“I don’t mean to bring up a sore point,” Livvy said as they walked together.
“Then don’t.”
Livvy scrunched up her face. “Well, I think I’d better.”
“What?”
“I heard Nels is coming to ballet class.”
Jenna could hardly think about him without getting upset. “What for? We don’t need spotters at ballet.”
“He’s not going as a spotter.”
Jenna was confused. “Then what?”
Livvy draped her arm over Jenna’s shoulder. “He’s coming as a student.”
Jenna shook her head. “Oh,” she groaned, “this is just great.”
What’s his problem? she wondered.
Better Than Best
Chapter Twelve
Jenna, Livvy, Heather, and Manda hung out together during most of ballet. “We could have a quick Girls Only meeting,” Manda said, laughing. She wore a hot pink leotard with white stars across the bodice.
“I doubt Natalie would appreciate that,” Heather said, warming up at the barre.
Natalie Johnston, their ballet and dance instructor, also coached beginner through intermediate ice skating. Her home-based studio was on Main Street in Alpine Lake, two houses down from the remodeled Victorian where Livvy, her dad, and her grandmother lived. Natalie was young and petite, with a single honey-blond French braid down the back of her head.
Jenna couldn’t keep her eyes off Manda’s seriously pink leotard. It reminded her of one she’d worn when she was five years old. Eons ago, it seemed. Her mother had allowed her to choose a leotard for a gymnastics event. She’d picked out the hot pink one.
Thinking back, she remembered that Mom had been the one to instill a competitive spirit in her. “Never give up till you’re the best,” Mom had always said. She expected her daughter to give her all to the sport. Everyone who observed young Jenna in action instantly recognized her remarkable talent. So why had she messed up today, of all days?
The ballet students lined up, each putting one leg on the barre next to the wall of mirrors.
Pointing her toes, Jenna stretched, leaning her head and upper body forward. She firmly touched her forehead to her kneecap. In the mirror she caught her reflection. Not smiling as she usually would be during stretching exercises.
“Grin and bear it,” Natalie liked to say.
Forcing a half smile, Jenna continued the exercise. On either side of her, Livvy and Heather gracefully extended their flexible bodies forward. Jenna caught occasional glimpses of her closest friends in the mirror. For the time being, she remained silent, concentrating, focusing. Stretching . . .
Livvy seemed deep in thought. Heather, the more bubbly of the two girls, hummed a tune from West Side Story.
In the far corner of the wide room, the pianist began to play classical music by Haydn. Natalie distributed “the ribbon” to each student.
Jenna was glad about one thing. She loved to create the spiral look, a beautiful, twirly motion in midair. The ribbon was approximately fifteen feet in length, made of satin fabric and attached to a lightweight stick. She held the stick, swiveling the ribbon in rapid figure eights. Other motions were snakes and spirals.
Natalie reminded them that the ribbon must be “in motion at all times.”
Or points can be lost at competition, Jenna remembered.
Standing at the core of their large circle, Natalie demonstrated the rotating motion for all fifteen ballet dancers. Some of them were new to this form of rhyth-mie ballet, with elements from both ballet and artistic gymnastics.
Jenna watched Natalie leap across the floor, twirling the long ribbon beside her.
Swoosh! With a flick of her wrist the long ribbon glimmered like a graceful wand as their instructor walked them through the simple routine.
“This exercise is not a time to show off individual skills. It is excellent practice for working together . . . as a unit,” Natalie said. “Teamwork is important for both ballet and gymnastic performances.”
Excellent practice . . .
Jenna was reluctant to accept the idea of teamwork at the moment. Yet it would be essential to the ballet activity they would be doing. If they were to do it well.
She took her stance, holding the stick of the ribbon securely in her right hand. Her left hand balanced her gracefully.
Jenna regarded her Girls Only friends. Livvy, Heather, and Manda seemed to be enjoying themselves. She also observed her All-Around teammates, who stood together in a row around the circumference of the circle. Cassie’s jaw was tense and determined, while Lara appeared to be more relaxed.
Raising her stick, Jenna waited for the music to begin.
Natalie called out, “One . . . two . . . three . . . and four!”
And they began.
Jenna attempted to match, stay in sync with, the person to both her right and left. She kept her eyes on her own ribbon, but followed Natalie’s instructions and worked at paying attention to the other ballet dancers and their movements.
But in the back of her mind, she couldn’t wait to call home. When could she catch a quick phone conversation—this time with her mom? She decided she’d try again right before supper.
Near the end of the ribbon exercise, she saw Nels. He and several other boys were across the circle from her, at about the nine-o’clock position. When he caught her eye, she was startled. Was that a smile?
On second thought, she didn’t want to look at him again. Not now. She didn’t want to gawk, secretly or not, and end up colliding with the dancers on either side of her.
She was positive he was not smiling at his own success with the rhythmic gymnastic exercise. He had been grinning at her. Why?
Her thoughts flew back to their first encounter. He had been polite. Nice, really. Complimentary, too. And he’d held her whistle between his lips.
What was she thinking? She groaned audibly. Her life was gymnastics. So why was she sneaking looks at Nels?
She continued with the routine until the music slowed to a gentle ritardando. The grand finale came as each dancer slowly lifted the ribbon high into the air, making a fast spiral.
“That was lovely for a first practice,” Natalie said. “Now, let’s try it again. This time, think stage performance.”
Jenna smiled to herself. Natalie liked to refer to show time. Of course, they wouldn’t have the benefit of an audience, but Natalie had a way of getting them psyched to acquire the feel of a live presentation.
That’s when she noticed Nels again. He was smiling at her. What did it mean? Did he truly like her as Lara had said?
They waited again for the musical cue from the pianist. Working through the routine, they paid closer attention to unity and the harmony of their movements than before.
When the activity was finished, Natalie seemed very pleased. “We’ll do this again tomorrow. Same time, same place.”
“A Sunday filled up with ballet and gymnastics will be real different,” she told Livvy on the way back to the dorm.
“For me, too,” said Liv. “I’m always at church on Sundays. So are you.”
“I wonder how things are going at home,” she let slip.
Livvy stopped walking and frowned. “Are you worried about your family?”
“No, nothing like that.” Jenna wouldn’t admit to being a bit homesick, even though that was nothing new for her. She often felt the sinking, half-sad feeling in the pit of her stomach when leaving home for sports events.
“Did you ever get through to your mom?” Livvy said out of the blue.
“Well, no . . .”
“Maybe you should try again.”
“I might.” Jenna was glad for the prodding, because she’d planned to anyway. She just didn’t know how Livvy or the other girls might react if they knew she’d called home. Twice. On top of everything else, she didn’t want to be pegged “Mama’s girl.”
Even though, deep down, she probably still was.
Better Than Best
Jenna dialed the operator and got through to her mom right away. “Hi,” she said, glad to hear the cheerful voice.
“Honey, how is the camp?”
“Oh, you know, we’re busy all the time.”
“That’s what your father pays for.”
They exchanged small talk—what the weather was like in Alpine Lake. Unimportant stuff.
“Are you missing out on an activity by calling?”
“No, I’m ready for supper.”
“Are you eating well?”
She pondered that. “Well, there’s plenty of healthy food here, if that’s what you mean. You’d be proud of me, Mom. I’m mostly doing the vegetarian thing. No pop or candy.”
They talked about her baby brother and what he was doing. “He’s getting into everything,” Mom said.
“I hope he doesn’t grow up too much while I’m gone.” She could hardly wait to see her baby brother again. Her parents, too.
“I miss you, Mom,” she said softly.
“And we miss you, too.”
She wanted to bring up the lie she’d told. Get it out in the open. But each time she tried, Mom got her off track, talking about something else.
Finally she blurted, “I want you and Dad to pray about something.”
“What is it?”
“Something’s bugging me. No, not really something . . . I’m bugging me.”
Mom’s voice took on the soft and familiar quality, and she switched to Korean. “Your dad and I pray for you every morning.”
She felt at ease enough to tell on herself. How she’d purposely led someone astray. “I lied, but the worst part is that I still don’t want to set the record straight.”
“Ask God to help you. Remember, you belong to Him.”
She felt better. Comforted by her mother’s words.
“How is everything else going?” Mom was more pointed now.
“Okay.” Jenna looked around. There were gymnasts filing past her, moving toward the cafeteria. “I’d better get going.”
“You’re in Vail to learn and train,” Mom reminded her.
“You don’t have to worry. I’d rather train than eat.”
“Don’t compete against others,” Mom said out of nowhere, like she knew the problem. “Compete against yourself.”
Why hadn’t Jenna remembered this? “That’s probably the best advice I’ve heard all weekend,” she admitted.
“Well, have a good time.”
“I will, Mom. See you tomorrow.”
They said good-bye and hung up.
Jenna was glad she’d made the phone call. Now, if only she could put into practice everything her mother had said. Starting with letting God help her.
You belong to Him. . . .
Talking to Mom had made a difference.
She knew she had to get past the competitive thing with Nels. Stop letting it consume her with, yes, jealousy. If she did that, then she could offer him a sincere apology. Tell him the truth about her gymnastics strengths. Possibly make friends with him.
She almost laughed. Friends with Nels Ansgar?
The idea seemed ridiculous at best. Impossible was more like it.
Better Than Best
Chapter Fourteen
“How’d it go with your phone call?” Livvy asked at supper before the others gathered at the table.
Jenna couldn’t just announce how cool she thought her mom was. Especially with Livvy missing her mother these days. “I got some good advice,” she replied.
Livvy’s eyebrows rose high above her pretty green eyes. “Like what?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jenna teased. “Seriously, I’ll tell you about it sometime.”
Livvy would only press so far. She wasn’t pushy that way. “Did you lay everything on the line for your mom?”
“Let’s just say we talked about important things.”
“Okay . . . okay, I know when to quit,” Livvy said. Jenna was relieved.
* * *
When Nels and two other guys came and sat at the girls’ table, Jenna kept quiet. Tall and beautiful, Cassie and Lara could do the talking. They were the ones most interested in Nels anyway.
Things were awkward. She desperately wished she could get past her resentful feelings toward Nels. And she wished she didn’t feel so out of it, compared to the other girls.
Looking up and down the table, she realized once again that she was definitely the smallest and shortest girl gymnast there.
“Hey!” Natalie Johnston called, coming over to stand behind them.
“Want to sit with us?” Heather asked, sliding over, causing a pileup on one side of her.
“Sure, why not.” Natalie squeezed in between Heather and Manda. “What’s everybody eating?” she asked.
“Food,” Manda piped up.
“But no meat for me,” Livvy said, showing off her plate of pasta and cooked veggies.
“Everyone having a good time?” Natalie asked, leaning past Heather to look down the table.
“Great!” Nels said, glancing at Jenna.
Several others responded in gleeful cheers. But Lara was the only girl who spoke up. “This is one of the best camps I’ve been to.”
“Really?” Natalie looked surprised. “What makes this camp so special for you?”
Lara’s eyes moved rapidly back and forth. “Well, I guess it just has this feel about it.” Then she grinned at Nels and the other boys.
“What sort of feeling?” Natalie was like that. She wouldn’t let you not finish what you started.
Lara frowned, then looked around the table. “We’re like one big family, I guess.”
“Is it a happy family?” Natalie asked.
Lara nodded. “Sure, why not?”
Jenna, on the other hand, was thinking the opposite. The togetherness thing, the feeling of sisterhood, for her was long gone. She was actually surprised to hear Lara express that she felt like a family up here in the woods.
“What’s everybody else think?” Natalie persisted.
Cassie looked at Jenna. “I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m having a good time.”
“And learning a lot,” Livvy spoke up.
Manda nodded her agreement. “Fun, but hard work. It’s good for us.”
Natalie was looking at Jenna now. “What do you think, Jen?”
She really hated being put on the spot. “It’s a cool place.”
Lara frowned. “Natalie didn’t ask about the place.”
Spiteful feelings sprang up in her. “I heard what Natalie said.”
The table got very quiet.
“Excuse me.” Jenna stood up with her tray. She was sure everyone must be staring at her as she walked away. But she couldn’t help it. The former pip-squeak who’d outgrown all the girls on the team wasn’t going to corner her.
“Work hard at caring . . .”
Coach Kim’s words stuck in her head. Jenna wished she could ignore them, and she tried. But she couldn’t free her thoughts of the truth.
Better Than Best
Chapter Fifteen
Saturday evening, April 8
Dear Diary,
What a long day! I don’t remember when I’ve felt so tired. Thank goodness Livvy’s so understanding. I’m grateful for her friendship and the other Girls Only club members, too. I just wish everyone would stop asking me what’s wrong—all the time!
Sure, I admit I did another dumb thing at supper tonight. But why do I have to get the third degree?
For instance, Lara asked why I hated her so much.
“Hate you?” I said. “Don’t you think that’s a little strong?”
She said she was pretty sure I disliked her. A lot. When I tried to change the subject, she tuned me out. She’s convinced I don’t like her because she’s taller than me. I wasn’t stupid enough to say this, but even if she was the same size as before, I’d be disgusted about her catty ways.
So . . . I’m not the mo
st popular team captain around. Guess Mom nailed it when she said to ask God for help. How long will I wait?
Tomorrow, I’m going on a hike before dawn. I’ll leave and head for the bluffs before anyone else is up. I have to be alone!
“What are you writing?” Cassie asked just as Jenna closed her diary.
“Just stuff.”
“Like what?”
She wasn’t going to reveal that she’d brought along her diary. That she was unloading her wrath onto the pages of an innocent-looking journal book.
Cassie sat on Jenna’s bunk, staring at Jenna’s diary. “Is that what I think it is?”
Jenna remembered how Cassie had called out at her when Jenna took her gymnastic stance. Prior to a routine—seconds before!
Even though Cassie probably meant well with her cheer of encouragement, it always rattled Jenna’s nerves. “You know, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something,” she began.
Cassie wrinkled up her face. “Oh, please spare me this.”
“No, I’m serious.” She pushed her diary under her pillow. “You probably don’t know it, but there’s something you do that really bugs me.”
Cassie pulled the clip out of her long hair. The blond locks came billowing down. She ran her fingers through the thick strands. “I’m thinking I couldn’t care less, but for some strange reason, I’m still listening.”
Before she got cold feet, Jenna said, “Do you have to cheer for me a split second before I perform a routine?”
There, she’d said it. What would Cassie’s response be?
Cassie stood up abruptly. “You know, I’m really sick of you, Jenna Song. Why do you have to pick on everyone?”
With that, she marched out of the room.
“So much for caring,” Jenna muttered.
Pulling her journal out from under the pillow, she added a P.S. to the day’s entry.
I did my best to level with Cassie. Big mistake. She’s carrying a chip on her shoulder. Or maybe she thinks I am.
Girls Only! Page 11