Speak Softly, She Can Hear

by Pam Lewis

  Inside, Will was standing over their two open packs and ticking off the items he’d packed. “Flashlights, batteries, matches, camera, binocs, Jell-O. Okay. Two pairs of socks, scarf, hat, spare gloves. Okay.”

  “People coming,” she said.

  “Already?” He checked his watch. Will would never show up even one minute before he was expected, which was funny because he was so laid-back about so many other things. “I’m not done yet.” He pointed to the couch in front of the fire. “I put out your clothes to warm. Go ahead and get dressed. They’ll just have to wait.” She knew he’d take his time, making sure the packs were exactly right for tonight.

  She grabbed the hot clothes from the back of the couch and took the stairs two at a time. Upstairs, she stripped off the bathrobe and climbed into the warm long johns. The heat was delicious.

  Outside, the truck was just now coming over the culvert, the muffler loud and ready to drop off, no doubt. She looked in the mirror, swept her hair into a twist in back, and secured it with hairpins, listening to the sounds accumulate downstairs and outside. She ducked into the spare bedroom and looked down to see what the noise was. The Weaver-Lears’ truck was parked down there, and Morgan, Rachel, and Pepper were milling about, taking skis off the roof, pulling gear from inside. There was no sign of Will, and she knew he still was inside double-checking the compartments of their packs.

  She went back to the bathroom to finish. Downstairs a man laughed loudly, a jarring sound. It wasn’t Will, and she’d never heard Morgan laugh like that. She adjusted the mirror to check her hair from the back. When the man laughed again, it caused her hand to slip. Eddie. Damn it. No.

  She went again to the window to look down. Naomi’s little Jaguar sat behind the Weaver-Lears’ truck, with skis strapped to the top in neat lines. Four of them. Two pairs, one pair a lot longer than the other. Carole cupped her hands to her eyes against the inside light, in case she was mistaken. But there was no doubt. Four skis, and both doors to the Jaguar left wide open. And then the loud laughter from downstairs again. A noise behind her caught her attention.

  Will stood in the doorway. “We have a problem,” he said.

  She nodded. “I know.”

  “You know?”

  “I saw the skis. Just now, from the window.”

  “Right,” he said, a shade of disbelief in his voice.

  “You certainly don’t think I had anything to do with it.”

  “I don’t know anything,” Will said. “The more I think I know, the less I know.”

  “They can’t possibly be up to this. It’s not like Central Park on a Saturday afternoon.”

  “She said she’s done some around here, getting ready. I don’t know about him. I just know I don’t like the guy.”

  “Well, neither do I.” She followed him downstairs.

  Eddie and Naomi stood in the living room, all done up in some sleek space-age outfits, black, shiny, and wet-looking. She had a black patent-leather backpack covered with zippers and little compartments.

  “Look,” Will said to Eddie. “We’re going to have to give you a rain check on this. I don’t like to have people on my runs if I don’t know how they’ll do.”

  Naomi’s red mouth formed a surprised little O. “Come on,” she said, using her little girl’s voice—both demanding and seductive. “He’s an ace.” She giggled. “And we have food, look.” She dropped her pack on the coffee table, opened one of the compartments, and removed some, crushed sandwiches wrapped in foil. She laid one on her thigh and pressed it with her hand. “Well, it’s food anyway,” she said. “I packed it myself.”

  Rachel, Morgan, and Pepper came in just then, bundled in layers of flannels and old sweaters and patched parkas.

  “Will says Eddie can’t go,” Naomi whined to them.

  “Why can’t he go?” Rachel said to Carole.

  “We had it figured for six of us,” Carole said. “Not seven.”

  “Whatever.” Morgan handed his pack to Will. “You want to check this for me, man?” he said.

  “So you agree?” Naomi asked Morgan, as though suddenly Morgan was the enemy.

  “Will’s in charge on these things.” Morgan unzipped the big compartment and started unloading items. “Whatever he says.”

  Rachel pulled Carole aside. “There’s something about that guy,” she said. “About Eddie. He looks familiar.”

  “You met him at Naomi’s,” Carole said quickly.

  “Well, I know that,” Rachel said. “Duh.”

  “God,” Naomi said to Will. “You let these people bring a baby, and you won’t let Eddie come when he’s such a good skier.”

  “Baby?” Will said.

  “Hey,” Morgan said. “It’s cool.”

  Only then did they notice Dylan strapped to Rachel’s back.

  “It’s colder than hell out there,” Will said.

  “We’ve done it before,” Rachel practically barked at Will. She’d been expecting this. “We do it all the time at home.”

  “No,” Will said. “I won’t take him. It’s too dangerous. He won’t be moving the way we will.”

  Eddie beckoned to Carole. At first she tried to ignore him, but he started toward her, leaving her no choice. “What?” she said, her voice flat.

  He slung an arm over her shoulders. She tried to shrug it off, to move away, but he wouldn’t let her. “For myself I don’t give a shit. But my little princess has her heart set on it. And if we don’t go, she’ll be pissed. And when she’s pissed, she’s no fun.”

  “That’s your problem.”

  “Not exactly.” He looked pained. “These people think you walk on water.” He pulled her closer and pointed to Rachel with the hand that was resting on her shoulder. “I wonder if she ever killed anyone.”

  “Why are you doing this? Why don’t you just go away?”

  “We have the kind of secret that—how can I put this? It’s useful. You’re so scared all the time. And to tell you the truth, it’s fun.” He paused. “Look. My baby has her heart set on tonight. Who cares why? She gets on these kicks, but I don’t need to tell you that. You’re it for now. She’s a little in the bag too, not that I hold that against her. She’s easier to get along with that way. So talk that big jungle bunny of yours into letting us come along.”

  Carole’s eyes bored into his. She turned away, back to the others, where the discussion over Dylan was still going strong. Rachel and Morgan were showing Will the way they’d lined the Gerry backpack in down. He’d be fine. They did it all the time. Will was beginning to give in. She could tell by the way he was examining the pack, taking out the down quilting and feeling the loft.

  “We can all go,” Carole said. “Naomi and Eddie too. There’s enough food.”

  Will glowered at her. “What the hell is going on with you?”

  She didn’t respond.

  He threw up his hands. “I’m not responsible. Everybody hear that? You’re each responsible for yourselves.” He gave her a look and shook his head. “Let’s go over the route.” In spite of his disclaimer, he made everybody note on the map exactly where they’d cross the field, where the summit was, where they’d have to take off their skis and walk, where they’d stop and make a fire. The whole nine yards, just in case anything happened to him or if somebody got lost. Unlikely, but you never knew.

  They went outside and strapped on their skis. Will asked Naomi and Eddie to take a couple of laps around the yard just so he could see how they managed. Eddie went first, making long, smooth strides over the darkening snow. He was graceful and well taught. Naomi went behind, copying him step for step.

  “They’re okay,” Will said. “Physically, anyway.” He raised his arms to get everybody’s attention. “Listen up. We’ve been over the route. Everybody knows the drill. Just one more thing before we leave. I want everybody to be aware of the person behind them tonight. That’s behind. Not in front, but behind. If you turn around and you don’t see your person, you wait until you do. Got that
? That way the line stops from the back to the front.” With that, he took off at a run, herringboned up the rise in the driveway, crossed the culvert, and headed off across the stretch of pasture to the woods. The night was crisp, and once they got going, after all the remarks about the beauty and the cold, after they’d established their places in the line and gotten into a rhythm, they fell silent. All that could be heard was the sound of breathing, the snap of twigs, and the soft thunk of poles and skis. The surface was a silky powder threaded with every whiff of wind.

  Carole concentrated on what she was doing, on each brief thrust of ski, on her balance. She listened to herself breathe—anything to be there, in the moment, in all that rugged dark beauty surrounding her, and not with her fury. Behind, she could hear Eddie and Naomi laughing, their voices ringing out over the night.

  As they began the climb up through the forest, the spaces between them grew long and irregular. The full moon on the snow made the night strangely bright, turning shadows blue. At the point where the terrain shot up steeply, they stopped to remove their skis and hoist them onto their shoulders. Will shone his flashlight up through the trees to show how the trail cut diagonally to the right and then switched back to the left about halfway up. Then they set off again, ducking the branches to keep their skis from snagging. It was slow, hard going, and they stopped to take off jackets and sweaters and tie them around their waists or stuff them into backpacks. Twice there was a little shriek from behind, and when she turned, she saw three figures huddling. Naomi must have fallen each time and asked for help. Carole needed to stay away from them. Once when she looked back, she saw the quick bright light of a match and knew Naomi had stopped for a cigarette.

  At the point where the trail began to level out again, before they traversed the ridge to the summit, they stopped to put on their skis. Will opened the flap of Rachel’s backpack and pulled the layers of wool from Dylan’s little face. In the sudden light, the baby blinked and yawned.

  Morgan caught up to them. “We’ll check, man. Don’t worry,” he said. But how could he be checking? He’d been way behind.

  They set out again, faster now, following a trail that was packed solid and firm. Will got into the lead followed by Pepper and then Naomi. Rachel was next and then Carole. The person behind Carole was Eddie, and all she wanted was distance in spite of Will’s rule. Every so often she’d stop and listen. As soon as she heard laughter or the loud punch line to a joke, she’d take off again. She didn’t want to have to see him. Didn’t want Will to see her waiting for him either, even though it was his rule.

  When they reached the summit, Rachel was waiting for her. “Take a look at the baby, okay?” Carole maneuvered her skis so she stood side by side with Rachel on the narrow trail, a little behind so she could lift the cover and turn her flashlight on the child, aslant to keep the light out of his eyes. He squinted and would have turned his head, but he was so bundled in and covered over that only his eyes peeked out from between the hat and the scarf. Carole pulled lightly at the scarf. A small white dot had blossomed on the child’s nostril.

  “Uh-oh,” Carole said.

  “What?” Rachel asked. “What is it?”

  “He’s got a spot on his nose.”

  “Get him out,” Rachel said. “Let me see.”

  Carole undid the straps and lifted the baby, who was heavy and solid, from the backpack. She had to stand a moment to rebalance herself. Rachel backed up a few steps on her skis until they were side by side. She took the baby from Carole.

  “Where?”

  The frostbite was whiter than snow, arcing around the edge of the tiny nostril. The baby flinched at the light but smiled when he saw his mother’s face.

  “He’ll be okay,” Rachel said. “We just need to warm it up.”

  “Will,” Carole called. He was the authority. He’d know what to do.

  “Morgan!” Rachel called for her husband. They both listened in the silence for the sound of Will from in front or Morgan from behind, but there was nothing. Rachel bent over the baby and tried to warm the small nose with her breath.

  “The flesh can die,” Carole said.

  “That’s a myth,” Rachel said.

  Carole shone her light at Rachel to see if she was serious. What else did she think frostbite was? Rachel was shaking her head and blowing softly on the baby’s nose, smiling slightly. “Maybe if he walks around a little,” Carole said. “To help his circulation.”

  “Look,” Rachel said. “The spot’s gone.”

  “It could come back,” Carole said. “We should check his fingers.”

  “Morgan,” Rachel called out again, but again there was only silence. “We should have stayed closer,” she said. “I thought he was right behind you.”

  “I kept checking,” Carole said. “I heard them. Where’s Pepper?”

  “Up with Will,” Rachel said.

  “They’ll come back,” Carole said, realizing as she spoke that Naomi was the next person ahead and would have forgotten the instruction. She was also drunk. Carole should have told Will that. She also should have been checking for Eddie behind her. She felt ill with shame at what she’d done. She had risked everybody’s safety over something personal.

  “Morgan!” Rachel yelled out again. They listened but could hear nothing over the child’s cries. Carole fumbled to unlatch her skis and got to her feet. She picked up the baby and gave Rachel a hand. “We’ve got to get moving,” she said. “Turn around.” Rachel turned, and Carole was able, with some difficulty, to get Dylan back into the carrier and cover him as well as she could against the cold.

  Carole fell into line behind Rachel. After the summit, the trail dipped down and it was more difficult to maneuver. They had to sidestep carefully, staying in the tracks of the three ahead. At the base of the hill there were flashlights shining in their direction. Will was coming quickly up the path toward them. “We’ve been waiting. What happened?” His voice was brisk and clipped. He was concerned, allowing himself the luxury of anger now that he’d found them. “What about the other two?”

  “They’re in back,” Carole said. “We had to hurry. Dylan got frostbite on his nose.”

  “Damn,” Will said.

  “I once knew a guy who said he got frostbite on his dick,” Naomi said. She shined her light at Carole, blinding her for a moment. Carole waved it away, would have knocked it from Naomi’s hand if she’d been close enough.

  “You two go ahead,” Will barked at them. “It’s not far. Half a mile. Take Pepper with you. I’ll wait for Morgan and that other guy.”

  Carole didn’t hesitate. She pushed past Naomi to Pepper. “Come on, toots.” She paused only long enough to organize them. “Rachel behind me, then Naomi, then Pepper, you sweep.” And she was off.

  Will had been right. They skied for only fifteen minutes before they saw the cabin. Carole stopped and waited for the flashlights of the others to burst one by one over the top of the hill behind her, three in all. Then she turned and skied the rest of the way down. The snow was so deep they could ski across the deck railing and down to the door.

  They didn’t bother to take off their mittens but went to work right away. Carole lifted Dylan from his pack and handed him to Rachel, who fell heavily onto the couch. She shouted at Naomi to light the paper in the woodstove and told Pepper to make sure the kettles were full—if not, to use the pitchers near the door—then light the kerosene lamps and turn off the battery-powered lamp that Will and Morgan had left burning earlier that day. Then she lit the fireplace in the corner of the main room. The newspaper caught immediately with a whoosh. Carole watched while the kindling took and then reached the logs on top. Then she sat beside Rachel to help her check the baby. Rachel had opened her parka and sweater and was warming the child’s face with her breast. Carole removed his mittens and boots to examine his feet and hands. They were pink and cold but not frostbitten. “He’s okay,” she said.

  From the kitchen came the sounds of Naomi giggling.

>   “Is that stove lit?” Carole called out.

  “She doesn’t know how to light the stove. I’m doing it now,” Pepper replied.

  “What about the water and the lights?”

  “Water’s on,” Pepper said. “I’ll get the lights in a sec.”

  Naomi came to the door. “I’m just hopeless in a kitchen.”

  Carole turned away to give the fire a hard stab with the poker. She couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d done. Maybe Naomi had put herself at risk by drinking. Maybe Naomi was pushing her patience to the limits, but Carole had upped the stakes dangerously and she knew it. Pepper and the baby were safely here, but she couldn’t take credit for that. If it hadn’t been for her, Will would have forbidden Eddie to come, and probably the baby too. She’d lost control back there at the house. Eddie had threatened her, and she’d spread the risk to protect herself.

  She went to the kitchen to help Pepper with the cookstove, brushing by Naomi as she went. The stove was a massive cast-iron job with nickel trim. Once it was going, it would throw out more heat than the fireplace, so much that the kitchen would overheat, while the rest of the cabin, the big room with the musty old couches and chairs, would be just right. Pepper was on his knees, watching the flames inside. He shut the grate. “Okay,” he said. Just then sounds outside made her stop. The door was flung open and there they were. She counted. Three. All safe, all accounted for. She took a deep breath in relief as they entered one by one. She hadn’t lost them.

  The chill was off the air enough for people to shed their parkas and mittens and hats. They stripped off their long wool socks and hung gear everywhere, draping it over the fireplace screen, along the hearth, and on the pipe from the woodstove, where it sizzled and filled the air with the smell of wet wool. Rachel had the seat before the fire, at the center of a brown sofa. Dylan, his small patch of frostbite gone now, had begun to nurse hungrily.