Three Summers

by S. J. Sylvis

  This whole year, I’ve tested out every possible way to get Rowen out of my system. I dated two guys, and I mean, like… really dated. Not another Marky-Mark situation, who by the way, transferred to another school. Apparently, Rowen scared him that much. Anyway, boyfriend number one, was one that I met in the library. He kept staring at me from several tables away, making my face flush with every passing second. I finally got the nerve to walk over to him, because I simply couldn’t concentrate. I asked him what he was staring at. I still had Mark fresh in my mind and my bodyguard, aka Rowen, was over a hundred miles away, so I was not in the mood to feature in someone’s library fantasy. When I spoke in a bold voice, holding my stare to his, he grinned at me. A little tiny part of his full lip tipped up on the right side, casting a dimple just below his cheek, and I smiled out of reaction. He replied, “I’m staring at you because you’re hard not to stare at. Haven’t you noticed every guy in this room staring at you?” I remembered looking around the quiet library and people’s eyes really were lingering on us. I felt my body break out into a fevered sweat.

  The rest is basically history. He asked me out and I agreed. We went on a few dates to some of the restaurants that weren’t too far away from campus, we went to some home football games, it was all very casual and easy. But I learned a long time ago that easy also means boring. Love is difficult, relationships are difficult; it shouldn’t necessarily be easy and calming. I want to feel something. I want to feel exhilarated. I want to feel those butterflies that Rowen gave me the first time he held my hand. I needed to feel something other than my impending thoughts of him. So, I ended it with boyfriend number one. It was all on good terms; I think he knew we were better as friends.

  Then there was boyfriend number two; who I refer as “freak in the sheets” but his real name is Hoyt. “Professor” Hoyt. I made a complete fool out of myself the first time I met him because I addressed him as such in front of my entire Romantic Literature class. When I called him Professor Hoyt, the entire class snickered—causing a pretty crimson shade of red to creep onto my neck and face. He smiled at me gently and said, “You’ve given me a boost of confidence, but I’m not a professor. I’m just a TA filling in for the first three weeks of class, but thanks.” Then he winked at me and I felt a familiar pull in my stomach. He was attractive, and smart. He had jet black hair, and crystal blue eyes. He wore those fancy dress shirts with ties and slacks that hugged all the right spots. I often found myself daydreaming about him when he would talk of Jane Austen and his all-time favorite, Byron. I would catch him looking in my direction and he’d give me a small smile, barely playing at his lips. I’m sure no one else noticed, but I did and I liked the way it made me feel. Almost as if it was a drug. I couldn’t get enough of him. It took my mind off Rowen for 0.3 seconds, too, and I appreciated that. At soon as the three weeks were over, he came right up to my chair as I was shoving my MacBook in my leather-bound Fossil bag, and asked me out. I agreed, nodding my head wildly, holding back the biggest smile.

  He was older than me, nearing twenty-five and working on his Master’s degree, and it was a breath of fresh air. I went straight from boyish Rowen, to creeper Mark, to fake boyfriend Rowen who beats up creepy guys named Mark, to library boy (who didn’t elicit a single spark in me), and then I landed Hoyt. He took me on real dates, and I felt like I was actually in my twenties. The first restaurant he took me to was a fancy sushi one, and we had a really good time. I felt sexy and like I had my life together when I pulled on my red dress, the one that hit right at my mid-thigh. The push-up bra I had stashed away in the back of my underwear drawer made my boobs look as if I was in my mid-twenties instead of barely reaching adulthood. I remember the exact moment Hoyt saw me in that dress. His eyes roamed the entirety of my body, making me feel the need to clench my legs together. His look rocked me to my core.

  The date was simply perfect. We laughed at my attempt to eat sushi; I embarrassingly gagged on the raw, slimy fish, so he ended up taking me to get some gelato to end the night. We shared bites from one another and I would curse myself for wanting to wrap my mouth around something other than his plastic spoon. His crystal blue eyes were as bright as the sky on a sunny day. I got lost in them that night more than I care to admit.

  Things went slow at first. I was like a little schoolgirl when he would sometimes wait for me after my classes, just to walk me to my next destination. We would text back and forth while I was back home, visiting my parents for the holidays. Then BOOM, things went south during spring break.

  The weather that day was impeccable. It wasn’t too hot or humid, a small breeze rustling the giant oak tree’s limbs out front. I was on my knees, burying my hands in dirt, helping my mom plant the yellow and orange marigolds just beneath the windows when I felt a strange need to look towards the road. I wish I hadn’t because the second I caught a glimpse of that rusty red fender, my stomach clenched. My breath caught and just like that, I was back at Old Man Henry’s, feeling Rowen’s hands on my face; telling me he wanted me. He didn’t drive down my street. He just sat at the crossroads, parked by the stop signs, truck rumbling in the background. I couldn’t see his eyes, I was too far away but I knew it was him. I knew he could see me; just as I could see him. A horn blared from behind him, making me jolt out of my skin. I turned away just as he drove off, and things were never the same again between Hoyt and I.

  I tried to ignore it for awhile, the guilt crowding my brain like gnat on a rotten banana. I even rushed us to the next level, finally taking the plunge, moving past all the foreplay that Hoyt was so damn good at. Sex. We had sex, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex but things came to a crashing halt. No pumping the brakes; we came to a tire-squealing, whiplash-inducing stop. I learned two things after having sex with Hoyt. Number one: Sex in my twenties is more pleasurable than in my teens. I think I’ve reached a sexual high. There is a reason I refer to him as “freak in the sheets”. That was all very good, but then came number two: Sex with Hoyt may be epically pleasurable but I felt nothing in my heart for him. He was exciting, and he was definitely skilled with his mouth and hands, but I felt nothing (other than the handful of orgasms). So, I made my decision. I broke things off with Hoyt, shortly after we had sex. I realized that I better start listening to my incredibly determined heart and give this whole thing with Rowen another go around. After all, if I can say goodbye to Hoyt, who no doubt is a sex god from another life, all because of Rowen… that has to mean something. Right?

  Glancing in the rearview mirror, listening to Alicia yammer on and on about my house and how it looks so “cozy,” I fix my hair into a messy bun perched high on my head. I take my sunglasses off, wiping the layer of grease off my face and smile at my scar. It’s barely there anymore, thanks to the overly priced scar removal cream that my mom sends to me in care packages. I wonder if it bothers her more than it bothers me?

  I just knew my mom would make an enormous dinner when Alicia and I made it home. Any chance she has to celebrate, she will. Tonight, we’re celebrating that Alicia and I are now seniors and that it was Alicia’s first time staying at my house. The night flew by: dinner with my parents who didn’t stop talking the second we sat down to gobble up some home-cooked pot roast and veggies, then Alicia went through all my high school yearbooks, stopping at every hot guy’s picture, raising her eyebrows and after that we watched a chick flick. We ended the night binging on my mom’s homemade, chocolatey, mouth-watering brownies, all while kicking each other in my tiny full-sized bed.

  Alicia’s mom picked her up an hour before I had to head into the country club and I was as nervous as a snowman in July. I didn’t have a plan with seeing Rowen. I was just going to show up and hope he’d understand that this was me accepting to be his girlfriend, or at least to try things for awhile. I didn’t tell my parents, I was twenty (almost twenty-one). I was an adult, but somehow being back in my childhood home for the third summer in a row, I felt like I was still a little girl with pigtails who needs permission to leave
the house. Especially, to go meet up with Rowen. But regardless, I am an adult and I don’t need their permission to date Rowen.

  The second I step out my car and am greeted with the stark whiteness of the country club building, the faint smell of chlorine fills my nose and I am at ease. This will be my third year working here and each year it feels a little more like home. With Sash’s aviators and his mumbling about the bratty kids, Morgan’s and my swims during break, and Hallie’s sneaking of snacks out of the concessions, it all feels familiar and it sets the butterflies swarming in my stomach at ease.

  I slowly walk up to the iron gate and swing it open, feeling my heart thump in my chest. I look around for Rowen and I don’t see him. I could have sworn I saw his truck parked in the parking lot, but maybe I made that part up. What if he doesn’t come back? Maybe he thought we shouldn’t be together… what will I do? I can literally already feel my heart cracking vehemently, which scares me right out of my red bathing suit. We aren’t even a thing yet and I’m already afraid he’s going to destroy me again.

  Just as I’m rounding the corner, I see Sash’s tall, lengthy body standing with his back to me, talking to someone. I quickly peer my head around his frame, and then I see him. As soon as I spot the chocolatey brown hair flipping out from behind his hat, the butterflies pick up their pace. I smile as his eyes form into saucers. In the middle of Sash’s sentence, Rowen steps away from him; I can hear Sash’s colorful curses but all I’m focused on is Rowen. It’s amazing what one year can do to someone. He looks mostly the same, except his muscles have more tone to them. A perfect V-shaped torso leading down to his red swim trunks. I can only hope that I look different, too; I feel different. Everything feels different. I’m more aware of things than last year… like the way my stomach is already clenching in anticipation that I just might have Rowen’s lips on mine.

  When he rounds Sash’s body, he’s standing spitting distance away from me. He raises his dark eyebrows as if he’s asking me to confirm that I’m actually here. I slowly shrug my shoulders and give him a tiny grin, trying to hide my giddiness. He breaks out into a heart-stopping smile, flashing those perfectly white teeth, and comes even closer to me, telling Sash to shut up.

  “Is this what I think it means?” he asks, crossing his arms over his exposed chest.

  I don’t answer right away; I kind of like seeing him squirm (insert evil laugh here). “I guess… ” And my lips tip upward.

  “We’ve got a date tomorrow night, after work. And tell your parents you’re busy for your birthday.” My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion but on the inside, I’m doing actual cartwheels.

  “You already have stuff planned?” I quip.

  “Yes.” His darkened eyes meet mine.

  I brush my long brown hair behind my shoulder and cross my arms. “Someone was a little cocky that I’d return this summer… ”

  Rowen only winks at me, giving me that grin. The one that if I were wearing panties, they’d totally be on the concrete floor in between my legs. He walks backwards to take his stand at his lifeguarding station and I do the same. Avoiding how Sash’s aviators are now perched on his nose, eyeing me from above, and Morgan’s long blonde hair, gripped in her fist—her eyes wide and mouth open. I smirk to myself and get to work.

  Twenty

  I’ve been imagining my date with Rowen since the second he told me. It’s all I think about. I finally broke down and told my mom, and only my mom. I very bluntly said, “Rowen and I are starting up again,” and waited for a knee-jerk reaction but she simply acted nonchalant about it. She isn’t fooling me, though; I can see right through her armor. She’s happy, but scared, too; a mirror of my own feelings. I’m excited, exhilarated, happy, and all of the above, but there’s that little devil on my shoulder crossing her arms, staring daggers into the side of my ear. The angel on the other shoulder, she’s basically flying from elatedness.

  When I pull up to work, I’m confused when I don’t see Rowen’s truck parked out front. I guess he might not be working today, but I thought he was. When I glance down at my phone, avoiding a near run-in with the fence, I see a text from him.

  Rowen: Can’t wait for tonight.

  I’m swooning. I’m swooning over a simple text. I feel like I’m back in high school. I quickly text him back, to ease my curiosity.

  Me: Where are you? Are you not working today?

  He texts me back within seconds.

  Rowen: No, I’m only part-time at the club. I’m working with the football program at the high school for college credit.

  I nod my head, although he can’t see me. Rowen has always been all about sports. When he first moved to this small town his junior year he was completely bummed that our school didn’t have a hockey program. I didn’t know him my junior year, but he later confided in me that he was angry for the entire year he was here because of it. He didn’t want to move, not one bit, but his parents needed to relocate to help out with his grandpa’s illness. Once things between us started to grow, Rowen started to come out of his shell a little, getting more into the sports that our school did offer. But anyway, last I heard, he was going to UNC for physical education or something along those lines. I guess I never really found out what he was in school for after his sudden disappearance three years ago. I didn’t really care to know, but, now I want to know. I want to know everything there is to Rowen; I want to relearn his dreams, ambitions, goals. I want to relearn what makes him happy, I want to re-learn everything about him. I want my heart to soar again.

  When Rowen’s truck pulls up after work, my heart does three backflips, two frontflips, and a roundabout on the bars; that’s how anxious I am. The second he opens his door and climbs out, I take a whiff of his scent. I could bathe in it. I want to bottle it up and douse my pillow in it.

  Rowen looks particularly striking with his plain black shirt that fits snugly around his arms but more loosely around his waist. His shorts come just to the knee and he even took the notion of not wearing his backwards hat, letting those brown waves shine. My mouth goes dry at the sight of him. I am in such a daze that I don’t even realize he is standing a few feet away from me.

  I feel like a complete idiot. My hair is wet and smelling of chlorine since I took a few dives with Morgan on our last break. I’d thrown on a little sundress, but my skin feels dry, regardless of the coconut lotion I’d rubbed on my leg.

  “Hi,” I whisper, gazing upward to meet his over six-foot height.

  “Hey, are you ready?” He asks, with a small smile playing at his full lips.

  “Yeah, I guess. I feel like an idiot. You look all… perfect and here I am with wet hair, smelling like a pool.” I laugh nervously.

  “You… ” He grabs my hand and I trail after him as he pulls me to the passenger side of his truck, “You look perfect, Sadie.” I smile a little as he opens the door up for me and I climb inside, feeling the vinyl seat on my bare legs. I run my right hand over its sticky smooth feeling and hum inside. So many memories, so many memories just from feeling a truck’s seat.

  The conversation is short lived once Rowen gets in the car and starts to drive to wherever we’re going. We’re both nervous, and you can tell by the feeling in the air. I bet if he turned the roaring engine off, Mrs. Betty who announces that she’s deaf in one ear anytime anyone passes by her front stoop could hear both of our hearts beating erratically. I honestly think I’m more nervous about this date with him than I was on our actual first date.

  To break the little neurons floating around our bodies, I ask where we’re going.

  He doesn’t take his eyes off the road. He only grins, “It’s a surprise.”

  Once we pull up to our old high school, and he turns in, I look at him with a perplexed look. The high school? What? He pulls his truck up slowly to the fenced in field and hops out, leaving the truck running. I watch as he unlocks the gate and pushes it wide open. He jumps back in the truck, without looking in my direction and pulls his truck onto the blacktop tra
ck. After we get over the few humps of the track, we pull into the ever-expanding green grass football field. I take the field in with one large gaze. When you’re up in the stands, the field looks ginormous. It looks huge as guys with big pads on their shoulders are running down to the end zone with a brown football in their hands but now that I’m on the actual field, it’s not that big. It seems normal-sized.

  “What are we doing here, Rowen?” I say as he backs the truck up to the middle of the field, facing the goal posts.

  “Don’t you remember?” he says, as he looks over at me. I bite my lip and take a look around. “This is the first place we met. Right there… ” He squints his eyes, causing wrinkles at their sides and I follow where his finger is pointing. My gaze lands on the metal bleachers that house the student section and for a second, it’s like I can see a bunch of rowdy high schoolers watching their school team play football. I close my eyes and I see me sitting beside Samantha, bored out of our minds. Then I see Rowen and Kyle and a whole bunch of guys, jumping up and down, yelling and cheering. I feel a smile brush across my face and my eyes snap open as Rowen is pulling my door open.

  “Come on, Sade.”

  I jump down from his truck on my own, making sure my dress lays flat against my legs. We round the back of his truck and I stop dead in my tracks. Up ahead, there’s what it looks to be a giant projector, set up just inside the end zone.

  “What is that?” I squeal.

  Rowen hides his grin as he answers, “It’s a movie projector.” My mouth gapes open and I look over at him in amazement. This new, older, mature Rowen sure knows how to wow a girl.

  I don’t have time to say anything because the next thing I know, Rowen’s steady hands are around my waist, causing my heart to jump into my throat. He gently places me in the bed of his truck and the moment his hands leave my hips, I suddenly feel let down. I am in so much trouble with him.