Fragments of your Soul (The Mirror Worlds Book 1)

by Erbsland, E. S.

  “And you think that will happen?”

  “No.” The giantess’ pose relaxed. “I don’t believe so, even if it’s hard to tell. The unknown blackness in her soul is… extraordinary. I can’t see through it.” She hesitated. “Maybe Odin is right.”

  “Yes, maybe,” said the giant, “but I don’t care. What about my soul, Hel?”

  “Oh, Loke…” Her voice was soft and almost tender now. “For a hundred years I’ve been telling you that it will keep at the one shard. Nothing has changed.” She took his hand and he let it happen without resistance. “You don’t have to worry about yourself. But… if you really want to implement your plan that soon, you need to take care of the woman. There’s not much time left.”

  “I can’t wait,” Loke said in an urgent tone, but without letting go of the woman’s hand. “Who knows when the next opportunity will arise? I don’t want to hide her for years; already now she’s constantly getting on my nerves. Her friend teaches her—it must suffice.”

  “She’s getting on your nerves?” the woman asked mockingly. “And that’s why you want to rush a plan of such importance, risking it all for nothing?” She sighed and shook her head. “Sometimes you’re really difficult. You’ve always been.”

  Loke said nothing. For a while they were both silent, then the woman said, “I should go. I’ve already been here for too long. You know that she’s overhearing us?”

  “Yes.”

  They looked in Arvid’s direction almost simultaneously. An icy shock ran through her limbs. Her heart began to race. Finally, she took a deep breath, pushed away from the wall and walked slowly out from behind the rocks.

  “I… I’m sorry,” she said, trying to sound as calm as possible. “I didn’t recognize you.”

  Arvid felt their gazes resting on her and felt herself blushing. The gray eyes of the two giants were like shiny polished stones and had seemingly pupil-less, deep black irises. Arvid remembered having seen Loke like that before, only he had been female then. Despite his strange appearance and his intimidating size he instantly seemed familiar, but the woman who was still holding his hand, she had never seen before. In her eyes Arvid saw nothing, not the slightest feeling, nothing that constituted a being, a soul. She saw only blackness and one single, great void, so neutral and undefined that it caused her discomfort.

  To Arvid’s surprise Loke didn’t react with anger, but with a barely perceptible smile. “Go to sleep, Arvid,” he said, now again in Jördisch. “Your training will be more demanding from tomorrow.”

  Arvid was so confused that she just nodded and hastened to go. When she looked back again on her way up, she saw Loke kissing the woman on the forehead.

  The next morning Arvid found Nod at the fire pit, where he was frying fish.

  “Loke left them here,” he explained. “He went off early in the morning and said he would not be here for a few days.”

  “Strange,” mumbled Arvid. Had Loke not just last night talked about the fact that her training should be more difficult from now? It had happened several times before that he had stayed away for a whole day, but several?

  Nod shrugged. “At least there will be peace and quiet for a few days.”

  “Hmm,” Arvid said and sat down at the table, still a bit sleepy. She’d had a bad night and felt tired and sad. Nod was talking about something, but she didn’t listen properly. When he set a plate with delicious fish on the table in front of her, she was startled.

  “I’m sorry, I was deep in thought,” she said, rubbing her eyes.

  Nod looked at her, worried. “Were you up late last night?” he asked.

  Arvid nodded her head. “Rather.” She then told him of Loke’s nighttime visitor.

  “Hel was here?” Nod said incredulously. “What did they talk about?”

  “I didn’t quite understand what it was about. Much of it sounded like gibberish. It was about Loke’s plan… Apparently an important element is being the right place at the right time.” She sighed. “Oh, and then they also spoke about how small, weak and helpless I am.” What Hel had said about the blackness in Arvid’s soul, she deliberately didn’t mention. The thought caused her discomfort.

  “Cheer up,” Nod said. “There’s a lot they find weak and helpless, so don’t take it personally.”

  Arvid took a knife and began to cut up her fish. Nod was right, but his words didn’t help. It wasn’t about the fact that this Hel had called her weak. She knew her abilities. She wasn’t weak, at least not by her measure.

  “She was odd, although I guess she’s pretty for a… whatever she is…” Arvid said. “Her eyes were somewhat disturbing.”

  “Pretty?” Nod asked skeptically. “Well, if you find giants attractive. I’ve met her once before and found her… scary.”

  “Oh, Loke was really pleased with her,” Arvid said and flipped the skin of her fish aside. “You should have seen the way he looked at her.”

  Nod remained silent. As Arvid looked up, there was a strange expression in his eyes. It was a mixture of amusement and astonished disbelief.

  “You do know that Hel is Loke’s daughter, don’t you?” he said.

  Arvid almost dropped the piece of fish she was about to put in her mouth. “How can that be? She is…”

  “A giantess?” Nod interrupted her, then he smiled. “Her mother was a giantess, Loke’s first wife.”

  Arvid took a moment to process this information. It was difficult to describe, but the idea that Loke had children somehow seemed odd and inappropriate. On the other hand, she had to admit that she still barely knew Loke. Whenever she asked him about something personal, he harshly let her know that it was none of her business, or he simply ignored her.

  “How do you know all this?” she asked finally. “It wasn’t mentioned in any of the books I read.”

  “Only a few people know,” Nod said, “but it’s not a secret. It has become irrelevant for most, so it’s no longer mentioned in newer writings. This marriage was a long time ago.”

  “So the story is true,” Arvid said thoughtfully.

  “What story?”

  “You know, the one Loke told last night. He said that he and Thor had found a giantess who wanted to become his wife.”

  “Oh, that one,” Nod said as he began to peel the skin off his fish. “I admit, I hardly listened. But the story doesn’t necessarily have to be true. Loke often becomes very talkative when he’s had too much to drink.”

  “You seem to know quite a lot about him. More than others, anyway.”

  “My father knew him better than most,” said Nod. “Loke often came to visit. On long evenings they spent hours talking and drinking.”

  For a while they ate in silence. Arvid indulged in her own thoughts that soon wandered back to Loke’s little demonstration with her necklace. He had been so handsome, so attractive. Although she didn’t like it, in this situation she had unconsciously hoped Loke would want to get closer—and that had been his plan from the beginning. He had quite deliberately wanted to arouse and exploit this hope, and she had promptly fallen for it. In retrospect, she almost felt embarrassed.

  Eventually, she was startled by a loud cough. It had come from Nod. “Did you even hear what I just said?” he asked.

  “No, I… was thinking,” confessed Arvid and pushed her plate aside. She had only eaten half of her fish.

  Nod put his knife down. “Let me guess… your thoughts were about Loke?”

  “Well, among other things,” she said, slightly blushing.

  “You know that this is a really bad idea.”

  “What?”

  Nod looked at her seriously. “Your affection for him.”

  Arvid stared at Nod, aghast.

  “It’s pretty obvious that you feel attracted to him,” he continued. “You
even enjoy arguing with him. I… I don’t get it. Even you should know that he’s just manipulating you.”

  “I know,” Arvid said quietly. “That’s what I was just thinking.” She sighed deeply and let herself fall back into her chair. “Why does he have to be so beautiful?”

  “Because he can,” replied Nod. “He’s a shapeshifter. He is the shapeshifter, Arvid. You just have to remember that he doesn’t always look like that. I don’t suppose you find him pretty as a troll or a giant—or a wolf.”

  “No, I… I don’t think… I have to think about that,” Arvid said haltingly. “It’s probably better he’s not here for a few days.”

  Nod took his knife again and scratched the last pieces of soft white fish meat from the empty skin on his plate. “Yes, I suppose,” he said simply.

  Arvid spent the better part of the day wandering through the caves, browsing through Loke’s book collection. She needed an effective distraction, because to her chagrin her thoughts still circled around Loke and her completely jumbled emotions.

  Loke’s books covered almost any subject Arvid could imagine, but she found nothing that fascinated her enough to deal with it for longer. She felt agitated and restless and couldn’t bring herself to pursue any activity longer. Constantly there was this subliminal urge to just lie down somewhere and let her thoughts wander. Arvid knew where her thoughts would wander, and so she suppressed that urge with a vengeance. At the same time she felt her mood sinking hour after hour.

  In the early evening, when Nod asked her if she wanted to play dice with him, she had to get her act together in order not to throw an angry response at him. All this wasn’t Nod’s fault; on the contrary, Nod was trying to help her. The only one to blame was herself. What was she even thinking? How could she have permitted herself to even feel a hint of affection for Loke? Loke was the worst person she could imagine as a partner. He was changeable, mean, arrogant, disrespectful, always made fun of her and took every opportunity to pick a quarrel. Her fascination with him was so illogical, stupid and so absolutely and completely wrong that it gave her a headache.

  That night Arvid dreamed of Loke. He appeared in form of a female giant and showed her his castle, which was built entirely of ice and gray glittering rock. From the upper walls she could see far across the land, white, shimmering and frozen solid. Although Loke was a giantess in her dream, he was not much taller than Arvid. As he looked at her from his strange gray eyes, Arvid could feel her heart beating faster.

  “Close your eyes,” he said in Old Jördisch and traced the outline of her jaw with his finger. His skin felt smooth, hard and cold like metal. As he continued his gentle, linear touches on Arvid’s neck and her shoulders, she shuddered.

  “Beauty is power,” Loke whispered in her ear. “Do you find me beautiful?”

  “Yes,” Arvid said. “You’re so beautiful, Loke.”

  With the tip of his finger Loke drew a tingling trail up to her chin, then he leaned forward and kissed her. His lips were cold, yet the feeling was overwhelming. Arvid instinctively closed her arms around Loke’s body and pulled him closer.

  A moment later, a burning pain shot through her hand. As Arvid looked down, she realized with horror that parts of Loke’s body consisted of razor-sharp shards of ice, which were covered in blood now. With the last impressions of this sight she awoke.

  Arvid’s heart was pounding. Softly moaning she pushed herself up and felt her wet clothes clinging to her back. Her hand still hurt. When she looked down, she saw why. She had slept on her dagger, which was half slipped out of its sheath. Her hand had a heavily bleeding cut.

  Soon they took on their training again, primarily to have something to do. Arvid had become a decent fighter, who would even have defeated Nod now and then, had it been her intention. Only her balance was sometimes a problem, especially on uneven spots of the terrain.

  She had also found something to read, something that fascinated her. In a chest, hidden between books in unknown languages, she found a thick book about illusions, and shortly afterwards a second, smaller one. Unfortunately, the thick book was very old, and thus not only written in Old Jördisch, but also formulated very awkwardly and unfamiliar. She came across a large number of terms and phrases that didn’t seem to make sense, but the sections she understood were so fascinating that she soon forgot everything around her, even her unwanted feelings for Loke.

  Meanwhile, nearly a week had passed. With the help of her book Arvid had succeeded in creating the illusion of a moving mouse that looked almost real. Nod was scared at first, but then he had been extremely impressed. The book from the chest described a variety of techniques and fascinating illusions. In practice, Arvid had little success with them, though. Her concentration wasn’t strong enough, even though she tried again and again, and so she eventually limited herself to the simple, small mirages.

  In addition to light combat training, playing dice games, reading and practicing new illusions, she found time to wash sheets and blankets and hang them at the fire to dry. Step by step she scrubbed stairs and the stone floors in the two main caves, which then looked bright and clean again. The distractions were good for her. The events of earlier suddenly seemed strangely insignificant. Everything seemed to be fine.

  On the morning of the eighth day Arvid was just about to cook porridge when she heard footsteps. At first she thought that it was Nod, but when she stood up and turned around, she faced a young woman with long black braids.

  “Good morning,” Loke said.

  At that moment Arvid knew that nothing was fine.

  “Obligations,” Loke had answered monosyllabically, when Arvid had asked him why he had been gone for so long. He ate with her and told her about some demons he had seen on the trip, about the first traces of spring, flowers, buds, wild animals and birds, who were slowly returning.

  Arvid could have told him about her progress at generating illusions, but instead she just stared at Loke, unable to think straight. Whenever their eyes met, she felt a warm tingling in her stomach, which she couldn’t help. Sometime later Loke got up and withdrew. When he was gone, Arvid again felt depressed and moody.

  The next day Loke appeared in form of a tall, slender man with a fiery red ponytail and followed through with what he had announced a week ago: He called Nod and Arvid outside for training. A cold wind blew fine drizzle in their faces; the ground was soft and muddy.

  Initially Loke watched them in silence. Although Arvid knew she had made progress, she felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny. You never knew what his reaction was. Again and again she slipped on the wet ground and lost her balance, even more often than usual. However, Loke didn’t say a word. After hours of this he interrupted.

  “Give me the weapons,” he said to Nod. “Go back inside or watch—whatever pleases your heart.”

  Nod handed Loke the weapons, threw Arvid a last glance and then sat down on a nearby rock. Arvid felt her heart pounding nervously as Loke positioned himself opposite her. She had not forgotten what he had done to the group of demons when they arrived.

  “You’re getting better,” Loke said, sounding sober. “Your technique is quite acceptable. But your stance and your balance are a disaster. Your lashes are lax and far too slow. Eight out of ten chances for counterattacks you don’t use. I guess half of the farmers out there could keep up with you, if you gave them a weapon.” He sighed softly. “Some of the maids, probably, too.”

  Arvid had expected a lot, even something along those lines. Still the words didn’t leave her unaffected. She took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. She knew that she wasn’t allowed to take Loke’s comments to heart. This wasn’t the place for a fight.

  “Fine, what do you suggest?” she asked, but to her annoyance she didn’t sound nearly as indifferent as she would have liked.

  “Attack me,” Loke said simply.

 
; Arvid hesitated.

  “What are you waiting for?” he asked, grinning diabolically. “I won’t wait forever.” He was still standing there, completely relaxed, and didn’t look like he was ready for a fight, and so Arvid hesitated again. He had previously held both weapons in one hand, but let the larger one slide into his left hand almost leisurely now.

  Arvid was about to say something when Loke suddenly dashed forward. She couldn’t even tell what exactly happened, but she was forcibly thrown to the muddy ground. It was soft, but the impact still took her breath. When she tried to sit up, gasping, she felt the hard wood of a practice weapon on her neck.

  “Dead,” Loke whispered into her face, so close that she could feel his breath. Then he straightened up and held out his hand to help her up. Arvid gasped. She let Loke pull her to her feet, but at the same time she felt anger rising inside her.

  “That was unfair,” she said, rubbing cold mud from her face, which was slowly dripping over her brow.

  “Was it?” said Loke. “Why didn’t you attack me?”

  “You were not ready!”

  “Oh, but of course!” sneered Loke. “I guess that’s why I said ‘wait a minute’ and not ‘attack me’!”

  “All right!” snapped Arvid. “It didn’t look as if you were ready. Happy now?”

  “No! You shouldn’t give a damn about what it looks like! Do you think anyone will wait until you’re ready, if he intends to kill you? Do you think demons will wait for you to pull your weapon before they attack?”

  “But you are no demon!” shouted Arvid.

  Loke said nothing. Breathless, tense silence arose between them. From the corner of her eye Arvid perceived Nod’s shape and could almost feel him holding his breath.