Paying the Price

by Julia P. Lynde

  Her lips quivered at that, then she returned to a stern expression. "Did it irk you to polish the boots from the storage locker?"

  "Somewhat. I reject the notion I am your servant in spite of the collar you have made me wear."

  "I didn't make you wear it. You had a choice."

  I stared her down. She looked away first then looked back. "Polishing the boots I was wearing bothered you a lot."

  "Yes."

  "Why?"

  "Because I knew you were sitting in that chair feeling smug while a princess of Norinia knelt at your feet."

  I turned away and looked out the stern windows. The sun was setting. "May I please go watch the sunset?"

  "We'll go together," she said. She led the way to deck. We turned to the west. Somewhere over the horizon, the sun was setting over Norinia. We stood silently at the rail watching the sun disappear below the sea.

  "The order regarding annoying me is rescinded," Dareena said. "You will not voluntarily engage in actions likely to annoy me."

  She had added the word "voluntarily" to the order. I thought about it. It was a marginal improvement. Involuntarily annoying her by, for instance, screaming because the collar was punishing me, wouldn't trigger the order and subsequent punishments. It also eliminated one route for convincing the collar to kill me. I wasn't sure if it was an improvement or not.

  "Thank you," I told her anyway. "I am choosing to believe you are not attempting to silence me." I paused. "Even though my words are annoying."

  "You are correct."

  "You could order me to stop."

  "I could, but I am not going to. I can't understand you if you can not talk freely."

  "Why do you care if you understand me?"

  "How else can I convince you that you were wrong?"

  I didn't respond to that, but came up with a new plan. I wasn't going to spar verbally with her anymore. I would keep my lips buttoned.

  The sun set and the stars came out. She left me standing at the rail. As soon as she was gone I tried to jump over the edge again, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

  I wondered whether the collar would allow me to take risks. I couldn't climb the rigging. I had already tried that. I started testing the limits.

  I turned around and leaned against the railing. Then I began leaning backwards. I was able to. I wasn't actively trying to escape, I was just stretching my back.

  I tried to sit on the railing, but as soon as my feet left the deck, the collar kicked in, and I found myself doubled up in pain, sliding back down to the deck. I waited for the pain to dissipate, then stood back up.

  So I had to keep my feet on the deck. Interesting. The seas were easy to handle, but if I were on deck during even a small blow, I thought perhaps I could get myself swept overboard.

  The thought made me smile.

  Then I moved forward, looking for more trouble.

  I didn't find any more trouble, but I realized that if I were far enough forward, I couldn't see the poop deck. That meant that anyone on the poop deck couldn't see me. I envisioned a storm starting, and Dareena ordering me to the cabin but forgetting to tell me to stay there. I could go to the cabin and immediately turn around, and if I were careful, I could move forward and she was unlikely to see me. If the storm were severe enough, I could eventually find myself swept overboard.

  I looked for any lines that were loose, anything I could accidentally have an accident with, but I didn't find anything. I tried untying a line, but that felt like interfering with the operation of the ship, and I couldn't bring myself to untie it.

  I tried climbing aboard the railing. I couldn't. I tried crawling out onto the bowsprit. I couldn't do that, either.

  Then I thought about the knife in Dareena's cabin. I wondered if I could have an accident with it. I tried to think about where I could carry the knife where if I fell, I was likely to get badly hurt. I wondered if I could wear it inside my tunic and breeches, with the tip against my stomach. If the collar chose to punish me, I wondered if I'd gut myself against it.

  If I did it at night, when Dareena was sleeping, maybe she wouldn't notice until I bled out.

  I decided that one was worth acting on right away. I worked my way slowly aft. Dareena was still on the poop deck. She noticed me coming back aft, but I ignored her.

  I went to the cabin, found the knife, and slipped it inside my clothing. It wasn't comfortable, but I managed to lodge it flat against my stomach, pointing upwards, with the hilt inside the waistband of my breeches. I closed my tunic over it. I bent over slightly and felt the tip begin to poke into my skin below my sternum.

  It might work.

  I relieved myself, washed up, then headed back on deck.

  Dareena caught up with me and said, "What were you doing?"

  "I just visited the facilities," I said. "I didn't realize I needed to ask permission."

  She scowled at me. "You're up to something."

  "You haven't given me much leeway in those regards. But believe me, if I find any, you'll be the second to know."

  Her scowl deepened. "Don't you want peace?"

  "I don't believe that peace obtained through treachery is possible. It also disgusts me that you and my former sister will receive the glory while I am vilified. My only solace is that the people guilty of the treachery know they are guilty."

  I turned my back on her and walked to the railing. She left me alone for an hour but eventually stepped to my side again. "I am going to bed."

  "Have a nice night," I said sweetly.

  She sighed. "I am trying not to make it an order, Meorie."

  "Why am I in your cabin with you?"

  "So that I can keep an eye on you and because spare bunks are not common on the ship. I can't put you with anyone else, so the other choice is to kick the quartermaster out. Putting up with your attitude is a burden I am forced to bear."

  "Take the collar off and you won't need to put up with me at all."

  "I will take the collar off when I have delivered you to the palace." She paused. "I am going to bed."

  I followed her.

  I took off my boots but left the rest of my clothing on. I climbed into the bed and moved to the far side. Dareena turned down the lamp and crawled in after me.

  "Why are you wearing those clothes?"

  "The collar is forcing me to fall in love with you. Skin to skin contact appears to accelerate the process." I paused.

  She rolled to face me.

  "Lie still and don't move," she ordered.

  Then she began stroking me. It immediately felt amazing.

  "Please stop," I told her.

  "But I like doing this," she said.

  "Please stop, Dareena. You know what this is doing."

  She felt so amazing. Oh, I didn't want her to stop.

  "Yes. You like it, don't you."

  "This is beneath you."

  She stopped. I suddenly ached for her touch.

  "You can't have it both ways. Either I have honor or I don't."

  "Making me love the woman doing this to me is almost as cruel as what my sister did. More justice, I presume. Imagine my emotional pain when the woman who I love turns me over for execution. Very creative of you."

  "It doesn't have to be execution."

  "Oh please," I said. "I thought we already agreed this wasn't justice, it was vengeance."

  "No, we agreed that justice does not strike justly. You paying for your crimes is still justice, even when someone else doesn't pay for hers."

  I sighed. I'd let myself be drawn into more verbal sparring. "May I move?"

  "Yes."

  I shifted further away from her until I was against the wall.

  After that I clamped my mouth together.

  "Do you regret your actions?" I didn't answer. "Do you believe what you did was right?" Silence. She said nothing for a while. "What were you like growing up?" I didn't answer her.

  "I see," she said eventually. She stroked me twice before rolling over
to sleep.

  I waited about fifteen minutes, staring into the dark, lying on my side. Then deliberately, I stretched my legs, bumping her and jostling her back awake. I imagined it annoyed her, and the collar began to punish me.

  I kicked backwards, connecting with her, and the collar attacked me with a vengeance. The pain caused me to double over, and I felt the knife pierce my skin. I had managed to hurt myself, and the collar provided more punishment for that, causing me to flail and double further in pain. The knife bit deeper.

  I decided it was enough. I could feel the blood flowing out of me.

  "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I kicked you! Please!"

  She waited a while, and another stab of pain caused me to double up again, and the knife cut me again.

  I had hoped it would slide under my sternum, but it hadn't. Still, I felt the blood flowing.

  "You are forgiven," she said.

  The collar immediately stopped punishing me. I panted for a moment, then was able to lie still. "Thank you," I told her.

  She had no idea what for.

  I felt my blood flowing slowly out of me. I didn't know if it would be enough, but I could hope.

  "You did that deliberately," she said. "Why?"

  I ignored the question.

  "You knew the collar would punish you. Tell me why you did it."

  "I wanted the punishment."

  That was the truth, and I answered her question.

  "Why?"

  She hadn't made it an order. "To counteract the love compulsion."

  She didn't say anything for a moment. "If you make an honest effort to be more pleasant, I will stop trying to accelerate the process."

  "I wonder how you will feel sending a woman who is madly in love with you to her death. Will the thought amuse you or add to the guilt you should already be feeling."

  "I feel no guilt."

  I didn't respond further. She stilled, and I felt myself continuing to bleed. I wasn't at all sure it would be enough, but I continued to hope.

  Men O' War

  I slept.

  And, regrettably, I woke.

  Dareena was screaming at me. "What have you done? You foolish woman, what have you done?"

  It was morning. I was lying on my back, and she had pulled the covers off of me.

  "What have you done?" she yelled again.

  I looked over at her. She was standing at the side of the bed with a look of horror on her face. I licked my lips. "Clearly not enough," I said sadly.

  Then she leaned over and began to unbutton my tunic. I looked down and realized the front of the tunic was blood red, but I wasn't dead.

  I tried pushing her hands away.

  "Lie still!" she ordered.

  She opened the front of the tunic and found the knife. She pulled it out and dropped it behind her, then examined the wounds. They were still oozing, but weren't anywhere near as deep as I had hoped.

  She ran out of the cabin and I heard her yelling in Tendarian. She returned to the cabin and said, "Why?"

  I blinked at her.

  "Answer me!" she screamed.

  "Freedom," I replied. "Dignity."

  She paced around the cabin. After a minute or two, a man carrying a leather case joined us. Dareena pointed at me and talked frantically in Tendarian. He immediately crossed the cabin to me and began to examine my stomach, ignoring my breasts waving in the air for him to look at.

  "This is the ship's healer," Dareena said.

  "I don't need a healer, unless he'd like to bleed me."

  "Stupid woman!" she screamed at me.

  I smiled at her. At least I'd managed to scare her. That was worth something. I wondered how she would punish me.

  The healer cleaned my cuts. That stung horribly, and I hissed from the pain.

  "Good," Dareena said. "I hope it hurts."

  "Bitch."

  For that transgression, the collar immediately began punishing me, and I doubled up in agony. I clamped my mouth shut and refused to beg her to make it stop. The punishment lasted several seconds before it stopped

  Dareena and the healer exchanged more words. Then he laid his hands over the first of the wounds, and his hands began to glow.

  "You could let me die!"

  "You aren't dying," Dareena said.

  Under his magical touch, the wound healed. He healed the second one as well, then cleaned me up. He got up, talked to Dareena for a moment, then left again.

  Dareena stormed around the cabin for a while. She hadn't given me permission to move, so I lied there on my side. I recomposed my thoughts and vowed this time I would really avoid being pulled into a war of words with her.

  Finally she turned to face me. "Don't you want peace?"

  I didn't say a word.

  "You are impossible!" she screamed. "You will answer me!"

  "Yes, I do." There, I answered her.

  "This trial is the key to peace," she said. "I thought you loved your people and would give your life for them. This is your chance."

  She hadn't asked a question, so there was nothing to answer.

  We held a staring contest. I won. Then I realized she was listening to something outside. She said what sounded like a crude word. "Clean up your mess and come on deck." Then she was gone.

  I got off the bed, then turned around and examined the bed covers. There were spots of blood on the sheets, but hardly any. My attempt had been meager, but it had been worth a try.

  I stripped the bed and carried the sheets to the wash room. I set them in the tub to soak then found fresh sheets and made the bed. I dug through my chest and found one more plain tunic. I carried it with me to the wash room, cleaned myself up, then put the new tunic on.

  I washed the sheets first as best I could, then my tunic. The tunic looked like it was permanently stained. I decided I could war it with pride.

  I hung everything up. I hadn't seen Francis, so I couldn't carry anything below to the hot room for drying. I stepped out onto the deck.

  Everyone was in motion. Dareena was issuing orders from the poop, and I realized we had changed course while I was cleaning up. We were pointed west.

  "You!" she said, pointing at me from the poop. "Climb up here."

  I climbed up to the poop deck and looked around. "There," she said.

  I looked where she was pointing and saw two sets of sails on the horizon. I turned to her. "Pirates?"

  "Norinian Men o' War."

  I smiled. "I wonder if they have heard of your truce." I looked at the sails. "Do they see us?"

  "They are pursuing."

  "Are we in trouble?"

  "Yes."

  "I am a princess of Norinia. If you remove this collar, I can accept your surrender."

  "If we can last until dark, we can lose them tonight."

  I looked at the sun. "Ten hours? I am not a naval captain, Captain, but either you are faster than them or you are slower than them. Either way, this isn't going to really last ten hours, is it?"

  I looked at her. "You're too young to be a ship's captain."

  "It was a special mission."

  "Is this your first command?"

  "Yes."

  I studied her closely. She was sweating far more than the warmth of the day suggested she should. "You're terrified."

  She looked back at me. "Getting you to Rendarin could end the war. That's all that matters."

  "You are delusional if you believe that."

  "I have a treaty signed by both queens."

  "I haven't seen it. I still believe at best it was a ruse to convince Linara to betray me to you."

  "Do you believe my personal motivations?" she asked me.

  I studied her. "Actually, yes, I do."

  "I have not lied to you."

  She went back to watching the other ships and calling orders to the men. I watched as they swung through the rigging, making small adjustments to get the most from the sails.

  "May I continue to watch from here?"

  "Do you promi
se to attempt no further foolishness like you did with the knife?"

  "Of course not. Are you going to be petty about it?"

  She looked back to me. "I will make an agreement with you. I will allow you to watch from here until it turns dangerous, after which time you will retreat to the cabin if you agree to something I want."

  "It depends upon what you want."

  "An honest discussion of peace, if we get out of this."

  "Neither of us have any authority on that."

  "I could drop you back off in Norinia. Or you could agree to cooperate freely with your transport to Tendaria. Or we could continue to disagree."

  "All right," I said. "I agree to a good faith discussion whenever you like."

  After that, I stayed on the poop deck, watching. In some ways it was exciting. If they caught us, there would undoubtedly be a battle, unless Dareena surrendered. She could try surrendering with the hopes the other captains would honor the treaty she said she held. I didn't suggest that to her. I wondered if it had occurred to her.

  If there was a battle, there would be chaos. We could be sunk. I could die. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

  And I wondered if her peace was real. It seemed impossible a war of four years old could end so easily.

  By early afternoon, it was clear the other ships were faster. At least one of them was, I wasn't sure about the other one yet. I wondered if there were more below the horizon. I commented on that possibility.

  "It is impossible to know," Dareena said. "Things are dire enough two to one, and they are bigger than we are, but we may be more maneuverable."

  "They probably have more experienced captains, perhaps captains that are accustomed to working together."

  "You think I don't already know that?"

  "If you let me go in a life raft, I could call them off."

  "Or they might sail right past you without seeing you."

  "Make it a life raft with a sail. I can point her west." I smiled.

  "Interesting offer," Dareena said. "I'll keep it in mind."

  The sails didn't exactly get bigger, but over time, it was clear we could see more of each ship as they drew closer, coming above the horizon.

  "They're faster," I said.

  "Yes."

  Throughout all this, Dareena had been giving orders to the crew. There had been small course corrections for reasons I couldn't fathom and frequent small changes to the set of the sails.