Fragments of your Soul (The Mirror Worlds Book 1)

  “No, I’m worse,” Loke said. “Now attack me for fuck’s sake!”

  This time Arvid didn’t hesitate. She went at Loke like a fury. It was a satisfying feeling to be able to just give in to her inner burning anger, but it didn’t last long. Loke dodged all her attacks or parried her blows, and he did it with such ease that it soon was frustration that Arvid felt.

  “Are you trying to hit my weapon or me?” said Loke and gave her a shove in the chest, which left her reeling. Arvid cried out and attacked again, but whatever she did, Loke always seemed to be one step ahead. His movements were swift as an arrow. He always seemed to know what Arvid was going to do, and never wavered for a moment. At no time there was an opportunity for a safe hit.

  “Pull yourself together already!” he shouted angrily at some point. “I know you can be much faster.”

  It took Arvid a moment to realize what he meant. She had not made use of this gift in a long time. The concentration exercises last week seemed to be paying off, since she left the stream of time with astonishing ease. The roar of the waterfall surrounding them suddenly became a dull, distorted drone.

  Arvid had not forgotten that Loke had this ability, too, but his reactions were no longer of almost supernatural speed. She crouched again for another attack. Loke backed off from her, now with a smile on his lips. For some reason, however, he suddenly kept more distance, so that Arvid constantly had to follow him. He parried two of her blows, but then Arvid finally managed to hit him sideways on the thigh. For a moment he lost his balance. But before she could exploit this weakness, Loke stepped back again and dropped his weapon.

  “Stop,” he said simply, not even particularly loudly. Arvid obeyed automatically, and drifted back to the normal flow of time. The sound of the waterfall normalized, then suddenly everything around her began to turn. It felt as if the floor tilted away beneath her. For a moment, she unsuccessfully tried to find something to hold on to.

  The fit only lasted a moment, then her sight cleared, and Nod’s worried face appeared before her. She noticed that she was sitting on the ground in the cold mud. Dazed, she stood up again.

  “Are you all right?” asked Nod and grabbed her arm to steady her.

  “Yes, fine,” Arvid said quickly. Her legs were still weak, but she felt well enough to stand safely.

  “What was that?” asked Nod, who didn’t seem very convinced by her response. “It was like back in…”

  “A time bending,” Loke interrupted him. He was standing two steps away. “It drains a tremendous amount of energy if you’re not used to it. The reaction is the same as after the excessive use of other types of magic.”

  Nod frowned. “So that’s what you call that? A bath and some food would probably be appropriate.”

  Arvid looked down at herself and had to agree with him. She was covered with dirt and mud. Even her hair was full of it, but the thought of a bath was anything but pleasant.

  “Stay with her, so she doesn’t fall down in the bath,” ordered Loke.

  Nod bowed his head. “Yes, master.”

  “As if I wasn’t cold enough,” groaned Arvid.

  Loke snorted. “You’re so self-pitying.”

  “Don’t make fun of a pain you don’t have to endure yourself,” hissed Arvid, “remember?”

  Loke didn’t answer. He only picked up Arvid’s weapons and left.

  The Green Month

  The training didn’t get more pleasant over the next days, but Arvid had to admit that it was effective. Loke taught her to use time bending sparingly and at the right moment, which checked her mental exhaustion. Nevertheless, Arvid was infinitely tired after each of their practice sessions.

  Emotionally she soon felt exhausted, too. Loke’s moods were as changeable as ever, but he seemed even more tense and irritable than usual. Or maybe it was just that Arvid had become more vulnerable.

  As much as she tried to resist, she couldn’t take her eyes off Loke, regardless of whether he was male or female, human, giant, or even animal. When Loke was there, Arvid often wished he would leave to give her and her jumbled emotions some rest. As soon as he was gone, however, she longed for his return. It was a constant up and down, and it was sapping Arvid’s strength.

  Nod didn’t escape her feelings either. Arvid realized that he often gave her worried glances, but for some reason he no longer mentioned the subject.

  One day, Arvid was jousting with Nod, Loke came into the room with energetic steps. Something about his sight made Arvid look, then she realized what it was: He had taken the slim, dark-haired figure from their first meeting in the town hall of Black Castle. She had almost forgotten how noble it looked. He could have been a prince from a picture book, even if his face maybe was a little too sharp and looked a few years too old. Maybe it was just Arvid’s irrational affection for him, which played a trick on her.

  “I need to talk to you, Arvid,” he said, gesturing toward the door, “and show you something.”

  Arvid had expected that his goal would be out on the natural terrace where they held their practice sessions. But instead Loke went up the stairs, a path that Arvid had not taken for weeks.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  Arvid had a queasy feeling as she followed Loke up to the plateau. She remembered too well what happened last time he wanted to “show her something”.

  An aggressive wind was blowing. Even though it was nowhere near as cold as when they arrived, Arvid pulled her cloak tightly around her body and shivered. The sky had a grayish yellow color and was illuminated by the diffuse light of the sun, which was still hidden behind the horizon.

  Loke headed for a rock, then stopped in front of it. On the side facing them it was possibly two and at its highest point about five meters high.

  “We have to get up there,” Loke said. “Don’t get scared.”

  His warning didn’t help much. Arvid retreated hastily when he suddenly became bigger and took the shape of the giant in which she had already seen him together with Hel. He seized her by the waist and lifted her up on the rock like a little child, then he followed her with a jump that looked astonishingly nimble, given his size. Arvid quickly took a few steps to the side. Loke’s size was rather intimidating when he stood directly in front of her. She was glad when he shrank to human scale again a moment later, although outwardly he still looked like a giant.

  They sat down at the edge of the rock. Loke pointed in the direction where the sky now began to turn reddish. “The sun will rise soon,” he said in an unusually deep, husky voice. “Part of it is now rising over the horizon. I have already observed it the past few days, but for you it may be new.”

  Arvid was almost touched that Loke had brought her here because of that. “So this is what you wanted to show me?”

  “And there are things we need to discuss.”

  “What kinds of things?”

  “Our departure is approaching. Nod has asked to be allowed to accompany us for a while. Since I know you’d get all stubborn and difficult again if I say no,” he gave her an annoyed look, “I agreed.”

  “How generous.”

  “I know,” Loke replied, unimpressed. “But from Karst he will have to move on alone.”

  “Can’t he just come with us?”

  “No, he can’t!” Loke said sharply.

  Arvid pressed her lips together. Although it always had been clear that she and Nod would have to go separate ways at some point, she had ignored this fact persistently so far.

  “In about six weeks the sun reaches its highest point,” Loke said. “Then its light will fall to a point which is called the Hail Peak. There is our goal.”

  “And where exactly is that?” said Arvid.

  “Far to the northeast, in an area that in this country
is only referred to as the Ice Wastes.”

  Arvid noticed that his eyes now looked clear and human again. His face’s gray shimmering skin was slowly turning matte and rosy.

  “Sounds cozy,” she murmured, shuddering. She’d already frozen up here on the rock. The idea of having to walk through a desert made of ice caused her discomfort.

  “You can buy warmer clothes in Karst.”

  “And when do we leave?” Arvid wanted to know.

  “In little more than four weeks. We have a time slot of about two days, but we have to avoid any delay. The right time is crucial.”

  “I remember. Wouldn’t it be better to leave earlier, just to make sure?”

  “No,” Loke said. “Every day out there is dangerous. Odin is still looking for you. He doesn’t know where you are, but Karst is less than two days from Asgard. If someone recognizes you en route, the message would reach Odin quickly.”

  Loke’s words aroused a queasy feeling and memories in Arvid that she would rather have banished forever. She had been out here in the mountains for so long, she had almost forgotten that she was wanted. “My seizure can’t possibly be that important to Odin.”

  Loke chuckled. “You have no idea,” he said. His voice sounded almost amused. “If he knew where you are, he would leave no stone unturned to get you. He is convinced that you are connected with a prophecy. He will not reveal which, so I can only speculate, but… I think it’s his personal one.”

  “His personal prophecy?” said Arvid. “What is that supposed to be?”

  “Whenever a god joins Asgard, the Oracle of the North is questioned about his fate,” said Loke. “Often this personal prophecy is an indication of a great deed or decisive experiences; often, however, it has to do with the circumstances of his death. In Odin’s case, well… I don’t know the wording, no one does, but… I know that his personal prophecy has to do with his death.”

  “You mean, he… thinks I’m going to kill him?” said Arvid. “That’s absurd!”

  Loke shrugged. “Who knows what the old fool thinks.”

  When Arvid was about to make another remark, she was blinded by a sudden beam of light. She turned her head and saw a glistening orange line appearing on the horizon—the uppermost part of the sun, which cast its first rays over the land. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Arvid never thought that the sight of a sunrise would ever move her that much. It had been so many months since she had last seen the sun. Her eyes, accustomed to the dark, hurt in the bright light, but her tears didn’t only derive from that.

  For a long time they sat silently and watched as the strip of sun became wider and slowly wandered along the horizon. The light reflected on remote lakes and turned them into silvery lines in the landscape. The hills, forests and meadows which spread before them were now almost free of snow and lay there in brownish-gray colors. Soon the sun would turn all this into a green landscape, in which leaves, grasses and flowers sprouted. The thought was beautiful. The notion that this frozen, dark world would flourish, even if only for a few weeks, was somehow very comforting. As repellent and hostile as the Shadow World had seemed to Arvid in the beginning, she had, over the months and despite everything, developed some fondness for it.

  “It won’t rise much farther today,” Loke said eventually. One could recognize a distinct rounding now, the upper arc of the sun, but still it was only a small part of the disc.

  They had been sitting there for quite a while. Arvid started to feel the stone beneath her hard and cold. She shivered and pulled her cloak tighter. There was still an icy wind. She looked at Loke, who again looked completely human, but seemed to have no clearly defined gender. He was dressed only in boots, simple trousers and a magnificently decorated but thin cloth tunic.

  “Aren’t you cold?” said Arvid.

  “No,” Loke said. “I appreciate the cold. The wind is almost body temperature.”

  He held out his hand and looked at her invitingly. After some hesitation, Arvid stretched out her own hand from under her cloak and put it onto his. His skin was cold, almost as cold as the stone on which she was sitting; still, the touch sparked a warm feeling in her. She had to force herself to let go of him again.

  “That’s… strange,” she said. “I’m sure… that you used to be warmer.”

  “Yes, it’s related to my physical form,” said Loke. “Giants, for example, are cold-resistant, but I chose a human appearance, so you don’t get too scared.” He gave her a quizzical look.

  “I am not scared of giants,” Arvid said firmly.

  “Is that so?” said Loke and raised his eyebrows. “You should be, however.”

  “Are they evil then?”

  “Most are not particularly fond of humans. The ones they run into are turned into slaves.”

  Arvid snorted. “I don’t believe a word you say.”

  Loke grinned.

  The White Month

  The next few weeks flew by, mainly because Arvid was extremely busy. She fixed her clothes and continued her training, sometimes with Nod, sometimes with Loke. From him she also got a stack of books she was to work through. At first she was a little discouraged by the amount, but soon she realized that she was so fascinated by the reading that she devoured the books in no time.

  One book was about the Ice Wastes and the local wildlife. The remaining books described manipulating pre-existing light and were highly captivating. Arvid tried her hand at all the techniques described, and although she didn’t succeed in everything, she was amazed at how much she already could manage. She could wipe out light completely and change its color. Of course, she also dealt with new illusions, even if she didn’t know why this was of relevance for Loke’s plan. Loke himself was more helpful than usual and even seemed to make an effort not to instigate a quarrel at every opportunity.

  After three weeks, while Nod and Arvid were eating breakfast, Loke told them that he would be absent again for several days.

  “And where are you going?” said Arvid.

  “As always, that’s none of your business,” he replied. “I return in about eight days. After that we will have to leave soon.”

  “I see,” said Arvid. “Don’t you want to frame some rules?”

  Loke blinked at her in confusion. “What?”

  “Well, forbid me to read the books in your chamber, for instance,” she said mockingly. “I could find information about you, such as the name of your mother. That would be quite a disaster, wouldn’t it?”

  Nod visibly held his breath, but Loke only placed his hands on the table and leaned toward her. “Unfortunately I don’t have time for a fight,” he said with mock regret. “Oh, how will I miss this the next few days. I almost wish I could take you with me, so you can annoy me with stupid questions on the way!”

  “Anytime,” Arvid said. “You just have to ask me.”

  Loke pushed backward from the table and began to laugh out loud. He looked exceptional, with his tall, almost unnaturally skinny figure and the wild orange hair.

  “I’ll pass,” he said then. “See you in a few days.”

  On the morning of the following day Arvid found Nod outside on the rock patio by the waterfall. He sat on one of the great rocks and looked different than usual: taller, more masculine, with broad shoulders and an angular face. Nevertheless, he smiled meekly as always when he saw Arvid.

  “A new form,” said Arvid while she sat down next to him. “How come?”

  Nod shrugged. “I thought I could persuade myself I was strong. But I’m not.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  Nod was gazing into the distance toward the thunderous cascading waters. As Arvid looked at him more closely, she saw that he had been crying. His cheeks had the barely visible traces of dried tears, and in his eyes she saw pain and grief.

  “I’ll
soon have to leave here,” he said. “I feel… homeless. The past few years Vero-Maghen was my home, then I came here, but… I don’t know what comes next.”

  “You don’t want to go back and continue your studies?”

  “After what happened there? No. Besides, I can’t afford it. Once we reach Karst… my trade with Loke is complete.”

  “I still don’t understand what your agreement with him is,” Arvid admitted.

  “My… agreement with Loke was… formulated rather simply. He pays my school fees and I… I do whatever he tells me to, until he no longer needs me.”

  “And you agreed to that?”

  Nod looked at his folded hands in his lap. “I’m grateful,” he said. “Where others left me in the lurch, he offered me help. I’ve never regretted it, not really. Although Loke often made me do things that were contrary to my nature. I constantly had to delude Gerdur. This was perhaps the worst part.”

  “You miss him, don’t you?” Arvid asked softly.

  Nod was about to answer, but then he swallowed and nodded. It was plain to see that he was already fighting back tears again.

  For a while they were silent, then Arvid said, “You could have given Loke a letter. Maybe… Gerdur would forgive you.”

  Nod didn’t answer immediately, but when he finally did, his voice was no more than a whisper. “I don’t know if I want to find out.”

  They were silent again and looked over into the distance to the mountains, that were vanishing in the dark. Arvid understood Nod, better than she would have liked, because he showed her her own situation. She didn’t know what her future held either. She, too, had lost her home, in fact, twice. If all went well, she would be able to return to her world in a few weeks, but oddly enough it was precisely this thought that made her uneasy. In the Light World several years would have passed. She had no idea what she would find and if her home even still existed.