Breaking Even

by Lily Bishop

  “I went and talked to a therapist a couple of weeks ago.”

  “Oh?”

  “She said I should be patient and get used to letting you touch me.”

  “It could work that way.” He took a deep breath and waited a heartbeat before he continued. “You know I would never hurt you.”

  “I know. She also said I should tell you what happened to me my senior year of high school.”

  “You know you can tell me anything.”

  “I was hurt before. I don’t think that’s the whole reason why I’m uncomfortable with touching, but it’s a big part of it.”

  “What happened?”

  “I told you about my mom’s cancer. Well, there was more going on than that. Towards the end, she was in the hospital off and on. The doctors said she wouldn’t make it. As it got closer to the end, she was in the hospital or gone for treatment more often than she was home. Her boyfriend lived with us. I mostly ignored him, but some nights we were alone together.”

  She drifted off, caught in the past. Ric squeezed her shoulders in support after a while she continued. “One night, I woke up, and he was in my bedroom. On my bed. He usually drank beer, but that night he smelled different. Maybe he had liquor on his breath, I don’t know. He lunged across the bed and tried to force himself on me. I started screaming and pushing against his chest, but he was too strong and he pinned me down with his arms.

  “I was so scared, I wanted to just die, but then he heard our neighbor banging on the door. He rolled off me, and I scrambled off the bed. He warned me to not tell anyone.”

  Anger rushed through Ric like a lightning fire in a dry sugar cane field. He took a moment to calm down before he answered. “He shouldn’t have come after you. That’s the worst kind of man to take advantage of a young girl in that situation.”

  “He probably wouldn’t have stopped if it weren’t for the neighbor. We lived in a duplex condo that shared a wall with another unit, and that was the only reason she heard us. If we had been in a house, I doubt anyone would have heard. She didn’t say anything, except ask if I wanted to come to her house. I spent the night with her, and when we went back the next morning, he had packed his things and left. Later, Mom said that he came to the hospital to tell her good bye. She didn’t say anything else about him, and I didn’t either. She never said, but she may have suspected.”

  “Did you call the police?”

  “No. When it came down to it, nothing really happened.”

  Ric turned in the bed and went up on one elbow so he could see her face. “He assaulted you!”

  She shrugged. “He did, sort of, but the result was nothing happened, and with him gone, he wasn’t a threat.”

  “Your sister doesn’t know?”

  Lindsey snorted. “Lord, no. She was away at college at the time. She would have called the police. After he moved out, she moved back home for a while and started commuting to her classes so she could help out.”

  “I’m glad you told me. I had a feeling something had happened when you were younger, but I didn’t want to pry. I appreciate that you trusted me enough to tell me. Maybe this means you are starting to be more comfortable around me.” He squeezed her shoulders again.

  “I believe so. I’m already feeling better. The therapist said that the more time we spend together, the more comfortable I’ll be.”

  “We will just have to make that happen, won’t we?”

  Lindsey thought for a minute, but she had to ask. “Why are you so good to me? After everything, I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”

  “You’re special, and don’t you forget it. I’ve seen a lot of darkness in my life, but you bring nothing but light.”

  “I know it’s silly that a girl my age hasn’t had sex.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with waiting. When we do take that step, I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

  “I just don’t know.”

  “You’re overthinking everything and you’re tired. Let’s just rest a while.”

  Ric heard her breathing change and knew the instant she fell asleep. They were making progress. Now at least he knew why she had panicked when she woke up to feel his weight on her that morning in Calliope. Sweet Lindsey. All he wanted was to make her happy.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Hurricane Warning

  Calliope should have been the final test. Lindsey had planned to go all the way with Ric, but it didn’t happen that way. They made out some, but every time she thought she would be ready, something happened.

  She didn’t blame Rudy for disappearing, but by the time they found him, the day was shot.

  Lindsey pinned her hopes on the next day, but Hurricane Marco turned toward Calliope. Ric worried about the weather and wouldn’t hear of her staying another day. It was only going to get worse, he said, and then she wouldn’t be able to fly out.

  They were both quiet over a breakfast of scrambled eggs and sausage. Lindsey ate, but paid no attention to the food.

  “I hate it that I have to leave,” she said, a little bit of pout in her voice.

  “I know, but I won’t be able to do my job if you’re here. I would be too worried about you. We’ll see each other soon.”

  “What time do I need to leave?”

  “There are a few other guests that I’m flying off at the same time, so just after lunch. I’m afraid I need to put some time in at the office to make sure the hurricane preparations are underway.”

  “On Sunday?” Lindsey asked.

  He smiled. “Hurricanes don’t keep normal business hours. Do you want to wait at the resort with me? We can lunch in the restaurant.”

  Lindsey spent the morning checking email and surfing the web from Ric's workroom. After lunch, they left for the airport in his big black SUV. Ric pointed towards the small hilly area of the island.

  “The rain will come from that direction. See that big stripe coming down from the sky? It will be here in about twenty minutes if not sooner.”

  He pulled up to the plane and helped the pilot load the luggage. The two other couples flying with her boarded first.

  “You’re going to get wet,” Ric warned, as fat drops splashed haphazardly from the sky.

  “I don’t care—you have to kiss me good-bye.”

  He leaned down and kissed her, his arms providing a buttress against the wind. Lindsey wanted to stay in his arms, but she knew she had to go. Her hair whipped around them.

  “I will see you soon,” she said when she pulled back.

  “We will make it happen, I promise. Now, get in the plane before you get soaked.”

  As if on cue, the sky opened up and rain poured down. She ran the short distance to the jet, squealing as the fat drops hit her. By the time she climbed the stairs, her clothes were plastered against her.

  Lindsey rushed through the door sopping wet, a big grin on her face. One of the women caught her eye and smiled.

  “So worth it,” Lindsey whispered, getting a laugh from the woman.

  Lindsey wasn’t a nervous flier like her sister. This trip, with the storm gathering around the island, her heart wouldn’t stop racing. She did not like the shaking from the turbulence. When they passed out of the clouds and into blue sky, the flight attendant began beverage service. She asked her for a glass of white wine, and after a few sips, started feeling better. She needed to get a grip.

  She tried not to dwell on the physical distance of over a thousand miles between her and Ric. The last time she had left Calliope, she had worried that she would never see him again. He had said he would call her, but she didn’t know whether he would or wouldn’t. At least this time, she had more confidence that Ric wanted a long-distance relationship.

  The plane stopped late afternoon in Atlanta to drop off the other passengers. When the pilot told her that he needed a mechanic to check the jet, Lindsey waited in the airport. By the time they took off for the final leg of the trip, the sun was setting behind them.

  #

 
Lindsey called Ben to tell him that she would be home early, but his phone went straight to voicemail. She knew she could call a cab from the Clemson airport, but decided to text Sarah and ask if she could pick her up. By the time Lindsey landed and retrieved her luggage, Sarah pulled up in her topless jeep.

  After loading her luggage in the back, Lindsey climbed in the front seat and buckled her seatbelt. “Right on time,” Sarah said. “I hope you don't mind that I took the top off. It was the first sunny day we've had all week.”

  “No, it’s fine.” Lindsey had put on a light jacket while she was on the plane, and now she was glad as the air whipped around them. “Thank you for coming to get me. It has been a crazy day with all the plane delays, and then Ben wouldn't answer the phone.”

  “Wasn't he working?”

  “The bar is closed on Sunday, remember? I thought since he was off today, that he wouldn't mind picking me up, but I guess he couldn't be bothered. I don’t know what's wrong with him. He has been distant with me for weeks.”

  “Oh come on, you know he’s mad that you and Ric are dating,” Sarah said with an eyebrow raised.

  Lindsey could not believe what Sarah was saying. She and Ben were just friends. “No, he’s not.”

  “Yeah, he is. He told me at The Globe one night when it was slow.”

  Lindsey wondered just how much Sarah was hanging out at the bar, but she didn’t ask. “I don’t know why. I never acted as if I had feelings for him. Every weekend, he brings home a different girl. On top of that, he’s almost engaged to that girl in South Florida, Brittany, so I know he’s not longing for me.”

  Sure, they had shared one kiss two years ago, but he hadn’t made a move since then. He couldn’t have been holding on to that.

  Sarah shrugged. “Regardless of whether he has a valid reason, that’s what he said.”

  “Great. Just great.”

  Lindsey rested her head back against the seat, tired. “Have you ever made a spur of the moment decision and then you think back and wonder, what were you thinking?”

  Sarah laughed. “Who hasn’t?”

  “I never should have moved in with him. When he asked, I thought why not, but it hasn’t at all been what I expected.”

  Sarah glanced over at Lindsey. “Tell him to find a new place.”

  “What?”

  “He’s not on your lease. Give him until December to find a new place. People do that all the time.”

  Lindsey hadn’t even thought about that. “I guess I could do that.”

  “And if you need another roommate, I already told Tanya I was moving out in January.” She threw out the offer casually.

  “It’s that bad?”

  Sarah shrugged. “We’re just not compatible. Why continue to be miserable when there’s a simple solution?”

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t be worse off with me?”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. We can deal with that later. Now, tell me about your trip to the Caribbean. You saw Ric.”

  Lindsey blushed. “I did.”

  “And are you feeling any better about him?”

  Lindsey had confided to Sarah that she had trouble accepting that Ric just wanted to be with her for herself. He could be with any supermodel he wanted. Why would he want her?

  “He’s so sweet. I’m getting there. I think we just need more time together. Even this trip, we had to go to a funeral for a long-time resident on his island, and that took up almost the whole day. Then a little boy that Ric is close to disappeared.”

  “Oh no! Did they find him?”

  “Yes, I found him asleep in the back of Ric’s car. That killed last night, and then the hurricane turned course. Ric wanted me to leave this morning in case planes were grounded later. I wanted to stay, but I couldn’t risk missing class if the weather worsened.”

  “Look at it this way. When you're done with your Master’s degree in two years—or less—you can do whatever you want.”

  Somehow, Lindsey didn’t think it was that simple, but she let it ride. When they reached the house, Lindsey frowned at the cars parked in her driveway and lining the street. Sarah helped her unload the car and bring her bags to the porch.

  “It looks like Ben’s got people over. Thanks for picking me up. I appreciate it.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to help?”

  Lindsey shook her head. After spending the day traveling, Lindsey didn’t feel like entertaining. “No, it will be fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  Lindsey pulled out her keys, thankful to be home. She unlocked the door and froze when she saw the cloud of smoke filling the room. She smelled cigarette smoke laced with something else—pot. It had to be. After she had asked him not to.

  The closed blinds darkened the room to the point that she couldn't see much. She waved at the handful of people on the couch, most of them staff from the bar. Ben wasn't with that group. On the coffee table, she saw a rolled up plastic bag that looked like marijuana. She pulled her suitcase and carry bag back to her bedroom, the only place that didn’t smell like smoke.

  She found Ben in the kitchen, pouring shots into tiny shot glasses that looked like red plastic cups. She turned on the overhead light and sucked in a breath when she saw the trash. Pizza boxes, take-out containers, and empty beer cans littered the kitchen.

  “What is going on?” she asked, keeping her voice low.

  “Lindsey, want a shot? We didn’t expect you back so soon,” he said, tossing his hair back out of his eyes.

  “I know I smell marijuana out there. You promised.”

  “It’s just a few friends watching a marathon of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Don’t worry about it—we’ll clean it up.”

  Lindsey felt like her head was going to explode. He didn’t even care that pot was illegal. “I told you I don’t want that here. I saw the bag on the coffee table.”

  “Well, you’d feel a lot better if you’d take a few hits off that bong…”

  “Absolutely not!”

  Ben shrugged. “Ah, come on, it will be legal soon. Just wait and see.”

  “It’s not legal now, so get rid of it.” Lindsey didn’t care that her voice sounded shrill, even to her ears.

  Ben backed away and held up his hands, palms facing her. “It’s just a little party. Nothing big. I swear it won’t happen again.”

  “You’re right, it won’t. And you need to start thinking about somewhere else to live. This isn’t working for me. Go back home to Fort Lauderdale. I don’t care. It’s not like you’re in school here.”

  Ben’s face darkened. “Damn, the guys tried to talk me out of moving in with you, said you were a stick-in-the-mud. But I said they were wrong. Guess I was the one who was wrong.”

  His words cut, but Lindsey was past caring. “Are you not going to ask your friends to leave?”

  “No, I’m not. The marathon is over at midnight. I paid rent, and I have as much a right to be here as you do.” He lined up the shots on the plate and went back out to the den.

  Lindsey didn’t know how things between her and Ben had deteriorated so quickly. All she could do now was continue the path she had started.

  She made a sandwich for dinner with a side of chips, grabbed a soda, and retreated to her bedroom. She found something to watch on television, too strung out to do much else. She could still hear the television in the next room when she finally went to sleep.

  #

  The next morning, Lindsey emerged from her room with no idea what to expect. The den was cleaner than before she went to bed, but a smoky residual hung in the air like a bad aftertaste.

  She would need to hire someone to steam clean the carpets and furniture. She just hoped that they would be able to remove the smell.

  She made grits for her breakfast and sat down in front of the television for an update on hurricane Marco. One of the main weather stations promised a report from the resort island of Calliope. The station switched to a reporter on the beach being pelted with rain and buffeted by the w
ind.

  “We’re here on the tiny resort island of Calliope, known for its Las Vegas quality gambling. Guests have left and local residents have battened down the hatches to ride out the storm. I’m talking with the resort CEO, Ric Salzana.”

  Lindsey held her breath, hoping she would get to see him. The reporter turned and Lindsey gasped when she saw Ric on camera. He wore a bright yellow rain slicker and a rain hat pulled down over his forehead.

  “Calliope has seen hurricanes before, and we will again. We’re used to it, and we take every necessary precaution. Our last guests evacuated around lunch yesterday. Right now, our power grid is holding, but if the wind ramps up, I don’t know how much longer it will stay on.” Lindsey’s heart swelled, and tears pooled in her eyes. That was her Ric.

  Then he was gone. The report shifted to other islands. Lindsey looked down, not even realized she was chewing on her nails, an old habit from childhood. She had called Ric yesterday when they landed in Atlanta, but he hadn’t answered. She knew he didn’t have time to talk to her right now. She just had to trust that he would be okay.

  She wiped a tear from her eye. He would be fine. She just had to get a grip.

  Ben came out of his bedroom with a big duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

  “I’ve decided to move in with my uncle. I’ll be out by the end of the week. One of my buddies is coming over with a truck Wednesday afternoon.”

  Lindsey took a deep breath. She knew she was in the right. “It’s for the best.”

  “That’s fine, but you know your Mr. Moneybags isn’t all that. Your buddy Ric is all wrapped up with organized crime in Atlanta. His cousin is well-known as one of the big human traffickers in South America. My uncle told me the rumors. There has to at least be some truth to them.”

  “Ric is not a criminal. I would trust him with my life.”

  Ben shook his head and stalked out, slamming the door behind him.

  Lindsey watched Ben leave, frustrated that it had come to this. How had things deteriorated so fast? Was Sarah right? Was jealousy at the root of it all?

  Ric would be happy that Ben was gone. He would smile at her in that Latin-lover way and tell her that he had told her so. She didn't want to hear it.