End of the Ocean

by Matthew McBride

  “Oh Sage, you wanted this and you know it. You were ripe for it. Tough divorce, wife was a whore and on and on, so you wanted to do something crazy with your life. You wanted a little adventure.”

  “Why me?”

  “Because you were perfect.”

  “I sat beside you on a plane.”

  “No, I sat beside you.”

  “That was a coincidence.”

  “Not the only one.”

  “OK,” Sage said. “So then what, I don’t understand, how’d this happen? I just…I bumped into you at a café.”

  “Did you?”

  “And you gave me mushrooms, you prick.”

  “That was fun, you gotta admit.”

  “What the fuck is this? Who are you? What are you?”

  Wayne, laughing now, sounding like the Wayne Sage remembered, said, “If you could’ve seen yourself back there, with those monkeys.” He hooted just like he’d done that day. “Oh, you’re killing me.”

  Sage was overcome in a whirlwind of confusion mixed with déjà vu.

  “Listen, like I said, my name ain’t Wayne, and I ain’t Australian, or whatever other kind of horseshit I may’ve thrown at you. Anyway, I’m from Kansas, man. Seriously. Fucking Kansas. Not that exciting, really. I’m nothing like Wayne.”

  Sage laughed hard. He asked Wayne if he was going crazy.

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Why me? I don’t understand? Why’d you do this?”

  “So many questions, and all of them good ones. Where to start?”

  “Why me? If we hadn’t met on the plane …If I hadn’t went to that café?”

  Wayne told Sage to take a deep breath.

  “Everything you think you know is a lie.”

  “No,” Sage shook his head. “No, what is this? Is this even real? Are we even here?” He felt hysterical.

  “Course we’re here,” Wayne said, pointing to the squatter toilet. “Can’t you smell the shit?”

  “Am I going to die?”

  “Yes, sometime. One day. But not today, and not here. Not in fucking Bali.”

  Sage fought tears. His face was very dirty. Wayne stood.

  “I work for our government, Sage. Well, kind of. At least, officially …anyway, that’s a long conversation. But what I told you on the plane—that I was a consultant—now that was actually true. I am a consultant of sorts. A liaison of sorts, you could say.”

  “Holy fuck,” Sage said. “Unbelievable. You’re like the DEA? The CIA?”

  “Not hardly. I mean,” he shrugged, “not really. More like a branch under the Homeland Security umbrella no one really talks about. Or knows about.”

  “You said don’t trust the government.”

  “Fuck no, you can’t trust anybody’s government.” He whispered, “Especially ours.”

  “Why’d you do this? What is it that you even do—and why not pick someone else—some other unlucky asshole? You picked me.”

  “It didn’t happen by mistake.”

  “What are you talking about?” If he’d had the energy Sage would have stood.

  Wayne, walking around the cell, remained quiet. Gave Sage time to think.

  “I knew all about you before the plane left the ground. I knew about you the day you bought your ticket. Where you lived, where you worked, well, used to work, how much money you had in the bank. It’s no twist of fate our seats were beside each other on the plane. Just like it was no surprise you found me at that cafe.”

  “Oh my God,” Sage said.

  Wayne turned his palms up. “It’s what I do.”

  “But how …how’d you know I’d walk in there?”

  “Everybody eats. This is Bali.”

  “Yeah but—

  “It’s what people do.”

  “But there’s a hundred cafés in Ubud.”

  “There’s a lot.”

  “How’d you know—”

  “I played the odds,” Wayne interrupted. “Plus, I cheated. You were directed there. Prompted. Time and time again, by a wide array of people. It was just a matter of time, really, but we had to time it perfect. Right about the time you ran outta money.”

  Sage sat, wide-eyed, slack-jawed.

  “We monitored your account, not that there was much in there, mind you—but, back to those seats on the plane: prearranged. That waitress at Devilicious, she sent you to Fly Café? Well, what did your waitress there tell you?”

  Sage looked up. Together they said, “Try the café on Goutama.”

  “Really, it wasn’t hard. Half the time I’d just follow you. It was easy.”

  Sage was stunned. They sat for a while in silence. Sage on the floor, Wayne in the chair. After Sage had time to digest the news he asked Wayne why he’d done this.

  “Sending me to Thailand, what was the point? And Ratri? You fucking kidnapped her, man. How could you do that?”

  Wayne, now sitting, crossed his legs in the chair and looked uncomfortable.

  “Sage—”

  “What? Tell me you didn’t hurt her? Tell me she’s OK.”

  “She’s fine.”

  Sage smiled very wide, so completely happy and at peace after hearing he would not be killed, and learning she was alive, that she was fine.

  “Listen, there’s some things you need to know.”

  Sage nodded like he was ready to hear them.

  “You’re going to be leaving on a plane today. That’s what you need to remember.”

  “What—to where?” Sage said, anxious, panic-voiced. “Where am I going now?”

  “You’re going home.”

  “No,” he said. “You’re …you’re lying. I can’t believe a fucking word you say.”

  “Well, you should.”

  “So then why? Why’d this happen? Why’d you fucking pretend to be my friend?”

  “Because you needed one.”

  “And how’d you know I’d do it?”

  Wayne paused, not to consider his words, but for effect. “I knew you’d do it for love.”

  Sage swallowed, and his eyes, very wet, bulging with tears, strained, but did not break.

  “I love her,” he said. Tears ran down both cheeks now. He was shaking.

  “I know.”

  “Where is she?”

  “Back home.”

  “Back home? Where—what does that even mean? Jesus, c’mon, you owe me.”

  “She wasn’t real.”

  “No—no no no what the fuck do you mean she wasn’t real, Wayne? What d’you mean she isn’t real … no, God no…” Falling to his side now, face on the ground, all the emotion he’d been carrying spilled into warm dirt.

  “You were a job.”

  Sage, clutching his chest, rolling from side to side, shaking his head, screamed Wayne was a liar that he could go fuck himself that he hated him that he wished he would die.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Wayne sat up straight and messaged his neck and listened to Sage cry. But he could not watch. He stood, turned, walked toward the door. Sage yelled Don’t leave me.

  Wayne said I won’t and stood with his hands on the bars for as long as he could take it and when he could take no more he turned and told Sage toughen up.

  “It’s hard, I know. We used you—”

  “Fuck you,” Sage yelled. “Everything I have ever loved in my life has gone away.”

  Wayne held his head down for a long while and let time pass.

  “What kind of …what kind of person does this? You people, you’re not even human.”

  “Yeah, we are. This is the hard part of my job. Breaking people’s hearts.”

  “Why do it then? Why? For what?”

  “So men like Benz don’t sell heroin to this country. The government here, case you haven’t noticed, they tend to take this shit pretty serious. They care about their count
ry. They care about their people, man, and they do not fuck around when it comes to drugs.”

  “No shit, man. I found out the hard way.”

  “Look around you, everybody here found out the hard way. At least you’ve gotta way out, a second chance. Believe me, there aren’t many of those around here less you can afford to buy one.”

  “They’re all locked up for drugs aren’t they, everyone here?”

  “Not all of ‘em, but most of ‘em—and most of ‘em ain’t gettin’ out.”

  “Like the Bali 9.”

  “Good example.”

  “They’re gonna die here.”

  “They deserve to.”

  “How can you say that? They were just kids. Seventeen, eighteen years old.”

  “They tried to smuggle heroin out of this country.”

  “You’re such a hypocrite, such a piece of shit.”

  “Oh, I’m the hypocrite?” Wayne said, removing a passport from his back pocket, opening it, showing it to Sage. “Look familiar? Yeah, take a good look—Sage.”

  Though the passport belonged to Sage, Wayne pointed to the name below his picture.

  “Looks like ya, but that don’t say Sage.”

  Sage closed his eyes.

  “Michael Nelson,” Wayne went on, rolling his eyes. “Who the fuck is that? Huh, Sage? Who the fuck are you?”

  Sage said nothing. He did smile, though.

  “Michael Fucking Nelson. What, you come across Sage in a paperback? Thought it was sexy?”

  “I thought I’d reinvent myself.”

  “You did a pretty good job.”

  Wayne let Sage think about what a good job he’d done and said, “Saw you hand this to Ade, pretty carefully as I recall. What, ya didn’t want me to peak inside and blow your cover?” Wayne snorted. “Not that I didn’t already know, obviously—you know how hard it was to call you Sage? That ridiculous name. Fact, I think one time I slipped, called you Mike and you didn’t even notice.”

  Neither man said anything. Sage heard Riris walking toward them, but she stopped after seven steps, slid something under the bottom of a cell, turned and walked away.

  Wayne, whispering now, said, “You also failed to mention you worked for our government.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “You said you didn’t know much about guns.”

  “I said I’d done some squirrel hunting.”

  “Ha—was hard not to laugh the first time you said it. Hell, I almost believed you.”

  “I was a salesman; I didn’t lie.”

  “But you were a soldier before that. Government trained, just like me.”

  “I was in the Army. Not the same thing.”

  “Course it is. We’re both paid by the same uncle.”

  “Was. I was. That was years ago, who gives a fuck?”

  “I give a fuck, man. Uncle Sam gives a fuck. Look at you now, covered in shit.”

  “What d’you want from me?” Sage said, voice soft, mouth dry.

  “I’d like to offer you a job.”

  Sage laughed. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

  “Consider this a job interview.” Wayne clapped his hands together. “You got it.”

  “You’re so fucked, this is so fucked. Busting people for drugs. What about you?”

  “What about me, Sage? Smoke a little weed, eat a few mushrooms—which are frowned upon but you can get them at cafés, strange as that may sound. Still, that ain’t exactly the same thing as smuggling heroin, is it?”

  “Besides,” Wayne said. “I’m undercover.” He winked and said it had to look legit.

  Soaking wet, covered in filth, Sage could not believe this was happening.

  “I’m recruiting you, Sage, or, Michael; whatever you prefer. Listen, job like this, working for a guy like me, you can reinvent yourself all the time, until you don’t know who you are anymore. And I could go on and on about how much good came outta this operation but I won’t. It happened. It’s over now. You were part of a team, you just didn’t know it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Puii? Remember him?”

  “Of course.”

  “He’s Thai military. Deep undercover. The Thai government doesn’t much care for heroin either, Sage. We all work together with a common goal. And, thanks to your help, those pieces of shit will never horse drugs into this country again. Or any other country for that matter.”

  “Who? What d’you mean?”

  “That guy you met at the bar, in Thailand?”

  “Benz? Not much of a talker as I recall.”

  “He went deep-sea fishing one day and didn’t come back. And those two blokes, sorry, those two gentlemen I introduced you to, here in Bali—Djoko and Ngyn?”

  Sage remembered.

  “Djoko had an accident on his motorcycle the day you left.” Wayne shrugged. “Fatal. And Ngyn, well, sadly he was the victim of an apparent robbery not two days ago. Somebody chopped his head off with a machete. They found his body, can’t find the fucking head. The man had four kids.”

  Wayne said that was too bad because he’d liked Ngyn, but that he got what he had coming for smuggling drugs. They both did.

  Sage, pointing to his chest, said what about him? “I smuggled drugs.”

  “No you didn’t, you smuggled diamonds—in theory—because you believed they were diamonds, not drugs. And really, you merely considered it, because you changed your mind, right? Because it was wrong, and because you’re smart. You only did it cuz we compelled you.”

  Wayne looked down and said, “Consider this a test.” He shrugged. “You passed.”

  Wayne thought of Ratri then, as if he was not proud of what he’d done, but he had done what was required. Along with Ratri, they both had. Along with everyone else involved.

  “Anyway,” Wayne said, “Not just them either. The little Thai girl from the airport, ‘member her? Let your backpack through the scanner. She’s gone, too—who knows what they’ve done with her but you can bet it’ll be a long while before some coworker gets that brave again.”

  “You made her an example. Like Grady.”

  “I didn’t do anything. And she made herself an example, so did he.”

  “Two more will just pop up in their place.”

  “Then we’ll fucking kill them, too.”

  “You told me it was diamonds.”

  “I wanted you to feel brave.”

  “I didn’t.”

  “If I’d’ve told you it was heroin would you still’ve gone?”

  Sage started to say he wouldn’t have but he knew that was a lie. They both knew there was nothing he would not have done to save her.

  “Of course you would have.”

  Sage had nothing to say.

  “You’re different then those guys, you didn’t have much of a choice, OK? They did.”

  Sage scratched at his beard and leaned his back against the filthy wall.

  “Listen, you helped us establish a connection, a direct route, which we documented, step-by-step, so there’s undeniable proof these motherfuckers were smuggling H—but listen, it’s not just drugs. These fuckers are ruthless. They exploit little girls, some of these guys. Little boys. It’s weird over here, man.”

  “OK,” Sage said. “Fine, I was a big help. So now what? No trial? They’re dead.”

  “Much easier that way, dontchya think?”

  Sage rubbed his face with his hands. “I can’t believe this.”

  “They don’t fuck around, these guys. Wheels of justice turn pretty quick here.”

  “What, so this, this little project—this operation, now, what, it’s over?”

  “Time to move on to the next fiasco.”

  “What about Ratri?” Sage asked, turning to face Wayne.

  “What about her?”

  “Tell me a
bout her, you have to. You’re in love; you said you knew how it felt.”

  “I’ve got a wife and kids. Two daughters, both in college.”

  “You what? What about Ogi?”

  Wayne said what about her.

  Sage closed his eyes.

  “You’re a piece of shit; I hope you get shot. I don’t know what to say to you.”

  “Then don’t say anything.”

  “Tell me about her, Wayne.”

  “My name’s not Wayne.”

  “Tell me about Ratri—I wanna know, I deserve to know.” Looking at Wayne, he pleaded. “I thought she was real.”

  Wayne looked down at the floor and said, “I know.”

  Sage locked eyes with him, challenging him.

  “She works for the Indonesian government, though in what capacity I’m not sure.”

  “I was just a job to her?”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “What about …” Looking around his cell, Sage said, “What about all of this? Why’d you have to bust me? Put me through this? The airport, the interrogation?”

  “Hey!” Wayne piped up, “Great job, by the way, with the toothpaste and the Buddha. Totally normal shit to be traveling around with Sa—”

  “I didn’t give you up, man. I didn’t give you up. I just sat there and took it.”

  “I know you didn’t,” Wayne said, sincerely. “That’s how I know I can trust you. You’re a good guy. A stand-up guy.”

  “Look at the good it did.”

  “It did do a lot of good. It had to look real. And believe me, it did. That’s all everyone’ll talk about. It’s good PR. Everybody wins.”

  “So what now?”

  “I already told you. I offered you a job.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Trust me.”

  “How could I?”

  “Good point.”

  “What about this charge? My life is fucked.”

  “Nothing is fucked here. It was all for show. Listen, they’ve told the employees at the airport it was a training exercise. They do this shit. Nobody took your picture; no one saw your name, and anyone who did works with me.”

  Sage thought of the women who touched his hand when she didn’t have to.

  Wayne returned to his chair. Neither spoke for a while. It was very heavy. Sage had never felt so many things at once and it overwhelmed him.