Paying the Price

by Julia P. Lynde

  I thought about it. Getting out of the cabin would be appreciated. It stood up and followed her from the room.

  We walked down a short passageway. "As you will recall, this door is to the facilities for relieving yourself. Do you need to use them?"

  "Not right now."

  "Can you read Tendarian?"

  "Some. A few words. Your Norinian is very good. If not for your accent, I could forget you were Tendarian."

  She inclined her head. "Thank you." She pointed to the sign on the door and read it to me. "A direct translation is 'Water Closet'."

  The pointed to the door across the hall from the water closet. "This room has access to fresh water and cleaning supplies. You will need to pump the water. Cold water only." She paused. "I will be annoyed if you abuse the fresh water supply or make a mess."

  The collar quivered at me. I wouldn't be allowed to do anything to annoy her.

  Then she continued along the passageway to a door. Once she opened it and stepped through, we were on the main deck of the ship. The Ysura Martani was a brig. It had two heavy masts with square-rigged sails. From where we stood, I could see most of the ship. The poop deck was the roof over the cabin we had just entered. Dareena turned to me. "You may have access to the main deck but will remain off the poop deck unless specifically invited by myself or another ship's officer."

  I looked around. The ship looked quite well run. Everything was shipshape. Nothing was loose that shouldn't be loose, and the sails above us were well trimmed. I received glances from the crew and a few glares, but nothing murderous.

  I realized I might be able to convince the crew to murder me. It might not even be difficult.

  Dareena caught me looking at the crew members and said, "If you cause trouble with the crew, it will annoy me."

  I glared at her. "How much free will are you going to leave me?"

  "When it comes to delivering you to your trial, none. Other than that, as much as I can."

  Then she turned and led the way to the windward railing. I followed. We stood side by side, staring out over the sea. The breeze smelled good.

  I thought about trying to jump over the railing. She couldn't have physically stopped me. The sea wasn't rough, but it was rough enough that finding me would be difficult. I doubted anyone would go into the water after me, and of course I wouldn't cooperate with my own rescue. I might be able to drown before they could fish me back out. A ship this size wouldn't be able to turn around for me that quickly, after all.

  I tried to jump over the railing. I put my hands on the railing and willed myself over it. It wasn't suicide, it was just going for a refreshing swim. I needed a bath, anyway, right?

  Dareena watched me.

  "There is no escape that way," she said. "When I wore the collar, it was keyed to open after three days or if I were able to leave my quarters or if I were able to inflict any amount of self harm. Then mother began offering me incentive to escape the collar. I became very motivated. I wore it the entire three days."

  "Are you pleased to have me completely humiliated?"

  "Would you prefer having remained trussed for the voyage?"

  "I would prefer to be home in bed."

  "Would you prefer continued war between our countries, or peace for our peoples?"

  "You have taken everything from me, including the love of my family. I will die knowing I could not have been more deeply betrayed."

  "What about your victims, who were guilty of nothing but being in the way of your soldiers. What did you offer them?"

  "I did not kill them. I did not order their deaths. I am not the one who tried to hide behind them. I stopped the killing as quickly as I could."

  "And all that will come out at your trial."

  "It won't matter! No matter what happens at the trial, no matter what the verdict may be, you have taken everything from me. Everything. I no longer have a home. I no longer have a family. I no longer have anyone who loves me. You could release me right now and I have nowhere to go. You took everything from me. Without, I might point out, fair trial or any warning. Such honor."

  I turned my back on her.

  We stood at the railing for some time, the motion of the ship lulling me with its hypnotic nature. Eventually I heard her say, "You will sleep in the cabin, not on deck. It is not your fault, but you are somewhat rank. You will clean yourself, change clothes, and wash what you are currently wearing. You will do so immediately upon entering the cabin, and you will do so without waking me. That may be easiest if you do it before I am asleep." She paused. "The collar will punish you if you disobey. You won't like it. I didn't. You have some time."

  And then she walked away. I turned and watched her ascend to the poop deck. I watched as she talked to the officer on the deck. They saw me watching them, and I turned away.

  I hoped my sister realized what she had done to me. I hoped she felt guilt for the rest of her days. I felt the same for each of the betraying ministers, my uncle not the least of them.

  I watched the sea for a while then went back to the poop cabin. I stepped into the room opposite the water closet. I found a small shower and a tub for washing clothes. There was soap and a supply of towels.

  I went to the captain's cabin and retrieved a change of clothes from my chest then went back to the wash room. I stripped out of my clothes and threw them into the tub, adding a modest amount of water and soap. Then I stepped into the shower and pulled the chain. Cold water cascaded over me, and I yelped with the chill. I wet myself as quickly as I could, then stopped the flow of water. I scrubbed with the soap and a wash cloth, then washed my hair. Rinsing off was also a cold operation, and I was thoroughly chilled by the time I was clean.

  I dried off and got dressed in fresh clothing, pulling my boots back on. After that, it didn't take long to wash my old clothes. Rinsing the soap from them took time, and the collar gave me a warning about the amount of water I used.

  I had never washed my own clothes aboard ship before. I wasn't sure if there were a better way.

  There was a clothes line in the captain's cabin. I hung my clothes to dry as well as the towels I had used. I had no idea how long they would take to dry in the moist sea air.

  I took another walk around the ship, testing my limits. The collar prevented me from doing anything sufficiently dangerous I could hurt myself. I eyed the rigging. I wasn't a sailor. I imagined if I climbed the rigging during a blow, I'd fall. I could easily take risks to ensure it. I set one hand on the rigging and the collar warned me.

  I'd been given run of the main deck and the poop cabin, but not the rest of the ship. Apparently the collar decided the rigging wasn't part of my allowed area.

  I looked up at the poop deck and saw Dareena watching me. I imagined she was quite smug, having trapped me so thoroughly. I tried to wish her dead, but the collar tightened it's mental grip. The worse I thought of Dareena, the more beautiful it made her appear to my eyes.

  I turned away and thought about other things.

  I returned to the captain's cabin, removed my boots and outer clothing, climbed into bed, and curled into a ball, crying quietly.

  At some point I fell asleep.

  Testing Limits

  Sometime later I awake to a voice gently saying, "Move over, Meorie."

  I immediately moved to the far side of the small bed, leaving room for Dareena to join me. I faced away from her. This left me against the rear wall of the cabin, immediately below the aft-facing windows. I knew if I sat up, I could look outside and see our wake behind us, my former home some miles away over the horizon.

  "If I am such a beast as to deserve this," I asked her. "How can you stand to share a bed with me?"

  "I have not said you deserve it," she replied. "Only that it is required for peace. If things had been different, we might have been dear friends. If things had been different, it could have been me crossing the border the way you did."

  We were quiet for several minutes. "I have not slept in a day and a
half," she said. "You will do your best to allow me to sleep until morning. I am sorry, but the collar will punish you if you wake me unduly."

  I lied there quietly, thinking murderous thoughts towards my sister and my uncle. I tried to include Dareena in the mix, but every time I did, the collar gave me images of how beautiful she had been under the starlight. I realized if it continued, I would undoubtedly fall in love with her over time. I wondered if the effects were permanent, once the collar was removed.

  I may have dozed. I don't know. The motion of the ship was hypnotic. Eventually I slept for a time.

  * * *

  It was still dark when I woke again. I realized where I was and all the memories began flooding into me. Despair struck again, and I couldn't prevent myself from crying.

  I woke Dareena, and the collar immediately began punishing me. The extra punishment simply deepened my own despair and feeling of helplessness, and I began crying in earnest, more fully waking Dareena, resulting in greater punishment from the collar. When I realized I couldn't stop crying and that the collar was going to continue to punish me, I began to panic as well. This left me hyperventilating while sobbing and shaking the bed, which assuredly woke Dareena further, which the collar punished by increasing the pain.

  I began gasping and twitching from the pain. "Make it stop. Please make it stop!" I begged her.

  The collar decided talking to her was an even greater crime, and the pain became unbearable. I screamed from one of its punishments.

  Which of course the collar punished.

  I tried to flee, thinking if I fled, I wouldn't be keeping her awake, and the collar would stop. Fleeing meant climbing over her.

  "What are you doing?" she asked angrily.

  I screamed from the pain the collar delivered to me.

  In between punishments I managed to flop past her, landing in a ball on the cabin floor. I moaned and jerked as the collar punished me.

  "What is wrong with you?" she asked.

  "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Make it stop! Please!"

  "The collar?"

  The collar was continuing to punish me. Dareena was fully awake, and it was my fault, and it seemed determined to punish me as long as I did anything to keep her awake.

  I screamed again.

  "Woke you. I'm sorry! Please make it stop!"

  "Oh god," she said. "I'm sorry. I don't know how."

  The punishment was incessant now, tendrils of pain wrapping around my entire body and squeezing. I screamed over and over, the pain causing me to spasm and rock around on the floor.

  In between spasms, I started crawling towards the door of the cabin.

  I was out of my mind from the pain. The only thoughts I had were how sorry I was for waking her, and how my only escape from punishment was to get far enough away I wasn't the cause of her continued lost sleep.

  I made it to the door, still screaming, but I couldn't reach the handle.

  Dareena figured out what I was trying to do. She climbed out of bed, wearing nothing but her under things, and opened the door. Then she helped drag me all the way out to the ship's deck.

  She was wide awake, it was all my fault, and the collar continued to punish me.

  Dareena disappeared, I didn't see where, but she returned in a moment with a ship's officer and two crewmen.

  "Drag her as far from my cabin as you can," she ordered. "Be gentle with her, this isn't her fault, and I don't know how to stop it. If it doesn't settle down soon, come get me."

  "No!"

  "If it doesn't stop, I will need to rebind her and remove the collar."

  I screamed again from the pain, twisting and thrashing, my head slamming against the deck.

  I felt hands grasp my limbs. They were firm but not abusive, and I was dragged to the front of the ship, as far from the poop cabin as possible. I continued to thrash and scream the entire time.

  I continued to scream from the pain, screams I knew were waking the entire ship. Screams I knew would keep Dareena awake. The collar continued to punish me.

  "Muffle me!" I yelled to the men. "Anything! Knock me out! Make it stop!"

  They tried to quiet me, but I threw them off in my struggles, continuing to scream.

  Finally the officer stepped up. "Hold her," he told the men. They clasped my arms firmly. The officer knelt down and struck me a solid blow.

  I remembered nothing else.

  * * *

  When I woke, it was full daylight. I was back in the captain's cabin, lying in the bed. My entire body was in agony and I had a killer headache.

  Dareena was sitting in a chair watching me.

  I moaned.

  "I'm so sorry," she said.

  I rolled away from her and curled into a ball, moaning and rocking slightly.

  "I'm sorry," she said again.

  "It's difficult to believe you." I told her. "Let the torture begin."

  "I didn't intend that."

  "So it was just a bonus."

  I felt her reach out and caress my head. I would have shrugged her off, but it felt good. That was probably the collar's doing as well.

  "I didn't know how to make it stop."

  "Maybe you should have gotten better directions with it."

  "Yes, I should have."

  "All you had to do was forgive me. Or countermand the order to let you sleep. Possibly both."

  "How do you know that?"

  "Norinia has had problems with prostitution."

  "Every country has had problems with prostitution."

  "Let me rephrase that then. Norinia has had problems with forced prostitution. These are the collars the prostitutes are forced to wear."

  I rolled over and looked at her. "They make the wearer fall in love with the owner."

  "It's just a slave collar," she said, denying it.

  "Right. That's why your caresses feel so good."

  She snatched her hand away from me.

  Tears came to my eyes. "I hurt."

  "I know. I'm sorry."

  My head was pounding. Her caresses had lessened the effect, but if I accepted them, I would fall in love with her faster, adding to my humiliation.

  "Please kill me."

  She looked away. "No."

  I rolled back into a ball, holding my head in my hands, waves of pain pounding into my head with every heartbeat. I let out another moan.

  Dareena began caressing me again, which took away the pain. Her touch felt so good, and the pounding in my head without it was so bad.

  "Does this help?" she asked.

  "Yes. It will also hasten the process."

  She pulled her hand away, and the pounding returned immediately. I moaned and continued to clutch at my head.

  "Please leave me," I told her. "Your touch is too tempting."

  "I am sorry," she said again, immediately getting up. I heard her flee the cabin.

  I lied in the bed for another two hours, moaning. The pounding wasn't getting better. When Dareena checked on me, I again asked her to kill me or let me kill myself.

  "I vowed to your sister-"

  "I have no sister."

  "I vowed to Queen Linara you would receive a fair trial. If I kill you here, or let you kill yourself, I do not believe we will find peace. You will die in vain. You must stand trial."

  I moaned.

  "Do you want my help?"

  "No!"

  * * *

  I managed to sit up. Doing so didn't help the pounding. I was very unsteady, especially in light of the ship's motion, but I stood and, swerving, made my way to the cabin door. Leaning against one wall of the passageway, I made it to the end of the passage and stepped onto the deck.

  The light sent shards of pain into my head. I pulled an arm over my eyes and leaned in the doorway.

  Slowly I was able to pull my arm from over my eyes. Following the wall of the poop cabin, I turned right and made my way to the railing.

  I leaned over it, resting my chest on the railing and holding my head in my hands
.

  I felt someone approach. Then there was a hand on the back of my neck, and the pain receded. "How are you doing?" Dareena asked.

  "Not well," I said. "Your touch helps." The relief was so overwhelming I was willing to accept it. "You mustn't do it too long. I'll be begging for it soon."

  "I am sorry," she said. "I didn't know any of this."

  "So I am not the only one who acts without all the facts. But in this case, the victim is the Butcher of Kilara, so any downsides are well deserved."

  She pulled her hand away and the pain immediately hit my head again. I staggered under it, then leaned further over the railing and retched. The motion sent more pounding into my head.

  When I was done, she handed me a mug of water. I rinsed my mouth and spit, then rinsed and swallowed. She took the mug back before I could drop it.

  "Please," I said. "I think I should go lie down again."

  "Of course," she said, but she didn't move out of my way.

  "I can't walk straight," I said. "You're in the way."

  She stepped out of my way immediately and I slowly made my way back into the cabin. I made it to the bed and collapsed, moaning.

  I slept eventually.

  * * *

  Dareena was watching me the next time I woke. My eyes opened and I saw her looking at me.

  "How long have you been there?"

  "Only a few minutes. How is your head?"

  It still hurt, but not as badly. "Maybe a little better."

  "I'm worried."

  "Afraid I might die before you can kill me?"

  "Yes." But she smiled a little while she said it.

  "Well, I can hope." I rolled closer to the edge of the bed, then swung my legs out and sat up. I was struck by a horrible case of vertigo. I sat and steadied myself for a minute or so, Deena watching me with a concerned expression.

  "You're a good actress," I told her. "It looks like you actually care."

  "This was my fault."

  "Yes. Tell me, is it legal in Tendaria to torture a prisoner of war?"

  "No."

  "So when is your trial?"

  "It wasn't intentional, Meorie."

  I looked at her pointedly. "Ah, but I intentionally killed the civilians in Kilara, is that the difference?"