The Fall of Chance

by McGowan, Terry

  He had never wanted to abandon his life. The home he had left remained the ideal. If he couldn’t have the same, he wanted something similar. He wanted to find a simple, quiet place like the one he’d known so long. Maybe he could find a place somewhere up that river in front of him.

  His mind was made up that night. Unt would work his way down to that river and follow it upstream. Somewhere along its path he would surely find a settlement and there, maybe, he could start to build a life not unlike the one he’d left behind.

  The precipice was the first barrier. Perhaps he could have overcome it and attempted to scale it. He had rope and these things were never as impossible as they appeared but he wasn’t in a hurry either. The cliff couldn’t carry on running indefinitely. Sooner or later, it would shallow out so all he had to do was follow it until that happened. Then he could make for the river.

  His choices were right and to the north or left and to the south. South was landward and north was seaward so there really was only one option. He turned left.

  He found justification for his logic before the morning was out. The cliff got shorter and shorter until it was little more than a high bank and then it was gone entirely. Unt wasted no time in cutting in and struck out toward the river.

  The previous evening, before dark fell, he’d sat and sketched the terrain onto a crude map. He drew it on the only paper he had, the reverse of the Wizard’s letter. He now used that map to keep his bearings and make sure he was headed roughly straight. The Wizard had taught him that without markers, keeping in a straight line was surprisingly difficult and Unt heeded that advice.

  It took the rest of that day and most of the next to reach the river. When he got to its banks, he made camp and as he ate supper, he just reclined and watched its sedate, ambling current. Something in that idle movement stirred him. He’d planned to keep a carefree attitude, to just see where the river took him, but actually sat there, he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time: a sense of significance.

  * * * *

  The next day, he began his march up the river and he got his first indication that he’d chosen the right course. Up ahead of him, he saw the dark shapes of cows. They were clotted in a thick mass - a herd of many hundreds - and around the herd were a scattering of people on horseback.

  One woman rode up and confronted him. The sight of an armed man, even one on his own and on foot, was reason for them to be wary. Unt’s town had always had few visitors - the Rangers generally discouraged it - and Unt had little experience with outsiders. He was unsure how to speak to them.

  “I’m just passing through,” he replied to her challenge.

  The woman eyed him coldly. Her eyes were all that Unt could see of her. The rest of her was shrouded in hides and strips of leather. Only her voice had told him she was a woman.

  “Where are you headed to?” she asked, bluntly.

  “I don’t know,” said Unt. “I was hoping there might be a settlement further up river.”

  The woman narrowed her eyes as though measuring her doubt. Two other riders were approaching now.

  “I don’t wish to intrude on your territory,” he added. “I’ll pass through quickly if that’s what you want.”

  The woman laughed at that. “I should say you are passing through if you think this is our land! We, stranger, are Herders.”

  She cocked her head at Unt’s confusion. “You know, nomads,” she explained. “We drive our cattle from place to place, selling meat and milk. We’re watering the herd here before driving them cross-river.”

  The other two riders reached them and the woman explained the situation. They were all greatly amused at Unt’s not knowing of Herders. It irked him but at least it had convinced them he wasn’t a threat and a short while later, he was taken to the middle of their camp.

  Three elders - cousins by the sound of it - were head of the extended family. Unt was taken before them. When he told them he was trying to find a settlement they offered to take him with them to the next village. It was a tempting offer and one he maybe would have been wise to take, but ever since hitting the river, he had been determined to stick with it. He asked if they knew of any settlements upstream but all they knew of was a smallholding owned by a family who they sometimes dealt with.

  Unt thanked them and was going to move on but the Herders offered him hospitality for the night. Unt wanted to push on but feeling it would be ungrateful to do otherwise, he accepted.

  He was glad he did. The Herdsmen had milk, cheese, butter and beefsteak. He’d forgotten the wonder of these things and it was a night spent in heaven. His hosts would take nothing in payment but when he revealed he had venison they insisted on making a trade.

  * * * *

  The next morning, they parted company. The Herders drove their cattle over the river and Unt continued going up the bank. Before he left, the three elders told him that if he didn’t find what he wanted upstream, he need only return here. The nomads spent their lives tracking back and forth across the same range and if he waited at the crossing, within months they would see each other again.

  The Herders told him where to look for the homestead and soon enough, he saw it. Back from a river, on a low hill, stood a log cabin. Its red-brown wood was the same species as the copse behind it and a neat little fence gave form to a yard with a barn and other small buildings.

  Unt walked up the little hill and rang a bell at the door. A young boy answered and was quickly superseded by an older one. The second boy was Unt’s age, maybe older, but Unt looked at him as a man looking at a child. He asked if the parents were home. The father was summoned and Unt stated his case.

  He told the farmer he’d been pointed that way by the Herders and asked if they knew of any settlements upstream. The owner shrugged and said he wasn’t concerned with the world beyond his own neighbourhood. His family made what they had to to survive, plus a little more to trade for what they couldn’t make themselves.

  They dealt with only a handful of people and no-one from upstream. They’d never seen anyone come from that direction but they did find things in the river from time to time that had washed down. That suggested there was something up there but what and how far, he couldn’t say.

  Unt thanked the man and out of politeness, complimented him on the livestock he saw in the yard. He was about to leave it at that and go when the man asked him what he was looking for. He said that if Unt was after work, he could throw some his way. Unt thanked him but turned him down. He said he was after something specific but why he said it, he had no idea. This was, surely, as close to what he sought as he would get. The man said that if he changed his mind, the place wasn’t going anywhere. He then insisted on feeding Unt before he went away.

  Unt walked on with just the river, the country and his thoughts. With every mile he was feeling a strange sensation that kept growing stronger and stronger. He felt an increasing remoteness from the world yet he seemed to see it with ever-sharpening clarity. The world was getting newer and bolder yet it seemed universally familiar. He felt that moment in a dream where you grasp a cold, hard nugget of truth yet know it will start to slip from you the moment you awake.

  Somewhere along the line, he paused by a weir. A pool in the higher level was still and unmoving while the rest of the river busied on around it. The fingers in his pocket curled around the forgotten dice in his pocket and with that touch, he made a connection.

  Things, he realised, didn’t just seem familiar: they were familiar. These were the places of his childhood, the territory of his settlement. The river wasn’t just any river, it was his river. It was this weir where he had recovered the last of his father’s dice.

  Had he known it on some instinctive level? Had there been the same homing drive that birds used to migrate? Or, had the specifics of what he was looking for always defined that this would be the place he returned to?

  His mind didn’t want to stop to think about answers, it was driving on faster than his feet were able to
follow. When he got to every blind bend he caught up with his imagination which was sat there, waiting for him like an impatient child.

  He now came to a place where the riverbank was worn ground that would soon become a distinct path. That path would wind two more bends in the river and then he would be within viewing distance of home.

  He stopped and looked into the trees and up the hills around him. He was looking for people, specifically Rangers. There weren’t many Rangers but they were supposed to be the town’s guardian eyes. They watched every entry point for intruders and that included Unt. He hadn’t forgotten the terms of his exile or the chief Ranger’s parting words: don’t come back - if you do, we’ll find you.

  That should have scared Unt but for some reason, it didn’t. To his seasoned head, the threat of murder sounded hollow. He didn’t believe that they would kill him on sight for coming back. They would arrest him and take him before the Council and when that happened, the worst of probable outcomes was that they’d throw him out again. No reasonable person wanted to be complicit in murder if there was an easier way out before them.

  So it wasn’t with fear that he looked out for watchful Rangers; it was with curiosity. Why hadn’t they challenged him by now? It was puzzling.

  No challenge met him even as he got closer to home. The path was well-defined now but still nothing more than a dirt-track. He remembered that just before his arrest, a ruling had been made that this path was to be improved but nothing had been done in his absence.

  At the last bend, he left the track and the river, opting to dash up the hill so he could get a quicker, better look at his old home. There it stood still, proud and commanding from its flat-topped hill. It looked unchanged as a rock. A new building project looked to have been started at the bottom of the near slope but they were just scratches in the ground, not yet constructions.

  Ahead, by the bridge and on either side of it, were the settlement’s fields. Unt was surprised to see that those fields were empty of people. True, this wasn’t growing season and it wasn’t long before dark, but there was always a reason for someone to be in the fields. He scanned his memory, trying to guess the date and he tried to recall an occasion that would drag everyone from their work.

  Giving up, he scampered down the hill into the field. When he got down among it, he saw that it hadn’t been worked for some time. Across the river, on the town-side, he could see the fields were in a better state but he couldn’t imagine why these ones had gone into disuse. With growing bemusement, he walked on as in a daze, right across the no-mans land between husbandry and nature and finally up the embankment beside the bridge.

  He now stood on the road he had left by. It ran straight as a dagger into the heart of town. Once again in this journey, he had the choice between two opposing directions. One was the wilful return to exile, a known route but a lonely one. The other was a roll of the dice, a chance of redemption or the risk of having hope crushed forever.

  Unt put his hand in his pocket and felt his own dice. He hadn’t used them in a long time but he had never discarded them. The old instinct was calling him to them. If he was to return to the town, he’d have to return to their rule and how better to underline that commitment than to let the dice make his decision right now?

  But Unt didn’t want to make a random choice. He knew which choice he wanted. He wanted to return home but if he made the decision himself he was saying that he wouldn’t live by the old ways. His need to rule his own life and his need to be part of the community were mutually opposed. Still, he would try. He crossed the bridge.

  * * * *

  Unt was halfway toward town when he saw a cart approaching. His instinct was to get off the road or at least conceal his features but if he was going to go into the lions’ den he might as well be bold about it.

  Dusk was coming and it was difficult to see. From a distance, it was hard to make out the cart’s two passengers. The back was piled high as though the people in it were moving all their worldly goods. Unt wondered: no-one ever left town by choice.

  As the cart got closer, Unt made out the two riders who were perched on the box seat. They were two very familiar people: it was Crystal and Rob. Now he was even more tempted to hide but curiosity got the better of him. Where were they going?

  The cart was almost upon Unt before Crystal or Rob recognised him. He supposed he looked a lot different to the last time they’d seen him. It was so long since he’d looked at his reflection, he’d forgotten he had a beard.

  “Unt!” Crystal overcame her shock first. “You’ve come back.”

  “And it looks like you’re going.” Unt hadn’t meant it as an accusation but Crystal blushed and Rob looked awkward.

  “Yes,” said Crystal. “Partly down to you, I suppose.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes,” Crystal nodded. “After you, er, went away, things changed around here.”

  “I’ve noticed,” said Unt.

  Rob shifted on his perch. “When you left, the anger that had risen up didn’t go with you.”

  “It just sort of hung around,” added Crystal.

  “And then it found its true target,” said Rob.

  “The Council,” said Crystal.

  “What happened?” asked Unt.

  “People got fed up with the Council being in control,” said Crystal, “It started with the young ones. They started demanding a say in government. Then their parents realised it was a grievance they shared.”

  “They’d buried their resentment all their lives but now it began to surface.”

  “The Council wouldn’t budge. It was their system and they weren’t going to change it.”

  “They told the people they’d all agreed to be part of the social structure. If people didn’t like it, they said, anyone was welcome to leave.”

  “So they did. In droves”.

  Unt felt like laughing. All this time he’d been worried about getting back in and now he got here, everyone was leaving. “So that’s what you’re doing,” he said.

  This seemed to make Rob even more uncomfortable. Crystal put a hand on his thigh. “We held out as long as we could,” she said, “For our parents’ sake, if nothing else. We don’t care about who’s in charge but this town is dying.”

  “More than half the people have gone,” said Rob.

  Unt looked again at Crystal’s arm. For the first time, he noticed the curve beneath it. She was pregnant.

  Rob and Crystal both saw what he was looking at. They looked at each other. Unt and Crystal looked at each other. Unt and Rob looked at each other. How long had he been away?

  “How soon?” he asked a single question and in doing so, asked many.

  “Soon,” said Crystal.

  Rob put his hand on the bump. “This is another reason why it’s hard to leave,” he said.

  “You’d attempt a long journey in that condition?” Unt’s surprise was tinged with a first hint of anger.

  “It’s not what we want,” said Rob.

  Crystal looked both reluctant and eager to explain. “We’re not together, Rob and I,” she said, “Not back there, I mean. Mine and your marriage was annulled but I wasn’t allowed to remarry. I’m not to remarry until next year and my husband will be decided in the Fall.” Unt heard the distaste there.

  “We want the child to be raised in a loving family,” said Rob. They were still skirting the obvious question but Rob’s statement was a clear flag in the ground.

  The conversation had a growing potential to turn nasty. Whether it went that way or stayed civil depended on where Unt drove it.

  “Where are you headed?” he asked, opting for safe ground.

  The two looked uneasy. “There’s not a settlement down the road?” asked Crystal.

  Unt laughed. “Not up that road. Do you think I’d be here in this state if there was?

  “But so many people have gone before us,” said Rob. “No-one’s ever come back.”

  “Well I don’t know what happened
to them,” said Unt, “But I can tell you that road led me to a dead end. My advice would be to follow the river. There’s good people that way. They’ll help you out, help you find a place.”

  Rob looked doubtful but Crystal said, “Thank you.”

  Rob fidgeted with the reins as though he was eager to depart.

  “Wait,” Unt took a casual step between the horses. “You said that more than half the people have gone. Does that include Bulton?”

  “I’m sorry but yes,” said Crystal. “Him and his whole family. Olissa went with them.”

  “Olissa?”

  “That’s right,” said Crystal. “They’re a couple now. Or at least, they were when they left.”

  “How?” asked Unt.

  “Bulton’s ex-wife was among the first to go. Apparently he didn’t treat her too well. He was good to Olissa though, especially when things started going against her.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When the general mood changed, you became a bit of a martyr,” said Crystal. “People wanted someone to blame for your eviction.”

  “Mélie suffered it first,” said Rob.

  “But it got out that she was acting under duress,” said Crystal.

  “It was Olissa who outed you to my father,” said Rob. “He didn’t think she would win over much sympathy so he leaned on Mélie.”

  There were so many questions Unt didn’t know what to ask first. He looked at Crystal. “Why would Olissa accuse me?”

  Crystal smiled in that sad, beautiful way. “Unt, she was in love with you.”

  “With me?”

  “Yes, you silly fool.”

  A woman scorned, thought Unt. He laughed at how Pearson had got it so right and had yet been so utterly wrong.