Finding the Dream (For the Love of Music #1.5)

by Mia Josephs

“Napping on the job? You could get fired for that,” Alyson teased.

  “I know the boss,” Donovan teased back as he folded the notebook closed. “I think I’m okay.”

  “Sierra’s gone then?” she asked.

  “Class and then….” He wasn’t sure what.

  “I thought…” She shifted her weight, looking…uncertain? That wasn’t like Alyson. At all. “I thought maybe we could grab a drink?”

  Go out?

  “I thought we weren’t doing that anymore.”

  “But maybe we should?” she asked.

  Was she asking if he wanted to be “on” again? How long would it last? How would he not second-guess things he did around her? Wonder what she was thinking?

  “I guess I'm confused,” he admitted.

  “I figured you’d be up for it.”

  “Up for what? Are we talking about grabbing a beer or are we talking about something else?” he asked.

  “Whatever that led to.” Alyson shrugged.

  He couldn't deal. She couldn't even say what she wanted from him.

  “You wanted a break. We’re broken.” How was he looking at her and not wanting her anymore?

  She frowned. “Does this have anything to do with your sister?”

  “She’s not my sister.” He sighed.

  “I can tell.” Alyson folded her arms and her brows pulled down.

  This look was recognizable. She wasn’t happy. Did he even have to deal with her not being happy since they were no longer “getting drinks”?

  “What does that mean?”

  “Neither of you looks at the other like you’re siblings, Donovan. She looks at you like…like…”

  “Like what?”

  “Like you’re her childhood crush, which you probably are.” Her head tilted forward.

  “I’m not.” He shook his head.

  “Do you know that for sure?”

  He knew nothing about any woman ever “for sure.”

  “We’re on a break,” were all the words he had.

  “You don’t even want to know why?” she asked. “Why I asked for that from you?”

  Donovan sighed again. “My guess is that if it had been important, you’d have told me when you wanted the break. But that was damaging enough to my ego. I don’t need anything else. It feels like we’re past breaking point, now. Done.” Wasn’t that right?

  Alyson stood at the door to his office for a few more moments before backing away. “Okay, then.”

  Okay then. Why did he feel like those two words were going to come back and haunt him?

  This was going to be awkward as hell until she graduated.

  Dammit.

  At least Sierra would have some kind of a late night snack for him. She was spoiling him fast. Though, it was more than that. He knew her in such a close way, but now… It’s like he was getting to know the older version of Sierra and she was so much the same. The same but…better. Easier. Stronger. More confident. Fun.

  But then that nagging voice of Alyson’s dug in again – She looks at you like you’re her childhood crush.

  That was something he had no idea how to touch. Checking his email for the millionth time that day, he typed out a quick note to Clark telling him that Sierra was helping out in the store. He’d be glad to know she was busy someplace that Donovan could watch over her.

  But what on earth would he say if he knew how Donovan had been watching her? How if she’d been anyone but her, he’d have asked her out?

  Maybe tonight was a bar night. Maybe Chuck was up for getting drinks. Getting a drink with a guy meant going to the bar for a beer. That was simple. That was manageable. And maybe that’s all he could manage tonight. He hit send on the email and stood, finally having a purpose outside of flying under the radar of the two women in his life.

  Seven

  Okay. Sierra shifted her pack higher on her shoulder and kept her eyes up. As much as she liked to think she was a whole new confident version of herself, she still had only stepped in and then stepped out of classes, barely glancing at the people around her.

  This place was new. Felt new. It wasn’t like putting on a brave new face at the community college back home. It felt like stepping onto a different planet. Walking through her favorite neighborhoods was one thing, but on campus… Campus felt too big for her still.

  A girl with reddish hair and bright green eyes returned her smile and Sierra felt her chest loosen as she continued to class. Instead of sitting next to the door, she sat somewhere in the middle and made herself really watch people as they came in.

  The lecture began the same as always until the professor assigned groups. For a project.

  “Midterms are coming up in a few weeks, and this will he half of your midterm exam grade.” His graying brows twitched. “In other words, be nice to your group.”

  The class chuckled and Sierra slumped. She had never done well in group projects because she worked wonky hours. She did half her homework in odd spaces in the middle of the night. She moved her seat as the professor called names and motioned for them to gather in a circle.

  All guys. And her. Upper level business at this school was still mostly male? She scanned the room. Or… Nope. She’d just gotten shafted. But whatever. She’d grown up with Hanson and Donovan. She was fine.

  Her phone vibrated in her pocket over and over, and all she could do while the details of her project were discussed was shift in her seat.

  “Hey, I have an idea,” she piped in. “My brother owns Great Outdoors, and they’re—”

  “I love that store…me too…awesome…can you snag us a discount…?”

  “Since this is a marketing class,” Sierra interrupted. “Maybe we could center it around the store?”

  The “b” named guy across from her piped in. “What, and be like free labor?”

  Sierra shrugged. “I might be able to swing like a hundred bucks of gear for each of you, as long as it’s from our back stock. I’ve been cleaning out the back room and there are a lot of discontinued items, or two year old items, and we were thinking of doing some kind of big sale. Maybe if we put it together, it would help our grade, and we’d all get some kind of kickback?”

  The guys nodded in agreement, smiles breaking across their faces. “Why don’t we meet at the store then? Like Thursday night around closing time?”

  “Thanks…Br…Buh…” Crap.

  “Brandon.” He gave her a crooked smile and let his eyes sit on her for a minute too long.

  Well, that was really inconvenient. Now when her and Lindsey talked, she’d have to tell Lindsey she was right. Why couldn’t he have given her an extra look in a week or two? Like way after Lindsey told her to lift her eyes off the ground?

  Class dismissed and Sierra slid the phone from her pocket.

  Donovan: Chuck wants to meet Hanson’s little sister. He’s obnoxious. Don’t come. 5th Street bar. 8 pm.

  Sierra wrote back immediately. See you there.

  She just had to find a way to sneak in since she was under age. She wasn’t going to ask Donovan for help because there was no way she was going to remind him of their age separation. And just like that, weight lifted from her shoulders. She was going out with Donovan and a friend of his. Finally. Progress.

  Lindsey’s words of “look around you” were gone in the excitement of once again having a chance to shift the way Donovan saw her.

  I need to try a few innocent touches—accidental brushes… anything to shift his thinking there. This is so doable.

  - Sierra

  I’m getting used to living with a very cool, very gorgeous woman. All I have to do is keep my distance, and everything will be fine…

  - Donovan

  Eight

  Donovan had known Sierra would come. She moved across the bar with a smirk and a miniature skirt, and the moment she sat next to him, it hit him. “You’re not old enough to be in here, are you?”

  “I'm in, aren’t I?” She bumped her shoulder to his and he j
umped.

  Idiot.

  Chuck laughed and slapped the table. “Like her brother.”

  Sierra rolled her eyes before her gaze flitted to Chuck. “You know Hanson then?”

  “I’m Chuck.” He held out his hand and they shook over the small table. “And yes, I know your brother. You look much better in a skirt.”

  “Thank you?” Sierra cocked a brow with a flirtatious smile. “And I recognize your name from a few scandalous stories involving girls’ underwear and cow-tipping?”

  Chuck bowed. “That’s me.”

  Where had all Sierra’s confidence come from? Instead of scooting away, Donovan found himself scooting closer. Once he felt the warmth from her, he realized it had not been a good idea.

  “So.” Chuck narrowed his eyes at her, and she rested her elbows on the table, narrowing her eyes directly back at him.

  “So,” she echoed.

  “So how did you get in?” he asked.

  “Through the smoking area out back. The fence comes off the ground in one part, and I shimmied under.” She patted her hips. “Not an easy feat in a mini.”

  “Classic.” Chuck nodded seriously, his buzzed hair detracting somehow from the seriousness of his expression. “I’d imagine that a pretty girl like you had no trouble finding someone to help lift you from the ground.”

  “Not so much, no.”

  “What?” Donovan’s body tensed. “Are you okay?” The words were out so fast he hadn’t thought about what Chuck’s reaction would be until…

  “Breathe, Romeo. The lady is fine.” Chuck tipped back his beer. “But you probably already noticed that.”

  Chuck winked at Donovan and he cursed himself for not being more careful. If Chuck got wind of how Donovan had been reacting to her, neither of them would ever hear the end of it.

  “Your brother would kill me if he knew I invited you to our bar,” Donovan said as he took another drink of his Corona.

  Sierra dropped her hands in her lap. “Yeah. Maybe. But he gets that over-protective vibe from my dad.”

  Yeah… Donovan scooted slightly away from her again. He really, really should have told Chuck ‘no’ when he asked Donovan to invite Sierra.

  The bar grew quiet as the last person stepped down from open mic, and Chuck slapped the table. “You should play tonight, Van. Play something for Sierra.”

  “You’ve managed to squeeze out a song or two every other night so far,” Sierra said, her perfect smile trained on him. She tapped his bicep with her hand. “I’d love to see you play.”

  What was with all the touching?

  No way in hell Chuck wouldn’t read into how friendly she was. He’d totally see things that weren’t there, just like Alyson had. Alyson had because she was a woman and women were jealous (in his experience). And Chuck would see Sierra’s niceness as something bigger because he wanted to stir up trouble.

  “I’ve barely touched a guitar in months. Months.”

  “You can be so damn stubborn.” Chuck shook his head.

  Sierra grasped his arm with two hands, putting her so close. Close enough for him to do something stupid like a rest a hand on her leg, or nudge her shoulder with his, just to see what she felt like. Which was the opposite of his plan to make sure he kept his distance.

  “Please?”

  “Fine.” He stood. “I’ll see if Mike has their spare guitar up there, and if he does, I’ll sign up.”

  Nerves spun through him. He hadn’t been playing. Plicking around while Sierra cooked dinner hardly counted. How would it feel to be in front of an audience again? With any luck he’d hate it and feel better about his decision to put his time and energy into the store.

  The second he stood, Mike’s eyes caught his and Donovan knew he was sunk. Mike bitched incessantly about the people who signed up for open mic night, and would have stopped if it hadn’t brought in a crowd. He was the bar owner, and a nice guy, but Donovan knew his friend was about to betray him in a big way.

  “Next on the list is Donovan Holmes,” Mike said into the microphone. “Just like Sherlock only not as handsome or as smart. But the man can play, and it’s been far too long since he’s graced our tiny stage with his presence.”

  Donovan flipped off his friend as he moved toward the stage on weak legs. “Fuck you very much, Mike,” he said with a smile, as he sat on the stool on the small stage, earning a chuckle from the audience.

  The guitar was placed in his hands. The small bit of laughter grounded him. The shaky nerves disappeared into the floor, and the anticipatory ones primed him to perform. God, he’d missed this.

  Mike leaned in toward Donovan and whispered. “Next is that screechy chick, but she doesn’t know that, so I slid you in. I’m about to take my break, so you’re saving me. Next beer is on the house.”

  “My night is on the house,” Donovan countered with his hand on the mic.

  “Two beers. Final offer.”

  “Four.”

  “Four.” Mike nodded. “That’s it.”

  Donovan gave his friend a salute before thumbing the guitar, checking the tuning. An old Guild with a solid sound, and the one he suspected Mike kept around for him even though it had probably been a year since he’d used it.

  “So, here I am,” he said with a grin and got a few shouts.

  He started a finger-picking pattern, and when the audience began to clap, he realized he was playing an Ed Sheeran song. Now he just hoped he’d remember the whole thing.

  His eyes floated to Sierra, who beamed at him, and Chuck gave him an all-too-knowing look while shaking his head.

  Damn it. Chuck knew something was up between him and Sierra. Donovan knew it, too. He just wasn’t sure how to change it. Or if it should be changed. Maybe he was just… Maybe Sierra was just more forward and it didn’t mean anything.

  Mike brought him a beer and Donovan paused the song, swallowing half the bottle, and earning him a few cheers.

  Something had to get him through this night, and it might be easier to handle through a solid buzz.

  He had four songs on the stage, because Mike always let him play four on open mic, and he vowed to do his own songs after this one. He might need a new beer for each song, because seeing the night through a beer haze felt like his best bet to ward off Chuck’s questions and his own doubts about his career choice.

  “An Ed Sheeran song. So typical.” Chuck rolled his eyes and Sierra scooted her chair closer.

  “Does he still play his own stuff?” she asked. “It’s been a while, but I always liked his songs better than the covers. His guitar cases have dust on them, which is something I never thought I’d see from Van. I put the guitars on the wall, but even now he only plays when I beg, or threaten not to feed him.”

  “He hasn’t mentioned being fed.” Chuck patted his stomach. “He’s probably worried I’ll come and eat all his grub.”

  “Not likely,” Sierra answered. “I always make too much.”

  Donovan hit the falsetto perfectly and Sierra sighed as she watched.

  Chuck gestured with his beer bottle toward Donovan. “Chicks eat that shit up.”

  She opened her mouth to protest, but Donovan’s voice was soft and strong and perfect for the song, and she swooned around him on a regular basis, but this… The singing and playing made her knees weak even though she was sitting.

  “He’s playing?” Alyson took the seat on the other side of Chuck.

  “I think our boy was pressured into it by Sierra.” Chuck winked.

  Our boy? Sierra thought.

  “Oh, wait.” Chuck held his hands up. “You two are on break. Is that right? So, I shouldn’t be saying ‘our boy’?”

  Was he baiting her on purpose?

  Alyson’s mouth twitched, her eyes briefly flicking toward Sierra, making her hold her breath.

  “It seems we’ve pretty much faded out,” she said.

  Sierra stopped her relief from rushing out in a whoosh of breath.

  Chuck laughed a little before t
aking another swig of his beer, and Sierra’s hands felt suddenly empty. They’d faded out? But then Sierra really took in Alyson—sleek short hair, cheekbones worth photographing, and a relaxed coolness that Sierra would never have. Even if they were faded out, Sierra was obviously not Donovan’s type.

  “And you still have to work together?” Chuck asked. “That sucks.”

  Alyson’s perfect mouth twitched into a partial frown.

  Sierra liked Chuck’s willingness to keep everything in the open. Though, looking at Alyson, she could definitely see the downside.

  Donovan’s voice came over the mic. “Okay. Forgive me tonight, but by the looks of my table, and with the fact that I haven’t been up here for a year, I need another beer.”

  Donovan chugged down nearly an entire bottle of Corona, which was accompanied by a few more shouts and some laughter.

  “No one’s allowed to give me any shit for this,” he teased. “It’s been too long since I was on stage.”

  There were a couple more hollers and laughter.

  Sierra stared at her lap. Donovan was feeling awkward with her there. Maybe she shouldn’t have come. But then Donovan’s voice came on again. The sound was distinctly Bobby Long like, but also all Donovan. Once he got to the chorus, a smile filled her face.

  “What am I supposed to do, now that I can’t be with you…”

  She remembered this one. “He wrote this years ago,” Sierra said without thinking.

  Alyson blinked, watching Sierra over her drink.

  “Let’s dance before this table gets even more awkward.” Chuck stood so fast he nearly knocked over his chair. “Sierra?”

  She glanced around the room. “No one’s dancing Chuck.”

  “Well, no.” He nodded, as if to say obviously. “And they won’t be unless you agree to dance with me.”

  He grasped her hand and, before she knew what was happening, her hand was in his and his other hand was on her waist and they were moving in a too-fast awkward sort of rhythm. And though she should have been mortified at the eyes on her, she just laughed instead.

  “I’ll only dance with you if you spin me.”