Darkness Within

by Isabel Lucero

  “I get pretty busy, and honestly, I’m a loner. I prefer being alone more than being with people.”

  “I get that,” she says, nodding her head.

  Conversation lulls, creating an uncomfortable moment between us. I don’t care for meaningless conversation anyway, so I tilt my head at her and decide to take control of the situation.

  “Wanna go to the room?”

  She bites down on her lip and smiles. “Let’s go.”

  As soon as we cross into the room, I grab the back of my gray shirt and pull it over my head, and start undoing my jeans. Analeigh crawls onto the bed and slowly pulls the blue tank top over her head, revealing her perfect tits.

  A growl in the back of my throat forms as she rubs her hands over her nipples and down her stomach, finally reaching her shorts. She pulls the material down, revealing her pussy to me. Tonight, she didn’t wear any underwear, and I’m not mad about it.

  I quickly kick off my boots and finish undressing, throwing the condom onto the bed. Before I can make my way between her legs, she moves towards me, quickly taking my cock in her hand.

  “Fuck,” I grunt as she squeezes the hard flesh, stroking it up and down.

  “I wanna taste,” she purrs.

  With my hand at the back of her head, I guide her to my cock, groaning as her tongue licks the underside of my head before her warm mouth covers it completely. Analeigh takes her time, licking and sucking the tip before finally taking me as deep as she can.

  My hands tighten their grip in her hair as my hips instinctively thrust, fucking her mouth. She moans around my cock, seemingly loving giving the blow job as much as I enjoy receiving it.

  After a couple more minutes, she finishes with a gentle lick around the head and a few more strokes to my shaft.

  “Mmm,” she moans.

  I snatch the condom off the bed, ripping it open at lightning speed, and then stretch the latex over my length. I position myself between her already spread legs, and then drape them over my shoulders.

  We both groan at the same time when I push inside, and she grabs onto my biceps while I thrust in and out of her tight, wet pussy.

  Leaning over her, my lips and tongue move across the flesh of her neck before I bite down, feeling her skin between my teeth.

  “Ah, fuck!” she yells. “God!”

  I lick the area with my flattened tongue, and move a little lower to do the same thing. Her hands meet the muscles in my back and squeeze while she lets out a small hiss. My dick gets harder when I see the expression on her face. Pain and pleasure together again.

  “Yes, yes. Do it again,” she begs.

  Instead of biting her neck, I drop her legs and slow my movements as I take her nipple into my mouth. I let my tongue twirl around the peak before sinking my teeth into the sensitive flesh.

  “Aahh!” she screams, throwing her head back.

  I grab onto her waist and flip us over, leaving her on top of me to ride my cock until she comes. Her small hands rest on my chest as she grinds back and forth on my dick. As she moves, her perky tits bounce around, and my hands reach up to touch them. I pinch her nipples between my fingers and watch as her jaw drops, inhaling a gulp of air.

  “Yes, yes,” she chants, eyes squeezed closed and fingers digging into my skin.

  My hands slowly make their way further up, reaching her neck. Her eyes open momentarily, but when I put a little pressure around her throat, she squeezes them shut again, biting down on her lip.

  I feel her pussy get even wetter around my cock, so I don’t stop. I use one hand to suppress her air intake, and the other to smack her ass as I lift my hips, moving deeper inside of her.

  “Fucking take it, Analeigh,” I tell her. “Take it.” I squeeze her throat even more with the command.

  Her grinding gets faster and she falls closer to me, her arm muscles getting weak. I briefly relax my fingers around her throat, giving her a second to get some more air before I tighten the grip again. The sound of my hand hitting her ass and the subsequent blissful scream that follows seems to echo inside the room.

  “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” she exclaims, her face contorting to one of bliss. “I’m about to . . . I’m gonna . . . come!” she lets the word drag out as she yells, her cunt tightening around my throbbing cock.

  I don’t waste any time, I quickly roll over, trapping her body underneath mine. I drive into her hard and fast, my face finding the crook of her neck and I bite down. The sound of her crying out does me in, and I empty my load deep inside of her.

  With heavy breathing and sweat glistening on our bodies, we untangle ourselves from each other and lie side by side on the bed. I only stay like that for a few seconds before I have to get up and toss the condom out. When I return to the room from the bathroom, I find Analeigh on the bed wearing a giant t-shirt and a smile.

  “Well, Mr. Donovan. I’m really starting to enjoy these nights of ours.”

  The side of my mouth lifts in a lopsided grin as I reach for my clothes. “Me too.”

  “I never thought pain would be so pleasurable,” she states as I pull my shirt over my head, covering the tattoos I see her eyes tracing.

  “Ah. It most definitely is.”

  “Do you like to be hurt?” she questions.

  “No. I find pleasure in being the one who does the hurting.”

  A look akin to worry crosses her face before being replaced with curiosity. “Has a woman tried to turn the tables on you?” she asks with a giggle.

  I put my boots on, not looking at her as I respond. “That would be a bad idea.”

  Silence falls over us, and I wonder if I’ll say too much to scare her away, but in all honesty, I’m saying as little as possible. If I said what I truly wanted to say, she’d run for the hills. I can’t tell her about being abused before. I can’t tell her that if anyone tried to hurt me—even in a sexual way that’s supposed to bring pleasure—that the darkness would be unleashed so fast that the person inflicting the pain would be suffocated by it. She doesn’t want to know how close my monster is to coming out when I fuck her and choke her at the same time. Analeigh can’t know that me and the darkness inside of me may very well be becoming one, and that she should stay far away.

  I like to think that me—Donovan James—and the monster that lives inside of me are two different beings. I wake up every day and put on a mask. Nobody can know the thoughts and feelings I have. My monster is the fucked up one. My monster is the one who was hurt for all those years. My monster is the one who wants to kill people. Donovan James is just someone trying to live his life.

  As much as I want that to be true, I’m well aware of both beings. I don’t have a split personality or anything like that. I’m me. There’s no changing who I am. I’m beyond repair and one day the monster will be unleashed and I won’t be able to rein him in again. Donovan James will no longer be able to wear that normal person mask. I’ll be the darkest version of myself all the time, and if and when that happens, God help anybody who crosses my path.

  “Don’t have a tolerance for pain, huh?” she jokes, lightening the mood a little.

  “Something like that.”

  “Well, I don’t mind our roles,” she says with a smile. “I trust that you won’t go overboard.”

  Well, that’s dumb of her to think.

  “I’ll do my best,” I say with a wink. She giggles like I’m joking, and I’ll let her keep thinking that. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”

  She hops off the bed. “You gonna text me sometime, or will I have to just wait and see if I run into you?”

  “I’ll text you.”

  She twists her mouth up at me. “We’ll see.”

  I laugh. “Okay.”

  “Hey, do you know anybody else that lives around here?” she asks as we walk to the front door.

  “No. Why?”

  “I was down at my friend’s earlier, and I thought I saw you . . . well, your truck.”

  Fuck.

  “Nope,
” I say nonchalantly. “I don’t know anybody around here.”

  “Oops. My mistake,” she says with an embarrassed grin.

  “Well, talk to ya later.”

  “Okay. Night!”

  I walk out of there and wonder if she actually did see me. She pretended like she believed me, but she initially said she thought she saw me and not my truck. How close was her friend’s house from where Ned was? Was she across the street? Did she see me standing near the window? Or did she really just see a truck? And honestly, there’s probably not a lot of trucks that look like mine. Especially in a neighborhood I’m sure she knows pretty well.

  I decide to let it go, because even if she did see my truck, what does that mean? I didn’t lie. I don’t know anybody around here. Plus, I don’t owe it to her to admit to anything. That’s the purpose of not having a relationship, and one of the reasons why I don’t want one. I don’t need to be questioned all the time.

  On the drive home, I think about whether or not I’ll actually text her. Opening that door can lead to her either texting or calling me too often, or thinking we’re more than just fuck buddies. She’s gorgeous, and the sex is off the charts, but I still don’t want the relationship. Seeing as how we’ve fucked twice and not kissed at all, I’m sure she gets that this isn’t a romantic thing we’ve got going on.

  Right now I have more important things to worry about. Ned needs to be taken care of next weekend. The monster inside of me is becoming impatient. I need to cross one off the list before he accidentally adds another one to it. I’m finding that now that I’ve let him out of his cage more often, after that extremely long hibernation when I was trying to be normal, he doesn’t like to go too long without coming out.

  Once again I wonder what will happen when the final two names are crossed off the list. How will I control him then?

  “A BODY WAS found inside the residence and authorities are saying it’s been there between seven and ten days. Cause of death hasn’t been released, but it’s being investigated as a homicide. If anybody has any information, or saw anything that seemed suspicious, please contact the police department.”

  I caught the tail end of the news report, and honestly, I’m surprised it took this long for Michael to be found. I wonder who it was that discovered him and how. Oh well. It’s not my problem.

  After turning the TV off, I fill my tumbler with coffee and head to my truck to start the day. When I arrive on site, Nick is there to greet me.

  “Hey.”

  “What’s up?” I reply, grabbing my shit from the truck and locking it up.

  “Not much. My fucking dad came by again last night.”

  “Yeah?” I ask, taking a sip of coffee. “Did he fuck with you again?”

  He narrows his eyes slightly as he looks away. “Nothing I can’t deal with or that I’m not used to.”

  “Put him in his fucking place, man. I know he’s your dad, but fuck. He can’t keep barging in on you and demanding money.”

  “What am I supposed to do? Move?” Nick quips. “I can’t do shit, and if I don’t answer the door, he stands out there banging on it and causing a scene.”

  I shrug, because there’s not much I can tell a grown man to do when it comes to his family. “Well, I don’t know.”

  “Anyway, you text your girl yet?”

  I give him a pointed look. “She’s not my girl, and that’s why it’s okay that I haven’t texted her.”

  “Really? Come on, dude. It’s been like three days since you went over.”

  I snort. “So?”

  “I just think you might be missing out on a good thing. That’s all.”

  I bark out a laugh. “You have no idea if she’s a good thing or not. What if she’s a fucking maniac? We don’t know her.”

  “You have a problem with maniacs?” he jokes.

  “Nah.”

  “Whatever, man. I’ll leave you alone about it.”

  “Good.”

  “What’s good?” Miguel chimes in, coming out of nowhere.

  “Nothing,” I say with a clenched jaw.

  “I heard something about a girl. Don, you finally got a girl?” he laughs, showcasing his big fucking teeth.

  “What the fuck? You eavesdropping on people’s conversations now or what?” I ask.

  “What?” he asks, looking confused. “No. I was just walking behind y’all. I gotta get to work too.” He spits out broken shells of sunflower seeds and pops a few more into his mouth.

  I ignore him, but Nick plays the good guy. “It’s nothing. I was just giving him a hard time.”

  “Well, having a girlfriend will probably be good for you. Get you out of the house some more. What do you do all day anyway?” he questions.

  My hands ball into fists and my whole body tenses up as I come to a stop. I try to keep the visuals of me cutting his tongue from his mouth and slicing his throat at bay, but this fucking guy doesn’t seem to know when to stop. His abrasive personality grates on my nerves, and sometimes it’s hard to keep the mask in place around him.

  I turn slowly, doing everything I can to keep my monster in his cage, but he’s banging on the bars and desperate to be released. I want to unleash him. I want him to do his worst to Miguel right now, but I can’t let that happen.

  “Miguel, I want you to know that I’m giving you the biggest break of your life right now,” I tell him. “But if you keep insisting on pushing my buttons, running off at the mouth like you know me, you’re gonna be in for a rude awakening. Don’t ever think you can question what I do. Don’t think I’m your friend. Don’t tell me what you think is good for me, because if you truly knew what was good for me, you’d get as far away as possible.” I step up to him, face to face, giving him no room to look anywhere but at me. “Because the things that are good for me,” I whisper in a menacing tone, “are things that are very bad to those that piss me off. And you, Miguel, piss me off quite a bit. Leave me the fuck alone.”

  He doesn’t respond, and I wasn’t expecting him to. Hopefully he knows to keep his distance now. Fucking asshole.

  As I’m approaching my work truck, trying to shake the anger from my body, Nick calls out to me.

  “Hey, Donovan!”

  I don’t stop, nor do I turn around. Rage still vibrates through my body, and I don’t need to be near anyone right now. I throw my hardhat and water bottle in the vehicle and turn around.

  “Not a good time, Nick,” I warn.

  “I know, I know.” He exhales loudly. “Shit, man. That was . . . I don’t even know. I know Miguel’s a dick, and I’m sorry I was giving you a hard time about Analeigh. I didn’t mean for him to hear and throw his two cents in.” Nick laughs nervously. “If it helps, I’m pretty sure whatever you said scared him shitless.”

  “Good,” I say with a bite.

  He lifts his sunglasses and wipes his hand across his brow. I notice some coloring and swelling around his left eye, and without asking, I know where it came from, but the question falls from my lips anyway.

  “What the fuck is that, Nick?” I bark.

  Placing the glasses back over his eyes, he tries to play it off. “What?”

  “You know what. Your dad hit you?”

  With a huff, he replies, “Yeah, but I can take it. I kicked him out of my house. It’s not a big deal.”

  Memories of my childhood foster parents abusing me come rushing back. I know he grew up getting hit, but to be a grown man and still take beatings from your father is bullshit. Nick’s a nice guy, and I don’t know if he’ll ever put hands on his dad, but somebody needs to. His asshole father is taking advantage of him, and I don’t see it ever stopping.

  I shake my head, my hands balling into fists again. “This is bullshit, man. He’s been doing this for years. You can’t keep allowing this to happen or he’ll continue to walk all over you. Take control of the situation.”

  “You think I don’t want to? Look, I’m not like you, Donovan. I don’t have that kind of aggression in me. Sure,
I get mad, but I hate confrontation. My whole life he’s talked down to me and made me feel like I ain’t shit. I’m used to putting up with whatever he dishes out, but I don’t have it in me to dish it back. Nothing I can do will keep him from coming back. My dad is a vicious, hateful man, and I won’t be able to get him to back down.”

  The defeat in Nick’s voice is blaringly clear. His dad has had years and years to break down his spirit, making him believe he was a lesser being. I get that some people are like Nick—soaking it all in and letting themselves be hurt, and others are like me—turning the tables on the abusers, and not allowing them to have control of us anymore.

  I stand in front of Nick, wanting nothing more than to offer him a chance to be rid of his father. I can take care of his dad for him, but there’s no way I can ask him if he wants him dead. People like his dad are the same people on my list now. They don’t deserve to walk this earth.

  “What would you do, Donovan?” he asks, genuine curiosity in his voice. He steps a little closer. “If you were me, what would you do to take control of the situation?” His eyes are pleading with me, but I don’t know what it is he wants me to say.

  Everything in his posture, the way he’s looking at me, and the tone in his voice has me on alert. Ever since that night he got drunk, I’ve felt like he’s dropping these little comments and clues like he knows what I am. He’s just not acting afraid, and that’s what’s weird. Does he want me to say I’d kill him? Is that the answer he’s looking for?

  I remind myself that my normal person mask is on, and I can’t answer the way I really want. “I’m not in your shoes, Nick. I don’t know.”

  “Come on. You had a bad childhood,” he continues. “If you had the chance to see someone from your past who treated you wrong, what would you say? What would you do? I really want to know.”

  I look around, making sure nobody’s around us, then I step up and narrow my eyes at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you asking me this shit?”

  He startles. “What? I’m just curious.”

  “You’re too fucking curious,” I say, poking him in the chest with my finger. “I don’t like these questions, Nick. I don’t know why you’re so inquisitive lately. You got something you want to say to me?”