White Plume Mountain (greyhawk)

by Paul Kidd

  Flying high above, Escalla wearily rolled her eyes.

  “Oh, brother! Who are you two kidding?”

  “But it’s true!” The minstrel girl pouted, stung to tears bythe nasty-old faerie. She looked imploringly up at the Justicar. “I’m aninnocent girl trapped here by a spell! I’ve been so lonely! I’m human, and I’maching to be yours!”

  The elf fought her way to the fore.

  “I’m aching too! I bet I ache more!”

  “You do not!” The brunette whirled and began arguing with hercompanion. “I was aching this morning!”

  “Well I was aching yesterday!”

  The minstrel maid went into a sulk. “That’s just like you!You never want to share!” She turned and flicked a hand toward the human males.“Oh, just come in the water and take me!”

  Jus felt an ensorcellment rippling across his soul, only to flare out and die against the well-tried power of his magic ring. Sir Olthwaite also seemed magically immune. Bereft of such protection, Polk gave a howl of joy and ran straight toward the women.

  The Justicar spun, punched Polk unconscious with a single massive left to the jaw, and caught the man by the scruff of the neck as he fell. He sat the man up against the wall, then glared down at the two girls in the water.

  “Kelpies. Gods, but Kelpies annoy me.”

  The two water-women made an “Awww!” of disappointment andlooked imploringly up out of the water.

  “We can do drow.” The elfmaid’s form shifted, her silky whiteskin deepening to coal black and her hair shimmering into a silvery white. “Isthis better?”

  “Knock it off!” Hovering high above the water, Escallafrowned “Jus? What are they?”

  “Kelpies-intelligent weeds.” The Justicar dragged Polkupright with one heave of his arm. “They charm males, let them drown, then chewthem up for plant food.”

  The faerie bridled in alarm.

  “But that’s horrid!”

  “We’re sorry.” The two women hung their heads, then cast alittle glance up at the Justicar. “You should probably spank us.”

  “Shut up, or I’ll come back with a bucket of weed poison.”The ranger managed to drag Polk, backpack and all, around the rim of the room. He tested the way ahead with the tip of his sword. “The edges are shallow, themiddle’s deep. Head for the stairs.”

  The two kelpies were left behind as Sir Olthwaite, the Justicar, and Escalla scaled the stairs. Pouting unhappily, the kelpies sniffed as Jus tramped past. “Mammals have no sense of fun!”

  Jus ignored them. Stamping his boots to try to free them of some of their burden of dungeon water, the big man reached the top of the stairs, dropped Polk against the wall, then felt in the teamster’s pockets forthe inevitable flask of liquor. He trickled a little of the alcohol into the man’s open mouth, took a pull on the flask himself, and passed it up to thefaerie.

  Escalla drank, coughed as though she had just swallowed acid, and tossed the drink back down to the Justicar.

  “Ooooh, amphisbanae piss! You don’t get much of thatnowadays.” The girl sounded hoarse. “How is he?”

  Jus shrugged, hardly caring. At his feet, Polk swallowed, stirred, and opened an accusing eye. Mightily offended, the man cradled his jaw and said, “What did you do that for?”

  “They were evil animated water weeds, and they wanted togrind you up for fertilizer.”

  “The fiends!” Polk bridled and shot a regretful glance backdown the stairs. “Even the minstrel girl?”

  “Definitely the minstrel girl.” Jus hauled the little manup to his feet. “You’re all right. Take another drink, and let’s get going.”

  Blinking in amazement, Polk suddenly gazed up at the Justicar and sputtered, “You saved me! You saved my life!”

  “Yup.”

  “You’re a hero!”

  “If you say so.”

  Suddenly Polk felt the weight of his backpack and raised a suspicious brow.

  “You just didn’t want to have to dive into the water toretrieve the magic hammer.”

  “Yup.” The Justicar smiled.

  The little teamster muttered, took a drink from his flask, and cast an eye about the room. Sir Olthwaite stood guard against the upper passage while light still reflected from the kelpie pool below. Feeling victimized, Polk tenderly probed his own jaw.

  “Kelpies, eh? How did you throw off the evil spell?”

  The Justicar held up a hand and removed his gauntlet. A bone ring shone on his finger.

  “Useful trinket. Protection against fear and charm spells.”The man cast a glance up at Escalla. “And Escalla’s safe. It’s not like thekelpies have anything to offer her.”

  Biting her knuckle and casting an eye back down the stairs, Escalla gave a start.

  “What? Oh, yeah! Didn’t do a thing for me! Not even theelfmaid!”

  All eyes now turned toward the paladin. Sir Olthwaite drew himself up proudly, his chiselled face radiating a superior air, and he said, “Vows of chastity armor a man against such feminine wiles.”

  Escalla and Jus both raised a brow. Sneering from atop the ranger’s helm, Cinders snarled at the paladin.

  Burn…

  “Later.” The Justicar looked at the plain wooden door at theside of the steps and then at the huge double-flanged metal portal that sealed off the corridor. He jerked his chin toward the metal doors. “That way.”

  Escalla fluttered curiously in front of the metal doors and frowned.

  “Must be something really important on the other side.”

  “Something that eats fish heads.” Polk sniffed. “Can’t bemuch.”

  “Yeah, you’re right!” The girl let the humans push open theway. “Well, we’ve had vampires, giant flesh monsters, green slime, and talkingkelp. There can’t be much left.” Her wings whirring, the girl made a toast withPolk’s own flask and then flew into the dark. “Here’s to something small!”

  19

  “Ha! A fish head!” Forgetting to remain invisible, Escalladarted back and forth over the floor finding clues. “And another one! We’re onthe right track!”

  It took a nose less sensitive than Cinders’ to sense thetrail ahead. The first huge metallic doors had swung open upon a short passageway that led to a duplicate portal of the first. Fish heads had been dropped here and there, and the tracks of some kind of handcart trailed mud across the floors.

  Escalla fluttered about impatiently as Sir Olthwaite and Jus put their shoulders to the next doors and swung them slowly outward, revealing yet another chamber blocked by metal doors. The fish reek came more strongly as the doors opened wide. An old fish head had clearly fallen free as it was carried over stone flanges in the floor, and the stench was enough to bring water to the eyes.

  Escalla fluttered about the last pair of doors. Halting to the rear, Jus knelt and examined the previous portal, inspecting the perfect fit of the doors against heavy stone flanges built into the corridor. The doors were absurdly easy to open from the south but seemed to be built to stop an assault of some kind from the north.

  “These doors seal perfectly against the stone. The seal iseven lined with leather.” The Justicar touched the well-oiled hinges with hisfingers. “Of all doors in the dungeon, these are the only ones anybody caresfor.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” Escalla had finished her inspection of thelatest set of metal doors. “No runes, no tripwires, no traps. Pooch says there’sno smell of spells. You will observe, the faerie now listens with one graceful ear.” The girl pressed her head against the door and listened carefully. “Clear!See, I’m getting this adventure thing down after all!” Posing in midair, Escallastretched indulgently as the humans opened the way.

  Swinging slowly outward, the heavy metal doors flooded a baleful red light into the corridor. The air swirled stifling hot with steam, and the fish smell hovered thicker than flies. Escalla snorted in disgust and drifted onward down the passageway, looking at walls that now dripped with condensation.

  She emerged into a great, transp
arent tube. The floor was stone, yet the clear, curved walls and ceiling roiled violently with bubbles. Escalla looked nervously about and shrank away from the dripping surface of the tube. The impression of savage heat looming in on every side made the little faerie quail.

  The passage apparently went beneath the waters of a boiling lake. From somewhere far below, the light of the volcano ebbed and pulsed, lighting the lake with all the colors of clotting blood. The faerie stared at it all, then hesitantly approached the ceiling to reach upward with one delicate little finger.

  From behind her, the Justicar called out a warning. The faerie waved him down and softly prodded the hot, transparent surface of the passageway. It stretched slightly away from her touch.

  The walls felt red hot, rubbery, and dangerously thin. Hot as they were, the waters beyond boiled with all the force of a superheated kettle, sending vast bubbles wobbling upward through the baleful glare. Escalla carefully touched a water droplet on the walls, then tasted it with her tongue and made a face.

  “Ewwww! Sulphur! Must be an underground lake that touchesthe lava.” The girl prodded her finger against the ceiling. “Dunno what thisstuff is. It feels kinda flimsy. Let’s see if we can poke a hole right through!”

  “Let’s not.” Jus grabbed the girl by an ankle andhauled her down. “Leave it alone.”

  “Hey!” Escalla snatched her foot back. “No one touches thefaerie!”

  Ignoring her protests, Jus made a careful inspection of the walls, making sure Sir Olthwaite was well in front of him. “Those doors behindus are waterproof-all three sets of them. They’re there to stop boiling waterfrom flooding the dungeon if this tunnel gives out. The outrush of water would automatically slam the doors closed.”

  Everyone stopped and stared at the boiling lake. Even Polk’spen-scratching halted.

  Escalla took a sudden retreat to the rear.

  “So it’s a trap? They slam the doors on us then boil us likecrayfish to kill us all?”

  “No, I don’t think that’s what this place is for.” Jus lookedcarefully down the tunnel. “Everything has been a careful test of one kind oranother, like an obstacle course. If they simply wanted to kill us, they’d justhave filled all the tunnels with poison gas.”

  Escalla blinked. “Really?”

  “Yup. Don’t worry. We won’t get to that stage until we beatall the tests and try to leave.”

  With a patronizing smile, Escalla patted the Justicar upon his head. “Well, that’s very reassuring, Jus! I feel sooo muchbetter now.”

  “Good.” The ranger jerked his chin toward the far end of thetunnel. “Keep going.”

  A fish head here and a fish head there marked the pathway down the boiling tunnel. The passageway stretched into the center of the volcanic lake, slowly opening outward until it formed a vast hemisphere. The chamber echoed to the sound of boiling bubbles in the lake beyond. Even with a ceiling arching ten feet overhead, the transparent cavern had a horrid, claustrophobic feel. One stab into the walls could rip it open like a curtain, bringing the whole lake thundering inward through the hole.

  Garbage all across the chamber reeked in the heat. A wide pile of stinking refuse lay upon the floor. There were festering fish heads, mounds of weed, and broken human bones. The stench of it all made Escalla gag, and even Cinders set up a mournful whine.

  Escalla landed near the garbage, trying to cover her nose and mouth as she pointed at a huge chest just beyond.

  “Dead end, but there’s a treasure chest!” The girl shied awayfrom rotting chunks of dead fish. “So what’s supposed to be down here: hordes ofrats, killer cockroaches? The fish patrol?”

  A sudden flash of movement flickered through the room. Cinders whipped his face to the right, and the Justicar instantly ducked. A vast crab claw blasted out of the pile of decaying trash, almost shearing Jus’ headoff his shoulders. The Justicar’s sword shot upward to deflect the blow, but hehad to duck aside as another claw erupted into the gloom.

  With a ponderous rumble, the entire trash pile lumbered upward. Shedding a rain of fish heads and bones, a gargantuan crab rose from the refuse and lurched toward the intruders with frightening speed. Two huge pincers snapped and clashed. The adventurers stared for one brief instant at the monster that had lain hidden underneath the trash, then they scattered wildly back as the thing lashed at them with its claws.

  The crab towered overhead, arcing its claws wide. The beast had a shell at least thirty feet wide, with claws large enough to shear through a horse. Festooned with garbage and sheathed in its own natural armor, the giant crab gave a bubbling roar then surged forward straight toward Escalla.

  The faerie’s smile simply froze on her face.

  “Mother!”

  A crab claw scythed toward her. Escalla turned invisible, tumbled sideways, and fired a spell. A thick green cloud of vapor wrapped itself about the crab. Unperturbed, the creature surged out of the gas and waded straight toward Sir Olthwaite and the Justicar as the two men backed away with drawn swords. Beating a hasty retreat, Escalla backpedaled through the air.

  “Oooh, that is the second largest crustacean I ever clappedmy eyes on!”

  Staring in terror at the crab, Polk cleared his throat.

  “Wh-what was the largest?”

  “Do you know Farewell Island?”

  “I’ve heard of it.”

  “The bad news is, it’s not an island.” Jerking well away fromthe clashing claws, Escalla bellowed toward the Justicar. “Jus, you’re a ranger!Don’t you have some kind of affinity for wildlife?”

  Both men charged forward, the paladin leaping fully armored over a blow from the crab’s gigantic claw, while Jus simply smashed a pinceraside with a massive blow of his sword The ranger stepped in to hack at the crab’s arm, his blade moving almost too fast to see. His weapon rebounded offthe crab’s hard shell, ringing as though it had just been smashed into an anvil.A claw bashed backward into him, lifting Jus from his feet. He clung to the vast pincers and hammered his blade down at the creatures limb, unable to crack a fracture through its thick shell. Cinders leaked sulphur through his barred teeth and let flames spill out into the air.

  Cinders burn crab!

  “It’s covered in wet weeds!” Jus felt his blade rebound offthe crab’s armor. “Wait till we find a soft spot!”

  Beside him, Sir Olthwaite fought in utter silence, tumbling aside like an acrobat as a claw almost cut him in two. The paladin came up against the walls, made the transparent substance stretch, and sped away as a little spurt of boiling water fountained into the air.

  Fluttering in panic, the invisible faerie hung at the Justicar’s side.

  “Jus, what do we do?”

  “Fight!” The Justicar battered aside a crab claw then choppeddown into the creatures shell. He finally felt the black sword bite, but it was a mere scratch that the titanic creature ignored. “Throw a spell at the damnedthing! And don’t bust the walls!”

  Escalla’s spell repertoire had come down to a singlespell-her web spell-and the crab was certainly too powerful to be slowed by thatfor more than an instant. The faerie panted, backed through the air, and tried to come up with a plan.

  “Jus, have you got any spells left?”

  “A silence spell!” The man smashed a sweeping claw aside.“I’m saving it!”

  “Why?”

  “Because I have to!”

  Slipping on a fish head, Jus went down on one knee. A pincer nearly ripped off his arm but caught instead on the black sword. Cursing the rotten slimy floor, Jus ripped his sword free and stabbed it into the crab, the point punching through the creature’s chitin and driving back the claw.

  Escalla suddenly went stiff with excitement and whirled backward through the air. “Jus, hold the fort! Hold it off!”

  “What?” The Justicar ducked another blow. “How?”

  “Just fight defensively!”

  Narrowly missing having his head sheared off, Jus gave a snarl.

  “Defensively! What in
the name of Nerull’s backside doyou think we’re doing?”

  As the faerie flew away, Jus cursed and returned to the job of killing the crustacean. The crab had switched its attention to Sir Olthwaite, and the paladin ducked and dodged with an inhuman turn of speed. Claws clashed beneath his feet, but the paladin nimbly danced aside.

  Suddenly the crab saw Jus and pivoted its huge body in a lightning-fast turn. Jus swerved into the beast, spun, and threw his whole weight into a vicious blow at the creatures elbow joint. The blade sheared through the monsters flesh and sent a claw bouncing on the ground. The crab whirled and smashed the Justicar aside with its stump, hurling the man to the ground and then stabbing down at him with its other claw. Jus abandoned his blade as both halves of the claw clamped about his waist. He seized hold of the chitin, his muscles bulging as he fought to keep the beast from slicing him in two.

  “Paladin! Hit the joints! Cut the claw!”

  In the corridor leading back to the dungeon, Escalla shotswiftly through the air. She found Polk cowering behind the last set of metal doors, his knees knocking like dice shaking in a cup. The faerie landed on his backpack and began frantically tearing at buckles, straps, and ties.

  “Quick! Where’s my oil flask?”

  “What?” Polk had eyes only for the giant crab. “Flaming oilwon’t hurt that, woman! Have you any idea of that thing’s size?”

  “No, the other oil flask!” Burrowing through the pack,Escalla showered the dungeon floor with useless gear. For some reason, Polk was carrying at least three sets of clean underwear. “Where did you put my godsdamned slime?”

  His eyes going wide, Polk flapped his lower lip like a landed fish.

  “What? You can’t use it! It’s not done!”

  “I’ll use it on you in a moment!” The faerie burrowed downamidst a cornucopia of wax candles, tallow candles, hourglasses, bells, and beads. “Where in the name of Orcus’ sagging gut did you put it?”

  Wrapped inside a blanket and sealed inside a cooking pot lay the oil flask. Escalla grabbed the thing with two hands and hauled it up into the air, flinging wrappings aside as she whirred back into the battle.