by Petrova, Em
I sigh. “Yeah, I know. Truth is, I had no idea all this was going down. I knew he was messed up but to go down this path… Geez.”
“You know Rob. You couldn’t have talked him out of it.”
“Yeah I know Rob.” Rubbing my hand across the back of my neck, I correct myself, “Knew Rob. Just do me a favor and ask around. I’m stuck on what to do about this right now, but the more I know, the better I’ll feel about all this.”
“No worries, man. Just keep your head low, okay?”
“Will do.” I hear the rustle of sheets and straighten. If Sienna’s waking, I want to be by her side. “I’ve gotta go. Cheers, man.”
“See ya.”
I jab the end call button and leave my phone on the couch arm. When I stroll into Sienna’s room, she’s stirring and she rolls onto her back and her gaze connects with mine. I’m edgy, my pulse beating erratically. I’m not sure what to do. Unspent adrenaline reels through me. With everything I’ve learned and everything she’s been through, I’m all geared up for a fight.
The slightest flash of fright flares in her eyes, taking the wind out of me. Fuck. She’s been scared to death and I’m looking like I’m ready to tear down the apartment. Slowly, softly, I approach.
“You okay, babe?”
“I don’t know,” she admits quietly.
I climb on the bed and glance into her eyes. God, I want to make it all okay. I’m just not sure how to. I get a little lost when it comes to Sienna sometimes. I want to feel cocky and confident again. I want to figure out exactly where to push and when to hold back. Is this a moment to push or to wait?
But there’s something in her gaze that makes the decision for me. The fear is gone and her eyes are smoky. Maybe she’s suffering from a delayed adrenaline rush too but I’m not going to question it. I’m going to push and push until I’m all the way in her heart. I’d grin if I wasn’t so scared for her. Poor girl doesn’t stand a chance.
***
Sienna
The little skip, skip of my heart is slightly sickening. How can I go from scared to… to so needy in less than ten seconds? The sight of Nick on my bed seems to short circuit my brain. I’m pretty sure I can feel explosions going on behind my eyes. Memories of being pressed against him, of him inside me, combust in my mind.
One arm comes around my waist and draws me close in understanding. I wish he couldn’t read me so well sometimes. The fear of earlier has been replaced with something much more urgent and frightening. His thumb rubs roughly across my cheek as he coaxes my face up and away from his chest. His eyes are sincere and guilt jabs me for even imagining he might hurt me. My chest tightens as his callused thumb continues to smooth across my face. I want it. I can’t help it. I need him to kiss me. My lips tingle in anticipation and I hold my breath.
I don’t know if it’s adrenaline that numbs my common sense when it comes to Nick or what, but the pain in my neck has all but gone. The hammering of my heart is replaced with a steady throb of desire. His gaze drops to my lips and I wait for him to close the distance between us but I suspect he’s waiting for my permission.
I tighten my grip on the back of his neck, fearful he might pull away, and I bring my lips to his. We hover there, exchange breaths and heat for a moment, and when we finally connect, its slow and acute. I’m aware of every tiny touch of his lips on mine. Before I can deepen it, he pulls back and drops his hand to my wine-soaked top. His smile tilts.
“We need to get you out of that top.”
I inhale sharply. I couldn’t care less about my top but I do care about feeling Nick’s hands on me. It must be the adrenaline, I decide, but for the moment, I don’t give a shit. I shift downward and lie back as his fingers toy with the hemline of my top. He inches it up slowly, agonizingly slowly, before positioning himself next to me. His length aligns with mine as he props himself up on one elbow to watch the revealing of my flesh.
He pulls my top over my flat stomach and dips his head down to my belly. I squirm as his mouth skims my belly button then lower to the waistline of my jeans. Then he comes back up and kisses my ribs as he urges my top over my bra and helps me remove it the rest of the way. Nick brings his mouth back down, taking the time to kiss my collar bone and cleavage before coaxing a nipple out of my bra. It’s so slow and sensual, yet earthy and raw. I love watching him— this rough, tough soldier being so gentle and careful, treating me as if I’m made of glass. There’s something basic about the sensations between us as if we need no tricks, no toys. Just us and naked skin. But there’s no desperation like before. Nick is going to take his time with me and he’s guaranteed to blow my mind.
I gasp as he takes my nipple in his mouth, the damp warmth is insanely arousing and my nipples harden further to an almost painful point. I stroke a hand through his hair, taking pleasure in the way it sticks up and looks all mussed. I love him like this. All messy and hot for me.
“You taste delicious. Fruity and delicious,” he tells me as he raises his head briefly.
Using his tongue, he swirls it around my nipple, between my breasts and then returns to probe my mouth. I kiss him back eagerly but match his leisurely pace, determined to savor the flavor of him. Even if this is a mistake, I’m going to enjoy every minute of it. And with the way he kisses me, I don’t see how it ever could be.
“Oh God, touch me, Nick,” I beg as his fingers skim my hips and dip beneath my jeans.
He grips one hip and slides his leg between mine. The heat of his thigh traverses the fabric and I unthinkingly rub against it, sparks of pleasure alighting in my juncture.
I manage to slip a hand between us and cup his arousal through his jeans. He’s hot and heavy and I ache for him. I ache more than ever before. Instead of sating my need for him, our previous time together seems to have increased it. Now I know what it’s like, my body craves him all the more.
He hisses and draws back to unsnap my jeans. I go to touch him again but he stops me. “Don’t do that, babe. You drive me crazy when you touch me and I want to take my time. Last time was too quick. I didn’t have time to appreciate you.”
He draws my jeans and panties down in one swift movement, leaving me bare from the waist down. Air swirls about my heated sex and I fight the urge to cover myself as his gaze traces my body. I concentrate on stroking a hand up and down one muscled arm, tracing the pattern of his tattoo until he finally unclips my bra at the front and spreads it apart. Nick’s eyes light up and I swallow.
This was what I always wanted. What any woman wants, probably. To be looked at like this. As if you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
He takes his time slipping the straps off my shoulders and removing my bra as I stroke my foot along the back of his leg, gently urging him on. His gaze keeps dropping to my breasts, my thighs, my pussy and I know he doesn’t see my flaws. He only sees me as a sexy, sensual woman. It’s empowering and frightening. How do you live up to something like that?
Now I’m totally naked, he flattens himself against me. His body is hard and warm through his jeans and T-shirt and though I ache to feel his smooth skin, it’s a pretty erotic sensation being naked and vulnerable in his arms.
He buries his head in the crook of my neck and I hook both legs around him and rock up so my delicate flesh rubs against the unforgiving fabric of his fly. I throb with need and I’m not sure I can stand whatever it is he plans to do to me.
Kissing his way along my jaw, when he finds my mouth again I’m ready and willing and I kiss him with an open mouth, tangling my tongue with his. I explore his mouth as he does the same to me.
Rough fingers stroke my neck, my shoulder and then down my arm. He clasps my hip again and skims down to caress my thigh. I grip his top as my breathing grows ragged with his kisses. My skin is hot and clammy and I need him so badly. I continue to rock, trying to draw as much pleasure from him as possible but it’s never going to bring me the ultimate satisfaction.
“Nick, I need you. Inside me. Please.”
&
nbsp; He chuckles and continues to knead my thigh. I tug impatiently at his T-shirt and he eases back, weight on his knees so he can draw it over his head. I observe and lick my lips as he unbuckles his jeans and pulls them off. The outline of him is clearly visible against the white fabric of his briefs and I sit up to hold him. He presses a breath through his teeth when I stroke him and we both end up on our knees in front of each other.
“Stop,” he groans but I continue to rub him through the cotton. I need him as sex-crazed as I am.
In spite of his protest, he continues to kiss across my face and neck, his hands wrapped around my shoulders as he pitches into my hand. I press harder, feeling the pulse of him in response.
Abruptly, he tears away and stands to shuck off his briefs. He’s barefoot already which makes me grin. There’s something about his bare feet that I find so sexy. He’s far back enough away from the bed that I can admire all of him. From his strong feet to his lean hips, to that ‘v’ in between them. I’m surprised I’m still on my knees as I’m a little light headed. He takes a moment and just stands there, letting me admire him. When I finally bring my gaze up to his, I know he’s been enjoying my admiration. I see a certain smugness in his expression. And who can blame him? His body is divine.
As he makes his way back to the bed and snatches a condom out the drawer, I briefly spot the scarring on his calf where the shrapnel tore through him. I look away quickly, unwilling to dampen his feeling of male superiority. He’s still so beautiful but it’s hard to remember he’s a mortal. Nick Jackson is one amazing guy. I just thank God it didn’t do any greater damage.
Before I can think any more on the fact he’s a soldier and I swore never to get involved with one again, he’s on me and pressing me against the bed. I grip his ass and urge him into the cradle of my thighs. We started slow but I’m not sure I can wait much longer. He edges forward, weight supported on one hand as the other presses under my ass and cradles it. Nick’s gaze locks onto mine and he sinks into me, inching in. I draw in a long breath as he invades me, slowly, carefully, beautifully. My heart feels like it’s going to explode out of my chest as we’re enveloped in a world of our own. Everything is hazy, even almost the feeling of our bodies melding, apart from his face and the intense expression. When we’re fully joined, Nick waits a moment. Already my body responds.
“Nick,” I whisper, the awe slipping into my tone.
It is primitive, whatever it is between us. So simple that I can’t deny it. The connection is strong and age old. The kind of thing that comes once in a lifetime, maybe even less often.
When he starts to move, I arch into him and tighten my legs around him. We move in sync, in an easy flowing motion. Already we’re like old lovers but the excitement is zinging through me, making my skin tingle and my body throb.
“Nick,” I whisper again.
“I know, babe,” he tells me as he puts his weight onto me.
His hard chest is like a warm, sensual blanket to my needy body. I relish the feel of him. So much power, held back just enough to let me sense it but not be overwhelmed by it. He touches me like I’m special, with so much gentleness that my heart threatens to break. It aches so much as Nick comes down to kiss my cheek and the corner of my lips before sealing his mouth over mine.
I don’t expect it but the touch of his mouth to mine triggers an intense, unfurling sensation in my sex and I release a muffled cry against his lips as an orgasm ripples through me, as slow and as gentle as his movements but so achingly perfect. My eyes are damp as he murmurs endearments in my ear.
He picks up the pace and I encourage him with the press of my nails in his ass, the satisfaction of my orgasm still simmering through my veins.
But it’s not enough. I need more. More Nick. Will I ever get enough of him?
“You’re so sweet and hot,” he whispers and kisses me again.
Already my body is tight around him, on the edge. I’m barely managing to hold off as I want to experience everything. I want to see the moment before he goes over. I need to know if this chemistry between us affects him as it does me.
I grip his arms, feel them undulate and tense under my fingertips and he pulses inside me. He groans and I’m fascinated. His eyes are soft and tender but his pupils are dilated with desire and we can’t seem to look away from each other. We come together, his climax triggering mine and it’s so powerful, I can barely comprehend it. It feels like we exchanged more than just pleasure.
He kisses roughly at my hair as gratification seeps into my limbs. Nick’s arms are slightly shaky as are the kisses he scatters across my face before sinking down next to me. I’m smiling. I can’t help it. I wait for the regret to inch in but it doesn’t come. How can you regret such a thing? He was right, you can’t forget sex like that. It will stay with me forever and I can’t help thinking I want more.
But I’m not sure I can ever give more, let alone receive it. I need to lay down some boundaries but for the moment I just want to enjoy it. I have a sexy, incredible man in my bed and I need to relish this. It’s been a very long time since I enjoyed being with a man and sex has never been like this for me before. I bite my lip. I hope it hasn’t for Nick either.
I can’t help giggle as he nuzzles into my neck and presses tickling kisses to it. He reaches down and draws the sheets over us. “You’re so distracting, babe. I can’t think when I see you naked,” he explains.
I reach up, thread my fingers into his hair and take a moment just to study him, to remember his handsome face, strong jaw, kissable lips. I want to always remember the time when I made such a strong man look at me like I was his whole world.
Fingers tracing his collar bone, I continue to stroke through his hair with my other hand. “You’re pretty distracting too. I need to make dinner.”
He glances over at the clock on my bedside table. “Dinner can wait.”
“We need to eat.”
“Keep up our strength?” he asks hopefully. I can see doubt in his gaze. He’s bracing himself for a rejection.
And he should be. I should be rejecting him. Nothing’s changed, save that I’m not sure I can ever let him go, but it doesn’t change our circumstances.
Regardless of my worries, I still beam at him. “Yeah, something like that.”
“I could survive on just you.”
I laugh; the idea of such a big man not wanting to eat seems ridiculous. “You couldn’t.”
“I could.” Nick lays his lips on my neck and then the dip between my breasts. “I don’t need anything but you.” His voice is muffled against my skin. “Just you, Sienna.” He brings his head up and the sincerity in his expression makes my heart thud. “You have no idea how important you’ve become in my life, do you?”
I numbly shake my head. Even though I’ve always been aware of the attraction between us, it’s always felt one-sided. Nick’s looked after me so much, even before Rob died. I never understood what he got out of our friendship.
“My injury changed things.”
He comes back to my side and I stroke a finger along the side of his face. I almost dread the words, but I need to hear them so badly. I want to know everything.
“I couldn’t be the same guy I was. You know Liberty didn’t want anything to do with me after my leg was mangled.”
I fight down the rising jealousy and try to keep my expression neutral. “She should never have left you at such a time.”
Nick shrugs. “She wasn’t that important to me. I’d never been serious about her, but I realized how much time I’d wasted on pointless relationships. And with the limp, women saw me differently. Even the ones I’d known before the shooting. Except you. You always treated me the same. I never felt pitied and you never hero worshipped me. I was still just Nick.”
“You are a hero,” I say softly.
“No.” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “No, the guys who died were heroes.”
I don’t argue the point. I know he did all he could to save those guys, s
till fighting on even as shrapnel tore through his leg. He was lucky he didn’t lose his leg. But he’s too modest to ever see himself that way.
“I always thought you were beautiful,” he continues. “Always regretted not asking you out first, but once Rob went away, everything changed. You’re so caring, in spite of everything you’ve been through. And you’re so strong. You were determined to stick it out with Rob to the bitter end. Not many people fight like that these days.”
“You did,” I remind him. “They weren’t sure you were even going to walk again and look, you’re still a soldier.”
“Yeah for all the good it’s done me. I’ll never fight again. It’s all shuffling papers now.”
I chew my lips and continue to stroke his jaw. “I didn’t know.”
“You’ve had your own problems, Sienna. Besides I’m lucky to be alive, I can’t really complain.”
What must it be like, to have spent your entire career training to do one thing and to no longer be able to do it? I can’t believe what a good job he’s done, hiding his frustration. It just goes to show how selfless he is. I laugh. And he thinks I’m caring!
“Why are you laughing?” His brows raise but there’s a twinkle in his gaze, erasing my guilt for the totally inappropriate reaction.
“I was just thinking how ridiculous it is that you think I’m caring, but you’ve always looked after me. You’re the caring one, Nick.”
“Nah. You work so hard to look after people. You’re like a light to me, short stuff. When I came back from Afghanistan, you seemed so perfect. Never thinking of yourself, always striving to do what’s right. It’s a shitty world and you had a shitty marriage and yet you were always so nice and funny and kind.”
My cheeks are probably scarlet by now and I shake my head. “Now who’s hero worshipping? I’ve got my issues, you know that better than anyone.”
“I do. And I don’t care. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to convince you, Sienna. You and me. This is it. The Real Deal.” I blow out a slow breath and try to tug away but he hooks a hand under my neck and holds me firm. “You’re not going anywhere, babe.”