by Petrova, Em
Looking around, her lips turn upward. The place looks good. Not great but good, and I can see the pride she has in it. Somehow Sienna has made the little apartment feel like hers already. With the few things she must have bought recently, vases and cushions—girly shit—it feels homey. It’s all beiges and browns at the moment but she said she plans to put some color into it. I don’t recognize much of it from her old house and I can’t help but feel glad. It’s like she’s moving on from Rob, putting him behind her. Selfishly, I want her to move on to me. But I also want her to move on from that asshole too.
“Well, do you want to eat or not?”
My stomach growls and we both laugh. I pat it sympathetically. “Yeah. Any chance of take-out?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
With a groan, she stands and I enjoy the sight of her ass swaying slightly as she disappears into the kitchen.
“Voila!” she says with a grin as she returns to the room with the menus.
My lips tilt and she blinks at me, so cute and confused. She straightens her shoulders and chucks herself next to me. I shouldn’t but I kinda like disconcerting her. It must mean I affect her as much as she affects me, right?
“Well, what are we having?” I ask, leaning in to peer at the menus in her hand.
“Um… Chinese?”
“Sounds good to me.” I snatch the menu from her and tug out my cell. “What are you having?”
“Kung pao chicken and fried rice, please.” She folds her arms in irritation but I know she’s not really angry. Sienna likes to play all independent but she enjoys being taken care of too. It’s just trying to strike the balance I find hard. Most of me wants to wrap her up and do everything for her.
The guy at the end of the phone has to ask me three times what I want before I remember I supposed to be ordering dinner and not eyeing up Sienna.
***
Sienna
I feel his gaze on me as he phones in our order. I try not to gulp but I’m all hot. Once he’s ordered the food, he flashes me a grin and tucks away his cell in his front pocket, drawing my attention to the crotch of his jeans.
Great, now I’m studying the worn lines of the denim again. I’ve been doing that all day. He’s wearing a red T-shirt with some numbers on, like a sports shirt, and it’s molded perfectly to his body. The tribal tattoo on his right arm begs me to trace it up under the sleeve of his shirt. I suck in a breath through my nostrils.
It’s been nice to have him here though. I’ve missed him. That… that kiss shocked me. Scared me. Giving into the chemistry zinging between us hadn’t been a good idea and I didn’t know how to react, but I’m glad to have him back in my life. Three weeks without him was too long. I just hope we can put the kiss behind us and continue our friendship. I don’t have many friends at the moment. Maybe that will change now I’m living in the city, but for now the only person I have is Nick. I’m sure he enjoys my company so I don’t think I’m being too selfish in wanting him around.
I glance around at my living room, looking for a distraction. We’ve done a good job and it already feels like home. It’s not the best place in the world and it could do with some paint and new curtains but I feel like the purple vases and candles I picked out the other day have made it ‘mine.’ I’m secretly kind of proud of them, as if they’re a mark of my new independence. Rob used to control everything. I cleaned the house but he bought everything, made it look exactly how he wanted it. I realize now he even did the same with me. Chose my clothes and got annoyed if I didn’t look how he wanted me too. It was bizarre really. For a man who didn’t want his wife anymore, he really cared how I appeared. But then, to Rob, appearance was everything. The best clothes, the best furnishings. Everything had to be perfect and if it wasn’t... well, he only struck out the once, but his temper was scary enough. His icy cold looks and moody ways were enough to stop me from causing a fuss. It’s weird how sometimes you don’t even recognize how bad things were until you’re out of the situation.
“Oh.” I jump up when my gaze settles on the box in the corner, and I remember what I meant to ask Nick. “I have a box of… of Rob’s stuff. Some old army things. Is there anything you want? I don’t really know what to do with it,” I admit.
He shrugs. “I guess I could take a look. Don’t you want to keep any of it?”
I stroll over to the box that I’d abandoned next to the TV and kneel to peel it open. “I don’t know to be honest. I feel bad. I don’t even have anyone to send the stuff to. I don’t suppose his foster family would want any of it.”
“No,” he agrees. “I don’t suppose so.”
They hadn’t even attended the funeral. The last family he’d been with had been glad to be rid of the ‘trouble maker’, I think.
My heart pangs as I spot our wedding album. I gingerly pull it out and chew my lip as I run my fingers over the lace covering.
Nick leans forward, elbows on his knees. “You going to keep that?”
“I don’t know.” I flip it open and trace one of the black and white photos.
We’re cutting the cake and I look… happy. Was I though? I remember being swept away by him. He was so outrageous, so fun, so charming. I never even questioned it when he asked me to marry him. Rob looks happy too. So what went so wrong?
“Sometimes,” I say, voice catching slightly, “I wonder if I was ever happy. I keep searching for a moment where I was but I think it just went straight downhill after we married.”
He leans forward and takes the album from my unresisting hands. As he studies the pictures, a soft smile comes across his face. “You were stunning that day. I think Rob was pretty excited to be marrying you.”
“You think?” I come to my feet and sit back next to him.
“Yeah. You were the girl everyone wanted. He was stoked to have snagged you.”
“Ah.” Well that explained a lot. Rob always wanted what others lusted after whether it was a car or a job or a… wife. “I guess he lost interest once he caught me.”
Nick flicks his gaze back over the album and closes it gently. “I know he was my best friend, but I can’t defend how he treated you.”
My breath sticks in my throat and I glance around for an escape. How did we get so deep so quick? I don’t want to be talking about this. I just want to put everything to do with Rob behind me and move on. It’s one of Nick’s only flaws really—that he was Rob’s friend. It makes it harder for me to forget.
“What about you anyway?” I ask desperately. “You planning on doing anything like that any time soon.” I nudge him as I motion toward the wedding album. “You’re not getting any younger.”
He chuckles. “Let’s just say I learned my lesson after Liberty.”
I nod sympathetically but really my insides are curling with jealously and anger. Liberty left Nick after he came back with his injury. Never even bothered visiting him in the hospital. I didn’t see her again, but I heard she’d said she wouldn’t date a cripple. Honestly if I ever ran into her, I think I’d want to punch her straight in her perfect mouth. And I am not an aggressive person. How could she leave a man like Nick at a time when he needed her most?
“Yeah, well if she bolted when times got tough, then she definitely wasn’t worth having,” I say.
“Unlike you?”
I snort. “Maybe I should have bolted sooner. I can’t help wonder why I tried so hard when it was obvious our marriage could never be fixed.”
“Hey, don’t be angry with yourself for trying. Most people don’t.” He grips my hand, squeezes and sighs. “If I ever get married, she’ll be nothing like Liberty. She’ll be someone who doesn’t give up at the first sign of trouble.” His blue eyes grow soft. “She’ll look incredible with messy hair and scruffy jeans.” He runs his fingers over mine. “She’ll be selfless, working all hours to look after others.”
Okay is he talking about me? Fuck, I can barely breathe as that gaze bores into me. And I can’t even glance away.
“She’l
l be an amazing mother.”
God, does he do it on purpose? He sure knows how to hit my weak spots. I sway slightly forward as if he’s sucking me in with his words.
The buzzer sounds and I jump up. I practically race to the door to let in the delivery guy, my pulse throbbing. Thank God for the interruption. Who knows what might have happened otherwise?
Chapter Three
Sienna
Arms clutching my sides, I step out of the hospital and squint in the dusky light of the morning. I scrape a hand through my messy ponytail and smother a yawn.
Tonight has been one of the hardest nights I’ve had in a long time. We had one guy crash on us and it was a mess. Normally working at the stroke center, things are relatively quiet. We’re still busy—really busy—but you don’t have the drama that most people expect in hospitals. A lot of the patients end up staying with us for months as they recuperate or sadly deteriorate, and most are elderly. Though we had a young guy in recently. Early twenties. It was heartbreaking. Drug abuse apparently. And you just know his life will never be the same again. He could barely talk, barely move.
Drugs and alcohol. I shake my head as I follow the path around the side of the hospital to the staff parking lot. I don’t even know if Rob did drugs—it seems likely, but the soldiers were randomly drug tested so maybe he was smart enough not to risk it. But I understand well the cost of alcohol. It was when he was at his worse.
I pause at the edge of the building and rummage through my handbag for my car keys. I seem to have everything but my keys in there. Scowling, I step under the street lamp for a better view.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a figure emerge from the shadows. It’s only seven a.m. so it’s still gloomy I lift my head and my pulse immediately skips. The guy is looking straight at me as he walks casually over. I swing my gaze around but it makes no difference. We’re alone. Trying to conceal my apprehension, I draw my shoulders back.
He’s a skinhead, tough looking. The kind of man that says ‘trouble’ as soon as you look at him. Even though it’s early morning, it’s not cold so he wears a T-shirt. Tattoos cover his arms. And not nice ones. These aren’t artistic and beautiful. These are a collection of pieces gathered over time and most speak of a youth misspent. Half of them appear scrawled on.
“Mrs. Wright?”
Well if I wasn’t scared enough before, I am now. How does he know my last name?
“C-can I help you?”
He comes close and the street lamp brings out the stark dips in his cheeks. He looks like he could do with a good meal, but I guess that he probably chooses drugs over food.
“Yeah, you can.” Though he grins, I see the malicious intent behind his expression.
Before I can turn away, he snatches my arm, fingers pinching painfully into my flesh. I let out a squeal and tug, but he holds me firm. My mind races. There’s security cams around the hospital but it’s pretty dark. I doubt they’ll see much. And I’m all alone. This will teach me for parking in the rear lot.
“Take me to your car,” he hisses.
I scowl. Is he trying to steal it? Why does he need me to take him to it? I swallow and make a split decision. Kicking back, I strike him on the inside of his thigh. I was hoping to hit him in the balls but it startles him enough so that his grip loosens.
I yank away and start running. My car is closer than the hospital entrance but I still don’t have my keys. I delve my hand into my bag as I run, hearing footsteps gain on me. As I glance up, I’m aware of a figure in front of me and I scream but it’s too late. I barrel into a solid chest and arms wrap about me.
“Sienna?”
The air whooshes from my lungs and I sag with a half-whimper, half-sob. My hands tremble as I motion behind me and try and say something coherent.
“A man… following me… grabbed me…”
Nick shoves me back, holding my arms and peers around me. I don’t know if the guy is still there but it doesn’t matter. Nick is here.
He darts his gaze over me, then snatches my bag. Instantly he finds my keys and unlocks the car. “Get in,” he orders, “and lock the door.”
Still trembling, I nod and climb in, wrapping my arms about myself. I lock the doors and watch Nick’s back as he walks confidently across the parking lot. I squint out the windows but I see no sign of Skinhead. The thought that maybe he was waiting for Nick to leave strikes me and I flick my gaze from side to side, just waiting for him to jump out on me.
My teeth chatter as I wait. I pray for Nick to return. When Skinhead doesn’t show up, I begin to wonder if he did something to Nick. What if he’s hurt him? What do I do? Do I stay in the car forever or get out and look for him? What if he’s bleeding to death?
“Oh, thank God.” I sag against my seat as Nick emerges from round the corner, the golden glow of the streetlight briefly revealing his intimidating expression. I can only assume Skinhead took off. I would if I was up against that.
He opens the driver’s side. “Scoot over.”
I do as I’m told, the fear having sapped any inclination to argue. I’m just glad he’s here.
“I didn’t find anyone,” he tells me. “But I let the front desk know someone was lurking around. They’re going to have security do a patrol.” He looks at me and scowls. “Fuck, you’re shaking.”
Nodding, I make some weird noise of agreement and he pulls me into his arms. The car seats and everything get in the way and dig into my ribs but I don’t care. The warmth of his chest against my cheek instantly slows my heartbeat. I have to force myself not to bury my nose in his T-shirt.
After several moments, my trembling ceases and he retreats, concern stamped on his face. He keeps his hands on my shoulders, and they are so strong and secure. I shouldn’t like it but I do. It’s that sense of being protected again. I hate being so weak. Because that’s what it means right? You like being protected because you’re weak.
“What happened?”
“T-this guy, tall, skinhead, approached me. He knew my last name—well my married name— and he said he wanted to see my car, and he snatched my arm. I kicked him and then ran away… into you.”
Admiration seeps into his expression. “You kicked him?”
I shrug. “I meant to kick him in the balls but I missed.”
Nick releases a sharp laugh and I feel my lips twitch.
“Remind me never to sneak up on you,” he says, then takes a moment to study me. “You want me to drive you home?”
I pull my hands out from where they’re tucked into my sides and watch them. They still shake a little so I nod. “Yeah, please.”
He reaches over to strap me in. Why does he do that? It always wraps me in his scent and the proximity of him drives me crazy. But I still love it when he does.
“What are you doing here anyway?” I ask as he straps himself in and starts the car.
“Thought I’d take you out for breakfast before I started work.”
“How did you know I was working?”
“You said you were doing nights last week and I saw something on Facebook.”
I try to laugh but I’m not feeling easily amused. “You’re stalking me on Facebook now?”
And now the words are out, they don’t seem funny at all after what happened. Did Skinhead just want to take the car? I can’t help imagining he wanted something more. Like to kidnap me or something. If Skinhead had wanted my car, surely it would have been easier to break into it? Had he been waiting for me all night? Or was he just an opportunist? The thought of him hanging around, watching, makes me cold all over again.
“Hey, I just happened to see your friend’s comment and I wanted to see how you were doing with the apartment. You know, if you don’t want people knowing your business you shouldn’t be putting it on Facebook.”
Nick sounds slightly pissed off and I dart a surprised look at him. It’s not like him to get annoyed with me, though I guess I can’t blame him. He comes to treat me to breakfast and winds up chasing awa
y an attacker. And then I get snippy with him.
“Sorry. I’m glad you’re here. And… and I’d love to get some breakfast. Just not today, if you don’t mind. Another morning?” I try tentatively.
His expression relaxes back into the Nick I know. “Sure. Later on this week?”
“Sounds good.” I settle against the car seat and gaze out the window as he navigates the still quiet streets toward my apartment. I don’t know why I agreed to that but I do want to try to stay friends with Nick. I hardly know anyone in Glenwood apart from my work colleagues and most of them live on the outskirts or within commuting distance. I’ve barely spoken to Jess since the funeral. Nick is all I have.
But that scares me too. I can’t rely on one person, especially Nick. What happens when he’s fit enough to go away again? It would be almost as bad as being married to a soldier. And this time, I’d actually miss him. Not to mention the issue of wanting to jump on him and kiss him, and maybe strip off his clothes every time I see him. That hardly bodes well for our friendship.
He’s like an addiction, I think. A weakness in me. I don’t want him but I need him.
When he pulls the car up in front of the apartment building, I’m exhausted. All the adrenaline has left me and I can barely keep from yawning every two seconds.
“Come on, sleepy head.” He pops my seatbelt and climbs out. I push open the door but he’s there already, yanking it open for me.
I climb the stairs wearily to the front door and Nick shadows my steps, acting a little like a human shield. I don’t know if he even believes I was attacked, but he seems to be taking protecting me pretty seriously. I’m beginning to think it was just a one off. I happened to run into a psycho. Typical.
Jabbing the entry pad, I push it open and Nick follows me up.
“You don’t have to escort me all the way home, you know,” I mumble.
“Sienna, I’m not leaving you until you’re safely home. Just accept it and shut up.”
He says this softly so it doesn’t sting but I do feel ungrateful. My fingers are numb, maybe from shock, so I fumble to open the front door.