Until Today

by Pam Fluttert

  Scott grabs my hand. “Come on, let’s go search by the river.”

  Greg holds up his hand. “Hold on. Let’s organize this and do it properly. We’ll all split up.”

  Greg turns to Dad. “Dave, we’ll go down by the river together.”

  I’m grateful to Greg for getting my father out of here. If anybody can handle his temper right now, it’s him.

  My dad stares at Greg with narrowed eyes. Everybody is quiet, waiting to see what he’ll do. My breath releases when he says, “Fine,” and strides toward the river.

  Greg watches Dad walk away then says to Amy. “Honey, you take Maria with you and go around to the neighbors. Maybe they’ve seen her.”

  Amy nods. She and Mom walk away, arms around each other.

  Greg starts sprinting after my father.

  “What about us?” yells Scott.

  Greg turns. We can hardly see him anymore in the last of the evening light. “You guys grab a flashlight and look around the property. Don’t go too far into the woods.” Greg points toward the trees bordering the back of the yard before turning and disappearing over the riverbank.

  I go into the house for a flashlight. Scott is waiting for me on the patio when I return.

  “Let’s go.” I turn on the light and we follow its beam across the yard.

  “Sorry to drag you into this.” I stare at the beam of light, embarrassed to look at Scott after my dad’s outburst.

  “Not a problem. I wasn’t sure if I’d see you again after…”

  Scott’s voice trails off.

  “Watch that tree root.” I point with the flashlight at a large tree root sticking out of the ground.

  “After the other night?” I ask, completing Scott’s sentence. I stop and point the flashlight up into the trees. Would Sarah climb up and get stuck?

  Scott’s footsteps stop beside me.

  “Well, yeah. It was kind of weird. It was like I did something that freaked you out.”

  I start walking again, still looking up at the branches. Scott shuffles along beside me.

  “Ouch,” I yelp, stubbing my toe on a large stone.

  Scott grabs my elbow so I don’t fall.

  “Thanks, I’m okay. Guess I better keep the light on the ground.”

  “What did happen?”

  I try to distract him and change the subject. “You mean with Sarah tonight?”

  “No, I’ll let you save that one for your dad. I don’t envy you having to deal with him later.”

  I snort in agreement.

  “What happened to you the other night?”

  I point the light at a grouping of evergreens. “Why don’t we look over there? She could be hiding behind one of those.”

  “Fine.”

  He sounds annoyed. I don’t want him to be mad at me. He’s the only friend who will talk to me right now. My stomach tenses at the thought of losing both Scott and Steph.

  “It was nothing,” I finally answer him. “I guess I had a strange dream or something that freaked me out.”

  Scott grunts. “It must’ve been some dream.” When I don’t answer, he grunts again and tells me to forget it.

  I flash back to my dream of Greg turning into a lion.

  I know I need to give Scott some kind of an answer. “Yeah, it was about lions and tigers and bears.” Last night’s dream reaches out its claws, trying to pull me back in, while the darkness of the evening closes in on me.

  No, not again. I can fight this. I’m not going to flip out again. The claws begin to retract. My mind searches for some way to release myself from the grip of those claws.

  “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my,” I chant, starting to skip, desperately trying to chase the dream away. The flashlight’s beam dances around in the dark, like a firefly trying to find its way home.

  “You’re nuts,” Scott says and finally laughs at me skipping around him with the beam of light dancing through the trees.

  The claws are gone, for now.

  “Okay, Dorothy, let’s find your sister and get out of Oz,” Scott says.

  “Perhaps if I tap my heels three times…” I stand on my tiptoes and tap the heels of my white sneakers just as Dad shouts our names.

  The battery of the flashlight dies as we draw closer to the backyard and we hear voices carry through the evening air.

  “Why don’t you go inside with Sarah? I’ll talk to Kat when she gets back.” Greg sounds like he’s trying to calm my dad.

  “No, Greg, I’ll deal with her.” Dad’s tone leaves little to the imagination as to how he plans on dealing with me. Scott pats my arm.

  My mom’s voice chimes in, softer and a little harder to hear from where we are. “Come…David…has a way with Kat and can handle…”

  “I don’t mind, Dave. Go in and see to Sarah. Maria, if you don’t mind, maybe you could go to where you and Amy split up and tell her Sarah is home and safe.”

  Greg is standing alone on the back patio, under the porch light when we emerge from the trees and cross the grass. At this moment, I’d rather deal with him than Dad, especially with Scott beside me.

  “Come on,” he motions with his arm. “We found her. She climbed that old willow tree about a mile down the river.”

  “You mean the one with all the branches hanging over the water on the Miller property?” Scott asks as we step onto the patio with Greg.

  “Yeah, that’s the one.”

  “Wow, that’s deep water. Jared and I used to dive from those branches. She’s lucky she didn’t fall in,” Scott says.

  I shiver, thinking of Sarah disappearing in the dark water of the river without anybody knowing what happened to her. She may be a pain sometimes and act like a selfish brat, but the thought of something like that happening is unbearable. I really messed up.

  All of this happened because I was trying to talk to Sarah about Greg. I can’t believe I softened toward him earlier tonight. I let him reel me in again, like a fish biting at the first worm he dangles in front of me.

  “Do you want me to stick around while you deal with your dad?” Scott’s question draws me out of my thoughts.

  “I’ll be here for Kat. You go on home,” Greg says, not even giving me a chance to answer.

  “Okay, I guess.” Scott sounds as surprised as I am about Greg telling him to leave, but I still stand there saying nothing. “I’ll see you later, Kat.” Scott pauses as if waiting for a response.

  I snap out of my trance when he turns to walk away. “I’ll walk with you.” How else can I avoid being left alone with Greg?

  Scott stops and waits. I take one step, and Greg’s hand grabs the back of my shirt, hidden from Scott’s view.

  “I think we should go inside and get this over with, Kat.” Greg’s other hand sneaks under my shirt and rubs my back. A shudder of disgust runs through me. What was I thinking earlier to believe he was the nice Uncle Greg? Snakes never change.

  Scott waves. “Sure, whatever. Good luck.” He turns and walks away. How could he not see what Greg is doing?

  I open my mouth to yell at him, wanting so badly to make him come back and help me, but nothing comes out. Embarrassment over the thought that Scott might have seen Greg’s hand rubbing my bare back and fingering my bra strap, wins over my need to reach out for help. Scott would blame me. He would think I’m a slut for letting Greg touch me like this. It’s better to let him go.

  “Please don’t,” I plead, my back still facing Greg. Every slide of his hand up and down my back makes me feel more and more dirty.

  His fingers start to fiddle with my bra, trying to undo it.

  “No, I don’t want you to.” I can’t stand the babyish voice that comes from somewhere inside me.

  “Come on, Kitty Kat. You’ve kept me waiting. Di
dn’t I tell you the other day that it’s not over between us?”

  I hate it when he calls me Kitty Kat. He has made me into his pet – one that obeys his every command before being rewarded with love and affection. My cheeks burn and I begin to feel flushed. Sweat gathers on my forehead.

  Greg lets go of my shirt. I move to step away from him but he wraps his arm around my waist, his fingers circling around my stomach, pulling me a little farther from the porch light to the edge of the patio. His grip is like an iron bar, imprisoning me. Tears of anger and frustration gather in my eyes, as the knot inside my stomach tightens.

  I try to push his hand away from my stomach, barely recognizing my own voice pleading with him to stop.

  “Why not, Kat? After everything I’ve done for you, why not?” Greg murmurs in my ear and brushes his fingers across my skin. “I’ve handled your dad and told him I’d talk to you. He’s with Sarah, where he really wants to be. He doesn’t love you as much as her, but I’ll always be here for you, Kat.”

  The feel of his breath as he whispers in my ear sends chills down my spine. My stomach starts to heave and I’m dizzy and nauseated. Please let it be over quickly.

  The porch light blurs as the familiar floating sensation takes over. My gaze remains fixed on the corner of the house as my mind begins to black out. The surrounding sights and sounds fade as reality slides away from the private place I create for myself, where Greg does not exist. A piece of me goes to this private place every time Greg touches me. My private place is without dreams, people, thoughts, or worries – only darkness exists there.

  “Greg, I’ve been looking all over for you. Are you ready?”

  I jump at the sound of Amy’s voice, returning from my black place with a jolt. She appears around the corner of the house and stops, staring at me and Greg.

  I’m still in front of Greg, my back to him. Amy would be able to see Greg’s arm wrapped around me. In the darkness can she see his hand under my shirt with my hand on top of his?

  The trees stop rustling in the breeze, the crickets stop chirping, and the moon looks down on us, as if waiting for the drama to unfold. Amy must be able to hear my pounding heart over the sudden hush of the evening. Her eyes dart back and forth between Greg and me.

  Greg squeezes me, as if giving me a friendly hug. “I was just trying to calm Kat down. She’s upset about earlier.”

  His squeeze tightens, conveying a silent warning for me to play along.

  “Is that so?” Amy looks directly at me.

  “Yeah,” I whisper. Tears of mortification pool in my eyes, and I look away from Amy.

  “Let’s get going.” Greg steps out from behind me. The back of my shirt falls, covering my back.

  Greg puts his hand on my arm in a fatherly gesture. “Like I said, Kat, don’t worry. Sarah is safe and sound, and your dad has calmed down. Everything’s fine.”

  Nodding, I watch him walk away, then glance at Amy. She’s still staring at me, as if she can read my mind and heart.

  Without another word, Amy turns and follows her husband, leaving me to drown in guilt and shame.

  Chapter Ten

  Breakfast the next morning is silent. Mom had to leave early and Sarah gives me an obvious cold shoulder. Dad and I glare across the table every once in awhile, but refuse to say anything after our argument last night. I still smart from being told once again how selfish and ungrateful I have been.

  My whole family is crazy. Nothing makes sense anymore.

  Sarah can do no wrong in Dad’s eyes, yet all she seems to want to do is sit in front of the television and disappear into some fantasy land. Jared, the champion in my Dad’s eyes, is following in good old David Thompson’s footsteps – lining the walls with trophies and attending university to become a lawyer and join the law firm.

  Mom is there whenever Dad needs something, otherwise he doesn’t really say a whole lot to her – at least not when I’m around. He’s too wrapped up in the sports section of the newspaper, or hanging out with Princess Sarah. When he’s not home, he’s wining and dining some new client.

  Where do I fit in? I ask myself this question as I leave the house to walk to the hospital. It’s not the first time I’ve wondered.

  A horn beeps behind me. I wave at Scott while he signals to pull over beside the curb.

  “Hey, everybody settled after last night?” Scott asks through the open window.

  “I guess so. Sarah’s sucking up the extra attention like a sponge.” I roll my eyes.

  Scott chuckles. “Yeah, she’s always been good at that.”

  “No kidding.” I look away for a moment, trying to contain my annoyance with Sarah. “Thanks for your help last night. I guess I kind of panicked.”

  “No problem. What are friends for?”

  I turn and stare at Scott, noticing him in a different way. He has a beautiful smile, with small dimples that curl up with the corners of his mouth. When we were younger, he was embarrassed about his dimples. I had forgotten about them until now. I guess it’s like a work of art. If you stare at it every day, you stop noticing the small details and eventually forget to appreciate the beauty behind it.

  Raising my eyes from his dimples, I know what I’ll see; brown eyes, alive and dancing with light. He’s the only guy I’ve ever met who could not only smile with his lips, but with his eyes as well.

  Scott’s cell phone rings and breaks the spell. I shake my head, trying to focus my thoughts again. Scott watches me with a strange look.

  He picks up his phone. “Hello?” He holds his finger up, motioning for me to wait. “Okay, Steph. I’ll be there in five minutes.” Scott hits the “End” button and throws the phone on the passenger seat beside him, still not looking away from me.

  “I have to pick up Steph. She feels bad she wasn’t around last night.”

  “Yeah, right,” I say under my breath. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

  Scott’s eyebrows lift. “Hey, don’t worry about it,” he says. “It’s between you two. Keep me out of it! You guys will work it out – you always do.”

  “Sure,” I say. We always worked it out when it was just me in the picture. Now Steph has somebody else to occupy her time. She doesn’t need me anymore.

  “I have to go. Steph’s waiting, and she’ll shoot me if I’m late.”

  “Okay, thanks again for last night. See you.”

  Scott pulls away and disappears around the next corner. He really does seem different lately. He’s been blowing hot and cold. Sometimes he seems to be avoiding me, but other times he is the Scott he used to be, only more intense. Sighing, I enter the hospital and walk up to the pediatric ward.

  “Kat, you’re here! Thanks for coming in.” Aunt Sheila grabs my arm and directs me to an empty room.“I need to talk to you.”

  She closes the door behind us. This is serious if she needs privacy to talk to me about my duties for a shift. I sit on the edge of the hospital bed, running my hand over the white sheet. Aunt Sheila paces in front of me.

  “There are some terrible people in this world, Kat. As a doctor, I’ve seen some dreadful things done to children, but sometimes it’s too close to home.”

  Sheila looks away, staring out the window. What could have happened? I’ve never seen her so agitated. Her gaze swings back to me.

  “Why do you kids think we can’t see what’s happening in front of our noses? I spoke with your mom, Kat. I know what’s going on, and I can’t be wrong.”

  I freeze. How could she know? How could she possibly know what Greg has done to me? I feel faint, thinking about Sheila speaking to my mother about Greg. Why wouldn’t Mom stay to talk to me this morning? Why didn’t she hug me and tell me that it’s okay because she still loves me? Why didn’t she promise she would side with me over him any day?

  An image of Greg’s h
ands touching me last night flashes through my head. I worked so hard this morning to block that out and not think about it. The embarrassment of Amy finding Greg with his hands on my skin makes me feel like I’m going to throw up. Anybody seeing that would have a hard time believing that I didn’t want him touching me. Nobody would take my side. Would they?

  “Sheila, I need to explain—”

  “She’s here,” Sheila interrupts me. I’m confused about who Sheila is talking about.

  I sit straight on the bed again and look at Sheila. “Amy’s here?” Amy is the only person I can think about who would confront me with what happened.

  Aunt Sheila looks at me. “Amy? Why would Amy be here? Does she know Taylor?”

  “Taylor? She’s back?” My heart pounds, as I wait for her answer.

  Sheila nods and starts pacing again. “She looks awful. He really did a number on her this time, and they can’t explain this one with a fall.”

  Relief floods through me. She didn’t speak to my mom about Greg. She doesn’t know what’s happening.

  Sheila stops pacing again. “I had to talk to your mom, Kat. Of course, I can’t tell her what has happened, but I had to find out what she thinks of the man. Am I way off base this time? I figured that people would have to see what he’s really like. Your mom works with him every day. She sees him interact with kids at the school, yet she didn’t have one bad thing to say about him. Worst of all, she says the kids love him and he loves them. How could such a brute put on a front like that?”

  You have no idea, Aunt Sheila, how big a front some people can put on. I remain silent, stunned at the anger my usually laid-back Aunt is displaying. I’m shocked that Mom could be so blind. She would never believe me if I told her about Greg.

  “We need to get Taylor to talk, Kat. It’s the only way we can help her. I’ve had the family investigated once, but Taylor wouldn’t talk and her injuries seemed to match their story. I’ll do it again because I’m sure I’m right about this one. I don’t think anything will happen unless she talks.”