“Someone’s excited.” Courtney chuckles, gesturing toward my mom as we climb into the car.
“You have no idea.” I sigh, closing the door and sliding my seatbelt in place. “I think she’s just happy to see me getting out of the house and doing something normal.”
“Can you blame her?” Courtney throws me a quick sideways glance before pulling out onto the road.
“It’s been a hard year,” I admit, letting out a slow breath.
“I know, which is why I’m so happy that you decided to come to prom with me. Ricky is really excited, too. I think he thought he was going to have to be mine and Dave’s third wheel after Jess broke up with him.”
When Courtney got the bright idea for us to double to prom, she pawned me off on her new boyfriend’s best friend who recently split from his girlfriend. I guess it shouldn’t bother me that I’m second choice considering I have no desire to go with him in the first place.
I should’ve stuck to my guns and not let her talk me into it, insisting that if I was going to go to prom I would just go stag, which is what I would’ve preferred. But per usual, Courtney just has a way of getting people to do what she wants. Though truthfully, I think she knew that either she needed to make it where I couldn’t back out so easily, or I would’ve most definitely done so and probably opted to spend prom night vegging out in my pajamas.
“I couldn’t imagine doing this without you, Tess,” she adds, her voice falling serious. “With Bree gone and everything that’s gone down this past year, we’re all we’ve really got left.”
“It seems weird, doesn’t it?” I ask, my gaze locking on my reflection in the passenger side window. “How much everything has changed.” I finish the sentence before looking back at Courtney.
“It is. But I don’t want to think about that tonight. I just want to focus on being a wild, crazy teenager just one last time while I can still get away with it.”
“Wild and crazy?” I sigh dramatically when she throws me a knowing look. “I knew I should have driven myself.” I chuckle, thankfully starting to feel my nerves settle a little.
Who knows, maybe tonight won’t be so bad after all.
***
“I don’t know why I let you talk me into this,” I grumble as Courtney shoves the car in park and kills the engine outside of Dan Ruby’s, one of the fanciest restaurants in town.
Somewhere in the fifteen-minute drive over my anxiety had slipped back in and only mounted higher and higher the closer we got. Now that we’re here, I’m feeling extremely uneasy and honestly a bit sick to my stomach.
“It’ll be fine. You’ll see.” Court gives me an encouraging smile, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “Besides, it’s not like you’re going with someone you don’t know,” she continues. “You’ve known Ricky since grade school. Plus, he’s really grown into his looks over the last couple years. Hell, if you pass on that I might go in for a taste.”
“You’re dating his best friend, remember?” I laugh, shaking my head at her. I swear Courtney always knows exactly what to say to pull me out of my head.
“Maybe I’ll let Dave watch.” She winks, laughing as she climbs from the car.
I’m still shaking my head as we approach the restaurant, not sure why I’m even surprised by Courtney’s statement. Lord knows she probably meant it about messing around with Ricky and letting Dave watch. I wouldn’t put it past her for a minute.
When she catches sight of the boys standing just inside the restaurant door, she turns to me and winks. “Yep, I would so let him watch.”
Laughter bubbles out of my mouth, but the moment it breaks the surface I find myself suddenly face to face with the last person I expected to see. It instantly dies away, a large knot sticking at the base of my throat blocking anything from coming out at all.
Sebastian.
He’s coming out of the restaurant just as we’re about to go in and stops dead in his tracks the moment his eyes find mine.
I swear to god the very world shifts and suddenly I feel like the ground is moving beneath me, and I can’t seem to figure out how to find my balance.
I don’t know how much time passes. One second, two, maybe much longer. Time, along with everything else, seems to slow down around us, caging us in the moment.
I know it’s him. I know he’s standing right in front of me—those hazel eyes full of unreadable emotion as they hold my gaze—but my mind can’t quite seem to process this fact. I feel like I’ve just entered the twilight zone and nothing around me feels like reality.
He looks exactly as I remember him and yet so different at the same time. His sun-kissed blond hair is lighter on the ends and slightly longer than the last time I saw him. There’s also a thin scruff covering his jaw where he clearly hasn’t shaved for the past couple of days.
His shoulders are broader, arms more muscular. He looks so much older, like he’s grown up overnight. I can’t stop my eyes from taking in every inch of him before looking back up to meet his waiting gaze.
“Oh my god, Sebastian!” I hear Courtney say next to me, jumping into action almost instantly. “What are you doing in town?” she asks, giving him a quick one-armed hug before stepping back.
This pulls his attention to her long enough that I’m able to take a few breaths and steady myself, feeling like I’m going to topple over at any moment.
“My cousin Lacey got married yesterday. I’m just here for the weekend,” he says, shifting two takeout bags to his right hand, making me notice them for the first time. “So prom night huh?” He gestures between the two of us, his eyes only meeting mine for a fraction of a second before finding Courtney again.
“Yeah.” She smiles, catching sight of Dave who signals her from the other side of the large glass door. “Speaking of which, I should probably get inside with my date,” she says, turning toward me. “I’ll give you guys a minute to catch up.”
The next thing I know she’s sauntering away, and I’m left alone with Sebastian.
I keep my eyes focused on the door long after Courtney has disappeared inside, not sure what I should say or do. How is it that a year ago Sebastian was the very air I breathed, and now I feel like there’s no air to be found? My lungs scream for mercy, and only then do I realize that I’ve yet to actually take a breath.
I suck in a deep, controlled inhale, letting it out slowly as I try to gather my thoughts enough to actually speak.
“You look beautiful, Tess.” Sebastian’s words wash over me, and I swear every inch of my skin prickles when I finally meet his gaze again. “I’m sure your date won’t be able to take his eyes off you tonight.”
There’s something there, something in the way he says the words that sends my heart galloping inside my chest and emotion clogging my throat. It’s not long before the guilt sinks in too, though I have no idea why I feel guilty. Sebastian broke up with me. It’s perfectly acceptable for me to go to prom with another boy—so why do I feel like I’m cheating him all of a sudden?
“Thank you.” I fight back the sudden onset of tears I feel rushing to the surface, refusing to let him see how deeply the loss of him still cuts me.
What I wouldn’t give to have him tell me those words as his date, to have him be the one taking me to prom, to know that it’s his arms I would be spending the night dancing in. Knowing that I still want that so badly after everything is disheartening. Here I thought I was finally ready to move on, and now I’m realizing I’m still stuck in the very same place I was the day he broke things off.
“How are you? How’s everything?” he asks, both of us stepping to the far side of the sidewalk to let a large group of people pass by us as they exit the restaurant.
“I’m okay. What about you? How’s LSU?”
“Stressful. College ball is no joke. But it’s good. It’s really good.”
“Well, then I’m happy for you,” I force the words out, wishing like hell I could make them sound more believable.
Don’t get me wrong, I w
ant Sebastian to be happy, I really do. But the thought of him being happy without me feels like a betrayal I just can’t quite stomach at the moment. Because try as I may, happiness is something that is simply out of my reach.
Sadly, I think I’ve accepted that I’ll never be the carefree girl I once was. The one who gave away her heart to a boy like it had always belonged to him anyway. No smile will ever be as genuine as the one Sebastian always brought to my face. No one will ever make my heart beat like he does. No one will ever make me feel the way he makes me feel just by looking at me, which is exactly how I’m feeling right now.
“I should probably let you get inside.” He switches his weight from one foot to the next.
There’s something there—a flash of something dark behind his light eyes—
but before I can make out exactly what it means it’s gone, making me question if I’m just looking for things that aren’t actually there.
Truth is I want to know he’s just as miserable as me. I want to know that right now he feels like he can’t breathe—that walking away from me feels like the most impossible task and he simply can’t do it—because that’s exactly how I feel.
Unfortunately, I get none of that from him, not that I actually expected to.
“Yeah, you probably need to get that…” I gesture to the takeout bags in his hand, realizing I have no idea where he’s heading with it. He could very well be on his way to a girl’s house. The thought is nearly impossible to even entertain. “Wherever it’s going,” I add, heat flushing my cheeks.
He gives me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and then quickly steps past me without another word, and just like the moment I saw him standing in front of me, all the air is sucked from my body and I feel like I’m on the verge of suffocating.
An overwhelming panic starts to creep in and before I know what I’m doing, I spin around.
“Sebastian.”
I don’t even realize I’ve said his name until he’s turning back toward me, his jaw hard and eyes full of so many different emotions it nearly drops me to my knees. I hesitate for only a second, but it’s enough time for Sebastian to shut it down before I can say anything more.
“Bye, Tess.” He gives me a curt nod, not allowing me to finish the thought before he’s walking again.
I don’t know what would have come out of my mouth next had he given me the opportunity to say anything anyway, but it’s like a slap across the face just the same. I stumble back from the force of it.
Disappointment settles over me like a heavy blanket, and I let the weight of it hold me in place instead of going after Sebastian like I want to.
When he left me the first time, he told me it wasn’t forever. He told me that it was just for right now and that one day we would find our way back to each other. With each day that has passed, my doubt over his sincerity has grown, but I refused to chalk it up to something he just said to make saying goodbye easier; because deep down, I’ve been holding onto hope that that wasn’t the case.
Now that hope is crashing down at my feet, and I know I’m seconds away from losing it. I can feel it bubbling in my chest, constricting my throat, burning the back of my eyes. I struggle to suck in a breath, but I can’t fill my lungs enough to get any relief.
It really is over.
I don’t know why it’s taken me until this very moment to finally wrap my head around it. Haven’t I known it all along? Did I really believe that things would work out for us someday?
“Tess.” The first of my tears spill over the moment I hear Courtney’s voice. I turn just in time to enter her arms. “It’s okay,” she reassures me, securing me tightly against her. “You’re okay,” she chants over and over again until I feel the weight slowly start to recede and the fog begins to lift.
I don’t know if it’s one minute or ten before I take a deep breath and pull back to look at my best friend’s face. She smiles sympathetically and uses the pads of her thumbs to wipe away the reminisce of tears from my cheeks.
“I’m okay,” I say, letting out a slow, shaky breath.
I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince her or myself, but it feels good to say it out loud either way—like I’m telling myself that I don’t have a choice. I have to be okay because there is no other option.
“I know. I know you are.” She cups my face.
“He’s taken so much from me already. I won’t let him have this, too,” I say, sniffing. It’s easier to embrace the anger than let myself drown in the sadness.
“That’s my girl.” Courtney smiles. “You wanna head in or do you need a few minutes? I can buy you some time.”
“No. No, I’m good.” I take another deep breath in and blow it out. “How’s my makeup?” I ask, wiping under my eyes.
“You’re probably the only person who can cry crocodile tears and manage not to completely ruin their makeup in the process.” She chuckles. “You look perfect.”
“Thank god for waterproof mascara.” I fan my face, trying to dry my eyes.
“Come on.” Court grins, linking her arm with mine. “Ricky is looking mighty fine tonight. Might just be what you need to forget about what’s his face,” she jokes, leading me into the restaurant.
Given how this night started, I didn’t expect it to be even remotely fun, and for once I couldn’t be happier that I was wrong.
I didn’t realize just how much this would help—allowing myself to just be a normal teenager. And while Sebastian never strayed from my mind, I was able to push him away enough that it didn’t put too bad of a damper on my evening.
I even found myself enjoying Ricky’s company a lot more than I originally thought I would. While we’ve known each other since we were little, we’ve never run in the same circle of friends and therefore haven’t really had a ton of interaction. I was surprised by how funny and quick witted he is, managing to keep a smile on my face for most of the night.
And while there isn’t that spark that exists between Sebastian and me, for the first time I think maybe I could see myself dating someone else. Not Ricky necessarily but just someone. And that thought feels better than I knew it could.
It means that even though I don’t always feel like it, I am making progress. Second by second, minute by minute, day by day, a small part of me is letting go; even if deep down I’m not sure if I actually want to.
When I return to the corner table that Courtney and I—along with our dates and few other friends—claimed for the night, I feel dead on my feet. I don’t ever remember a time when dancing took it out of me quite like it has tonight.
Stretching my legs out under the table I close my eyes for a brief moment, just needing a moment to take it all in. Maybe it’s running into Sebastian earlier, maybe it’s finally deciding that I just need to let go; maybe it’s that tonight I’ve shown the first semblance of doing just that. But whatever it is, I feel absolutely emotionally drained.
“Here you go, Tess.” My eyes pop back open at the sound of Ricky’s voice, and I look up to find him standing next to me, drink extended in my direction.
“Thank you.” I smile, taking the cup from him before watching him claim the seat next to me.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.” He chuckles, relaxing back into the chair as he sips from his cup.
“I think I’m right there with you. How much longer does this thing go on for?” I ask, reaching for my phone in the center of the table and clicking it on to check the time.
When I catch sight of Sebastian’s name on my phone followed by a string of messages; an uneasiness creeps up my back, and I stare at the device like it’s grown legs and is about to start walking.
“I think another hour or so,” Ricky answers, but his voice suddenly sounds so distant I barely even register the words.
Heat washes through me, feeling like someone just poured a bucket of scalding water over my head. It’s several long seconds before I’m able to actually bring myself to open the message chat and the
second I do, once again everything shifts.
Sebastian: I’m sorry about earlier tonight. I’m sorry about a lot of things.
Sebastian: I hope you’re having fun at prom.
Quickly followed by—
Sebastian: Okay, that’s a lie. I hope you’re having the worst time and you haven’t been able to stop thinking about me just like I haven’t stopped thinking about you.
There’s a twenty-minute gap between the last two messages, and when I reach the final one I enter a total and utter state of shock.
Sebastian: I’m outside.
I look up toward the door almost expecting to see him standing there. Of course, he’s not there, but I can’t help but look for him anyway.
He’s outside?
I find my mind questioning if I read the message right, staring down at the device and then looking back at the door like the answer is somehow going to appear in front of me.
I find myself standing without actually meaning to, mumbling something to Ricky about needing to use the restroom before numbly making my way out of the gym and into the hallway.
Every step I take toward the parking lot becomes heavier, my head and heart battling it out with no clear victor in sight. My head tells me to turn around, to turn around right now and not let him do this to me. I was doing good, enjoying myself for the first time in a very long time. My heart, however, has other plans entirely. Because my heart belongs to the one person who’s calling for it, and it’s a call it cannot refuse.
The night air is warm as I step outside but I still shiver, running my hands up and down my bare arms trying to smooth out the sudden goose bumps that have broken out across my flesh.
It takes me no time to locate Sebastian because the second I look up he’s there, leaning against the railing that runs the length on each side of the wide cement walkway.
I blink in rapid succession, my breath coming in short spurts as my chest rises and falls so quickly I wonder if I’m not hyperventilating.
Where the Night Ends Page 22