Darkness Within

by Isabel Lucero

  “I know,” he replies in a soft voice.

  The rest of the trip is silent. I don’t know what he’s thinking about, but all I can think about is whether I can trust that he’ll keep it together. I understand people aren’t like me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he freaked out when it came to burying his dad. The guilt could eat at him over time. He could feel the need to tell someone. He might get drunk and say too much.

  “You don’t think anybody will come out here?” he asks as we pull up.

  “Nah. Nobody lives around here yet. There’s no need for anybody to visit a construction area. It’s a mess out here.”

  Nick tries to pull his dad out of the truck but I stop him. “Don’t. You don’t want to get his blood on you. Just in case,” I say.

  “You think the cops are gonna question me about him?”

  “They might. They know about your mom, right?” He nods. “Then when they can’t find him, they might ask you some questions. They don’t have reason to check your clothes or anything, but let’s just be safe, okay?”

  “Yeah. All right.”

  With his dad over my shoulder, we walk toward my excavator and the newest hole for a house’s foundation.

  “When did they do this?” Nick asks, panicked.

  “Fuck!”

  They must have had some people out here working overtime, because the hole is now filled with soil, topped with gravel, and ready for the concrete to be poured. There’s no way to bury him here.

  Think. Think. Think.

  “What are we gonna do? Where else can we go? Shit. Donovan. What the fuck, man? What do we do now?” Nick won’t stop talking. He’s losing it. “We’re fucked. That’s it.” He starts pacing, looking down at the ground while he mumbles to himself.

  “Stop!” I yell. “Calm the fuck down. I have an idea.”

  I drop his dad to the ground and drive the excavator to a spot away from where all the homes are going to be built. There’s nothing out here but dirt, and maybe one day they’ll build something else, but hopefully not. This is the only choice right now.

  I begin digging a hole in the ground just big enough for a body. I go deep enough that his body won’t be uncovered by a gust of wind or wild animals. Once I’m done, I go back for the body, drop it into the hole, and start covering it up. When I’m done, nothing looks too out of the ordinary.

  “Nobody should go out that way, right?” Nick asks when I’m done. “We work out here all the time, and nobody goes out that way for any reason, so we’re good, right?”

  “We’re good,” I reply, trying not to snap on him. These are reasonable questions, I suppose.

  After putting the excavator back in its place, I wipe the sweat from my forehead with my arm and realize that I’m still covered in blood. I need to get home and shower, and hopefully not run into anybody beforehand.

  “We need to clean up your place,” I tell Nick. “There’s blood on your floors.”

  He exhales and pushes some long strands of hair out of his eyes. “Yeah. Okay.”

  On the way back to his house, my phone rings. Analeigh.

  “Shit!”

  “What? What’s wrong?” he asks, his eyes wide with fear.

  “Nothing. I forgot I was supposed to meet up with Analeigh over an hour ago.”

  “Oh.” His shoulders slump as he breathes out a sigh of relief. He’s too panicky. I don’t like it.

  The phone stops ringing before I can bring myself to answer, and when is see the screen, I notice this is her fifth time calling me, and that she’s also sent a handful of texts. I left my phone in the truck when we were out at the site, and I didn’t even think twice about Analeigh.

  This is what I meant when I told her I wasn’t good at this boyfriend thing. I’m not used to it. I’m used to being on my own and only worrying about myself. I had more important things going on, and my first thought wasn’t to call her and let her know.

  It rings again.

  “Fuck,” I whisper right before I answer. “Hello?”

  “Donovan,” she breathes my name like she’s relieved. “God, I’ve been worried sick! What the fuck?”

  “I should’ve called you,” I tell her. “My friend had an emergency. I’ve been with him.”

  “Yes, you should have!” she quips. “I’ve been thinking the worst. I thought maybe you got into an accident or something. God.”

  “I’m fine. I don’t think I’ll be able to meet you tonight, though.”

  “What happened? Is your friend okay?”

  “He’s fine,” I reply, ignoring the first question, and taking a glance at Nick who doesn’t look fine at all.

  “Are you with him now?”

  “Yeah. I’m driving him back to his place.” Shit. I shouldn’t have said that.

  “Oh. Well, we can still meet up after you drop him off. I can even go to you.”

  “I’m not dropping him off. I’ll be there for a little while. We have to take care of some stuff, so I don’t know when I’ll be home.”

  She’s quiet for a while, and I’m sure her female suspicions are creeping up. “It’s still early, and I won’t go to sleep for a while, so let me know when you’re done doing whatever it is you’re doing. I’d still like to see you.”

  With a huff, I say, “Yeah, sure. I’ll let you know.”

  “Okay,” she replies, sounding a little more cheerful. “Talk to you later.”

  “Okay.”

  I hang up and run a hand through my hair. Fucking women. This is why I don’t do this kind of shit. I can’t deal with their need to know every-fucking-thing. And Analeigh knows what she got into with me. I told her I’d have to keep things from her, and of course while she agreed to my terms, she’s not ready to deal with them.

  “Sorry, man,” Nick says.

  “For what? That?” I ask, gesturing to the phone. “Don’t be.”

  When we pull up to his place, I go to get out, but he stops me. “I know you said it was self-defense, but I still want to say thanks. You’ll have to live with what happened for the rest of your life, and you did it for me. I appreciate it. I know I’m kind of freaking out, but I promise I won’t say anything, Donovan. This is what I wanted. I know you have problems with trusting people, and I know why, but you’ll learn to trust me.”

  I don’t verbally respond, I just nod.

  We’ll see.

  AN HOUR AFTER we started cleaning, his house is fairly spotless. We didn’t speak while we scrubbed the blood from the floors, but he seems a little calmer now. I used his sink to wash the dried up blood from my skin, but I’ll definitely need to do some more scrubbing in the shower when I get home. I’ll also have to burn my clothes, because there’s no salvaging them.

  “Are you gonna be all right?” I ask before I leave.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he answers, his face looking a little pale and his eyes a little red.

  “You sure?”

  He forces out a short laugh. “I’m not gonna off myself or anything. Don’t worry.”

  “Not really what I’m worried about.”

  He faces me, folding his arms across his chest. “I’m not going to say anything to anybody either.”

  After keeping my eyes on him for a while, I slowly nod. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you Monday. Call me if you need to.”

  “Yeah, all right. Thanks, man.”

  After leaving his apartment, even with his reassurances, I don’t feel at ease. I light up a cigarette as soon as I get into the truck and take a long drag. I sit there until I finish the cigarette, and then light up another one as soon as I start driving away.

  When I’m almost halfway to my house, my phone rings, breaking the silence with its loud trill. I pick it up quickly, hating the noise for making my headache worse.

  “Yeah?” I answer with a bite, annoyed with how my whole night has gone.

  “Donovan?” Analeigh’s startled voice replies.

  “Oh. Hey.” I take another drag and rub my temple with my finge
rtips.

  “Hey. I hadn’t heard from you and was wondering if you could still meet up tonight. If not—”

  “Shit. I completely forgot,” I tell her honestly, unaware if that will hurt her feelings or not. “It’s been a bad night, and I’m already almost home.”

  “Oh,” she says softly, the hurt evident in her tone. “Yeah, well, that’s okay. I uh . . . I met up with my friend anyway, so I’m actually close to where you live. Out by the lake.”

  I look at the clock. “It’s late. What’re you doing out there?”

  “Well, not much now. She’s getting ready to head back home, but I thought I’d get in touch with you before deciding where to go.”

  My frustration rises, because maybe under normal circumstances a boyfriend would want to see his girlfriend after a bad day, but it’s not what I want. I need to shower and relax. However, I know that I need to keep up with my normal façade, and if I refuse to see her now, even though she’s in my town—what the fuck?—then she’ll be hurt.

  I let out a sigh. “I can be at the lake in fifteen minutes.”

  “Oh, good!” she squeals. “I’ll see you soon.”

  The next fifteen minutes fly by, but before I pull up next to her car, I grab a black hoodie from the backseat and throw it on over my blood-covered shirt. She hops out with excitement and climbs into my passenger seat as soon as I put it in park.

  “Hey,” she chirps, leaning in to kiss me.

  “Hey,” I reply, forcing a smile to match hers.

  “Wow, you look tired,” she says, rubbing her hand from my shoulder to wrist.

  “Yeah,” I reply with a sigh. “Long night.”

  She frowns. “Your friend okay?”

  “He’ll be fine.”

  Her hand grabs onto mine, and I watch her face as she looks at our now entwined hands. “I won’t keep you long, but I wanted to see you. Since we became official,” she pauses and makes a face. “I know. I hate that term, but whatever. Since we became official, we haven’t spent any time together.”

  “I know,” I reply, gently squeezing her hand. “I didn’t mean to leave you hanging tonight. My friend, though,” I say, running my other hand through my hair. “It was just an unexpected mess. I needed to help him out.”

  She nods. “I understand. It was nice of you to help him.”

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, well.”

  “What did you have to do?” she questions.

  The look I give her should tell her that’s a question she doesn’t want answered, but I answer with a partial lie. “He’s been having family problems,” I say, shrugging one shoulder.

  Her brows furrow in confusion. “Okay?”

  “Look, I don’t want to talk about his personal business. It’s not something for me to share,” I tell her in the nicest tone I can. I don’t want to be mean to her, but I can’t keep being on the receiving end of endless questions.

  Analeigh looks back at our hands, running her fingertip in circles on my palm. “Is this one of those things you said you’d have to keep from me?”

  I place my forefinger and thumb under her chin, lifting it up so she can meet my eyes. “This has nothing to do with us. I wasn’t with another woman. I was with my friend when he needed my help. I can’t and won’t go into detail, but you have to understand this isn’t anything that should affect me and you.”

  A smile stretches across her face and she scoots even closer to me, giving me a kiss. “I can deal with that.”

  I smile back at her. “Good.”

  “So, when are we gonna be able to have some time together?” she asks, her eyebrow going up and her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.

  “We’re together now,” I reply with a smirk.

  “Mmhmm,” she murmurs, running her hands across my chest. “But I mean when are you going to be able to fuck me again?” She runs her tongue across her lips while her hands continue roaming my torso. Before I can answer, she presses her lips against mine.

  I can’t appreciate the kiss, because even though I enjoy the way her tongue dances with mine, and even though I love the sounds of pleasure that come from the back of her throat, her hands are busy rubbing over my abs and trying to push the hoodie up.

  She wants to get underneath the thick material, but right now the clothes underneath are caked in blood. I can’t let her try to escalate this kiss into anything else. My cock has a different idea, but it’s never a good idea to listen to your dick, so I restrain her.

  “Ooh,” she purrs, “This how you want to play?” she questions, getting excited over the fact that I have her wrists in my hands.

  My cock answers, yes. But my brain screams, don’t do it.

  I look out the window to make sure nobody is nearby. Luckily, this little town shuts down pretty early.

  “Lay down,” I tell her. “And hold onto the door handle. Don’t move your hands.”

  “Mmm,” she moans, doing as I say.

  She lays across the bench seat, one foot on the floorboard and the other leg bent against the seatback. The fact that she wore a skirt helps me in this situation, because all I have to do is push the dark blue material up around her waist.

  Maneuvering my body is difficult, but I do the best I can and move the small strip of underwear over, revealing her pussy.

  My tongue slips between my lips and then parts her as I lick the length of her.

  “Oh!” she cries out, lifting her hips off the seat.

  I lick her slowly a few more times before finally letting my mouth devour her. I suck her clit into my mouth, I fuck her with my tongue, and I taste every drop of her arousal. Her body begins twitching, her thigh pushing up against my head as I continue the assault of pleasure.

  One of her hands comes down just briefly, pressing against the back of my head before she remembers what I told her, and takes it back. She whimpers, whispering chants of my name and her god’s.

  I slide two of my fingers inside of her warm cunt while my tongue continues to lick circles over her clit. I torture her with pleasure, and she begs for more.

  “Yes, yes. Fuck yes. Right there. Oh my god, Donovan!” she screams, her body going into convulsions. “You’re so fucking good.”

  I growl, relishing the sounds she’s making while she screams my praises. My cock throbs in my jeans, wanting to be released, but I know I’ll have to handle that later. I crook my fingers while they’re inside and hit her g-spot, never taking my tongue off her pussy.

  “Oh shit. Yes! Yes, Donovan. Yes!” She drags the last word out, her hands moving from the door and grabbing onto seat cushions while she comes all over my fingers.

  “Fuck,” I groan, watching the arousal soak my fingers and drip onto the seat.

  Her chest heaves and she takes in air like she’s been without it this whole time. Her chants of curse words continue, softly, like she’s not even aware she’s doing it.

  When I remove my fingers from her pussy, I quickly adjust my cock into a more comfortable position.

  “Jesus Christ,” she breathes, slowly moving back into a seating position. “You’re too good at that.”

  I chuckle. “Too good? Is there such a thing?”

  “I guess not,” she replies with a laugh. “I’m grateful, but fuck! That was intense.” I laugh, wiping some sweat from my forehead as I turn up the air conditioner.

  “Your turn,” she says with a sparkle in her eye, inching her way towards me.

  “No, that’s all right,” I lie. “This was about you.”

  “I don’t mind repaying the favor,” she continues, placing her hand on my thigh. “I’m sure your cock is as hard as a rock right now.” Her hand moves upwards, like she wants to prove herself right.

  “We can meet up tomorrow,” I say, needing her to stop. I can’t risk taking any of my clothes off in here. I don’t know how much blood has soaked through. I don’t know what she may see. As much as I’d love to fuck her mouth, I can’t right now.

  She pouts. “You sure?”
/>   I place my hand on hers, stopping her movements. “I’m sure,” I say with a smile.

  Analeigh brings my hand to her mouth, kissing my knuckles. “Well, if—” She stops talking and focuses on my hand again. She moves her body slightly, because she was blocking some of the outside light. “Is that . . . blood?” she questions, looking into my eyes with a look of fear.

  I SNATCH MY hand away from hers, keeping my eyes on her startled face. I don’t say anything, leaving her to move her gaze from my hands to my face, waiting for a response.

  “Donovan, that looks like dried blood. Are you hurt?” she asks, trying to grab my hand again.

  “I’m fine,” I tell her, shoving my hands in the pockets of my hoodie.

  “It looks like a lot. It’s stuck around your knuckles and fingernails. What the hell happened?”

  I shake my head once. “Analeigh,” I growl in warning.

  “What? I can’t know about this either? What can you tell me?” she asks in frustration.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Did you get into a fight?”

  “Yes,” I reply on a breath.

  “With who?”

  “With Nick’s dad.”

  “That was the mess you got into?” she questions.

  “Yeah, but I’m not gonna talk about it. Everything’s fine now.”

  “Okay,” she replies hesitantly. I can tell she wants to ask more questions, but she won’t.

  “Well, I’m gonna head home now,” I say. “I will get in touch with you tomorrow, okay?”

  She forces a smile and nods. “Yeah, okay. Thanks for coming out.” Leaning in, she kisses me lightly on the lips before backing away and opening the door.

  “Drive safely,” are my parting words before she closes the door. She just smiles and waves before climbing into her car.

  It doesn’t take me long to get home, and once I’m inside, I strip the clothes from my body and throw them in a pile next to the back door. I spend quite a bit of time in the shower, scrubbing every inch of my body to rid myself of any blood that’s still on me. My skin is raw by the time I’m done, but I finally feel clean.

  Once I have my sweatpants on, I slip on some tennis shoes and grab the bloody clothes from the floor and head outside. Behind my house lies a fire pit. I don’t use it often, but there’s still some wood in there, so I spray lighter fluid in the metal pit and light it up. I watch the bright orange flames dance high above my burning clothes and enjoy the peace that comes with living here in the forest.