cook! Can you send me some of the recipes she made? I’m going to try them at home myself.
Anyway, thanks for dinner.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Anila Bhati (anila.i.bhati@gmail.com)
To: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
Sent: October 8, 19:30
Dear Arthur,
I’m so glad to hear from you! I was so worried that you would literally break up with me because my parents are so weird! I can’t believe that my dad wouldn’t say anything, and I told my mother to make sure that the food was not too spicy, and then I think she made it extra spicy just to spite me! It’s adorable that you’re lying about liking it though. You’re so polite!
I’m supposed to start volunteering with this group that is trying to get shark fin soup banned from restaurants, and I think the orientation is this week. Plus, I’m going to see a play on Sunday during the day. So I don’t know if I’ll have time to see you, which is so very terrible! I wish we went to the same school, then we could at least see each other then.
Anyway, I’ll call you tomorrow after school! Miss you!
Anila
XOXO
Assignment: Using Symbolism
Many authors use symbolism to emphasize major themes or predominant emotions in their work. Symbols can take the form of an object, as we read in “The Painted Egg Cup;” weather, as we read in “Lightning Storms over Flin Flon;” or characters, as in “A Funeral for a Clown.” Adding symbolism can enhance your story immensely. Practise adding symbolism to your work by writing about an event in your own life. Focus on an object or a type of weather to symbolize how you felt in the moment.
Due: October 12
From: Kennedy Laurel (imsocutekl@hotmail.com)
To: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
Sent: October 10, 10:03
Hi Arthur!!
We should TOTALLY hang out this weekend! Maybe your girlfriend can come too! I am DYING to meet her! I want to know what kind of girl wins the heart of the infamous Arthur Bean LOL!
Kennedy :)
Assignment: Using Symbolism
By Arthur Bean
At camp, I felt like I was carrying around a giant bar of really heavy soap. At first, I had the soap with me because I’d never been away from home before, and especially not for so long. I emailed my dad and my cousin Luke whenever I could, though the counsellors limit it so we can be “in the moment” when we’re at camp. And when I heard back from them, it was like I used a little bit of the soap, and it got a little bit smaller. I had the soap with me all the time in our cabin too, because I wasn’t sure if Robbie was going to be nice to me, but then he was, so that used up a little bit of the soap too. Each time I did something new, the soap felt really heavy, but then when I was done, it felt a little smaller and lighter. It was heaviest before big things, like sneaking out at night to go swimming, or getting up in front of a bunch of people to read a poem I wrote about my mom. Sometimes I didn’t do things because the soap weighed me down, but the smaller it got, the easier it was to do new things.
I still have some of the soap, but it’s sma
ll now.
Arthur,
I believe you are using soap as a symbol of your fear without saying as much. It’s difficult to get to the bottom of your piece, as it feels quite opaque. You’re on the right track, but next time, try setting up the symbolism in a more transparent manner, and thinking carefully about what works well as a symbol. Could you have chosen something more fitting to your setting or your emotion?
Ms Whitehead
Ms Whitehead,
I think the bar of soap is very symbolic. After all, weren’t you the one telling us about some kind of Shakespeare scene about washing your hands?
Arthur Bean
October 13th
Dear RJ,
RJ, I’m going to confess something, but you can’t tell ANYONE!! OK … here goes. Robbie stole a video camera from Arts Camp. They had a whole room of equipment we got to use. We made the best movies with this one camera. It has to be worth at least $1000. Once Robbie told me that, I was nervous even to hold it. But it was awesome that we got to actually use it. Then, on the last night of camp, I accidentally helped Robbie break into the equipment cabin to take it. We had snuck out, and he told me to keep a lookout for people. I thought he was just going to take a leak beside the building, but then he came out with the camera. He said we could return it next year, since no one is even at the camp the rest of the year except the owners. I told him not to do it, but he said I was being a baby.
RJ, I was an accidental accomplice! I never wanted to be a criminal. I did want to be cooler, and hanging out with Robbie makes me feel like I’m a cooler guy. Plus, we had been doing all these dares at camp, so stealing the video camera was like one more dare. And Robbie doesn’t want to keep it forever. It was just so that we could have a good camera for our movie. But we still have it, and I think we probably shouldn’t have taken it, and now I don’t know how we can get it back. I mean, it’s big. It’s got all kinds of cool lenses that we can attach, and it has a tripod and stuff. Robbie threw out most of his clothes just to get it in his bag!
Maybe Tomasz and Halina haven’t noticed that it’s gone, but I know where it is all the time. Every time I hear a siren on the street (which is a lot!), I think that the cops are coming to arrest me. And I didn’t really do anything! I mean, Robbie is the one who stole the camera, technically. I’m just holding on to it for him. It just sits at the back of my closet right now, since Robbie can’t have it at his house.
I’m innocent here! But I think sometimes the innocent feel guilty too. I just wish that we could get rid of it, but Robbie thinks we need it for our movie. If we don’t have it, the whole thing will suck.
I had to tell someone! Sometimes I can’t sleep from the knot in my stomach.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
Robert and Arthur,
It has come to my attention that you gentlemen have been working on a video project that utilizes school property without any teacher supervision. From here on in, I will be a part of your production meetings. I will be available to help with anything you need, including scriptwork, equipment needs and ensuring that you have no challenges working within AV Club guidelines. We’ll meet next week to begin crafting the film.
Mrs. Ireland
AV CLUB GUIDELINES
1. Any student may join the AV Club.
2. All equipment must be reserved ahead of time and signed out upon use and signed in upon return.
3. Have fun!
can u believe Ireland?? shes gonna treat us like were kids
I know. I bet she won’t even let us do the scene where the zombies all end up in the equipment shed and then get ripped apart by rabies-infected dogs.
lame
Wait … Do you think she’ll have to see the camera? It’s got the Arts Camp sticker on the case! Maybe we should try and return it.
just leave the case at home. I doubt she has 2 b there 4 acctual filmming. its fine!
October 18th
Dear RJ,
I don’t know if it’s just me, but Kennedy seems to be around a lot more this year. She’s different too. I mean, she’s still Kennedy, but now she’s like Kennedy Plus. I wish I could explain it better. It’s awesome, but I don’t know why she’s different. She even started passing me notes in French class. They don’t say anything much, but she’s a super-talented writer so they’re hilarious. I hope that she can make our movie have some good one-liners. I’m really good at writing drama, and Robbie writes emotion and tension really well, so I think she’ll be in charge of making it funny. Not funny all the time though, just at the right moments. It’s really kind of cool. Last year I saw her talking to all her friends all the time, and now I’m the one she’s talking to. I bet there are some guys out there who totally wish that they were me.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
Hey, Artie!
The Drama Club is hosting a spooky haunted house this year as a fundraiser for costumes. It’s an evening event over the three days around Halloween, and Mr. Tan is really hoping to get lots of people to come and check it out. They’ve put a lot of planning into the different classrooms having different themes. Could you interview a few of the students involved in the haunted house and write a piece that helps them garner interest? That is, unless you’re too afraid …
Mr. E.
From: Anila Bhati (anila.i.bhati@gmail.com)
To: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
Sent: October 19, 18:00
Dear Arthur,
I can’t believe that I won’t get to see you this weekend! I miss you so much that my heart aches … I was telling my mother, and she said that it’s good to miss someone and that it gives you the opportunity to appreciate them more. Do you think so? I was even thinking that I would quit the shark group so that I could hang out with you! What do you think? I could finally get a chance to beat you at Scrabble — make up for that time you won! (Don’t mind me … I have a competitive streak.) I also miss Pickles! I want to snuggle your cat again. She’s so cute!
Anyway, let me know. I can cancel the shark group meeting on Saturday if you want to do something.
Love,
Anila
XOXOXO
From: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
To: Anila Bhati (anila.i.bhati@gmail.com)
Sent: October 19, 19:24
Dear Anila,
It would be nice to see you, but I don’t want you to quit your shark group for me! I’m really busy, and I have to put aside some time to work on my novel, but maybe we can do something as well. If you do cancel your meeting, I’m sure we could find something fun to do. I like your idea of playing Scrabble. I do enjoy kicking your butt at board games. :)
Just kidding, of course. Let me know what you want to do, and I can see if my dad will drive me wherever. Also, I don’t know why you think Pickles is cute. I’m starting to think that she hates all guys. She’s the opposite of a misogynist cat. A misterogynist?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
my bro is haveing a party for halloween cuz my dad will be away. oct 27. u coming?
The party sounds awesome! Maybe I can ask my dad if I can sleep over.
sure. bring chips and coke tho.
I guess I should start planning my costume. Do you think people would get it if I went as Stephen King?
I could dress like a king with a crown and cape and stuff, and a name tag that says Hi, My Name is Stephen.
No 1 will get that. its stupid
ZOMBIE SCHOOL
by Arthur Bean and Robbie Zack
October 23 Production Meeting Notes
It’s imperative to start by establishing the world of your movie. Where does it take place? When in time is it set? What has happened before the movie begins to get the plot moving? Write down your brainstorming ideas and identify your work by marking your initials beside your comments. –Mrs. Ireland
SETTING:
Zombie School ovioussly takes place in our school in
northeast Calgary. –rz
Or in a school that is actually a cruise ship. Which would add to the tension, because no one could get off the boat. –AB
Its not going to be on a boat. –rz
It could be on a boat. –AB
If they were on a boat, then how would they get the horrible virrus that took over the world and turned adults into zombies? that has to hapen for the hole movie to make sense. –rz
Fine. No boat. But we need the school to look like it’s been abandoned because all the teachers came down with the zombie plague — like a horror movie school, with lockers ripped apart, graffiti everywhere, and a teacher playing a zombie walks down the hall, eating part of a person. –AB
And the teachers could be hiding in a den in the basment of the school. –rz
Because there are vampires and werewolves on the second level! –AB
No –rz
You can’t say no in a brainstorm. –AB
You can if its a stupid idea. –rz
You’re going to be the first person eaten by a zombie on screen. –AB
My caracter is going to be so powerfull that his karate chops sever heads on 1 blow. –rz.
My character is going to have superhuman strength and be able to rip apart zombies with his pinky finger. –AB
My caracter is going to have the power to move things tellle-pathcally. But anyway, do you think Mr. Tan will be the head zombie? Hed be the best at it, being the drama teacher. –rz